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  1. He may not want kids.. did u have the talk at any period of your relationship about kids etc?

    I am going thru something kind of similar. My bf and I agreed on have one child as he has none and I have a teenager from another relationship. Now I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks ago and that unlocked alot of trauma for him and we are currently long distance atm. So practically having a baby is a crazy idea, however where he has been forced into having a child(miscarriage) and get engaged… where as I have been forced to have a termination from my ex 7 yrs ago. My bf is all for having a child but now is no where near a time to have a child. So after some serious consideration we have chosen a termination.

    Find out why… work together rather than asking reddit. Clear communication is the key.

  2. I mean idk jack shit but I had an uncle that emotionally abused the hell out of my aunt and her kids after trappin her in a marriage super early in the relationship. Now this can be some super different shit but like that was why my mom told me to always watch the fast ones.

  3. Sorry for my English mistakes, but you really need to be in relationships if you didn’t go through this while you are young, unfortunately when you get old you be played by players and fuck notes very easily, don’t ever expect that your first love that should be last, maybe you will find your life partner after 3 to 4 relationships, my point is if you didn’t give yourself chance to date different types of men you will never know the different between the good guy and bad guy. If you don’t have experience even when you meet your life partner you will never notice him.

  4. Sweet gods whatever you do do not have children with this man. He will treat your children abusively too- and you will never fully get away from him. Make sure whatever prote tion you are using is in your control. And get. Affecting restraining order if at all possible.

  5. He has already left the marriage. He wants you to ask for a divorce so he doesn't have to take responsibility for blowing up a long term marriage. Take your children and move out, file for divorce and get plenty of child support. Make him sign an agreement to pay at least 50% of your children's college expenses. Get maintenance if you can.

  6. Birth is a medical procedure, not a spectator sport. If I was under the impression (and not unreasonably so at all, she had absolutely no reason to believe otherwise) that my partner had just cheated on me, I would want him to be present when I was extremely vulnerable and in a lot of pain. I get you have not given birth so you may not understand but if your body cannot relax because you feel unsafe or stressed, it can cause serious complications. For the safety of your son and girlfriend, it was best you were not present. If you want to continue to prioritize your hurt feelings over their safety, that’s up to you.

  7. Weird like he has an ulterior motive. Older men like to date younger women because (1) sex and (2) power. They use their age to control you, “I have more life experience so I know best.” You say that you want to settle down, but at 23, I’m sure you still want the freedom to be able to go out, go to parties, hang out with male friends. No way this guy will be ok with that, he will be threatened by your youthful male acquaintances.

    Also, if he wants women in their early 20s, it’s because he fetishizes young women, and he will always want women in their early 20s. You will grow up someday and he’ll still want to date younger women.

  8. If he wants to talk to her, it is his responsibility to try to mend that bridge, not yours, your family's, or your sister's responsibility. He needs to apologize for his behavior and actions. Disowning your daughter because she decides to make her own path is abhorrent behavior and should instead be something to encourage. He can be disappointed, sure, but keep that shit to yourself. Assuming he doesn't have your sister's address, he could give you a letter apologizing for his actions and begging for forgiveness that you could give to your sister.

  9. Don’t listen to my advice because I’m to cynical for this. In fact my advice is to stop reading this now. I do not understand for the life of me why people shell out for a murder rock on a gold band that is purely symbolic. Before you say it, there is no way to verify your diamond is ethically traded. You are taking the traders word for it. In my opinion it would be better to pay for an experience than a symbol.

  10. Don’t listen to my advice because I’m to cynical for this. In fact my advice is to stop reading this now. I do not understand for the life of me why people shell out for a murder rock on a gold band that is purely symbolic. Before you say it, there is no way to verify your diamond is ethically traded. You are taking the traders word for it. In my opinion it would be better to pay for an experience than a symbol.

  11. It sounds like he hates laundry and is just trying to get out of it. My wife weirdly hates laundry. I actually like it (fresh crisp shirts!) We just traded cleaning the bathroom for laundry.

