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I still don't see how that warrants or even brings up an ex in the conversation.
Don't walk away from this relationship. RUN. Run don't ever look back. He'll only try to guilt trip you into returning to him. He wants control over you. If you stay with him, he Will become more and more abusive.
I think there are some very real red flags here, but I’m not you so I can only assume things based on the information provided… Todays Decisions will be life changing, so you need to figure out what’s best for everyone involved. You are still young and just starting out in life with every opportunity available. Pay attention to your inner feelings because they are usually right. Additionally something feels off here. It’s a hard choice…. Choose wisely.
Even with your update, I would still question it. Some of that didnt sit well with me, not to say she'll be cheating on you.
Her suddenly being on her phone all the time but not answering you? Gonna go with she still had some emotional conflict going on, and thats not a good sign. And kicking you for a couple days? Stop thinking with your emotions and try to look at it critically. Some of this smells bad.
I would just be vigilant and watch for the signs that something is amiss. You don’t have to interact with him but you should join your gf in her social outings and have fun being fun to be around. It may make him look like the ass he is and he’ll go away or she may tell him to ‘eff’ off. She may be testing you so show your best side.
My other reason is that he cheated on his ex. So cheating isn’t necessarily beyond him. And the friend seemed kinda of hesitant to tell me at first. He kept saying I can’t tell you, I feel bad you’re going to be so hurt. But I was like well if you’ve got something to say you might as well say it instead of beating around the bush. And then he was like I’m so sorry but he cheated on you.
what's the app name?
I have told her all of my feelings, She said she was sorry and that if I break up with her, she won't be mad. I told her that we are not compatible with each other and have different beliefs and opinions. I decided to end it off before it gets any worse. Thank you. This was my first relationship, so it would probably be very hot on me within a few hours.
They are being incredibly rude and insensitive, even if they think they’re joking. I would fire back with comments about how much older or tired they look. Everyone bristles when you tell them they look tired or exhausted. Then say Are you sure you’re getting enough sleep? Petty but effective.
I am so, so sorry. I've been there too. I highly recommend that you visit the subreddit r/divorce even if you are NOT thinking about divorce at this moment, if only because that is where you are going to find a whole tribe of people who are reeling from the same utter destruction of the fabric of their lives. For now, just breathe and keep yourself safe.
I believe that too, she knew it and she didn' wanted to admit it for fear of confrontation.
I'd lie if I say that I feel the closure at 100% (but well, it's very fresh), however I have to admit that I'm handling it better than I tought, because I suspected she doesn't have any real interest or feeling towards me and this proved me incredibly right.
It is difficult, but ong distant relationships can work. However, both people have to work on it. If it was me, I would stay. Happiness/contentment is more important than most people think. In this economy, there are no guarantees that you'll find a job if you move. You hae a job you love, you have a support network, you're building friendships, you're following your passion.
Your girlfriend has a big opportunity. If she feels the need to go, then she must go. Otherwise, you two resent each other from progressing in your careers. Is your girlfriend paying for school or does she have scholarships/grants? Sone schools aren't worth the debt at the end and it can take many many years tonpay off.
I think you both already know the answer, but neither of you want to talk about it. Following soneone with nothing there for you besides the person more times than not leads to unhappiness, fighting, and heart break. Neither of you want to hold the other one back.
Good luck. I am wishing you both the best.
Side note: A family member went to Michigan. They loved the school.
You may be doing fine with the little things but your issues are with sexual preferences, money and the openness of the relationship (-> sugar daddy), which are absolute basics you need to agree on for a long-term relationship, right there with children and living arrangements. If these don’t match, you can be great friends but not partners.
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Bf is so immature and foolish. Most men would salivate over a gf who touched herself and had fantasies. looks like his ego is crushed by this – if you feel the need to play with yourself, maybe he isn't satisfying you enough? this is a bf problem. please put a stop to his shaming you about this and acting like a toddler.
Okay, so your entire thing is that you think this is a betrayal to the late wife. That you feel betrayed for her. Because he's processing his grief differently from how you want him to, because he's lonely and sad and wants companionship.
Go get therapy.
Oh, and btw, you can be drunk and still remember everything that happened. Just because you aren't blackout drunk doesn't mean you aren't drunk.
OP can have whatever deal breakers he wants, including this. As an unrelated 3rd party I can still be like “yeah this dude's wrong in this situation” though.
You're absolutely right. All these “it's sports so it doesn't count” comments are insane. It doesn't matter where I'm at, if girls start changing clothes in front of me I'm going to enjoy it. Also, it would be extremely inappropriate if my partner's male friends were undressing in front of her. It being a locker room is completely irrelevant.
