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i’d spend all of his saved money on myself and my body and then get a divorce.
Just break up. This is a mess, not a relationship
Get out of there. Go somewhere safe.
Tell him to move back out, that's not working, you are too young, don't know each other enough and your relationship is less than perfect.
Yep! My thoughts exactly.
Go spend $800 getting your own lap dances
Please relocate or start lining up a new job. Men at my age (27) do NOT date 19 yo’s unless no one around our age will date them. They are fuck ups and rely on naive young girls to manipulate bc the girls our age know they are red flags and abusive.
This guy is using you and manipulating you and is NOT ready for a relationship. HE is a grown ass fucking man and can handle his own shit. He is NOT your responsibility. Hell, if you are in an okay position to quit, please do so you can nope out of this ASAP.
If he refuses to let you go, do not HESITATE to say you will call the coos for harassment. Put your foot down and stop letting this guy use you like a doormat. Its fucking embarrassing he’s using a teenagers car at his age. Like others have said, date people your age and have fun, this guy isn’t providing even the bare minimum to this relationship.
Honestly id also suggest therapy because this relationship has been so toxic and you don’t seem to have a strong foundation with setting boundaries with people and have lower than average expectations in what you need in a relationship.
That's fine, however it's obviously important to him especially if they are all in frequent contact together, it could appear that it was something that was trying to be hidden. She also asked for details of his sexual past but then omitted this part of hers? If it isn't a big deal to her, then why omit?
Therein lies your problem. Work on yourself. You’re not going to end up alone. You’re 21 for Christ’s sake! She probably senses you’re needy. Total turn off. No one wants a guy who shows signs of being clingy within 1.5 months. I’m not sure I would even call that a relationship. It’s more of an incubation period
Cool name ojos claros, clear eyes. But yes if you don’t like how you look like in regards to your scaring it can affect your self attractiveness and worth therefore not wanting to have sex.
This is the most immature post I’ve seen on here
So it’s a crime then at least in the US because it’s child pornography. My boyfriend lied to me about his age for the first year of our relationship because he couldn’t figure out how to get out of a joke he and his brother started when we first met (with no romantic interest), but he only said he was one year older and we are both adults. I forgave him because it’s a stupid lie and no harm done but it put a fracture in our trust that he had to earn back.
You need to break up with him. There’s no future here, even when you become legal. He won’t want to have been with you after lying to him so drastically.
Quick note: instagram following isn’t what it used to be. Please be aware that women use this method instead of giving Snapchat or their numbers out so we can block them or hide their profile easily without fear. I give out my instagram to keep it easy and I never message or talk to people on there except to send videos. I’ve been in a relationship for awhile and mention the instagram method and he’s done it too to people he’s not comfortable with.
Yes, in a comment he said she destroyed a keepsake paw print from his deceased dog and pissed on the dog's toy. This person cannot be sane.
Okay but if she told him exactly what she did and doesn’t interact with them what’s the big deal it’s scary having men bother you asking for your socials and you never know what they are capable of hell just the other day a girl was just killed for rejecting a guy not to mention her roommates as well.
Suppose she had an affair. Either it didn't go anywhere, or she's been remarkably effective at concealing it; in either case, would you do anything differently? If you knew that she'd had an affair, would you want to get divorced? Or would you just want her to shave her pubic hair for you, at least once?
People do make mistakes in relationships. Humans aren't perfect, after all. Given that your wife has stayed with you, and you mention nothing about her treating you any differently, even if she did have an affair, it doesn't seem to have been transformational for her. She clearly didn't choose to be with the other person and leave you, for instance; if there was another person, maybe he wasn't so great compared to you!
It is also possible that she's telling the truth about what happened. It might have been a one-time thing she did on a whim.
But I think you need to figure out why it would matter to you, at this point in time, if you knew either way what happened. If you wouldn't change anything about your marriage, if you wouldn't do anything differently, what value is there in knowing?
What you could do is ask your wife why she's stayed with you all these decades. What is it about you that made her choose you as her life companion. Listen to what she says. You may find that more valuable than knowing details from some business trip that happened late last century.
You may also find value in the book, After the Affair, by Janis Spring. She's a marriage counselor, who wrote the book for people dealing with discovery of an affair, both the hurt partner and the unfaithful partner. She talks about the kinds of things that can provoke an affair, the emotions each partner experiences, and what it takes to rebuild trust and intimacy in a relationship afterwards. It may give you some understanding of what you are thinking, and a way to look at how your wife treats you to see if your supposition even makes sense.
Nothing in your post suggests that she was unhappy in your marriage before this trip, or that she was being secretive, or that she demanded you do things differently on her return. In other words, the other signs one would expect to see if she did have an affair aren't there. So if she did, but it had no effect on your marriage, why does it matter?
You need to tell her the truth, but yes your relationship will likely not be the same! That is a huge lie!
Also important to note I’m not religious so it wasn’t “gddnm” that upset me, it was the aggressive tone (I didn’t type the word in case there is anybody on here who is :))
In another comment, someone asked if they were in a relationship, and he said “ no, trying to get there”.
No one here is resentful for being single. OP said she doesn't want to date.
I guess the next issue will be who tells him?
This is whole other can of worms, my mom came to me a few days ago and said that he had already invited my brother. I still got a while to figure this out, thank you for the advice!
I would have broken up with her and not taken her back. Just remember she showed you her true colors.
