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  1. Its inappropriate for a grown man to take a shower with a child so I agree with you, your wife is wrong for getting mad at you for not doing it.

  2. Leave the sabotager. He doesn't respect your sexual autonomy & is willing to expose you to pregnancy or STIs for his own pleasure.

  3. Well, you don't put it bluntly. You do it gently but direct.

    You sit him down and go.

    Hey, I am really happy we reconnected. This is our third time trying to make this reletionship work. And if I am here, its because I really want it to work with you. I am willing to put in the effort.

    But I need to address things that created complications previously. If we can't find understanding on these things holding us back, we simply will not work out. That's just the reality.

    I rather be honest with how I feel so we can have a chance for success this time around. This is our last shot at this, and I want to do our best to do it right.

    During our time apart, I reflected on aspects that made me feel friction in our reletionship. When my life was more open, I realized how much I missed my friends and how much I actually value them in my day-to-day life.

    Now, my friction was because I felt I had to sacrifice parts of my life in order to maintain you. Our connection was beginning to feel like a job instead of a reletionship. I don't want to sacrifice the things that make me happy just so I can ensure you are. So, I found that you were almost too dependent on me.

    While I do love and appreciate you. And I want to you to always be happy. I don't want to be forced to give up my things in order to serve you. That is not fair to me.

    This time around, I would love for you to develop more of a life for yourself so you don't rely on me always. I want that peace of mind this time.

    And it hurts me to be direct about this, but this is a hole in our reletionship that we need to plug. I don't want to feel suffocated anymore.

    This creates distance for us…. I want to close our distance and we need to correct this.

    Do you think this is something you can work on? I am willing to help you improve these things. Maybe we can go do things together and try to get you to meet people. We can find hobbies for you to work on that I will fully support. What about a sports team?

    Please don't take this in an insulting way. I am only saying this because I want our reletionship to work but I this created problems in the past. We cannot repeat our same mistakes.

    Something like that.

  4. Thank you. I appreciate hearing from an actual ace person on this, your advice helped :)) it may take a while to get the courage to come out but I am not so scared now.

  5. Thank you. I appreciate hearing from an actual ace person on this, your advice helped :)) it may take a while to get the courage to come out but I am not so scared now.

  6. You need to get away from that. It’s not severe abuse, but it is a form of abuse and it will become worse over time.

  7. Ok this is from a perspective of a grandchild. My grandma came for 6 months to the U.S to stay with us. It was nice the first few weeks but after that, formalities started dropping, and everyone started showing their true colors around the household. My grandma has a hoarding disorder so when we went to church she would pick stuff from garbage cans or from the “give to the poor” bin and eventually the back of our sofa (plus our twin sized futon) was brimming over with junk. We always knew my grandma had this problem but we didn’t know how bad it truly was. I love her but 6 months was just too much to be with someone 24/7. Afterwards my grandpa came and since he and mom share different views in Christianity, they would clash a lot. My younger brother and him would argue a lot since my grandpa tends to be brash with his joes n that offends my brother. So I don’t recommend long periods of time

  8. How about just getting “sick” the day of the event. Migraine headaches are a good excuse. Or really bad cramps.

  9. What you feel toward this co-worker is lust instead of love, let be real and not sugar coat it.

    You put the cart before the horse when you talk about your boyfriend, all the negative things about him, so you are looking to justify what you are doing.

    My boyfriend (29m) is the love of my life, and I truly cannot imagine spending my life with anyone other than him. Your words contradict each other. You have two choices do what is right or wrong, there is not a in between.

  10. Do you feel he is neglecting your relationship or you? Maybe talk to him about spending more time with you. If he doesn't actually restrict his gaming then maybe you are not compatible and you should consider how you want to handle it moving forward

  11. u/rizzliii, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

    The right way to do it is to create a brand new Reddit account that begins with ThrowRA.

    Please create a new account that starts with ThrowRA in the username and try again. Please note that we will not make exceptions to this rule.

    I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

  12. Then shoot your shot. If you want more than friendship, it’ll never be friendship. It’ll be just unrequited love.

  13. You're newly discovered feelings over a 6 month period means you need to separate from the friendship and focus on yourself

  14. End it, he has shown you so clearly. Who knows if it’s ever going to change but wasting more years is not the solution. These dudes always end up breaking up 9 years later and literally marrying the next woman in under a year.

