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  1. Hello /u/piedpiper551,

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  2. I know you're trying to ask us to set the age gap aside but I think a lot of these issues are a direct result of the age gap and where you're at in your life in comparison to him. I'm gonna share my story with you.

    When I was 22 I started dating a 27 year old. I was focused on getting back in school and getting my life back on track after leaving an abusive relationship with a man I'd lived with since i was 19. He was 27 with a full time job, a degree, and was looking towards the next stage in his life.

    Within the first year there were problems. I'd made it very clear from the beginning i had no intention of living with him anytime soon, CERTAINLY not signing a lease with him. I'd done the “move in too soon” story and I wasn't about to replay that nightmare again anytime soon. Regardless, 6 months in he was telling me he “expected” us to be living together within the following 6 months. I told him he could pound sand so he eventually moved into a space on his own that he paid rent on and I shared the utilities/groceries when I moved in later.

    We also had a lot of issues with things related to me going back to school. He wanted to go to Japan before he turned 30 and wanted me to save thousands of dollars up to go with him. Which if I was in the same stage of life as him would have been reasonable and easy, but I was a full time college student with a part time job and bills of my own to pay. I'd also made it VERY clear I didn't want to see an engagement ring until I was out of school, which he rankled at and later flat out ignored when he asked my dad's permission to propose knowing I was more than a year out from the end of school.

    He also expected to know where I was at any time. If I was leaving work and missed a call because I was chatting with a friend for a half hour, he'd call another 6 times and text asking where I was. Sure, he had anxiety, but I was 25. Too old to have someone keeping tabs on me and too young to have someone that level of worried about where I was and when I'd be home.

    At 26 I broke up with him and started dating someone who was 24. You'd be amazed at the difference it makes being in the same stage in life as your partner. I went to England for 2 weeks with my best friend without him. I could go out without having to check in. I got to behave like a mid-20s person for the first time and it was so freeing. And this relationship has grown with us. I'm now 30 and we live! together with a cat. We do more adult couple things but we still have our own lives. We sat together on the couch the other night discussing what a proposal might look like and how we want our marriage to be structured when we get there. Neither one of us feels like we're being rushed into that stage of our lives because we had the space to grow together into the next stage.

    It definitely feels like this relationship isn't serving you in the way you need now. And thats ok. One of the parts of growing up is learning a relationship doesn't need to be “bad” for it not to serve you, and that that's a completely reasonable justification for ending it. Several of my friends found dating SO much easier after reaching that realization and many of us found that the next partner we dated following that was the one we expect to be with for the long haul.

    You're 25. You're too young to feel stuck like this already and I applaud you for wanting to find the most kind way to get to the freedom you need.

  3. I promise you that the pain you feel now is sooo fucking temporary. I had my heart broken repeatedly by a guy then when it was finally over I met my husband who I’ve been with for 12 years and have 2 wonderful kids with. I literally lol at how I ever cried a single tear over a pos the treated me so bad. You will be fine very soon I promise ❤️

  4. Just block her and move on. Y’all broke up all checking up on her is doing is pissing you off so stop.

  5. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.

    Last night my bf (m32) told me that he was going out with his friends and have a boy's night. I said okay. Around 3 hours later, I'm guessing he got tipsy/drunk at this point, I received bunch of texts from him that he probably intended to send to his friend. Some of the texts were

    – Omg there's so many hard chicks here, come through

    – Bro, I love hot girls I forgot how nude girls can be

    – I'm in love with this bar, hella hard chicks


    I got so upset and told him how disappointed I was about this but he said it was a mistake and the texts were for his friend and that this is just how guys talk. He told me I'm overreacting. But I never go out with my girlfriends and talk about how naked the guys are? Am I the weird crazy one here? We're not fighting over this to break up or anything but I was immensely disappointed at his language, etc. He doesn't talk to me this way in real life with me. I understand he is more honest and “bro-like” with his boys. Do men all talk like this?