I wouldn't tell the husband anything. That is just keeping the whole thing alive with unnecessary drama. Just tell her that you are not going to become involved in such a situation and that you don't think that the two of you should continue to see or talk to each other on any level. Rid your life of her and make sure it stays that way
In one of your comments on the previous post, you mention the FIL and how he thinks the BIL is jealous of his relationship with the MIL. Is the FIL the BILs dad or step dad? Because there’s something really off about a father saying that about a son, and it often happens most when the father is a step and neglects or abuses the child, but then victim blames and gaslights the child for acting out by explaining it as jealousy. So if your brother has been gaslight enough and was already awkward with limited social skills, what you describe could be the outcome of how that all played out. The brother still needs help, and is still not safe, It’s just there’s probably more to it than the BIL flipping out on FIL for what seems at first glance as nothing.
I work in a rehab and am in recovery myself. I hear this story on the daily from returning clients and see it play out in real time constantly. Ive only heard of it working out 1 time and I’ve been in recovery for almost a decade.
You've said it yourself – you are EXTREMELY VULNERABLE to manipulation right now, have deep seated self esteem/worthiness issues and ran away from rehab with a man old enough to be your father. Girl.
I know people can be rude/cruel to these types of posts and you don't deserve that, but sifting through the piles of replies that are screaming WTF trying to find some that are encouraging of this situation is a mistake.
Fuck this dude who has “already taken his anger out on you”, actively uses and has cheated on you already. You need to focus on YOURSELF, ALONE. You need to heal your body and your mind, and every second longer you spend trapped in this go nowhere hell, you are stealing time away from your future. You are literally fucking yourself.
Get clean. Get support. Do NOT try to date anyone until you yourself are at peace and moving through life in a way that brings peace to you and those around you.
Finance is something that causes a lot of people to split up and a degree usually enable better finances.
Personally I would not be with a guy who does not have a degree that enables him to contribute financially.
Covering him isn’t a sister’s job. That is a parents job. And if your brother isn’t 10, they can be covering themselves up. You are overly stressed pretending to be your mom.
Reach out to her
the fun part of life is, we are all entitled to online it the way we want. no one needs to lighten up, you need mind your own business. at your big age you should know better than trying to get people to compromise on their values and beliefs. maybe try a hobby instead?
It’s so very hot to reconcile that he could be so kind and now is so cruel. And past love does really bind people together. But as another said he is no longer that person. People can change drastically, and it sounds like he has a traumatic job, and that can really affect people so deeply too.
Would you consider maybe trying to grieve the loss of that version of him? If you can mourn that that time in your life is over, and process it, maybe your heart can start to open up to a different future for yourself that doesn’t involve feeling afraid all the time
Bro you just described my last relationship.
Leave. Don’t give an ultimatum because he’s not going to take you seriously. This a toxic relationship that is ONLY going to get worse.
Not saying it in a mean way but if you’re scared to go home do you honestly think your marriage will last? He clearly has anger issues and it’s up to him to realized he needs help.
I think you should leave NOT divorce. Sit down talk to him tell him his anger is scaring you to the point you don’t feel like coming home. If he loves you enough he should want to get help until then you should leave.
What is your reaction when he turns you down? I had a similar issue earlier in my relationship and I would get my feelings hurt at being rejected and it would sour my mood which would then make things tense between us
Unless that someone better already there and he just sitting the stage for break up
Suicidal… is this a normal expectation when you have your siblings over?
No, this is terrible advice. The children will notice of you're in a loveless marriage, which let's be serious won't last anyway.
Yes! My ex cheated and then got engaged three months after we broke up. I knew I had a lucky escape. I assume your partner cheated and while you’ll feel upset, naturally, their cheating is all down to them. Do not blame yourself. Your partner didn’t see your worth and someone else will. People who cheat are not meant to for long-term set ups.
Yeah don't marry someone who does not have the same mindset about money that you have
Marriage is very hot enough
I know you know this and I'm not trying to be callous. But you ended your relationship with him rather impulsively over your perception of his actions.
I don't know that you'll have another chance here because I'm pretty sure that specifically is why he isn't wanting to gamble on this further. “What happens next time?”
Spot on man.
Nah i would never abandon someone I have feelings for, unless they were disloyal to me.
If the situation was reversed and that were my boyfriend crying at home, I'd figuratively slap him and remind him that he cannot let all the sacks of shit out in the world rule his life and that the only way forward was being harder. Because that's the truth.
I recently broke up with my ex because he did the exact same thing OP described. (Probably on another account) I posted about what happened on one of the ranting subs and the reaction was exactly how you described.
The double standards are disgusting and I don't want anyone to go through this horrible dynamic no matter the sex.
In addition to the smart stuff everyone already said, you also need to not talk about it. When she asked that question, you should have said “I don’t find that talking about how many people we’ve slept with leads to any sort of greater understanding about who we are as people, so let’s just keep the numbers to ourselves.”
“Probably”
Yep! Couldn’t agree with you more, my friend!
Half a year seems pretty unreasonable
I know, and I'm sorry
She grew out of it and then whats next?
Yeah I guess number 2 is my main concern.
It’s not about cheating- cuz I know she wouldn’t…it’s about her being hurt and angry that I told her I feel uncomfortable by that, and that she doesn’t see the problem the way I do so she got angry for me saying there’s a problem with that
(Problem= I find it inappropriate in a relationship, not that I think she will cheat or do something with them and I clarified it to her)
Man this has given me a reminder of something sus that happened with my boyfriend and his friends while I was out of town for a weekend. His one buddy (who’s known for drug use, cheating, and alcoholism) sent my boyfriend $1000, then my boyfriend sent it to someone named “bob” which turned out to be a women named Isabelle. Still not sure what happened that night. I know the 3 friends he was with did drugs and went out somewhere but my bf told me he stayed home.
Although you may not know what exactly went down that night, at least you have some sort of evidence, and that you’ve done the right thing for yourself and children. I’m so sorry he did this to you, I understand the feeling of betrayal.
It’s common for some men to choose women who are significantly younger than them because they are easier to influence and control.
