(UPDATE) I found that a Girl (25f) that I’m (27m) seeing and looking to peruse a romantic relationship with, might have BV. How would you bring this is up after sleeping together on the third date?
4KShe’s been diagnosed with BV due to stress
Firstly, I would like to express my gratitude for all the responses and attention This post received. Hopefully, someone can use this as an opportunity to be open and communicate with their partner.
Now, onto the update.
After reading the responses and discussing it with a few friends, I started feeling stressed about when to bring this up. We met briefly a couple more times over the next couple weeks, but I couldn't bring up such a personal topic over brunch.
Finally, we both had a free day, went out for dinner, had a few drinks, and came home to watch Evil Dead Rising (by the way, decent movie, but the 2013 remake is better). During the movie, there was no pressure to make any moves, though I wasn't trying to make any. We both enjoyed each other’s company, but in the back of my mind I was waiting for the right moment to bring this up. Later that night, As we lay down, pillow talking and cuddling, intimacy happened a lot sooner than I expected. This time though the odor wasn't as strong, but was still there. We both reached orgasm at the same time, and as I laid beside her catching my breath, I sat up and said, “There's something I need to talk to you about.”
At this point, the details are somewhat blurry, but I'll recount it as best as I can remember. Fueled by the rush of dopamine, I mentioned that I usually get checked out before being intimate with someone. I explained that if we were going to continue being sexually active, it would be best for both of us to get tested. Additionally, I noticed something was off down there.
She looked at me like a deer-in-the-headlights and asked, “What do you mean?”
I went on to explain that there was a slight odor, and I was concerned about her health. I mentioned that I had previous partners who had similar symptoms (dryness and odor) and they were diagnosed with bacterial vaginosis (BV).
I could tell that my words had initially shocked her, and she became somewhat withdrawn. She excused herself to the restroom, and I sat on the bed, contemplating my next move.
I went to get a glass of water and offered her one as well before excusing myself to the restroom. When I returned to the bedroom, she was partially dressed and seemed somewhat distant. I asked her if everything was okay, and she replied, “No, I feel nasty and gross.” I reassured her that I didn't find it gross, but she insisted, saying, “Yeah, but I feel nasty.” She told me she planned on taking an Uber home (she lives less than a mile away, and I had picked her up). I offered to drive her back, but I also expressed that she was welcome to stay. We both sat on the bed in silence for a minute.
Gradually, we began to talk more, and it was evident that she felt embarrassed. She asked why I hadn't said anything sooner, and I responded, “Well, when do you bring up something like that?”. I apologized for having this conversation DIRECTLY after sex, but I said I felt emotionally close to you and wanted to be honest about it.
As the tension started to dissipate, I laid back down in bed and invited her to join me. I held her and whispered sweet things in her ear, making her laugh. She did find it funny I was willing to buy suppositories lmao She apologized and felt bad that I had to be the one bring it up unfortunately. I assured her that there was nothing to apologize for, and that these things happen. All I wanted was to make sure she was okay. Eventually, she expressed her appreciation for my honesty and acknowledged that it was a difficult conversation to have.
We stayed up until around 5 in the morning, talking each other’s ears off, until we both drifted off to sleep. That morning, we woke up things seemed less tense. I drove her back to her place and later that day she texted me the she made an appointment to get checked.