    TDLR; Received texts from drunk bf about how very hot girls were at the bar he was at. Kind of disappointed and made me feel weird. Am I the weird one?

  6. Your dad is an asshole for cheating. Your mom is an asshole for letting him from his child. You’re an asshole for being upset he’s spending time with his daughter after your mother denied them this for 18 years. Your feelings about tuition are justified though.

    Tell mom, talk to a professional and with through this.

  7. It's fine. You said you were uncomfortable with it and kind of rightly so, whilst I'm sure you trust her… he's being an obvious wee snake. You're allowed to feel something about that and let her know your feelings, without expecting anything of her.

    She made the decision herself anyway, not you. You were just instantly worth more to her than an ex liking all her single photos. Leave it be now, it was her choice.

    On the opposite side, I asked my bf to block a girl that had just started following him. Because even though I'd never met her, she found out him and I were dating and starting spreading rumours about me in work. Straight up lies in a big group chat with half the office in it, saying I had slept with a ton of people and she'd seen pictures and all sorts. I literally had no clue who she was. Basically hoping it got back to him and ruin our relationship I guess. But I bet her to the punch, showed him and my boss the second someone sent me the screenshots. She then started following him on a bunch of stuff… and I thought for the first time in my life that was a situation where asking someone to block someone was actually ok. Because they has disrespected both of us, our relationship and tried to directly hurt me, without me ever having even seen what she looked like. He said no. We are 3 years in atm, and I've never really gotten over that. She's still on all his profiles. I think about it whenever I see her picture. I cant even open his Spotify to get one of our playlists without her face sitting there as the last person to follow him. And it just reminds me of what she did, and that in that moment, some girl in work that he never speaks to anymore, was more important than the pain she'd caused me or harm she'd tried to do to our relationship. But I never felt it was something I could bring up again.

    So just take your gf choosing you over a stupid profile. It was the outcome you wanted, and her showing you that you mattered more is now just making you feel guilty, because you feel like it indicates you maybe didn't trust her, and if it mattered so little to her that you took that away from her. Guy was being a snake, it's fine. But now you know if you see anything else, you'd come first anyway do you're unlikely to feel threatened or worried about it at all now.

  8. admittedly, she's not the best I can do…but we're very close emotionally that it'd hurt both of us to break up….she gets really anxious if don't communicate for more than 6 hours

  9. She sounds very immature if she’s listening to her family’s bias so very quickly changing her attitude and saying this is all your fault after admitting that she has been the one causing the distance.

  10. Wtf. He did this to you just before an exam? The man is trash. Genuinely believe he is just trying to hurt you. But that’s awful behaviour, he has now jeopardised your exam!!

    Honey please – allow yourself to cry for 15 minutes and then TURN YOUR PHONE OFF. Put it out of your head and don’t let him ruin your exam. You can put it out of your head until after the exam and study. I believe in you!

    Or else contact your tutor immediately and tell her what has happened (with a screen shot)

    Also- bin this man

  11. In the interest of having all relevant context here, you said that after he went back to school, he acted like you were a couple. Did you discuss what you were?

    How did you find out the other girl was snapping him? If you hadn't established a relationship (assuming that's the case), then why would you be in a position to be upset?

    We can then assume you talked about it, he told you it was nothing, and you told him that you didn't believe him. Is that accurate?

  12. I don't need strangers approval Yet I really love looking hard and knowing others think I'm hot, waking up to 1k people saying you are gorgeous is amazing

    You need to start by being honest with yourself.

  13. This is a perfect way to put it. You can feel like this or that needs to happen. But you can't negotiate that the mortgage is $1000, the car payment is $300, etc.

    Maybe this ties into some unresolved issues from your time in the foster system. Maybe he thinks he won't really be safe until his house looks like a 'good' house should look. But whatever assumptions he makes is not based in modern, current reality.

    Get him into individual therapy. Get yourselves into couple's therapy. And, until you guys are on the same page, double up on your birth control.

  14. This is my advice too. Bring it up before they even come over. That gets it out of the way and doesn’t create any in person awkwardness.


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