I’m guessing there are other examples of his controlling behavior that you’ve normalized or decided to overlook, and that has given him permission to take even more control. And now y’all are married.
How do you proceed? Tell him that you don’t want to wear lingerie as currency for intimacy. That you want sexual intimacy to be unconditional, when you’re both feeling aroused. Tell him that you don’t feel like sex is an organically happening thing; that you would feel more connected to him and to your relationship if it was more spontaneous and didn’t rely on you (and you alone) doing specific prep work. Tell him that his expectation for you to “look your best” is something he should be willing to reciprocate without shaming you about it.
Not sure how long you’ve been married, but my guess is that he wanted a “hot, young wife” and doesn’t really seem to care about the actual person filling that role for him.
Is the friend that you are going to take instead a girl?
Don't do anything you are not comfortable with.
Take your friend and leave it at that.
Drama always come from doing things like your gf is suggesting
I had the same problem but he was fat, not tall. Figured it was too exhausting for him to do much so I always had to do all work and deal with the hip pain and sore muscles the next day. Is he also selfish and childish in other aspects of the relationship?
Yes I’ve talked to her about that before. I’ve said that I don’t mind if she cook for me as her “date” because yet again, I was trying to be understanding. But she does it once twice then there will be months before any attempt…. So yes I have thought about that
Pretty sure this is the gamblers fallacy
The relief is that you finally got rid of him pressuring you to marry him you were never going to marry him you just didn't know it and he probably knew that that's why he was trying to lock you down so fast.
I can see that, but there is no magic button to fix her. She needs to want to change
You literally abandoned him for three fcking years tho? Poor child.
Maybe she’s trying to foist you off on her sister?
i want an answer to my question. “how do i make him stop”. i'm asking for A not B, but everyone keeps answering everything other than my question
It's more likely that this is who he really is and he was putting on a show for the last 6 months.
What was the fight about and why does she feel she can’t trust you for her love and affection to be permissive there could be a valid reason
In Québec, my step sister work presence at is mandatory even tho she is pregnant. She is nurse for health and care service (government job). She also need to work for Christmas. Does she has ambitions to go back to work when the baby will be born?
He is, I’m not. I had no idea.
There are lots of templates online, not a bad idea to do this with her. Maybe there are other things you could try with her.
Thats the thing i dont understand. If she reallt doesnt have anything left for me, why accept my gifts?
Trueee. In that case yeah it’s not too big a deal. I just have always been hypersexual so I’m not sure if it will affect me later but I guess if I enjoy it now I don’t see how it would change much.
Relationships end and it will be painful, but you chalk it up to a learning experience where you’re figuring out what you want and don’t want for yourself. You have permission to break up with him. None of what you described makes this man sound wonderful and amazing.
His nude and cold behaviour towards you is him being moody and immature, leaving you on eggshells wondering how he’s going to be that day. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be around you all the time. It can and does exist. For real!
His treatment of the cats is concerning, also while undermining your plan. This is bad.
You do ALL the housework and cleaning!! Girl what??? This is terrible. He lives in that house too.
You already know you can’t/won’t marry him as his lack of effort and inability to help create the loving, warm home you want is who he is NOW Explore this realization and your feelings more fully. It’s your gut telling you what you want in your life and that this is not it.
Do it now because closer it gets to the holidays , the harder it’ll be for her and you. She can always return the present. There’s no need to string her along.
God I hate the whole gift giving thing.
Depending on your age and social media usage…I’d just send some funny or light hearted posts on Instagram that you think she’d like. That’s how my ex and I reconnected. He would reply to photos of my dog and send me funny dog videos.
r/lostredditors
duly noted!
There, you have similar history that you can relate to. Learn from your past.
My parents have a relationship like Gomez and Morticia and I want the same thing as well whenever I want to have a relationship.
Very hot times happen.
How people deal with them is important. You can talk to him, and say that you know how much he's hurting and you're sorry, but that it's not right that he behaves like this to his family -add specific examples –
Or you can leave him if it's a deal breaker for you. Now his father is dying, in the future there will be more relatives passing, or he'll have a bad time with work, or whatever. Life is shitty sometimes, for everyone. It's up to you to decide what's forgivable and what's not.
Okay, but keep going. I'm not saying this to be hostile, but stop pussyfooting around it.
Are YOU having a problem with their ex's race/ethnicity? Are you worried about your family finding out?
For people commenting in this thread, we don't know if this is a cultural issue that might cause problems for you and your girlfriend getting along with your family, or if we should try to talk you out of racist views you might hold, or if you're asking us to acccept any racist views you or your family hold.
If you want advice you have to actually explain the issue. You can't be all “I have this huge problem with my girlfriend and something she did. Well, really it's my problem. Well, actually it's my family. Well, maybe it is kind of me. It really upsets me, what do I do?”
Tell him all of this. You guys haven’t been communicating at all. But if someone dropped this on me at the last minute, I’d stay home.
Well you are 50% resoonsibil for the outcome ^ such passion means you need to keep developing your whole life together
I'd consider it a red flag, honestly. What kind of people invite others to an event they are hosting, and then spring a huge fee on the guest at the last minute? The lack of kindness and the stinginess of both the bf and his family are very concerning.
Normal people don't do this. When they are hosting, they pay the expenses. At the very least, a decent person would give full information that it's a potluck situation and not true hospitality, at the time the invitation is first issued.
Is this level of selfishness and callousness and lack of empathy typical behavior for your boyfriend?
