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While your parents have no say in your sex life, I am surprised they aren't more concerned about an older man dating you.
I am 31F and the thought of even dating a 24 irks me. The maturity level (regardless of what he says) is a huge thing. But also where you are in life. He is 35, lives on his own, has a job (I hope) has finished all his schooling and is living life. You are not there.
You should most definitely be concerned about a 35 year old man who is 15 years older than you that isn't dating someone closer to his age. This is a massive red flag.
By the time you are done school and working and actually ready to start a family he will be 40. Further if he tries to suggest having a kid sooner and either stopping you from finishing school, or suggesting your be a SAHM and have kids and not working is even scarier.
I get these are all hypothetical but it is a tale as old as time. An old guy marrying and knocking up a younger woman and basically stopping her from having a job or finishing school because he knocked her up. You need that independence both for education in whatever form that is, but also in financial sense. Having your own money and making money and having savings.
I get you probably will disregard this as crazy talk. But if anything just keep those other Red flags in the back of your head I mentioned above.
No point in trying to change someone set in their ways, all you can control is your reaction to them
If I was in OPs shoes, I would let them know I can't be with someone that does what OPs bf is doing and leave
Trauma doesn’t entitle him to yell at you. It doesn’t entitle him to make you feel unsafe in your own home.
He absolutely needs therapy. An ultimatum in this case is necessary for your safety.
I don’t really doubt the girls credibility but my assumption or theory is that maybe the friend showed me the wrong girl? By accident, of course. Like he may assume it was this girl but it was actually another girl.
If you are worrying about his perception of you == that is a time for some self reflection, or therapy.
If you thought that was fun and want to maybe do it again, maybe even a bit more sober==. Call him and get another date.
Nah, love comes at all ages. Besides, it's not anyone's business but yours. If you're happy, don't worry about what everyone else has to say.
A pregnancy test is a much better way to answer this question than asking Reddit.
You are only 25, leave him and get your life together. Continue your studies if you havent.
Hours? No way. There are other subreddits you can post these stories to.
As someone who is actively poly, I wouldn't tolerate this. You shouldn't either.
I'd say don't until you have more info. My bestie's dad used to go on and on about how beautiful I was and how if he were younger and not married to the love of his life he would hit on me and that everything would work out for me eventually. He was just wasted and struggling. I left the country but the night before I did I stupidly told his wife when she asked about something not directly related (basically saying how I had to get out of that small town because literally every man we knew had hit on me regardless of if they were married or not, she was like “not my husband” and I was like “well”). That was the last time I saw him alive, he died a few years later. He was like a dad to me and obviously didn't really mean it. I still feel guilty about it to this day.
My point being—just because somebody says that when they're drunk, even if they seem to mean it at the time, doesn't mean they actually mean it.
Yes. If you're too scared, and it sounds like you are, then this is not the move.
There’s a difference between beliefs and a legit mental illness
Did it occur to you that him saying “You sound sad” was his way of gauging to see if you're open to discussing what was wrong with your day? To give you a opening to reveal your issues without him feeling or seeming like he's being nosy?
He's not a mind reader. If you want to tell him your day sucked then tell him.
My husband doesn't pry if I don't tell him why I'm having a bad day. He knows that if I wanted him to know then I'd tell him. I'm an adult woman who doesn't need to be coddled or pressed to reveal what's wrong. If I have something to get off my chest, I tell him without getting him to fish for it. I suffer PTSD so most times, I don't want to talk about it. It's my choice to share what I do, just as it's yours.
Maybe he is concerned. Maybe he's not. Maybe he cares but doesn't want to ask in case you don't want to talk about it? Maybe you're right and he doesn't give a flying ducky.
Perhaps instead of observing and making assumptions on his apathy, you should communicate? You and him both. You're not at a zoo studying animal behaviours, you're in a relationship with a human being and need to be open with your communication and expectations, because he may not have been brought up like you have to press for answers when someone he cares about is hurting. And let's be honest here, a lot of men aren't exactly as emotionally mature as a lot of women, a lot have been taught to actively avoid emotional conversation, so they need some prompting in the right direction.
