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So you’ve been together for 7 years and things have been great… but one Year of her dealing with illness and you want you leave….
It’s true when they say men are more likely to abandon their significant other who is ill..
Here's my advice and only advice that you should be listening to from here unless you're an idiot. You should go to a relationship therapist if he's so important to you you should not be here asking a population that's mostly immature as hell entitled to their overwhelmingly perfect opinions you should pick a therapist that specializes in the same religion as you both and you should never ever come here asking for advice again this is the worst place that you can possibly go except for maybe going to a place that specializes in giving bad advice deliberately but I'm not even sure if it's possible to give worst advice even on purpose
But he doesn't want to dump her over her insecurity, right? So, the best course of action for him would be to at least dial back on the friendship and maintain it through appropriate hours AND work on getting more friends in his life. It's not an unreasonable thing to do as he should be pushing himself to do better anyway.
Thanks for your kind words its really comforting.
If I may offer you something from my own experience, in my culture people tend to congregate around church and I get to connect with alot of what feels like home there. It strengthens and relaxes me. I don’t know where you live! and whether its accessible. It doesn’t have to be religious or anything either but I imagine if you are in US some kinds of gospel communities or the like might exist where maybe you could find that.
Good luck with your music ?.
Huge yikes! My boyfriend took a long time to bond even slightly with my antisocial former-feral rescue cat, but he still is patient with her, respects her space, and cares for her – we share feeding and litter duties. She may barely tolerate him (because she barely tolerates anyone lmao, even me) but he still loves her and looks after her.
When we got a kitten together, he shared baby-kitten duties with me, helped with vet stuff, all of it. Kitten is now His cat because they bonded so much, even though I work from home and see the cats more. And despite all the kitten’s antics and exasperation, he never once expressed regret at getting her, and aside from jokingly moaning when she did stuff like chew cords or destroy furniture, anytime she did something that may have harmed her, he always made sure she was okay first before worrying about damage to belongings. Hell, when she went through a nightmarish pooping-anywhere-but-the-litterbox phase, his main concern was still for her health and working out WHY she was doing it.
You are young, you do not need to settle down with this guy, and if his lack of care for your pets is a concern, then it’s fair to rethink the relationship. You’re right, it shows a worrying lack of responsibility and could signal a similar attitude to child rearing. Are you sure you want that?
If it were me, I’d take the cats and go. Yes, both – though for your original cat’s sanity, I’d look into returning the kitten to the shelter he got it from, or rehoming it. I wouldn’t leave it with the (ex?)boyfriend for him to continue neglecting it.
Sorry OP I think this is one of those 'break up' situations. Almost none of the factors that might suggest you should try to save the relationship are present – of all of her concerns you appear not be be a factor, at all. It is never appropriate to continue to have contact with your affair partner. She places having her friend who she cheated with higher then you, your relationship, and your feelings.
You're acting like your friend's girlfriend's postings are a personal attack on you. It has absolutely nothing to do with you, different people are okay with different things.
I post provocative things on Instagram. I'm in a committed, monogamous relationship. My boyfriend is well aware. He does not care one bit.
Also, you don't get to dictate what your significant other gets to post on social media. You can discuss what you are and aren't comfortable with. You can have a discussion on boundaries and see if you two can come to an agreement. But you don't get to have the final say.
That's just it. Up until this big confrontation yesterday and her baffling reaction, I was willing to look past his ridiculous mom because I thought the future will eventually be just the two of us sharing a life. We weren't gonna get married until he get a wedding property for us and he move out of there. BUT now I'm seriously reconsidering this whole relationship because I don't ever want to be involved with a MIL that shows so little respect and reacts so poorly to a conversation.
You deserve so much better. Good on you for leaving- keep your chin up!
It won't go back to how it was before, how it was before wasn't real. He put on an act to snare a younger, naive woman. And he got you hook line and sinker.
It was never what you thought it was because it was lies. And the man you are waiting for sounds like a complete pos.
Move back to your family until you can get on your feet. As soon as the baby is born register for child support.
This is not a man you want to bring innocent children up with.
Love conquers all but if you get turned on by bestiality you can conquer it all with someone else, thanks.
she will be there
Only if OP goes no contact and doesn't stand up for himself.
FFS… Do you guys just meekly accept being wronged in life? Do you guys hear someone say something and accept that's just how it is? Why do you allow other's wills override your own?
If this is what the parents want to do, then you have to fight to “win” this battle and get them to change their position. Stop being a bunch of pussies.
that’s what I also thought
This is the new account ?
thank you
I’m going to be finishing my master’s degree this spring. It’s unlikely my family will be able to attend (distance) but I am damn sure walking whether I’m by myself or not. Who cares what everyone else thinks? They probably won’t be focused on who is alone, but on “Hallelujah, we made it!”
Sometimes the trash takes itself out…
DO NOT stick your head in the sand. Educate yourself about the condition.
He doesn't mind your friends because they do not care that you're with a sociopathic individual. He probably was also better at impressing them, with his stellar acting performance.
I mean, he has managed to give you a good performance so far, he's managed to keep the illusion of care/love. I'm just hoping for the sake of the baby that he can keep up the façade and not start abusing you and the child when you do end up getting isolated.
Your mother cares about you more than your friends do about your wellbeing so your sociopath partner can't manipulate her therefore, he wants you to cut contact with her.
You are in NO WAY obligated to toss a year of your life at him. You may decide that’s what you want. But you’re not obligated. You have an actual life, too. He is not the only person who matters here. You also have a son. Do you want your son thinking this is how men act? And turning on the emotional abuse to his partner?
Why are you dating an 18yo at 23!?
Think of it this way, would you be happy having a bf who was fucking another woman behind your back? Because that is exactly what he was doing to you when he went home to his wife. Trust me, I know, I was the wife who was in a very sexual relationship with her husband whilst he was cheating. Do you want a partner who has great sex with another woman, a life with another woman, but at the same time has no respect for anyone? He’s a pathetic loser, but what’s more pathetic is tolerating that behaviour.
Agree with others here that the ring is yours. Is there a way the family can make a peace offering that validates your sister without “punishing” you per se? (Punish is too strong a word, but without taking away from you? Like giving another piece of jewelry from your grandmother or having a jeweler make a “sister” ring similar to the one you have?
I don't have a reason to have high self esteem. Once I've got a reason I'll have it but until then
When it comes to relationships, I'm a big believer in both people being at their best, mentally and emotionally. If one person is struggling, they need to fix themselves before they're ready to be with another person.
Also, this is kind of alarming: “…come back to me as she realized i was the only one who always managed to comfort her and provide her great emotional support.”
I'm not sure what exactly this means, but you do not want to the only person in someone's life they can get support from. This becomes a burden. You mention talking about this with your friends, which proves you have a healthy support system. She needs to develop the same.
None of this means you totally break up, but I do think she needs to work on herself before she's ready to handle a relationship.