I have never deleted a contact. That would be giving my ex more effort than they're worth
It really is a heavy new perspective I’m seeing. The idea that from the beginning, he planned to have sex regardless. It does suck, but it does make sense. he initiated our convo on that app, meaning he saw my profile with my age and knew his daughter was a year older, but still continued. i can’t explain why he did that, but he really does like me. and i like that feeling. he thinks im so very hot, and he’s not controlling or manipulative. the first time we hooked up, i hate how it went down. of course i never wanted to have sex with him, but it happened anyway and he cant undo it. instead he continues to make me feel good, help me explore my body, and build my confidence. he became a parent at 20 and probably doesn’t even realize not all 20 year olds are as mature as he had to be. from her insta, his daughter is a university student and has a boyfriend. he probably sees me and her as mature. he even told me when i go back to my university, if i get a boyfriend, i can just tell him and cut him off and he’d understand. months later he did mention he liked that he’s the only one who’s hooked up with me, but if i had hooked up with someone else it’d be the same thing. and im youngest person he’s been with. this isn’t something regular for him
from a fellow porn addict, this is the negative effect of porn addiction . not attraction
I've seen some ugly people get married and have kids. Confedence really is everything buddy. Even a blind squirle can find a nut
Tell the truth. Actually I didn’t invite A because he doesn’t seem to like me. I just want to enjoy the trip without any extra stress.
Please please please hear what the people on this thread are saying. You need to protect yourself from this person. Each one of the things you mentioned is a red flag. Age gap?Same age group daughter? The blatant disregard for your boundaries day #1 ??? It doesn't matter if they seem like a like nice guy or he treats you so well. What they did was absolutely not okay. Please seek help.
Honestly, you’re a better person than me. If my partner decides they are trans I am going to give them the ol “ Dueces✌️” and dip.
Wtf, did we read the same post?
Op sounds like a nice partner. Do you not see his problems? You're only attacking him, instead of giving advice.
Give advice or go home.
Trans person here! First of all, what a kind and loving person you are. I know the difference between being generous and gullible is a fine line at times, but in my opinion money (to some extent) can usually be earned back. But it’s good that you put your foot down and cancelled the credit card. You’re not responsible for her finances and especially not when you’re not swimming in money at the moment.
Transitioning can be really difficult and taxing. But that doesn’t mean she gets to opt out of decent human being responsibilities. It was clear to her that this was a loan. It’s within your rights to expect her to pay it back within a reasonable time.
If she doesn’t have the money, she should be able to sit down with you and set down a plan for how and when she’ll be able to pay you back. The fact that she’s turning down work when she owes you money seems really shitty to me. What she could have done was work full time until she paid you back and then taken time off to work on herself. Hell, with a full time job she could also have afforded to see a therapist, buy gender affirming stuff and anything else she wants. To me this all sounds like she’s not really prioritizing you and your financial well-being.
He definitely is. He just wants to be away from her. The relationship must have been so taxing.
No they can.
It just a bit shady to go “I wanna fuck you… Oh you have a boyfriend? That's cool, I'll be your friend instead.”
You started off the friendship by hitting on her. If you started it off completely platonic, completely fine.
Lets be real. You don't have a platonic view of her. Your initial hit on/number grab proves that.
Obviously when you see them in an establishment and you exchange glances, you immediately clink your glass and loudly say
“Everyone can I have your attention please!? This young lady that has just entered was rejected by me and my majestic penis! She simply was not up to my standards and is still hurting from this devastating blow. Please treat her with sympathy, for she is still haunted by the void my amazing genitals have left.”
At least, that's what your comments make it seem how you'd like to react. No wonder she didn't want to be friends ?♀️
Lmfao, pathetic and pointless
I hear you, in most cases I’d totally agree. Maybe just to add a side note, just a few days before our lease ended and we moved out, we were looking for places for the next year that she insisted on applying for. We broke up 3 days after the move out. She practically begged me to stay and rent a place with her bc I was considering moving home with my parents to save on rent. Id like to think there has to be something that can be “rekindled”. Like wtf happened this past week yknow?
I dunno. I don’t want to be with some who watches porn for many of the valid reasons in the comments. I personally think the majority of porn is about degrading women, which could definitely impact their behaviors around how they should treat a woman.
Masturbation, I’m okay with. Porn- that’s gonna be a no from me.
Y’all sound incompatible. Lots of other women would be totally fine, and even watch it with you.
Accusing a significant other of cheating is a sign of cheating.
Hell no.
Don't be that guy ffs.
I’m non-monogamous, I’m married to a wonderful man and have 3 other incredible partners. I’m pretty set and happy now. That was a few years back.
You're making a false equivalence argument that is irrelevant to the actual situation in OP's post. It's not about personal hygiene.
I guess we are
Thats a gross mentality. Getting married means adjusting your lifestyle and respecting boundaries. If she wants to do whatever she wants whenever she wants, then she's not mature enough for a marriage.
People need to understand that placing yourself in a position to develop feelings, or have another reasonably develop feelings (regardless of explicit cheating takes place) is disrespectful towards a relationship. Full stop. Many people think towing the line is okay until they stumble over. It is completely okay to put your foot down and demand that a spouse respects you and the relationship by not putting themselves in risky situations. Not doing so is just practically waiting to be cheated on. Having boundaries that take place before actual cheating happens isn't being insecure, it's having self respect.
I'd put my foot down and suggest marriage counseling, while being firm that divorce is 100% on the table.
You feel bad for being pragmatic because she's making you feel bad for being pragmatic to take the conversation away from the fact that she lied to you. This is quite a red flag…
Yeah, it's very hot. I've gone back to university to get a second degree. Half of my classmates are years younger. I don't have much money or free time. I'm really struggling to meet new people. Online dating freaks me out.
I'm not saying this to be critical of others, but it really blows my mind how some people can end year-long relationships and be dating someone else 3 months later. Howwww do you guys do it?
I really really wished I could just move on, too.
Discuss everything and anything
Sure.
Discuss how two adults have a right to privacy too, while you're at it. And how they have a right to pursue feelings freely. To online without old bigots criticising and persecuting them.