    Your not his person, he has shown you, don’t believe his words, he is not looking out for you. You’re okay for now, he has told you.

  15. He asked that within the first hour but he stayed for more than 5, so I doubt it. And it was clear from day one on the app(a week prior to meeting) sex wasn't happening without some proper measures being taken. I like to be very clear where I stand on sex since I know tinder is very sex on the first day forward. Thanks for your perspective tho!

  16. Hello /u/bar5677,

    Your post was removed for the following reason(s):

    Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly

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    [##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:

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  17. But her bringing out backup creeped me out.

    I'm gonna be the devil's advocate here, not so much to change your mind, but to give you perspective.

    I have seen people do this before. Usually, these people either have bad anxiety or some kind of sexual trauma that makes them adverse to any intimacy they haven't geared themselves up for mentally.

    The bringing of her friend was meant to be a means of support for someone who likely didn't have the strength to speak up about their issues without some kind of emotional support,l, and it's like someone bringing an emotional support dog to the DMV.

    The emotional supporter isn't there to threaten people or ward them off- though it's not unreasonable that someone would think it's a guard dog situation (like you did) and be put off about being close to them.

    In reality? Yeah, you overreacted. It's entirely understandable and in reality, that level of insecurity in conveying her discomfort or her feelings, in general, can't be good for her going forward and would draw in abusive types like someone airdropped 20lbs of ground beef in wolf territory. It's best she DOES have a friend whos a momma bear until she learns to stand up for her feelings on her own, honestly.

    Nonetheless, it's her hurdle to jump, and it's up to you if it's too much for you.

    TLDR: In short, it is significantly more likely that she does like you has issues with intimacy likely related to tertiary causes, and didn't know how to say it to you without someone she knows cares about her best interest and is there to offer support.

    It's understandable why it may have been too much and if this perspective doesn't change anything for you, then you probably should apologize for the reaction but still stay away.

  18. I was in this exact boat. I made it clear that I wasn't going to do long distance, so we dated until I left for college and then we broke up. Can confirm that life went on.

    It's not the end of the world, just the end of the relationship. You're too young to settle for a relationship that doesn't work for you.

  19. also people have not brought this up but life in japan is VERY different from life in a western country. i have a friend whose dream it was to go there and literally went to work her dream job only for the way japan works to give her depression, and now she wants out… Just saying, you dont know what it's like to online in another country unless you've lived there, and yall need to plan for that possibility.

    and also holy shit you are not her sugar mommy. i would try everything in my power before letting my gf pay for my dreams. please think of yourself and your dreams too.

  20. please message me if you think this is ragebait, i can give you proof if you really want me to. an abortion unfortunately seems like my only option

  21. Who gives a burning rats ass if it only happened once!? Why is that argument even in the equation?

    And no she’s not remorseful over cheating, she is remorseful over being found out. Don’t be an idiot now, you need to dump this horrible human being VERY HOT.

  22. We met through some mutual friends at a friends New Year’s party. We started spending a lot of time together and eventually we started dating. Looking back on it I perused her way harder than she pursued me. I should’ve known she wasn’t into me.

  23. Wish it's easy. Men my age doesn't want to commit. I'm too traumatized at this point. I'm lowkey happy he was introduced by a friend bc i know by that, he's a good guy. Age is my prob

  24. Hey no need to be rude. Im just a little neurotic and wanted to get some views from others.

    And about cheating, I didnt say I will never cheat, because no one can be sure of anything lol i said “I don't think i will”

  25. Btw, being “in awe” of something is a feeling of respect and wonder. I don’t think that’s the phrase you were looking for.

  26. You are not happy, and even if he gets better, will you ever be able to forget what you’ve seen or how you’ve felt? It’s up to you, but I would advise you to leave now if you are not okay with this behaviour continuing.

  27. If y’all see this situation differently, there’s probably much more u don’t see eye to eye. Just haven’t discovered it yet. It’s a pretty big thing to have an opinion on. Either for it or against it.

  28. He is definitely dangerous, no question about it. He’s a police officer and his colleagues were the ones telling me (and eventually helping me) to get out while I was still alive. I just hate to think of the anguish he’s causing other people.

