This is such insane behavior. To send your best friends husband 10 nudes out of the blue with no lead up or flirtation is fucking bonkers. You’re sure your husband did nothing nefarious here?
Why are you annoyed at your friend rather than your so called boyfriend. Your friend has respect for you, doesn't want to lie to you or have you humiliated.
Your boyfriend on the other hand has already admitted lying to you. Which is disrespectful, trying to convince you your friend was wrong ie manipulative.
Ask your self who has the most to gain from lying your boyfriend or your friend.
Sticking your head in the sand doesn't actually change the truth and ignoring it now is just delaying the inevitable.
Remember good friends are worth their weight in gold. Lying cheating boyfriends on the other hand are not.
It’s very distressing I agree, and I am so, so sorry you went through that. Likely OP you are experiencing a warped reality on what is okay and not because of your past trauma with this sort of situation. I know you know that but I’m just trying to validate that you are definitely being taken advantage of here by your boyfriend here, and please feel solid and stable in the negative emotions you have with this situation. Trust them because they are right and they are trying to tell you something.
Why worry ?, Waiting to be in decent relationship to do it is a great thing. None of that “hit & run”, you can do it over & over – practice makes perfect.
Yeah you can a good uncle will shut that shit right down. NAd believe me the pressure wont stop he is just laying off for a bit and will dive right back in again.
Either try to explain to her exactly that, that she’s single because she couldn’t find a guy that meets her standards. You were single because you couldn’t find a girl who’s standards you met.
And if she says something about you being wrong, ask why you two never dated, and when she doesn’t have a legitimate answer, point out that she proved your point.
Then, online the life you want to live!, trying your best not to hurt anyone in the process- eg if you want to sleep around, then do it, but he honest with the girls you sleep with. If you want to date casually, then do that, but be honest about it.
If you meet someone you do like, date them and see what happens
For me that would be the end. I don’t think I could recover from him cancelling the day before after everything is paid for and everyone has flown in from out of town. I would still go to the reception and enjoy all the food and party without him seeing as it’s already paid for. Get one of your friends to take his place on your honeymoon. Then come back and leave him to online his happy ever after with his brother.
Nope never ever use a child as a bargaining chip to get a ex back that’s is literally the worst thing you can do. You need to make the decision with yourself on if you can rasie this child or not by yourself and if the dad wants to come back cool but if he doesn’t well you will be already prepared
Kick him out of the house. He has crossed your boundaries and you have done nothing about it. Stand up for yourself. We all know he is not innocent here.
Shouldn’t it be that any major change in how the relationship is defined should be two yeses and therefore this change can’t be coerced either?
Sure, you could put it that way. OP can refuse and keep doing what she's doing, and then the ball is in her husband's court on whether he wants to stay or not. That's an option.
We have looked at counselling, but it is very cost-prohibitive with our financial situation. We're trying to find something we can afford but haven't been able to yet. I have been considering leaving for a while. Meeting someone else has just made me realize how unhappy I really am in my relationship.
Most colleges off free therapy. I know I did it in college. Have you looked at resources there?
You need to know that this behavior may push him away so work on it. Meditate, focus on helping others or something that gets your mind off your relationship.
I might need to try this, I've had a stuffed nose also since like age 10 and there's only a handful of times in my life I can remember breathing easily through both nostrils. I use a spray rn if it gets to bad but I think I should really just go for a neti pot
You’re not really saying what conversations took place between you and your ex. Based on the little info you provided it is strange how much went down for this “friend” whose birthday you don’t know but decided to buy a present for anyway and then had to meet up with immediately after being out of town. Again there’s only so much that can be assumed by what you posted.
Honestly, if this feels appropriate right now is between you too.
There’s nothing wrong with messaging her and saying “hey, hope you’re doing well, I just had s question. I bought gifts for your birthday before we broke up and some of them are custom for you. I could throw them out but I still felt it would be a waste. Would you be comfortable accepting them?”