Everyone around them who knew supported them.
Looks like they knew exactly what they were doing MOVING AWAY TOGETHER with that support and avoiding all the ones like you lot here!
Is it the program you don’t like, the university itself, or is college just not for you? Since you wanna drop out what are you gonna do now? I’m guessing your parents said either go to college or move out. You knew going to college was important to them and they wouldn’t consider supporting you if you don’t go. No one forced you to apply, you could have gone to a trade school, or got a job instead but you chose college cuz it would come with being supported. You can either stay at your school, switch programs, transfer schools or drop out. If you don’t know what you wanna do in life I say stay and try and find a a good program. Work with your school counselors to find something that fits you. Otherwise you’re outta luck.
I don't have the money. I'm still in school. I just I don't have anyone.
What you want isn't to get back with her, what you want is to get back with the person that she was before. Which is understandable! You want the person that you fell in love with, that you married.
I don't think that person is her anymore.
Your feelings are valid. Asking her to no longer work in an environment that caused major damage to your marriage and hurt you emotionally is ABSOLUTELY valid. She is not interested in that, and therefore is not interested in fixing the damage caused or being respectful to your feelings.
You deserve a partner that respects your marriage and respects your feelings. I'm sorry to say, that doesn't sound like your wife anymore.
I took that to mean OP thought they hated each other, not that they were in love. ??♀️ I can see how she'd feel blindsided if she thought the opposite of what was going on.
Don't be stupid hon
Hire a PI. Trust but verify. If the PI finds stuff then seek counsel. If nothing, then counseling.
If you have communicated serious issues to him and he is unwilling to change, or worse makes jokes about these things – he is not a good boyfriend!
No one should ever feel unvalued in a relationship. If he cannot do what you need him to do for you to feel valued than he is not the one for you.
Question: Does he masturbate/watch porn?
I know that it sucks but the best thing you can do is move on. It will never be the same again if you remain friends… I know from experience.
Tell him that. Meet up for a beer and tell him he’s being a little bitch and to be friends again. That would do it for most proper friends I think.
Because he thinks she can't get away now, so it doesn't matter if she knows.
Very abusive, this is not okay. I was dating someone like this for 5 years. I lost who I was. I’m now married, very happy with someone who would never use mean words to tease me ever.
The truth of the matter is you are going to have to talk with any woman you date.
I get what you are saying here, but you gotta figure out how you can make everyone happy here.
Say what you said about winding down, but offer when you can handle this.
If you don’t address these things head on, you end up in kinda sucks land. In kinda sucks land you just trudge along as your relationship dies because you don’t have the skills to do that yet. It’s up to you whether you accept that or not.
If you challenge the dynamics and it breaks the relationship, congratulations you saved yourself some time wondering here.
an elbow to the guts is the only way a guy learns to keep his hands to himself, I had a mates cousin who when we went out drinking he would always try to hug me and I told him you put your hands on me I elbow you in the kidneys, he thought i was bluffing but he never did it again.
Even better, if I cosign a student loan with my kid, and my kid dies, I inherit all the debt, even if my kid was doing great and could have had a job lined up. Student loans are a horrible thing for a society to do. I want good engineers, doctors, and teachers, I want good financial people, good lawyers. I want good scientists, good researchers, good sanitary workers. I want a society that works with well educated people. We should have that. We shouldn't be saddled under mountains of debt in order to discharge our duty to society.
i know aah
I think it has already been suggested here, but you should also talk about sex outside of the bedroom. “Hey, the other night when we were having sex, you told me you wanted me to talk to you, what kind of things could I say to turn you on?” For some, compliments are important. Others might like the idea of you telling them exactly what you want them to do, like “I want you to flip me over and take me.” I think healthy sexual relationships grow with communication and exploration; validating what is working and what is not (same with stuff outside of sex).
Yes…and the fact that you hold these fears tells me that you need
to improve your communication and assertiveness behaviors.
Some things you do because you both like it, some things you do because your partner likes it and you're okay with it, some things you do because you like it and your partners okay with it, some things you don't do at all. Partners that don't respect the last don't consider this an equal partnership and don't deserve the first 3 with you
Hmm I'm not trying to defend him, but if his friends were constantly telling him things it's very hot for his mind not go there, he might have defended you at the start but if they kept doubling down, he might have started getting emotional and started thinking irrationally. He handled it very poorly and he should have just have heard you out and trusted you.
“You’re the man”
Hell no
That doesn’t meant it’s okay for her to give him an ultimatum. Relationships don’t work like that.
I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine how painful this must be. You deserve better. You deserve people who will support you and your big personal milestones (e.g., engagement and wedding) regardless of who your partner is. Sending hugs.
Are you sure there’s a she? C’mon pops, alzheimer hitting again.
Ppl here are immature regards, it’s fine you both are legal
Plus, I love my husband and don’t want to hurt him or our daughter and tear our family apart.
I like how this is an afterthought to you considering cheating with a relative of his.
17 years and you want to bang his cousin.
Have you thought about talking with your husband about how you are feeling detached. Don't tell him about you wanting your housemate, but the issue is that being around someone new all the time has allowed you to develop these feelings.
He is new and different and you don't know all there is to know about him. That is why you feel this way. He is younger, my guess in better shape than a 38 year old. You basically are showing the same feelings as an office crush or workwife behavior. Someone you interact with on a more frequent basis than your husband or comparable time.
Honestly this is really pathetic in a way. Your main concern is more that it would imploud your life then how bad this would destroy your husband. But that love is an afterthought. You love him, but aren't IN LOVE with him. Not like the fresh new model.
How do you know what he watched with his ex?
Sounds like he will leave you for being too controlling
Girl run.
I know they’re emit judging her choice to keep the baby but they’re judging the reason why.