  29. You keep picking the wrong partners. I would love to have no drama. I was always in toxic relationships full of drama until the current one, in which I feel quite calm and unstressed. But now I feel like the dude is bored because he is the one who craves some drama. I enjoy my stress-free life, though. Guess we all gotta find someone who likes it peaceful. Haha

  30. Thanks. I think I've been viewing us as compatible because we have similar likes, interests, values and goals. But maybe there's an incompatibility in how we relate to each other and what we want from a relationship in terms of attention and reassurance.

  31. I haven't done anything to this man to deserve that kind of talk. I have only tried to be there for him. My heart has always been in the right place with him. What am I doing wrong? What should I do?

    He sounds like he wants to break up with you. I suggest that you take the initiative and break up with him.

    Look at this, it really sounds like he doesn't want to be with you.

    He completely shut down and stone-walled me.

    Thing is, when he is with me, he is low and doesn't want to talk about anything. When he is with his friends out there, he is a totally different person, happy and jolly

    He does not check in with me anymore through text or call, he comes home late nowadays and doesn't even tell me where he is, just completely isolated himself

    It is also note worthy that he has become extra friendly with his female friends.

    All of this sounds like he wants to move on, and this also confirms it

    He said that he resents being in this relationship with me. I began crying and I told him that I did not want to lose him, he told me that I lost him a long time ago.

    There nothing to save here. Accept that it's over and break up with him properly and move on.

  32. Why don't you just support him and help him out? To buy fix and sell furniture is a good thing. There's money in that. You can help him by joining local groups on Facebook and look at craigslist for people giving away free furniture. Go to flea markets and yard sales and antique shows. He doesn't need a lot of money to get started but he can make a lot of money if you and his family believe in him and support him.

  33. People make mistakes, and everyone deserves help. We know very little about this person, their past or their soon to be ex wife. It's pretty obvious that he was feeling seriously neglected while his wife was suffering post-partum depression. Everyone fails sometimes, especially when under emotional duress and counseling can help you understand what led you down that path and how to avoid it in the future.

  34. This a manipulation at its finest. He's only saying he will kill himself to guilt trip you. He will never do it after telling you. And being an angel to you after the abuse is called love bombing. He's not a good person block him and be done with him

  35. He didn’t say supermodel, he said she modeled in her 20’s. That could have been for anything a moderately pretty girl with the right body type…grocery store flyers, local department store fashion shows, not necessarily Vogue magazine or a catwalk in Paris.

  36. Sorry but you are an idiot. You had an optimal co-parenting relationship going on, you were able to be friends. Nothing would be more ideal for your son. And you screwed that up because your new gf was jealous. Nothing you described about your exes coparenting behaviour is not great… you are so clueless. How can you can the communication with your ex so drastically. You should do anything to make sure you are friends for your sons sake. Dumb your gf. She is an extremely bad influence for your relationship to your son

  37. ????????

    No, but seriously, you should talk to her about that, and if she doesn't understand and change, you ought to look for the door.

  38. An hour a day every single day is a lot to talk to anyone, much less an ex. I would talk to it, but if he pretends he doesn't understand why it's inappropriate, I wouldn't bother

  39. I asked, because OP said that she's gone 1-2 days, but is quote: really busy with baking.

    Hence why I asked about quality time.

  40. I asked, because OP said that she's gone 1-2 days, but is quote: really busy with baking.

    Hence why I asked about quality time.

  41. Felt the same, doesn't help that until I came out I was also the eldest daughter which comes with the added fun of parentification. I came out as a trans man when I was 20, so almost 6 years ago, and after a period of not talking to me my mum now treats me pretty much how she's always treated my younger brother. It hurts a lot and is just proof that my being her daughter was.. idk an inconvenience? I don't really know how else to describe it

    The “I love you but I don't like you” comments? Oof. Those always cut so deep for me, and I'm so sorry you're dealing with this as well. It seems like it's a pretty common thing among daughters to be mistreated by their mothers

  42. Kind of a jump to go from kissing and groping, that she admitted to, too full blown sex. But I can see how one might jump to that conclusion

  43. I don't think they are bad people but I don't think telling OP five years later makes them good people. It also sounds like looking back at her behavior back then, the guy friends may not have gone through with it if it were now.

  44. Just call him out. Why wait? It makes no sense to drag this out. Rip off the bandaid and get it over with. They might not have done more than talk yet, so why let it go further just so you can have more ammo.

  45. Unless this relationship is much further along than your post implies, this seems like a complete waste of energy.


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