Point is, open up communication and tell him what's going on. You'll be able to see much more clearly if he cares or not.
It's pretty simple, no child support, no name on birth certificate until a paternity test is done and proves your are the father.
He’s messing up, but honestly, how can he be expected to make you orgasm if you’ve never made yourself orgasm? You should spend some time getting to know your own body and what works for you. Then, teach him.
Female opinion here. If you’re planning for the future and she is not, then I’d say at minimum prenup if you get married. Protect your planning.
Don’t move in with her – this will not go well for you. Once the baby gets here and she actually has to face the insane amount of work involved, she will try to rope you into as much of that as she can. You and your studies will pay the price. Don’t get sucked into this.
If he had 22$ left over, he didnt get a lap dance. 138$ for 2 & 1/2 hours is low.
Not saying it’s your fault per se but it may be that they’re getting a vibe from you that you’re not really interested in engaging with them.
How about the people that have entire CHILDREN together and don't want to commit to marriage because they are not ready? I have known so many people like that, I am pretty sure they just don't understand how committed they already are. I don't know where they get the idea that its so easy to walk away. You're in it.
You need to very firmly tell him you thought about it, and will not be having surgery no matter what, and see what his reaction is. People DIE sometimes having cosmetic surgeries. Ask him why he would be willing to lose you over something so trivial. Then ask him if he wants to be a single parent. Tell him you've made up your mind and he is free to leave if he's so disappointed eiyt your body (you need to know if he will leave you over this. You can always change your mind later if you really are crazy enough to do this for him. But don't you wanna know he won't leave over this first?)
Then tell him it's making you consider not allowing him into the birthing room because you're concerned he will want you sew up your vagina too. Tell him this is a big deal to you and that he needs to shut up and apologize because it's making you question his love for you.
I’m so exhausted and I don’t know what to do anymore
This is an easy one. Walk. Away.
Its best to cut contact to allow you to move forward. Work on yourself and your needs and the right one will come along.
You deserve so much more than “live your dream in spite of it being toxic.”
With the right person, you will see this
This guy is trying to gaslight you. His needs shouldn't restrict your freedom.
Wdym, you told him you'd let him know if you went. Be more thoughtful next time.
Oh honey. I'm so sorry that you went through that, but take it from someone old enough to be your mom, who is basically allergic to drama:
You did not overreact, you were not overdramatic, and you did EXACTLY THE RIGHT THING.
I know it really hurts, to have given a year of your life to someone you really cared about, and then watch him let people shit on you when he was supposed to care about you – especially some other girl, and his friends, who I'm sure you'd hoped would be your friends too at some point – and not even open his mouth to stand up for you. But girl, I'm SO PROUD OF YOU for saying, “Nope. This is not okay. This feels gross, and not how anything is supposed to work, and I can't be in a relationship with someone who'll just sit around and listen to people say crappy things about me and not think it's a big deal.”
I was in a relationship like that at right around your age, and OMG . . . this brought back memories. Of how I just sat there night after night, thinking, “Well, but he's going to say something at some point. Like, he HAS to, right?” As his friends made snide “jokes” about me that didn't feel funny at all. Or his best female friend (who was also his ex) made it clear that she hated me, but I was still supposed to hang around her with a smile because “she's my best friend” even though she iced me out constantly. And all I wanted was for these people to like me. I was never rude or hateful to them. I didn't even understand why they were mean to me. And he just . . . sat there and did nothing, and let them be mean to me. Like it was normal.
And when I finally broke up with him, it was awful, and I was so sad because I'd really cared about him, but you know what? I also felt so FREE. Because I realised that that whole time I was hanging out with people who didn't like me and didn't want me there, and HE DIDN'T CARE. And WHY WAS I EVEN WASTING MY TIME ON A GUY WHO DIDN”T CARE THAT HIS FRIENDS HATED ME?!
You deserve better. SO much better. And now you are free to find someone who will not only love you, but hopefully will have friends who think you're awesome too.