I just can’t understand it, most people who attend church of other worship grounds have MOST likely had sex out of wed lock. So just because you’ve had sex out of wed lock does that mean you can’t go to church? And can’t be a good person ? Does that mean you can’t pray, and do good deeds?
What you’re saying if you coming one sin but you’re doing everything else right, it means you’re being a hypocrite. I don’t think that’s how it should be. Someone can follow 99% of the rules of their religion, mess up one time, and they’ll be called a hypocrite for a mess up?
Now I will agree with you if she’s saying something Unfathomable like she …… took someone’s life but she’s debating on turning herself in bc of religious believes. Then you can say she’s being a hypocrite and I will agree with you.
But calling her a hypocrite because she messed up once, has a life in her now that she wants to keep and protect because of her beliefs? I don’t think that’s her being a hypocrite. I think that’s her being mature and owning up to her actions
Nah I’m right, you’re wrong. You don’t know what mansplaining is if you think it’s that. She said she was religious. It’s an important detail and relevant to the post
I do not, for a second, regret my abortion. Be careful who you have kids with because once that baby is here, he and his family will be in your life for a very, very long time.
I don’t want to lecture you because you’re gonna do what you want but being 100%-no-bullshit, don’t go through with this. You’ve got some confusing and exciting times ahead of you, don’t blurr your twenties with a kid and some tactless rando.
You got this.
There are many things I regret in life, having an abortion is not one of them. I, too, was 19. Almost 35 now. It’s been 16 years and I can still say it was probably one of the most reasonable decisions I have ever made
Set up everything through lawyers and the courts. Have documentation ready. If you fear for your safety or issues happening during kid exchanges have an officer meet you there. Keep records, recordings, photos of them not fulfilling their duties.
She literally said he's working less hours than her.
Like he’s upset because I haven’t called him all the time and he wants Goodmorning text etc and since I’m not doing that plus I didn’t see him when I said I was he’s mad and said he wanted to kick my ass beat me up etc and he’s like oh you’re playing with the wrong person then complains about the same shit over and over again
I have 3 kids, and I will tell you that even healthy relationships are VERY HOT after having a baby. Get out now. He is abusive and will be worse after you have a baby. It will also be harder to leave after you have a baby. Go to your family now and know you are absolutely doing what is best for yourself AND your child.
Sorry but once the trust has gone and they have done it once ,then they will do it again , I would knave her when the baby is born a paternity test needs to be done to put your mind at ease ,
On the one hand I agree with what you’re suggesting, but on the other hand I can’t imagine anything that would neutralise sexual attraction faster than saying ‘I NEED sex or I’m gonna GTFO of this relationship’.
Maybe there is a middle ground here, OP? I agree you really need to impress upon her how important this is to you, but I do think it needs to be done gently. Perhaps something along the lines of ‘I really want to work on this together, because I can’t be truly happy in a sexless relationship and I think you deserve better than that to.’
Also, while this may not be the case for you, for a lot of women sexual attraction is completely destroyed when they feel like they’re pulling the bulk of the weight in the home or with the emotional/administrative load. Is ‘stress’ code for, ‘I’d really like more help around the house?’
I dated a guy like this very briefly. I left him. His opinions weren’t going to change, and mine (being that his opinions were fucking gross) sure as HELL weren’t going to change. So you have two choices, either leave (idc how “good” he is in other areas, he’s a misogynist) or suck it up.
Op’s comments aren’t any better.
Apparently op’s solution to make the relationship work is to make new friends that don’t know that op’s shit bf sexually assaulted one of op’s friend.
The trust was broken. You should have broken up 4 years ago.
See, you wanted her to be like “oh honey we'll work through this together”. You didn't just find out your rent has doubled, you told her she might be a step mother.
She's upset and in shock right now because of something you done in your past. I know you're just learning about it now but it's through your own actions, not hers.
I don't know anyone who would think it's unhealthy and toxic to take some space and clear your mind. Actually, it's the exact opposite.
Yeah I guess people forget there’s a line.
Because he had our kids being watched by someone I didn’t know when I had absolutely no idea about it.
well I am willing to be friends with her. so i dont feel like i just tossed her. I offered to be friends, and if she wanted to be friends, we'd be friends
I feel as tho there’s a lot of people who were spanked a few times and grew up just fine. Obviously this Isn’t a reality for everyone but let’s stop acting like this is life altering and going to ruin someone.
Ingles?
And then he ignored you until he wanted a fuck.
He thinks you’re attractive.
Honey, he’s 1) an attorney and 2) in family law, at that. He’s a sly, manipulative son of a bitch who’s worked your beautifully smitten teenage naïveté from day one. You KNOW what you need to do, so DO IT. You’re a woman, a mama, strong and proud and you need to show your children you don’t allow being spoken to or treated that way, by anyone, woman or man, ESPECIALLY their FATHER.
Shes clearly had sex with her clients
RIP
UpdateMe!
Also remember that you may not do anything “wrong” and a person may still choose to leave. People are complicated.
Love is a gamble. It can be devastating when it fails, and damn near magical when it works. Often, even when you “lose”, there's something you get from each relationship, so each one can be worthwhile in their own way. However, they can also be painful, and exhausting, and sometimes a bit scarring. Some people are legitimately happier single than in a relationship. I'd only recommend that route for people who can online fulfilling single lives without resentment, instead of resigning to it because they believe they could never find someone. Conversely, I'd only recommend staying in a relationship, or getting married for that matter, to people who are able to do so without resentment of their partner or lost freedoms, rather than resigning to it because of social convention. For people who are uncertain where they lie, they may just have to experience more first-hand to know.
This just proves that you like drama.
Not at all. You’re right. It’s a line I would never cross & he has that comfort that I wouldn’t do it, but I don’t. And that’s not respect.