Hey, open and clear communication is one of the most adult thing you can have with someone else. If she says “ nah I think that doesn’t feel right for now” then no big deal, you asked and I’m sure she will appreciate your phrasing and consideration for her feelings and you guys will be none the worst
You won’t even recognize this girl if you trip over her in 10 or 15 years. Go get a life that doesn’t revolve around her. You will find someone who loves you.
If you do go, only pack for yourself. One sleeping bag, one pillow, etc and hopefully separate vehicles so when he shows up without being prepared, he has the ability to go get the stuff he left behind
Honestly I really lean towards option 2 in such situations – if you chose to end the relationship to explore your options it's a near 0% chance I will be willing to be your backup plan. Inevitably some will comment and suggest that you should be willing to have any conversation with your partner. While this is true I don't think you should expect all conversations to be consequence free. Personally the time to discuss an open relationship is at the beginning of the relationship – not once monogamy is settled and established. I don't think people who are inclined to have an open relationship appreciate how unconvincing it can be for someone proposing opening the relationship to say it's not an issue if you don't want to open it. For many I think this will always leave lingering doubts. Personally I simply don't want to be in a relationship where my partner actively wants to be sleeping with other people. Unless the answer is an enthusiastic yes it should be a quick and definitive no.
Maybe you should get pissed about the obvious cheating three nights a week and make it her problem to resolve. Just a thought.
This is such insane behavior. To send your best friends husband 10 nudes out of the blue with no lead up or flirtation is fucking bonkers. You’re sure your husband did nothing nefarious here?
Ok
Why are you annoyed at your friend rather than your so called boyfriend. Your friend has respect for you, doesn't want to lie to you or have you humiliated.
Your boyfriend on the other hand has already admitted lying to you. Which is disrespectful, trying to convince you your friend was wrong ie manipulative.
Ask your self who has the most to gain from lying your boyfriend or your friend.
Sticking your head in the sand doesn't actually change the truth and ignoring it now is just delaying the inevitable.
Remember good friends are worth their weight in gold. Lying cheating boyfriends on the other hand are not.
It’s very distressing I agree, and I am so, so sorry you went through that. Likely OP you are experiencing a warped reality on what is okay and not because of your past trauma with this sort of situation. I know you know that but I’m just trying to validate that you are definitely being taken advantage of here by your boyfriend here, and please feel solid and stable in the negative emotions you have with this situation. Trust them because they are right and they are trying to tell you something.
No, men don’t care about that.
Why worry ?, Waiting to be in decent relationship to do it is a great thing. None of that “hit & run”, you can do it over & over – practice makes perfect.
Yeah I told her, if she wants to respect me she won’t do it, if she wants to carry on like that I’ll walk out.
It doesn’t make you feel “uncomfortable”, it makes you feel insecure. There’s a difference there.
I always make sure my partner cums first
I hope you dump her cheating ass. Sorry buddy she’s not wife material.
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Just say no.
Yeah you can a good uncle will shut that shit right down. NAd believe me the pressure wont stop he is just laying off for a bit and will dive right back in again.
Either try to explain to her exactly that, that she’s single because she couldn’t find a guy that meets her standards. You were single because you couldn’t find a girl who’s standards you met.
And if she says something about you being wrong, ask why you two never dated, and when she doesn’t have a legitimate answer, point out that she proved your point.
Then, online the life you want to live!, trying your best not to hurt anyone in the process- eg if you want to sleep around, then do it, but he honest with the girls you sleep with. If you want to date casually, then do that, but be honest about it.
If you meet someone you do like, date them and see what happens
Do you know what sort of relationship your friend is looking for?
When my husband was in the hospital every Dr that I met always asked politely
..”And who might you be”.. So I would say..”The wife, the mistress, the girlfriend, the cook..”
Lol..apparently sometimes a mistress would show up at different times than the wife. So they always ask patients.
Not saying he's cheating! Just wanted to make you smile.
For me that would be the end. I don’t think I could recover from him cancelling the day before after everything is paid for and everyone has flown in from out of town. I would still go to the reception and enjoy all the food and party without him seeing as it’s already paid for. Get one of your friends to take his place on your honeymoon. Then come back and leave him to online his happy ever after with his brother.
