Who cares about his “wounded ego”, that’s no excuse?? you’re really still trying to justify his behaviour. I really hope you get out of this, and get help to figure out your self worth
In the UK we have apple juice (clear or cloudy depending on filtering), apple juice drink (juice but made by adding water to apple pulp) and then cider which is always alcoholic, usually clear but sold cloudy as “scrumpy”. And then there's actual countryside scrumpy which can be up to 15% alcohol… and green and chewy and awesome tasting.
Skip it. He wants to play dad of the year at his wedding. You can tell him that you’re not watching him get married to someone he cheated on you with. And if he wants to pretend he’s a good dad he can start by paying his CS
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I’m 5’4 and 125 was my best weight. If anything you probably look awesome!
Stay on the meds, quit cold turkey on the boyfriend.
For some perspective, I gained 10-15 pounds since I got into my current relationship, it bothered me until my boyfriend (now fiancé) kept telling me I looked awesome and if anything I should maintain my current weight, but that if I wanted to lose it again, he would work out with me and work on both of us eating better. That’s how it should be. It shouldn’t matter to him either way what your weight is.
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So she doesn’t want to know every time you masturbate, just when you can’t climax during sex? Do you do this so often that it’s become a problem? Do you know you’re going to have sex or is it usually a surprise? Most women are offended if you can’t climax during sex. We tend to blame ourselves and think it’s a lack of attraction. If it was happening frequently, it would be a problem. It still does not give her the right to demand information about this.
Tell him you lied about your age and that your parents told the cops he has illegal pics of you on his phone. Maybe you'll get him to delete them out of fear.
I was just looking at it, I wasn’t even being accusatory I just simply asked. And her story got far out so that’s why I thought it was strange. It’s not about the Red Bull I just didn’t like the lie, I agree that I need to reevaluate myself. At the end of the day I know it’s a stupid energy drink that’s fine I don’t care I just didn’t know why it was such a big deal to cover up. But I see that I might have created a space where she thought I’d be dramatic.
Oh, I mean, I know about Freie Arztwahl. My father worked for the government and thus, we are “privatversichert”, so I'm definitely aware of that and have changed doctors before.
Unfortunately, it's different with hospitals. My uncle right now has that issue – my uncle suffers from scizophrenia. He tried to get into a hospital in Düsseldorf because the one in his region is utter crap, he was there before. But yeah, the hospital in Düsseldorf sent him away and told him that the one nearest to him is responsible. I actually had the same experience once before, too.
Also wow, I absolutely agree with you that finding a good neurologist is tough! Mine is around the same distance from my home as yours is, the ones around me are utter garbage.
I was once in a Tagesklinik, so I know how they are and honestly, the one I was in was way better than any inpatient care because you have an actual “program” every day instead of just sitting around in your room most of the time like it is during inpatient care. However, going out every (work)day is simply not doable with my OCD anymore. Basically, the day before I have to go out, my OCD skyrockets to ~16-18 hours. It's because I developed OCD around the fear of “not being able to sleep”. Even though it has spiralled a loooot since I first got it 20 years ago, a base of that still remains true, so when I have to get up at a specific time the next day/use an alarm clock, my OCD goes crazy while it's a lot less prominent when I don't have the pressure to get up at a certain time the next day and it's not as “important” to sleep well or immediately.
I had no idea that it's so bad that TKs are taking over these days, though. My last hospital stay was so many years ago (well, around 10), so things definitely have changed.
As for panic locks, as long as I am able to get out, my OCD makes me get out. My father actually took all my tools from me because yeah, I did try to break out when I had a hammer and a screwdriver. Not because I wanted to break out – after all, I was the one suggesting locking me in – but because my OCD basically was like “Hey, technically, you CAN get out and do your compulsions outside, so if you don't do that now, I'll make you panic so badly you'll commit suicide, so get a move on!”. Didn't go great. I still have a small hammer, but not one which can open my door in any way.
You know that’s not usually why people are upset by the notion of pre-nups, right? I’m totally pro pre-nup and plan to have one when I’m getting married. However, it bothers people because bringing up a pre-nup signals that the other person is thinking about the possibility things could end and their former partner could take advantage. Which is true and it’s definitely smart to be protected, but if you’re “thinking” with your heart instead of your logic it makes sense it might feel hurtful.
You're not TA in this, she is. She doesn't get a free pass as she “can't control her tongue” and if she does? Well then say you can't control yours and see how quickly they set a double standard.
Youre right, she wouldn't let up and she wasn't joking because you know why? A joke is a joke only if folks find it funny and it's not consistently aimed at just you. It was, it was relentless and you didn't appear to laugh or find it funny.