I don’t think it’s a lot to ask of him to be mindful of his tone while you do the healing work. It’ll take both parts to not keep scratching the scab, so to speak
Having a vasectomy at this age is a big decision. You should not be pressured into it, you’ve already expressed that you’re not 100% sure if you’ll change your mind about children in the future. Your body, your choice works both ways.
There are alternative contraception methods which I would suggest your girlfriend explores (it sucks that responsibility is still mostly on the woman). If you can’t reach a compromise you’re not the right people for each other.
You did nothing wrong. She's incredibly manipulative, and doesn't seem to have any control over her own emotions.
at 19-23, I was partying every weekend out having a ball and living my life to the fullest. By the time I was 25, I was going out once every couple months. Now At 29, in my relationship since 24, and looking at having a child in the next couple years, I havent gone out to the bars since Halloween. And before that? Halloween. And before that? Halloween lmao. When your 22, she will be 28. She will be ready to settle down and start a family and you may still be in your party years.
Why do some men not understand this? Most women won't blow up that very hot and cut contact/move rooms/whatever over something small. Don't get me wrong, some women do, but most women take small shit on the chin, until the small things start to pile up into a big thing. Then, it's no longer about the small things, it's about the overall general big issue.
Bowie AND Reed
Therapy for yourself, and if you’d like to at some point, include him in it. I’m going to go out on a limb and assume your previous partner might’ve shamed you for the high libido but there’s nothing to be shamed about or to feel insecure. It’s who you are. I believe you might be overthinking the situation and I’m sure he doesn’t mind having fun with you in that way. Something like talking it out with a professional can help in leaps and bounds.
I’d be fine with my wife selling nudes.
i didn’t know he enjoyed these things.
I’m just sad because i moved away from my friends and family to live! with him, so I’m stuck here with no one.
In other words you made your own decision to cut off your social and family life when you didn't have to. Sure bf is not good at all and the relationship is dying, but you still choosing to be there. Your bad choices came back to bite you and you can make things right by leaving but you aren't. One of dumbest things to do is to throw away your healthy lifestyle for an unhealthy relationship. Not only are you losing people who are better than your bf, but you also becoming toxic mentally.
If the guy is bisexual: wahoo threesomes with dudes
If the girl is bisexual: wahoo threesome with girls
If the guy is not bisexual: it's just not cool to require them to sleep with a dude, however, you certainly don't have to agree to a threesome with a girl because of that, I'm just saying, don't make a threesome with a dude a requirement for men to get threesomes with a girl, each should be evaluated on their own merits and each scenario can be refused for any reason.
It is important information for those giving advice.
I was/am similar to your boyfriend in my distain for weed/drugs. For some reason, it doesn't really bother me if friends smoke, but it bothers me for a serious partner. After a lot of reflection, I realized that it had more to do with my history and my trust in a partner more than anything else. I think now I wouldn't mind dating someone who smoked if they didn't really do it around me (and this could mean stepping into another room or when I'm not around) and if I really really trusted this person. A lot of people I knew that smoked weed had addiction problems, and it was very hot to separate the two and realize that there are people who can smoke weed in a healthy way.
It fascinates me when people change their user names and then post the same weak post. I don't understand the motivation at all.
OP, why?
She did say I would like to do it occasionally. I think she's just looking for ways to break the barrier e.g. “I did in Amsterdam and nothing bad happened, come on, relax”
Ok, you shouldn't online life with mediocrity. Have a higher standard of living for yourself.
Agree to give them 25% of your earnings for your nephew as soon as they provide 50% of their current income to help support you. Problem solved.
Base on the texts and him after I interrogated him, it’s only texts and today of all days, it became heated by the emojis. They work in different departments different times so different lunches. I also hope his strong enough
Im sorry, even I dont believe your explanation.
If Greg's his best mate that is complicated and perhaps a relationship destined for resentment
We have been together for 5 years, I’m 32 and he is 27. We broke up for about 6 months but spent this whole summer together. It was honestly very healing and he was doing so much to learn and be there for me (he also was in therapy while in the city). He really wanted to go ski and told me this is his last year, he confessed he loves me still and so we started a relationship again. He told me if I want him to come home that he will but I said I want to be strong and allow him to venture and do his own thing. He also has schizophrenia very mild (doesn’t really see things unless he is super stressed) and depression.
For me its when I am excited to talk to them again.
It isn't “bad”, so consider that a positive, all things taken into account. Just let her come to things in her own time, and maybe that'll be where she lets you have that second date. Just don't push, or bombard her with notes/texts about it. She has a lot to work out with herself over it, and that takes time. Just know that, if this is what you truly want, it's always going to be a challenge with her, even if she lets you in. Make sure that you know what you're in for. Coming from someone who's loved “damaged” people in life, it takes a lot of work… If you're not willing to commit to that, then you can do more damage than good. My wife was a significantly damaged person, having been raped, and physically/psychologically abused by father and first husband, had an 8yo son die a couple of months after we were married. It's been 27 years together, and there's still times when it's quite a bit of effort working past that. But we've had a great life together, she's my best friend…I knew what I was getting into from the start, I'm patient with those I love, but still it's work and it can be tough at times.
Exactly, you say that you’re “disgusted” by the number of partners she’s had before you even bring up the lying. If I were her, I’d leave you over this. I don’t want a partner who’s disgusted by me, or even by past choices I regret.
Please get yourself out of there. You're not safe. Tell someone at school, like a teacher or counselor. You never know when he might try something. Talk to the police if you need to.
100% All in or all out, that’s how he should roll.
Exactly. People always act like the affair partner is innocent because “they owe the partner nothing,” but if they knew the person was in a relationship? They're also a problem and they are an ah
How old are you? Who travels to who when you have met in-person?
Your gut feeling is likely accurate.
