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  1. Yeah she’s cheating and you are way too naive and apologetic. Stop apologizing for having boundaries. Sounds pathetic. You will Learn from this. She sees your weakness coming from mikes away.

  2. This just made my day. I’m happy you didn’t fall for her sob story. F that. She knew what the heck she was doing. Go on with your life dude and I wish you much success.

  3. Nope. He has no business tracking your location. If he wants to know where you are he can ask like an adult.

    He needs to deal with his trust issues.

  4. You're wasting sexual energy on other women. You're fantasizing about other women. Yes, it's cheating to a lot of people.

    But even if your partner is cool with it, there have been so many horror stories about ED, death-grip, and men holing up in their bathroom jerking off to porn while their wives get no attention. And it's obviously a problem if you can't jerk off at all without porn.

  5. If you think you need couples counseling this soon in with all you've stated it might not be the relationship. You read entitled to his money if I'm going to be honest.

  6. Flirting with the old guy friend is cheating. If you want more from your husband talk to him about it . Have date nights, put whatever effort you are putting in these fantasies and other men into your husband. Flirt with him. Dress sexy and seduce him.

  7. Hello /u/throwraokl,

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  8. Op my daughter’s grandfather had full custody of 6 children by two different women. He was an engineer and travelled around the world designing airports. He was obviously wealthy and his current wife was left to raise his children on her own. The women he previously married and dated were very into makeup and fashion. The current wife was extremely kind but very plain in society’s beauty standards.

    As soon as his youngest son became a high school senior, he filed for a divorce. She had been with him for 15 years. He had bought her an expensive car for their wedding anniversary that year. He had a prenup and left her with limited funds. She had to call me for a ride because she couldn’t afford the maintenance her car needed. Her husband had already moved on to the woman he had already been seeing in secret. Needless to say she was a carbon copy of his other exes. Young, beautiful, into makeup and fashion but not the type to raise 6 step children. He used her as a on-line in nanny then fired her once the job was done. My grandmother always told me “nothing makes a person tell the truth like anger and alcohol “. You deserve better.

  9. I realize that most people wouldn't. Most people would pay for child care and have two working parents so the SAHP could return to work. But if one parent insists that the kids have a SAHP, I think they need to at least be willing to do the job themself. It isn't appropriate to insist that someone else be the SAHP with no room for flexibility.

    The reason to do it: to give one parent the chance to build a career and have more life outside the home while the other parent gets a chance to spend more time with the children.

  10. My Ex was rather smart and has a very good memory about facts, historical figures, lots of things. I don’t, but I can remember a lot of details about personal experiences, like exactly where we were when each child took their first step, first word, every detail about our early dates etc etc etc. He could barely keep track of the children’s ages. Different sorts of intelligence for sure! Anyway he decided I wasn’t smart, didn’t believe a thing I said about anything except running the house. For reference I had a master’s degree in Environmental Science (groundwater testing PM was my career before kids), so I’m no idiot, just not a walking encyclopedia type. But he’d refuse to believe me when I was telling him a phone number that he needed, even if I was looking at the damn number! He’d try to tell me how to drive to my parents house! The thing that kinda broke me was one time we were parking downtown on March 17, and I’d headed over to plug the meter. Then I suddenly realized it might be free cuz holiday, and I checked and it was. Great, so I shared that news and he refused to believe me unless he came up and read the MF meter himself cuz he was so sure St Patrick’s day wasn’t a big enough holiday to be exempt for parking meters. I stood there and begged him not to come look, said I’d swear on the lives of our 3 kids that Mar 17 had free parking, that I just read it myself and that if he insisted on looking himself it would really hurt my feelings. He looked. That was the beginning of the end for our marriage. And honestly he insisted that it wasn’t personal, that’s just the way he is, he trusts his own mind and figuring things out on his own etc. I’m kind of getting that vibe from you here, but obviously not as bad. But maybe heading in that direction which you definitely say you want to avoid. Don’t be like my Ex. Learn that your intellect isn’t the end all, be all of your life. And yes he was diagnosed with NPD later, several times actually.