    You could do a similar trade. You could insist that he do half the laundry and set up a schedule. Use a chart on the fridge or calendar app so he can’t ‘forget.’

    Or, quit doing his laundry. Dump his stuff on his side of the bedroom and it’s on him to do.

  12. Dump her that’s so fucked up and immature. But relax. I’ve had scares with that and have spoken with one of the leading doctors is the HSV field. To catch it from a water bottle would be extremely unlikely. The virus does not survive long on surfaces especially ones that are not warm and damp. There’s a reason it’s typically spread by kissing or sex because it requires a healthy amount of direct exposure to the person with the outbreak to contract it. Even then if he has had the sore for a couple days and it scabbed over that means his shedding is basically super low. If you have any other questions you can message me or looks up Terry Warren and her website has so much info on the topic. As for testing I wouldn’t as it’s not reliable unless you get a western blot test. First outbreaks are the worst so if nothing happens in the next few weeks I’d consider yourself in the clear.

  13. Not the best way at all. He's too close to the situation and will not be able to internalize your explanations at all. Imho, you have to rip the bandaid off first. Then, maybe someday, he'll be open to hearing about the why. You will actually hurt him less doing this.

    Of course, you can always just do whatever you want, as opposed to asking for advice here.

  14. This is what I’m worried about. OP may not feel that this was SA, but he could be gearing up to do that properly to someone else.

  15. He's being completely ridiculous. The property is an asset in his name and he will be getting the benefits of owning it, which includes the outcome of the investment he made into upgrading it. There's no reason for you to be paying money towards the upgrades if your name isn't on the papers.

    He's not being fair or reasonable about splitting the expenses, and I also don't like his general attitude toward you. A boyfriend who cared about you wouldn't let you consider taking a third job to pay more rent when he earns twice as much as you and supposedly can cover the whole mortgage himself. A boyfriend who cared about you would want you to have an office space of your own to study in. He wouldn't mind if you decorated the place you on-line.

    I don't think you should move in with him, and I would also be thinking about what this situation has revealed about your relationship. The way someone treats you during stressful situations and in situations where there's an imbalance of power tells you a lot about them.

  16. I'm sensing that neither of you are really fully invested in the relationship (from what you wrote and also comments)… you both seem to be showing signs of dissatisfaction… not hostility but not really liking each other. being easily annoyed with the other.

    you're focusing on things that she does that you see as signs of her not having true interest… and perhaps they are. but it could also be a reflection of your own unhappiness with her. meaning that even if she acted differently, you'd still not feel like things were right.

    do you love her? do you want to spend the rest of your life with her? or are you moving forward with the relationship out of mere inertia?

  17. It doesn’t matter. At least I would feel really weird and exposed if my significant other told deeply personal things about me to strangers. It would feel like a violation.

  18. Thank you especially for this part “stuck with someone who doesn’t want them” I feel resented when I talk to him , it feels good that someone also saw it and confirmed what I felt ,.. but I doubt it that he doesn’t want me because he keeps coming back after every fight , and I told him it’s over like a week ago but he kept saying I am having an attitude and I give up quickly on relationships .. then kept liking my posts etc now we talk again .. i don’t know what he wants from me ,, he confuses me .. thank you for your reply , good luck to you too

  19. Hey, it’s alright. You’re gonna be ok. I have really good news for you. They just invented this new thing. It’s called, “the next day”. You can use it almost interchangeably with any other day and most people will accept it as a substitute.

  20. No we admit that you’re crazy and this woman was there before you and will probably be his friend after you.

  21. He probably thought, in theory, he'd be okay with it. But once it started playing out and you having sex with men that are not him, he quickly came to hate it and got it over with. And he wants to remain strong but probably doesn't look at you the same way after that day. He's probably suffering inside but doesn't want to directly show it. Your marriage is over

  22. not necessarily. people hide terrible things that happen to them bc they don't want people to get upset. theres no guarantee that they would 100% know if he was a bad partner. but i have no other commentary on the situation than that.

