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It wasn’t about just doing enough to pass the exam. It was how my entire life I put 200% effort into everything, but for what? When everyone else gets by on doing the bare minimum, never caring, never trying, yet we are raised and told and even beaten into always doing our best or we will never be successful or happy – and here I am experiencing the exact opposite. I felt disappointment in myself because i delayed this exam so long because i wanted to make sure i could get a high score, not even perfect, but high enough to reflect my effort and hot work – not just one point above failing.
I dont want him to feel pain. I dont want to feel pain either. I want to UNDERSTAND how I could feel so much after he needed to work so hot to get me to his level of emotional intensity, and then suddenly he acts like he feels nothing. It’s hurtful that people are okay with hurting me.
The only way I feel able to get over this is to find reasons to hate him. To assume the worst and believe that i’m the trash that deserved to be thrown out, that i deserved to be used and deceived and lied to and wasn’t good enough for him and that i’ll never be good enough for anyone.
Yeah i wanna know how tall is OP now