  11. His commenting on your appearance at all this much is bizarre. Sometimes guys who study the PUA (pickup artist) handbook will drop negative hints about a woman's appearance in an effort to make her feel she's lucky that he's paying attention to her at all. Don't fall for this. Regardless of what this guy says you have the right to either agree to see him again or to never see him again. Maybe talk to him a little more but if he can't get his conversations off of what you look like don't agree to any more dates.

  12. I know. It just sucks thinking about it too much. I'm torn if i'm gonna go w the flow, check if we really vibe or just completely cut it off knowing that maybe i do wanna get married in 3-5 years and he just graduated from college.

  13. I think you should take a step back and refuse the ring. Because of this:

    I've briefly mentionned this to him but it doesn't seem to bother him.

    It’s not that he isn’t Borge by the time line, it’s that he isn’t concerned by you being bothered. He doesn’t care that you’re uncomfortable. This lack of responsiveness and awareness to their partner is something you should take into account.

  14. I mean I have anxiety and diagnosed panic disorder (on meds for 4-5 years now) and my corporate job stresses me the fuck out too! I have trouble getting to sleep during busy weeks because when it’s silent and the lights are off my ADHD brain won’t stop whirring at 100mph going through the Rolodex of what I need to get done tomorrow. On those nights I just take a low dose D8 gummy or a melatonin to knock me out. But I gotta put food on the table and keep a roof over my head so I suck it up and go to work everyday! If she wants less performance anxiety then she can work the same hours but at a lower stress job than the one she has now. You’re always gonna have a never ending list of to-do’s at work.

  15. Stop doing everything. Delegate some chores to him. Be clear to him about them. When he nitpicks things you tell him to do it himself and you don’t want to hear his whining. Figure out a day or time period you expect to be free and take it. If he doesn’t like it then throw the man away.

  16. Yeah… That could be plain ol' projection. You never considered she could cheat because you wouldn't, but she's worried that you might because she would.

    Time to consult a few lawyers – even if you want to confront her, try to tap her cellphone, hire a PI, ask for a poligraph or whatever, at least learn about your options.

  17. Truth. The problem now is she's with a man who has low character. Even if he does come back remorseful she will know he's a weak, coward. Doesn't breed contentment or family stability.

  18. If I understood the post correctly, most of the conflict arises from talking on chats/texts/SoMe. Things that will not have been hindered by covid and which are also fully the objects of plenty of mistrust and jealousy.

  19. She played you and is still trying!! Stop feeling bad as that’s what she wants!! Not empathy, she PLAYED you!!!

  20. Mortgage is on him. its his mortgage. You should cover utilities.

    9 months, i wouldnt even be living together. IF i were you, id be keeping the apartment.

  21. Well I wouldn’t marry him. The way I see relationships is that it’s not about the dollar amount. It’s about the effort that is put in by each side. You put in 100%. He is putting in a tepid 23% and whining like a damn baby the whole time. He ain’t changing and you can’t change him. If you stay this will be your life. You will always be having to hold everything down and clean up his mess while he carries a list of reasons why his fuck ups are your fault. You deserve way better then this. He has failed to be level to basic standards- respect, support, honesty and trust. You can’t fix that and the only thing worse would be settling for that. Don’t settle for less then you deserve.

  22. Are these monthly trips she takes basically “ladies' trips”…that may be why she doesn't include you. If nobody else is bring their SO, then I can get that, and then yes, you're likely overindulging in the self pity.

    Is there a reason why she and you can't take a trip together, just the two of you?

  23. Thanks & no worries.

    Honestly there isn't an easy answer to this. I can sort of see where she is coming from, but it strikes me as her also being very emotional and unreasonable.

    Like, it's so obviously not a relationship dynamic that can work, if she expects to never talk about her feelings with her partner. That strikes me as very childish, like she is holding a grudge and wants you to “pay for your mistakes” by making you worry more.