  23. So he is cheating, I mean…. He be taking her out to dinner, he doesn’t want her to know that he is married. Just tell him that is over and move out ( I mean it may seem very hot decision based on some “ allegations “ however girl he will gaslight you to the moon and waste your time ) Start packing up and move out, just write down a note telling him “ I know about you and her” and guarantee you you’ll receive 100 msgs like

    “ bae it’s not what it looks like”

    “ I can explain “

    “ she is just a friend “

  24. No i had hpv and disclosed once i found out. Actually they went with me to the follow up bc i was scared. Luckily they said it was non cancerous like the common cold and would go away easily. But i disclosed because it seemed like the right thing to do even though i didnt know much about hpv and even though they said it wasnt a big deal because he couldve been a carrier and not known it or he couldve gotten it. I didnt know males couldnt be tested at the time

  25. Would the brother keep him on the straight and narrow? Sad, but he should want to do this on his own.

  26. There is no future in this relationship. You are hoping that there is something to be salvaged from this flaming wreckage that is her, but there isn't. There is literally nothing left of her except figments and memories of who she was.

    Back before she became the human form of a fluid retention receptacle.

  27. No, do not “be okay with” your husband prostituting you out. If you stick around he’s going to do sexual things to you it’s going to happen wether you like it or not, and he might enjoy it more of you don’t like it. You are in real danger and you need to leave.

  28. Don't forget to inform police that husband had put the cat into a shelter. And to give the police the name, so that they can go and investigate/ get proof against your husband.

    I understand the anger, but have to ask to what end? OP got her cat back and she is divorcing her husband. Adding a misdemeanor isn't going to change much in the grand scheme of things. OP is right to move on.

  29. I'm so happy to hear that you and Benji were reunited, but I'm so sorry for what you went through. I'm sure it will take time to heal, but I think you're making the right decision getting away from somebody who could act so cruelly.

  30. Honestly, you are in a situation where it would make more sense for you to spend some time away from your boyfriend. He needs to on-line on his own and get serious help and support for his sexual assault and his porn issue.

    He needs to see someone with experience in this area. It doesn't sound like he's ready to be honest with a therapist about his experience or his porn problem (if he's reporting several therapists have told him pouring is no big deal after he told them about it being a compulsive behavior, he's not being honest).

  31. Because lying about your age isn’t a small thing. Usually if you lie about big stuff you’re gonna lie more than most people would. Of course people tell SMALL lies but your age is not one of those things

  32. “but it really gives me anxiety and when I give myself a day off I feel immense guilt seeing the state of the house”

    That is something to work on with a psychotherapist, irrespective of what you decide with this – or any future – partner. Anxiety or guilt over maintaining your own living space in a way that works for both your preferences and energy levels is disordered.

    The general answer to your question is that, no, there is no way to control other people's behavior. The closest you can get is coercion, but that is both unethical and doesn't generally work very well.

    Regarding your partner, assume he will never change of his own volition. He's told you as much: the degree of mess he causes and doesn't clean up doesn't bother him, so he's never going be be intrinsically motivated to do so. You have three possible outcomes here: he changes his behavior to do more cleaning for your sake, he doesn't change and you decide to do as much cleaning.as is.necessary to maintain your household in a state that is okay with you, or he doesn't change and you break up because of it.

    Decide if you want to do most of the cleaning forever; if yes, there's your answer. If no, then it's ultimatum time: either he continually, without you asking and directing him, does more of the cleaning (it might help to set up chore schedules and an explicit division of labor so there is no confusion about whose job any particular task is; he might also address this by hiring a cleaning service to take care of his portion or both of your portions, as you say he makes more money), or you're done. And then stick to that. If he starts out doing his share but then stops, leave him. You could give him maybe one or two reminders, but beyond that, you're just demonstrating that the boundary wasn't serious – so don't remind him a third time, just leave.

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