Don't you dare apologise and stop trying to, if your friends are all behind her you need new friends who aren't going to cover for someone who is a shit feminist and a terrible friend that would rather gaslight you for being upset than do the decent thing.
You're not TA in this, she is. She doesn't get a free pass as she “can't control her tongue” and if she does? Well then say you can't control yours and see how quickly they set a double standard.
Youre right, she wouldn't let up and she wasn't joking because you know why? A joke is a joke only if folks find it funny and it's not consistently aimed at just you. It was, it was relentless and you didn't appear to laugh or find it funny.
Don't you dare apologise and stop trying to, if your friends are all behind her you need new friends who aren't going to cover for someone who is a shit feminist and a terrible friend that would rather gaslight you for being upset than do the decent thing.
Idk this is giving me vibes like you are foreign and this is some rich dude who is bringing you over to his country and controlling the shit out of you while you’re there. If that is not the situation then it’s even weirder and you should run or seek help not online because this makes no sense.
Lol I know a guy who's father swam a dozen miles from main land China to Hong Kong to escape the communist revolution. Over half of the people who swam with him didn't make it. So if it's a pitty party you are looking for congrats we are all here, but your situation isn't bad. People are out there living in fear of a rocket blowing up their homes and family's, But you're too big of a coward to break up with a girlfriend who is conspiring to make your life so bad you break up with her.
Tell him that things need to change pronto, unless he wants divorce papers. What on Earth is his excuse for not following doctor’s orders, if he thinks he is so ill or has pain? And where does the idea come from that you need teaching? You are a grown woman!
I'm wondering how many days they are out from this miscarriage and he's planning to dump fiancee two for first ex? OMG. My stomach is just heaving thinking this is going on in the world. That woman who just lost a child might need your support right now OP! FFS.
Dude, he was r@ped. He didn’t cheat and then the R@pist tried to baby trap him. He was blackout drunk and she was sober because she doesn’t drink according to op. And men have be so brainwashed by society into thinking they can’t be r@ped that they believe they cheated when they wher SA’ed. I’ve seen it so many times and it’s just swept away because he’s a guy.
Anyone who won't debate the logic behind their actions isn't acting due to logic, but emotion instead. He isn't going to be reasoned with because reason isn't how he arrived at where he is. You can't back him out of his own quick sand.
You can try. You can get him to talk about his beliefs and attempt to get him to question them without triggering his self defense mechanism.
Or you can walk away now and leave it to a mental health professional. You aren't his therapist, and it isn't fair to put you in that role.
She isn't the only one he had sex with. He's seeing at least 5 different women other than myself. None of them though encourage him to break up except for her
Sorry, what is HIS job in this relationship? He wants you to be his mom, not a separate person. He needs a HUGE wake up call, and it's NOT normal or healthy for you to have to drag his misogynistic butt through life without your own life and hobbies.
Sorry if it wasn’t clear, but he’s always down to talk. Usually it’s him coming up next to me to talk and walk with me. It was just once that he didn’t and it was the time that he was in front of me and I was too shy to go up to him. Does that make sense?
Please please please don’t buy a house with this man. He only wants to use you to be able to afford to buy property. Someone who truly loved you would want to get you to stay in his country by any means necessary- marriage at your ages should have been on the table at least a year ago. No need to rush anything, but y’all should be actively working and heading towards marriage. Please just leave this guy. I rarely ever give advice like this on Reddit…”leave” etc, but it is so clear you’re being used.
If you feel threatened by his existence there then I suggest you call his lawyer and tell him to move immediately out of your home…. It's not fair to you and your family to have to deal with this it's unacceptable and you've been played.
If you are looking for a lay, agreed. Bad idea. If you fell in love and you can imagine building a life with this person… Man, take the risk.
Who cares about his “wounded ego”, that’s no excuse?? you’re really still trying to justify his behaviour. I really hope you get out of this, and get help to figure out your self worth
In the UK we have apple juice (clear or cloudy depending on filtering), apple juice drink (juice but made by adding water to apple pulp) and then cider which is always alcoholic, usually clear but sold cloudy as “scrumpy”. And then there's actual countryside scrumpy which can be up to 15% alcohol… and green and chewy and awesome tasting.
Skip it. He wants to play dad of the year at his wedding. You can tell him that you’re not watching him get married to someone he cheated on you with. And if he wants to pretend he’s a good dad he can start by paying his CS
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Some things, like finances, are private and not meant to be shared. That's just common sense.
I'm not sure how long this has been going on but it seems like the “hoping it'll pass” ship has sailed and she needs to address it.