This could be a regular thing for all OP knows. Only the first time he got caught. I'd be setting up secret nanny cam in toddler bedroom
Go for it! I am married to a guy 10.5 years younger then me and it's the best relationship I have ever had!
Nope never ever use a child as a bargaining chip to get a ex back that’s is literally the worst thing you can do. You need to make the decision with yourself on if you can rasie this child or not by yourself and if the dad wants to come back cool but if he doesn’t well you will be already prepared
God I read this as “I’ve dated diabetics like this”
His playstation is like a diary? Oh, do fuck off. What a load of shit. He just doesn't want you playing with his toys.
Kick him out of the house. He has crossed your boundaries and you have done nothing about it. Stand up for yourself. We all know he is not innocent here.
Shouldn’t it be that any major change in how the relationship is defined should be two yeses and therefore this change can’t be coerced either?
Sure, you could put it that way. OP can refuse and keep doing what she's doing, and then the ball is in her husband's court on whether he wants to stay or not. That's an option.
We have looked at counselling, but it is very cost-prohibitive with our financial situation. We're trying to find something we can afford but haven't been able to yet. I have been considering leaving for a while. Meeting someone else has just made me realize how unhappy I really am in my relationship.
Most colleges off free therapy. I know I did it in college. Have you looked at resources there?
You need to know that this behavior may push him away so work on it. Meditate, focus on helping others or something that gets your mind off your relationship.
I might need to try this, I've had a stuffed nose also since like age 10 and there's only a handful of times in my life I can remember breathing easily through both nostrils. I use a spray rn if it gets to bad but I think I should really just go for a neti pot
Sounds like you have your mind made up.
She wasn't flirting back – what is the problem?
my brother in Christ, therapy
You’re not really saying what conversations took place between you and your ex. Based on the little info you provided it is strange how much went down for this “friend” whose birthday you don’t know but decided to buy a present for anyway and then had to meet up with immediately after being out of town. Again there’s only so much that can be assumed by what you posted.
Okay cool
You should tell her ok and that it sounds like fun and you’re gonna try it out as well to see how many you can get.
Now wait for that “for fun” excuse to fall flat on its ass.
Mmm
Honestly, if this feels appropriate right now is between you too.
There’s nothing wrong with messaging her and saying “hey, hope you’re doing well, I just had s question. I bought gifts for your birthday before we broke up and some of them are custom for you. I could throw them out but I still felt it would be a waste. Would you be comfortable accepting them?”
Hey, open and clear communication is one of the most adult thing you can have with someone else. If she says “ nah I think that doesn’t feel right for now” then no big deal, you asked and I’m sure she will appreciate your phrasing and consideration for her feelings and you guys will be none the worst
Him liking pictures of her friends on Facebook is flirting? Yikes, get a grip
Hmm.. from the comments I’ve heard over the years, I’m not filled with hope
You won’t even recognize this girl if you trip over her in 10 or 15 years. Go get a life that doesn’t revolve around her. You will find someone who loves you.
or even invite some of his followers if he's such a hot-shot.
If you do go, only pack for yourself. One sleeping bag, one pillow, etc and hopefully separate vehicles so when he shows up without being prepared, he has the ability to go get the stuff he left behind
Honestly I really lean towards option 2 in such situations – if you chose to end the relationship to explore your options it's a near 0% chance I will be willing to be your backup plan. Inevitably some will comment and suggest that you should be willing to have any conversation with your partner. While this is true I don't think you should expect all conversations to be consequence free. Personally the time to discuss an open relationship is at the beginning of the relationship – not once monogamy is settled and established. I don't think people who are inclined to have an open relationship appreciate how unconvincing it can be for someone proposing opening the relationship to say it's not an issue if you don't want to open it. For many I think this will always leave lingering doubts. Personally I simply don't want to be in a relationship where my partner actively wants to be sleeping with other people. Unless the answer is an enthusiastic yes it should be a quick and definitive no.