    Might not be a great fit, as she obviously doesn't want to try and make the relationship any better, she's treating this like a fight where she has to be right and you are wrong. Not healthy or productive at all. Sounds frustrating.

    And yeah, you shouldn't have brought up your ex, but she has gone too far with the whole thing imo. It's not making things better, just making it way worse.

    I would be asking myself if I want to be dating somebody who is this stubborn and childish.

  24. Yes, it’s too much. You shouldn’t have to make a rule for a grown ass man to give you undivided attention.

    Throughout your entire post you’re making excuses for him. It’s his stressful job and he’s tired and on and on. If he’s too tired to show up in a relationship he shouldn’t be in one.

  25. No, it means she knows she's not going to get anyone better, but still needs to feel superior to him. I'm a model, you are overweight. She's on top. You turn it around can outdo her at anything she complains about. Instead of being filled with self doubt as she wanted you to be, you took the healthy view of this is not making me happy, time to stop it. Now she's trying to reel you back in, she thought she'd crushed you and leaving for her sisters would scare you into feeling like the undeserving waste of space she needs you to feel, so she can delude herself she's in charge.

    People do not change on a fundamental level. She sees herself as being above you, out of your league, she'll never shake that off and she'll slip quietly back into trying to make you believe that.

    Tell her to move out.

    You've got a lot to offer, look for a woman who isn't scared to be an equal.

  26. If it’s not against the law nothing to do. If it is turn him in. I would look at it quite closely though and make sure.

  27. There are plenty of married couples who sleep in separate beds and/or rooms and still have a healthy marriage.

    I guess your wife just feels too attached to the baby to let her be alone for the night or even in sleep in her crib. This isn’t healthy for either of them.

    Sleeping in separate rooms isn’t a step towards divorce, but how your wife smothers the child and disregards you is a big step. She needs help.

    Maybe start sleeping in separate rooms for now on to see how your relationship improves. They’ll be less complaining, less spitefulness, you both get to sleep how you want to sleep, it’s a win-win!

    Though, since she & the baby are still going to sleep together you can get a nightlight for them anyways and turn it on after your wife goes to sleep.

  28. If this is real…

    Microchip your remaining cat. Badger is gone, which is a pity, seemed like he was a good judge of character. Kick out the bf, he shouldn't be sniffing around a 20-something anyway, he thinks you're some young thing easy to manipulate. He can take his new cat with him.

  29. Ugh this sucks, I’m sorry. Sounds like you do have different values. You value your safety, and he doesn’t. If he really wants to feel like the good guy he should stop guilt tripping you for having valid concerns.

  30. It's been five years. If you're still not sure, you probably won't ever be. Break it off if you won't take the relationship as seriously as she does.

    I was in this same situation with my ex and we broke up because he just didn't want to get married. He wouldn't make the commitment so I didn't want to waste more time with him.

  31. Op you have every right to not want him there. But not allowing him there will probably also mean she can’t go as welll

  32. You are correct. Saying that MOST people behave a certain clearly states that there are diffent opinions. It just identifies that some people are in the minority and some people are in the majority. That's how human behavior works. We are all more alike than we are different. Just look at the millions of near identical cars bought each year. Or the millions of identical women's blouses or men's shirts that we buy.

  33. I don't think you took my comment seriously at all. It's not that he doesn't “value” your opinion. It's that you don't respect the accommodations he has already made in his co-parenting situation. You sound rather controlling. Maybe this is not the right partner for you. And maybe he's a long way from ready to remarry.

  34. That is wild! Maybe sit him down and have a serious conversation about how much space you need and when. If you're working in a room, maybe tape a “Do Not Disturb” paper on your door? and lock the door?

    Talking “hours on end” is crazy to hear about, when you're obviously getting work done.

  35. FWIW, my SO and I had a break a few years back. She was dealing with some mental health issues and a relationship was too big of a thing to add on top. She got it sorted out and here we are down the line. So they do work sometimes


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