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I’m 5’4 and 125 was my best weight. If anything you probably look awesome!
Stay on the meds, quit cold turkey on the boyfriend.
For some perspective, I gained 10-15 pounds since I got into my current relationship, it bothered me until my boyfriend (now fiancé) kept telling me I looked awesome and if anything I should maintain my current weight, but that if I wanted to lose it again, he would work out with me and work on both of us eating better. That’s how it should be. It shouldn’t matter to him either way what your weight is.
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So she doesn’t want to know every time you masturbate, just when you can’t climax during sex? Do you do this so often that it’s become a problem? Do you know you’re going to have sex or is it usually a surprise? Most women are offended if you can’t climax during sex. We tend to blame ourselves and think it’s a lack of attraction. If it was happening frequently, it would be a problem. It still does not give her the right to demand information about this.
You left teaching for management and it’s just as stressful? What kind of management
Tell him you lied about your age and that your parents told the cops he has illegal pics of you on his phone. Maybe you'll get him to delete them out of fear.
I was just looking at it, I wasn’t even being accusatory I just simply asked. And her story got far out so that’s why I thought it was strange. It’s not about the Red Bull I just didn’t like the lie, I agree that I need to reevaluate myself. At the end of the day I know it’s a stupid energy drink that’s fine I don’t care I just didn’t know why it was such a big deal to cover up. But I see that I might have created a space where she thought I’d be dramatic.
He isn't an amazing person. Plan fun things with women friends for 2023.
Oh, I mean, I know about Freie Arztwahl. My father worked for the government and thus, we are “privatversichert”, so I'm definitely aware of that and have changed doctors before.
Unfortunately, it's different with hospitals. My uncle right now has that issue – my uncle suffers from scizophrenia. He tried to get into a hospital in Düsseldorf because the one in his region is utter crap, he was there before. But yeah, the hospital in Düsseldorf sent him away and told him that the one nearest to him is responsible. I actually had the same experience once before, too.
Also wow, I absolutely agree with you that finding a good neurologist is tough! Mine is around the same distance from my home as yours is, the ones around me are utter garbage.
I was once in a Tagesklinik, so I know how they are and honestly, the one I was in was way better than any inpatient care because you have an actual “program” every day instead of just sitting around in your room most of the time like it is during inpatient care. However, going out every (work)day is simply not doable with my OCD anymore. Basically, the day before I have to go out, my OCD skyrockets to ~16-18 hours. It's because I developed OCD around the fear of “not being able to sleep”. Even though it has spiralled a loooot since I first got it 20 years ago, a base of that still remains true, so when I have to get up at a specific time the next day/use an alarm clock, my OCD goes crazy while it's a lot less prominent when I don't have the pressure to get up at a certain time the next day and it's not as “important” to sleep well or immediately.
I had no idea that it's so bad that TKs are taking over these days, though. My last hospital stay was so many years ago (well, around 10), so things definitely have changed.
As for panic locks, as long as I am able to get out, my OCD makes me get out. My father actually took all my tools from me because yeah, I did try to break out when I had a hammer and a screwdriver. Not because I wanted to break out – after all, I was the one suggesting locking me in – but because my OCD basically was like “Hey, technically, you CAN get out and do your compulsions outside, so if you don't do that now, I'll make you panic so badly you'll commit suicide, so get a move on!”. Didn't go great. I still have a small hammer, but not one which can open my door in any way.
I spent many years stuck with someone like this
Kids kept me tied there both emotionally and financially
When I was finally able to end things without leaving myself destitute, the exact words I heard were
“Yeh, I knew I was just using you, I told you what you wanted to hear so I got what I wanted”
It only confirmed what my gut always knew, reading your post tells me your gut is doing the same
If you think/feel you're with a leech, you most likely are
You have zero holding you around, kids and marriage will be your prison if you're mad enough to carry on
You know that’s not usually why people are upset by the notion of pre-nups, right? I’m totally pro pre-nup and plan to have one when I’m getting married. However, it bothers people because bringing up a pre-nup signals that the other person is thinking about the possibility things could end and their former partner could take advantage. Which is true and it’s definitely smart to be protected, but if you’re “thinking” with your heart instead of your logic it makes sense it might feel hurtful.
You're not TA in this, she is. She doesn't get a free pass as she “can't control her tongue” and if she does? Well then say you can't control yours and see how quickly they set a double standard.
Youre right, she wouldn't let up and she wasn't joking because you know why? A joke is a joke only if folks find it funny and it's not consistently aimed at just you. It was, it was relentless and you didn't appear to laugh or find it funny.