I would be livid if I found out my partner was doing this, and would end the relationship if it continued.
There is a reason why the number affair partners are coworkers statistically.
She is swimming nude with coworkers. People that she sees everyday for hours on and probably has lunch with regularly.
I wonder if the spouses/partners of those coworkers know about this after work bonding exercise your girlfriend is involved in.
This sounds like a problem waiting to happen or has happened. Say what you will but being hot and swimming for however long is sexual in nature. It is meant to sexually allure the people with you with an excuse that we just didn't have the appropriate clothing with us so we saw each other's dicks, boobs, … all because we couldn't help it. And someone got drinks too.
The clue is in your use of the word ‘punish’. In a healthy relationship, no one punishes anyone, they seek to resolve differences and problems.
Your mom needs therapy.
Your wife needs therapy.
You need therapy.
Seriously she’s a child bride.
Exactly, when they think about an open relationship, they are thinking on how they will fuck other people…. Not at all on what their partners will be doing, until they realize is the same they are doing, and then they come to Reddit to cry like this dude.
Because your earnings are similar 50/50 makes the most sense.
Your boyfriend happens to have parents that subsidize his lifestyle at nearly 30, so he should be the one to pick up the check when you go out.
Please please please don't stay with this man.
He doesn't respect or value you. You sound INCREDIBLY reasonable with your feelings, reactions, and actions.
PLEASE don't forget to gather evidence of him cheating. Screenshot stuff, look into recording laws in your state, CONTACT A LAWYER. A lot of women's shelters can help you get in touch with a lawyer who won't text you/send spam to your address so you can make your plans to leave secret.
He has been gaslighting, manipulating, and emotionally abusing you. This is a fact. Your mind wants to downplay the trauma out of self-protection. Get through the separation process then enjoy your new life of peace and then when you're ready to start your healing process pick up the book The Body Keeps the Score. Best of luck and I wish you the best ?✨️
Another wrinkle…
What if your girlfriend didn't get it from the other girl, but gave it to her? Maybe your girlfriend got it from another guy then just passed it on.
Doesn't sound plausible? You didn't think she was a cheater either…
You did a great job writing this out. A lot of posts here are usually very incoherent, but you’ve really laid it all out masterfully.
I’m sorry for your situation. Consider this as validation. I don’t understand his goals when it comes to your relationship and the proposal.
Dude, Op, she is definitely a bit selfish and actually a bit codependent since she’s not grasping how to do her own thing and accepting you have plans.
The world doesn’t revolve around her, she’s not the sun. She’s gotta learn to that when you make plans in advance, you don’t drop them last minute unless it’s an emergency that happens.
In the situation where someone stops taking their birth control on purpose even though their partner doesn't want a child and has expressed such, I think that's being baby trapped. Not to trap them in a relationship, but it is a trap.
This is obviously not that situation, but being married does not preclude being baby trapped.
The men are not ok. The most likely time for a woman to be murked is when she's pregnant and it's generally the guy who did the impregnating who murders her.
This whole post is a shitshow. I get that this isn’t what you want to hear but don’t get back together with someone who raped you. You’re asking for advice on how to get back together with an abuser. No good person is going to recommend that for you.
Good luck!
Then the tax burden is yours too.
Will that have implications on what your next few years taxation will be as well? You need a lawyer and probably an accountant too.
DTMFA
You screwed up. Fair enough. But the only thing you owe him is an apology.
She sounds exhausting. Like one of those people who like to put others down to make themselves look good. What’s the point of being with her if you’re not happy?
What's the problem? Do you live! with him? Tell him it's over and block him on everything … Only takes one person to break up! If he shows up to your place call the police
She came to a business you work at and wanted you to give her friend a free haircut.
If you had done that there is every chance you would be fired, it was lucky that your manager heard the exchange.
Tell your boyfriend what happended and next time you see his mum I would tell her that your manager was extremely unhappy at what happeend and if anyone else comes into the shop and tries that again they will be banned from the store. (but you should ask your manager what happens in situations like this, with he understanding that you will never give anyone a free haircut in the shop.)
Change Jane to John.
It only gets worse if he’s this lazy from the jump. Don’t be his bang maid.
The writing on the wall is pretty clear on this one. Might as well rip off the bandaid and talk about it.
You don't need a relationship. You need a therapist. Why would anyone stay in this relationship when you want so much more than he will give?
