People who are going to tell you about their sex frequency unprompted are either bragging or complaining or a mix of both, which makes what you hear skewed. People who have a modest and enjoyable sex life don’t feel the need to tell you about it.
God I feel awful for you. This is the beginning of the end. He is literally coddling a relationship with her until it crosses the line. Anyone who has been cheated on knows this. It ultimatum time, you or her. If he doesn’t like it he will do two things: do it behind your back or throw a fit and continue on. That man is having an emotional affair. It is just the beginning. He is a total POS.
I’m deeply hurt and confused because I didn’t do this to myself.
Excuse me what? You have been hooking up with a guy over the weekends, never trying to prevent getting pregnant, that also beats you when angry. He clearly has anger issues and out of all the red flags he is showing you chose to talk to him about hiding his phone? You very much did this to yourself and to your children, which is very irresponsible for a mother in her 30s. You being confused is just a sign that you are still learning and how else are you going to learn?
I’m deeply hurt and confused because I didn’t do this to myself.
Excuse me what? You have been hooking up with a guy over the weekends, never trying to prevent getting pregnant, that also beats you when angry. He clearly has anger issues and out of all the red flags he is showing you chose to talk to him about hiding his phone? You very much did this to yourself and to your children, which is very irresponsible for a mother in her 30s. You being confused is just a sign that you are still learning and how else are you going to learn?
I’m deeply hurt and confused because I didn’t do this to myself.
Excuse me what? You have been hooking up with a guy over the weekends, never trying to prevent getting pregnant, that also beats you when angry. He clearly has anger issues and out of all the red flags he is showing you chose to talk to him about hiding his phone? You very much did this to yourself and to your children, which is very irresponsible for a mother in her 30s. You being confused is just a sign that you are still learning and how else are you going to learn?
Say this louder. I happen to be 27 years old and I have no business talking to 16 year olds. We lead entirely different lives, I am an adult and they're a kid whose brain is not done developing. Is it inherently wrong for adults to talk to kids and teens? No, not at all. Many friends of mine have siblings around that age and I talk to them. About school, about games, about what subjects they're taking etc. But it ends there. I don't ask their numbers to continue a conversation outside polite chatter when I'm in their house. If I see this kid/teen outside I'll greet them, hell I'll have a cup of juice with them and chat about their school and what I named there and be done simply out of politeness for being their older sibling frienf. So no, talking to kids/teens isn't inherently weird, but chatting up random minors, pursuing friendships with them no matter how innocent is beyond weird and wrong. I literally don't see how a 16 and a 27 year old can interact normally.
If it has taken you years to accept yourself and move on from this don’t let this guy drag you back down a dark path mentally! A bf of 4 months is not worth throwing away all your progress.
My husband (now ex) cheated on me. I ended up getting divorced but I went through the same thought process as you. My dad asked me this question: what would you have to give up personally to go back? The answer was that I’d have to squash my own feelings and my self-respect and it wasn’t worth it to me. There are so many people out there that will treat you with respect. I hope you leave.
Thank you for your input I really appreciate. I would say I’ve never felt pressured to have kids from him until now because he always maintained he also didn’t know. But in this moment I do feel a bit pressured because of what he said. Which isn’t a great feeling.
And yes you’re right, I fail to see the big positive of having children. Most of the reasons my friends list for having kids are about their own personal wants and wishes. It never seems selfless like so many claim.
if youre scared do it the easiest way possible…. copy the link on your phone and text it to her… . tell her youre sorry that your scared and cant express the words without getting emotional so you wrote them here looking for advice… you can do it while shes away or while youre at work… that'll give her time to process it… include the fact that you dont need a response back over the phone, that you will talk later that night and set up some alone time… the fear is understandable… but this girl loves you, you love her or you wouldnt be doing the things youre doing… have this talk for the both of you i swear it'll get better.
Don't give in, Mama. Love your children as deeply as your heart feels. Turning away from them, judging them for not being the ideal your husband expected will not change them for the better. It will only leave you with no children.
You're nitpicking which destroys confidence. It's one of the worst things you can do with children too. You don't have to point out every time someone makes a mistake.
The simple fact is that what he did is not something that someone who loved you would or could do. What he did is not something a good person would do.
I want you to think about how much you'd have to hate a person before you'd do that to them. How much contempt you'd have to have to repeatedly pin someone down by the throat. Knowing how scared they were. Think about how you'd feel if you realised you'd done that even in a blacked out state.
Picture doing that to someone you love, someone you even just like. Could you? Would you react the way he's reacting now?