Don't you dare apologise and stop trying to, if your friends are all behind her you need new friends who aren't going to cover for someone who is a shit feminist and a terrible friend that would rather gaslight you for being upset than do the decent thing.
You're not TA in this, she is. She doesn't get a free pass as she “can't control her tongue” and if she does? Well then say you can't control yours and see how quickly they set a double standard.
Youre right, she wouldn't let up and she wasn't joking because you know why? A joke is a joke only if folks find it funny and it's not consistently aimed at just you. It was, it was relentless and you didn't appear to laugh or find it funny.
Don't you dare apologise and stop trying to, if your friends are all behind her you need new friends who aren't going to cover for someone who is a shit feminist and a terrible friend that would rather gaslight you for being upset than do the decent thing.
So three people have accused him of rape and your boyfriend still thinks his father is innocent?? He’s either an idiot or a rape apologist.
Idk this is giving me vibes like you are foreign and this is some rich dude who is bringing you over to his country and controlling the shit out of you while you’re there. If that is not the situation then it’s even weirder and you should run or seek help not online because this makes no sense.
Birth control or not. Don’t nut in a woman if you’re not ready for a child? It’s not rocket science
This is also a classic case of “a baby will fix our relationship!”
sigh
Lol I know a guy who's father swam a dozen miles from main land China to Hong Kong to escape the communist revolution. Over half of the people who swam with him didn't make it. So if it's a pitty party you are looking for congrats we are all here, but your situation isn't bad. People are out there living in fear of a rocket blowing up their homes and family's, But you're too big of a coward to break up with a girlfriend who is conspiring to make your life so bad you break up with her.
Tell him that things need to change pronto, unless he wants divorce papers. What on Earth is his excuse for not following doctor’s orders, if he thinks he is so ill or has pain? And where does the idea come from that you need teaching? You are a grown woman!
I'm wondering how many days they are out from this miscarriage and he's planning to dump fiancee two for first ex? OMG. My stomach is just heaving thinking this is going on in the world. That woman who just lost a child might need your support right now OP! FFS.
Right now is an absolutely shitty housing market to sell just about everywhere in the US.
Dude, he was r@ped. He didn’t cheat and then the R@pist tried to baby trap him. He was blackout drunk and she was sober because she doesn’t drink according to op. And men have be so brainwashed by society into thinking they can’t be r@ped that they believe they cheated when they wher SA’ed. I’ve seen it so many times and it’s just swept away because he’s a guy.
He has a weird way of being respectful and never crossing boundaries…
Anyone who won't debate the logic behind their actions isn't acting due to logic, but emotion instead. He isn't going to be reasoned with because reason isn't how he arrived at where he is. You can't back him out of his own quick sand.
You can try. You can get him to talk about his beliefs and attempt to get him to question them without triggering his self defense mechanism.
Or you can walk away now and leave it to a mental health professional. You aren't his therapist, and it isn't fair to put you in that role.
Hugs!!
That boy ain't right.
If she’s on medication, she already knows. What else is there to say? If she’s taking meds, she can’t exactly do more more.
She isn't the only one he had sex with. He's seeing at least 5 different women other than myself. None of them though encourage him to break up except for her
yeah true. I agree.
Its their relationship not mine.
He will know what to do.
Theyre moving in together in May lol. But i think after this things may change.
They had this conversation two weeks ago
Sorry, what is HIS job in this relationship? He wants you to be his mom, not a separate person. He needs a HUGE wake up call, and it's NOT normal or healthy for you to have to drag his misogynistic butt through life without your own life and hobbies.
Most women wouldn't stay with a guy like that.
Sorry if it wasn’t clear, but he’s always down to talk. Usually it’s him coming up next to me to talk and walk with me. It was just once that he didn’t and it was the time that he was in front of me and I was too shy to go up to him. Does that make sense?
Please please please don’t buy a house with this man. He only wants to use you to be able to afford to buy property. Someone who truly loved you would want to get you to stay in his country by any means necessary- marriage at your ages should have been on the table at least a year ago. No need to rush anything, but y’all should be actively working and heading towards marriage. Please just leave this guy. I rarely ever give advice like this on Reddit…”leave” etc, but it is so clear you’re being used.
You've had more drama in 6 months of casual dating than I have in the 15 years I've been with my husband. You're both incredibly immature.
If you feel threatened by his existence there then I suggest you call his lawyer and tell him to move immediately out of your home…. It's not fair to you and your family to have to deal with this it's unacceptable and you've been played.
Exactly. Just because he made a mistake for four years, doesn’t mean he needs to keep making that mistake for the rest of his life