What is narcissism for 1000$, Alec
I was thinking like an ice cream maker or sobering
Don't go back to someone who is a liar. Please have more respect for yourself. And if he gets away with this time, he'll keep on doing it to you. Sorry you are going through this. But it will get better.
You are in love with a pedophile. Call the police and make sure he doesn't actually have Child porn somewhere in your house. Also, never have kids with this person. He obviously sexualizes little girls, so if you have a girl, he might go full bore into being a child molester or making Child porn….
Leave this predator
Hi OP, think about it like this. Your boyfriend of two years, who at this point, likely has said he loves you, drunkenly encouraged his male friends to laugh at you while in a vulnerable state and also joined in. Guy friends who could see your very hot bottom, who you don’t know so well. Instead of being your champion and closing the door for you, he added to your embarrassment. His apologies don’t mean anything because he has also insulted you and blamed you for the situation/ leaving.
Spin the situation around. If you loved someone, is that how you would treat them? And is that how you want to be loved? Personally I wouldn’t want to be with someone who I had to explain and argue with why I was upset. Leave. Don’t waste more of your time.
I don’t think he has no self control
I mean, you had a baby with someone you knew had severe, unmedicated ADHD and PTSD.
While it's one thing for a SO to express an opinion on clothing, if asked, it's totally out of line for oembe to forbid you from wearing your own clothes.
Acceptable: “Joe, what do you think of my new pink dress?” “It's not my favorite, I like the green one better.” OR “It is a great color, I'm glad you like it!”
Not acceptable: “Joe, what do you think of my new pink dreas?” “You are forbidden from wearing it ever! No one can see your elbows!l except me! I am so deeply offended you would buy this!”
Don't see him again. He is controlling and this will not end well for you.
Nail on the head. Dated someone like this. Simply asking him to move a little to the left or change pace was enough to make him stalk off and ignore me for the night. OP, it’s not your fault he’s insecure and doesn’t know how to handle it.
That's very accurate. Definitely trying to lower my boundaries. And I guess why I've entertained his friendship so far is because I'm in a sticky spot myself. I'm in a brand new town, don't have any friends, and he's one of the very few people I can ask for help and he'll be available 7 times out of 10. He makes me feel like he's looking out for me and as pathetic as it sounds, offers a degree of emotional fulfilment that I lowkey seek. And no, I don't come from a broken home so don't have any mommy/daddy issues to speak of, but I live! in a country where I've got no friends or family. Plus, I enjoy his company to a degree and I really do enjoy friendships, male or female. But I also realize nothing comes at no cost. If he's allocating time to help me out, there's definitely an associated cost which I'd have to pay at some point, which is why I need to nip this in the bud now. He, like every other human, needs a motivator to drive his behavior, which in his case are definitely ulterior motives. Not evil, but not very straightforward either, at least somewhere down the line. I'm just typing my thoughts out at this point but it's been good to. Thanks!
You can't resolve something that isn't your fault. this is 100% on your husband. You're an emotional mess, you've been though something traumatizing, and his only concern is getting his dick wet. That's absolutely ridiculous.
This is so wholesome!!
“You’re my dream girl” does it for me haha
Why would he break up with you, he has a great deal going.
She belongs to the streets
Certified magic sky Jesus Easter miracle right there.
Few elements is not big deal in the overall scheme of things but his thought process is a red flag and should have you concerned.
It's a wedding for your sister. This is her day, its your family, he is a guest, and you are there to celebrate the new couple. He should stop trying to get attention and make things about himself. It's very selfish. It would be like you or another woman showing up to the wedding wearing a skimpy or revealing dress that takes attention away from the bride.
There is a time and a place for things — trying to getting attention and using clothing/ accessories to let everyone know what your all about (look at me and how cool I am) at someone else's wedding is not the time or the place. Again — his proposal doesn't sound crazy but the selfish thinking should have you concerned.
Next time your faces are close, say “Can I kiss you?”, and she will say yes or no. Proceed accordingly.
Consent is everything, you shouldn’t just kiss somebody when you’ve never even had a conversation about liking each other.
Best of luck!
That is all you can do. And as I said, she is not being a good friend. But I’ve known guys who do actually wait for moments like these to “swoop in and save the damsel in distress” aka prey on women when they are vulnerable.
I’m not saying you would do that, but sadly the guys who do, ruin the trust women might have given you.
When the hormones calm down and she sees that you respected her wishes to back off, she will probably come and apologize. But I maintain, you don’t want this kind of drama in your life. It is fair for you to say “I don’t appreciate how you treat me. Not as a friend, not as a former lover, not as a person. I feel that you have used and abused my trust.” Then it is up to you how to move forward.
Good luck OP