You know. You're not overreacting. He's lying. He's dangerous. Don't read anything he sends you, don't answer his calls. It's over. Don't let him have a chance to get into your head. He does not love you, he couldn't do that if he did.
No matter how close a friend is if they over step a boundary then they need be put in their place or blocked. Depending on how severe the act was. Mother my godchild and best friend sent me nudes one day out blue when I was dating my current fiance. Told gf, then drove to best friend house and told her of them blocked her. Haven't spoken in 2yrs now.
It's very hot because you are being manipulated by him. When you distance yourself from him and give it some time you will see clearly. Can you talk to a therapist about this?
With all due respect, this comment is the one that makes me think it's a good idea to bow out of this exchange. I really hope you eventually decide to consider other points of view on this matter. Again, nothing wrong with your profession. But how you're approaching it is not conducive to a healthy relationship. If this is a dealbreaker for your boyfriend, you're going to have to accept it. There are probably men out there who would be okay with all this. That's valid. But your boyfriend's POV is also valid, and there also men out there who wouldn't be okay with this. You may simply have to part ways at the end of the day if you aren't compatible and he doesn't feel like his boundaries are being respected or even considered.
Is she planning on buying in and handing over a down payment on what the house is worth now?
As a person who was a part owner before I got married, I put my then husband on the deed to get my Dad off of it. In the last two years all hell has broken lose and a very long story short the man who looked me in the eye and told me he would NEVER try to take my house or even try to get money out of it is trying to do just that while never having paid the mortgage or the loan my dad holds. He now sees no value in the fact that he lived there rent free for four years before he even had his name on the title. He doesn’t see that the little bit of money he did contribute barely scratches the surface to the value he has received from it and that he was give far more than he ever earned or paid for by having a 1/3 ownership.
Long story short don’t EVER put someone on the deed of your house if you don’t have to. Even your spouse.
People who are going to tell you about their sex frequency unprompted are either bragging or complaining or a mix of both, which makes what you hear skewed. People who have a modest and enjoyable sex life don’t feel the need to tell you about it.
God I feel awful for you. This is the beginning of the end. He is literally coddling a relationship with her until it crosses the line. Anyone who has been cheated on knows this. It ultimatum time, you or her. If he doesn’t like it he will do two things: do it behind your back or throw a fit and continue on. That man is having an emotional affair. It is just the beginning. He is a total POS.
I think the moment she finds someone better than you, she will sleep with them and then break up with you.
Thank you so much. I agree. I’m really struggling with this all to be honest.
I’m deeply hurt and confused because I didn’t do this to myself.
Excuse me what? You have been hooking up with a guy over the weekends, never trying to prevent getting pregnant, that also beats you when angry. He clearly has anger issues and out of all the red flags he is showing you chose to talk to him about hiding his phone? You very much did this to yourself and to your children, which is very irresponsible for a mother in her 30s. You being confused is just a sign that you are still learning and how else are you going to learn?
I’m deeply hurt and confused because I didn’t do this to myself.
Excuse me what? You have been hooking up with a guy over the weekends, never trying to prevent getting pregnant, that also beats you when angry. He clearly has anger issues and out of all the red flags he is showing you chose to talk to him about hiding his phone? You very much did this to yourself and to your children, which is very irresponsible for a mother in her 30s. You being confused is just a sign that you are still learning and how else are you going to learn?
I’m deeply hurt and confused because I didn’t do this to myself.
Excuse me what? You have been hooking up with a guy over the weekends, never trying to prevent getting pregnant, that also beats you when angry. He clearly has anger issues and out of all the red flags he is showing you chose to talk to him about hiding his phone? You very much did this to yourself and to your children, which is very irresponsible for a mother in her 30s. You being confused is just a sign that you are still learning and how else are you going to learn?
Yeah just replace his memories of her ex with you! Haha
You belong to marvel not to my comments
Say this louder. I happen to be 27 years old and I have no business talking to 16 year olds. We lead entirely different lives, I am an adult and they're a kid whose brain is not done developing. Is it inherently wrong for adults to talk to kids and teens? No, not at all. Many friends of mine have siblings around that age and I talk to them. About school, about games, about what subjects they're taking etc. But it ends there. I don't ask their numbers to continue a conversation outside polite chatter when I'm in their house. If I see this kid/teen outside I'll greet them, hell I'll have a cup of juice with them and chat about their school and what I named there and be done simply out of politeness for being their older sibling frienf. So no, talking to kids/teens isn't inherently weird, but chatting up random minors, pursuing friendships with them no matter how innocent is beyond weird and wrong. I literally don't see how a 16 and a 27 year old can interact normally.
