A 38 year old man who pursues a 21 year old woman isn't going to be appropriately mature for his age. If he was, he'd be married to another 43 year old. You say your ages aren't the problem, but they tell us so much about who he is and what your dynamic is. Men approaching middle age who date very young women want to meet an immature standard of attractiveness. That's what he sees as masculinity.
I second this. Absolutely the best way to see what the vibe is between them.
A 38 year old man who pursues a 21 year old woman isn't going to be appropriately mature for his age. If he was, he'd be married to another 43 year old. You say your ages aren't the problem, but they tell us so much about who he is and what your dynamic is. Men approaching middle age who date very young women want to meet an immature standard of attractiveness. That's what he sees as masculinity.
So is OPs wife, and relationships have TWO people in them (at least).
What is happening to the wife exists in the context of the relationship with OP. The majority of the top comments ignore that.
My comment wasn't a response to OP, either. So OP being a woman doesn't change anything I said about the tone of the comments I'm replying to.