Not necessarily, there are plenty of ways to hurt someone without the need to even physically be in the same place.
Yes OP should cut all ties with him no good can come from keeping anyone in your life if they threaten you.
Is it statistically probable that he will physically hurt her yes, but a statistical probability is not a definite.
If it has taken you years to accept yourself and move on from this don’t let this guy drag you back down a dark path mentally! A bf of 4 months is not worth throwing away all your progress.
My husband (now ex) cheated on me. I ended up getting divorced but I went through the same thought process as you. My dad asked me this question: what would you have to give up personally to go back? The answer was that I’d have to squash my own feelings and my self-respect and it wasn’t worth it to me. There are so many people out there that will treat you with respect. I hope you leave.
Thank you for your input I really appreciate. I would say I’ve never felt pressured to have kids from him until now because he always maintained he also didn’t know. But in this moment I do feel a bit pressured because of what he said. Which isn’t a great feeling.
And yes you’re right, I fail to see the big positive of having children. Most of the reasons my friends list for having kids are about their own personal wants and wishes. It never seems selfless like so many claim.
It’s a Frank ocean reference dummy. Your profile checks out for sure tho.
if youre scared do it the easiest way possible…. copy the link on your phone and text it to her… . tell her youre sorry that your scared and cant express the words without getting emotional so you wrote them here looking for advice… you can do it while shes away or while youre at work… that'll give her time to process it… include the fact that you dont need a response back over the phone, that you will talk later that night and set up some alone time… the fear is understandable… but this girl loves you, you love her or you wouldnt be doing the things youre doing… have this talk for the both of you i swear it'll get better.
Sorry bud, I think you’re being ghosted
You definitely should break up with her because wow she deserves so much better.
You care about her appearance more than her health. Just say it with your chest, my guy.
Don't give in, Mama. Love your children as deeply as your heart feels. Turning away from them, judging them for not being the ideal your husband expected will not change them for the better. It will only leave you with no children.
Seems like you're trusting this coworker a whole lot…
You're nitpicking which destroys confidence. It's one of the worst things you can do with children too. You don't have to point out every time someone makes a mistake.
The simple fact is that what he did is not something that someone who loved you would or could do. What he did is not something a good person would do.
I want you to think about how much you'd have to hate a person before you'd do that to them. How much contempt you'd have to have to repeatedly pin someone down by the throat. Knowing how scared they were. Think about how you'd feel if you realised you'd done that even in a blacked out state.
Picture doing that to someone you love, someone you even just like. Could you? Would you react the way he's reacting now?
You know. You're not overreacting. He's lying. He's dangerous. Don't read anything he sends you, don't answer his calls. It's over. Don't let him have a chance to get into your head. He does not love you, he couldn't do that if he did.
No matter how close a friend is if they over step a boundary then they need be put in their place or blocked. Depending on how severe the act was. Mother my godchild and best friend sent me nudes one day out blue when I was dating my current fiance. Told gf, then drove to best friend house and told her of them blocked her. Haven't spoken in 2yrs now.
“I will tell him to stop.”
If only! It sounds like you don't have ANY idea what substance abuse or addiction can be like.
It's very hot because you are being manipulated by him. When you distance yourself from him and give it some time you will see clearly. Can you talk to a therapist about this?
With all due respect, this comment is the one that makes me think it's a good idea to bow out of this exchange. I really hope you eventually decide to consider other points of view on this matter. Again, nothing wrong with your profession. But how you're approaching it is not conducive to a healthy relationship. If this is a dealbreaker for your boyfriend, you're going to have to accept it. There are probably men out there who would be okay with all this. That's valid. But your boyfriend's POV is also valid, and there also men out there who wouldn't be okay with this. You may simply have to part ways at the end of the day if you aren't compatible and he doesn't feel like his boundaries are being respected or even considered.
Take care, and good luck.
Is she planning on buying in and handing over a down payment on what the house is worth now?
As a person who was a part owner before I got married, I put my then husband on the deed to get my Dad off of it. In the last two years all hell has broken lose and a very long story short the man who looked me in the eye and told me he would NEVER try to take my house or even try to get money out of it is trying to do just that while never having paid the mortgage or the loan my dad holds. He now sees no value in the fact that he lived there rent free for four years before he even had his name on the title. He doesn’t see that the little bit of money he did contribute barely scratches the surface to the value he has received from it and that he was give far more than he ever earned or paid for by having a 1/3 ownership.
Long story short don’t EVER put someone on the deed of your house if you don’t have to. Even your spouse.
She’s mean.
Break up now.