I go to therapy, and I have quiet BPD so it is mostly all internal. BPD is very misunderstood esp the internal kind. None of my relationships have caused “pain” or “destruction”. Maybe some people with BPD have those relationships but BPD is not one size fits all. People with BPD can have relationships as long as they are self aware, communicate openly, and commit to getting better. That being said, at the end I mention that I want to take a break from all relationships if I happen to leave my current one so I can build my self esteem and figure my feelings out to have more healthy relationships since I have a problem with codependency and saying no to partners.
My bet is nothing will change and he’s just saying what you want to hear. Maybe he’ll prove me wrong. And yes, he is immature because that’s not how you behave in the first place if you were mature.
in my defense we did go on a few dates prior but I should've worded that better
I'm so happy that this turned out to be a nice question. Unfortunately if she's determined to buy it she might mistakenly think you're being mean or trying to be sensible. I think it's time for a heavy hint “maybe you should wait til Christmas day..” tjar might be too heavy a hint but even if she realises thats her gift from you it will be a lovely present she'll be happy to open on Christmas day. I hope you guys have a lovely day
Obtuse much!
Agreed. She won’t come because it’s in her head now.
She has decided that OP can’t make her come. Therefore he never will.
Don’t respond
If there was nothing to hide-there would be no lies.people lie or leave sh¡t out do so because they know they've done wrong Or something about the situation they are explaining was wrong so they conveniently leave it out ..otherwise they wouldn't leave things out obviously you know….idk about your gf though sorry if it was in a bad way tho that sucks if so
So he's stopped your from working, so now you have no job and are not allowed to get one ..
…he's started belittling you and demanding things from you like a slave….
He's also started hitting and breaking things
…next time, he will hit you. This is how abusive relationships start, always in this pattern.
I absolutely cod not finish reading this. Ask yourself why you would this level of drama in your life? It sounds like you have broken up multiple times over the same exact issue, let him go.
To me it’s like porn and I don’t care, mainly because I think the kind of guys I date aren’t going to be super into it as a result of their personality/taste
I think it may help to go back to the basics. As you confirmed she is stressed about it, so the very first thing to do is to put her in a relaxed mood. Foreplay, foreplay and foreplay again. Massage, long kissing sessions, nipple stimulation, inner thigh touching, etc. Touch her clit slowly and for a bit only, like a slow stroke, then go back to kissing. Grab her inner thigh and then slowly make your way up to her labia. Slip a finger in, suck on a boob, get creative.
Your main goal right now, is to put her in the mood and to relax her. Sex should be fun and creative. Like making an abstract painting with your bodies. Go outside the lines and be confident.
Every single woman is different and many many times orgasm through penetration is very hot to achieve. Try to keep the conversation open and in a light mood.
Hope you guys can make it work.
But that’s “if”. I will agree treatment is far more advanced than it used to be. That’s still not an acceptable answer though to steal someone else choice from them
You cant ask him after he nuts you sumply have to say he isnt allowed to cum untill you do.girl on top is best that way your invontrol
It is a 3rd-degree Felony in the state of FL to withhold this information from a potential partner.
Your friend is a horrible and selfish person. Regardless if you distance yourself from her at this point, the fact that you know she has not disclosed this information to her partner and are willing to ignore it makes you no better than she, quite frankly.
Hold her accountable and tell her she had X amount of time to come clean or you’re going to tell him yourself.
I could have sympathized with her situation but not when she’s playing with someone’s life.
This poor kid deserves to know. I hope and pray you are never in his position with others knowing something so life-altering and not telling you.
I hope he presses charges on anyone and everyone possible by law. People effing suck.
Totally agree
Age gap, next
Yeah, this seems more like a test than an act of kindness.
100+ people sound absolutely disgusting. I’m not trying to bring people down but holy cow..
Can’t help someone who can’t help themselves.
Your comments on my (ex) boyfriend has been accurate. I've edited the post for a little update.
Why are you doing more things on your own with a guy that is supposed to be part of your friend group now. While you’re in a relationship. Why is it changed? I would notice that and frankly I’d be concerned too. Often times of opposite genders take the emotional intimacy out of a relationship. Which is why when people get older and get married, they don’t have a lot of opposite gender, friends. I don’t feel like we have enough information but if this is a changing pattern, I would be concerned to.
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Why are with an old man ? Raise your standards pls!
Don’t waste time on people like that
That’s why I don’t like this question “what are you looking for”. Because a lot of times people don’t even know what they are looking for and if they do – they aren’t sure they are looking for it with you.
In some cases reply “not looking to be exclusive” means they just don’t want it with you.
So if you are interested in her just ask her out, go on dates, and if you don’t see appropriate feedback – her return interest – means she’s just not into you, so move on.
So that’s exactly why I was thinking of cancelling on with him and going with my friend. Plus, as I say, we are always with his friends. I know we have been both through shit and wants to feel secure but it is not kind of fair.
I mean… it’s not about him it’s just me having a hot time letting myself go
i do agree she should’ve told him sooner to be sure, but i do not think she was deliberately manipulating OP as the previous comment said
What does their sex and biology have to do with their gender?
He’ll have her all Christmas Eve and I planned on being with him at his parents’ on that day. His parents and I get along great, it’s just mine that are the issue.
I have ADHD and very often don’t feel stress and I struggle with social skills. My life could be on fire and I wouldn’t be happy or anything, but I wouldn’t feel any different stress wise. So it’s very hot to take things like that into consideration for me bc everything in my brain is so compartmentalized.
Thanks for the perspective, it’s giving me a lot to think about.
You weren’t exclusive. Not committing to long term means you’re not promising her anything for the future. You’re merely dating.
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Give yourself the time you need to process what has happened. You have told us her reasoning for continuing to drink and then to cheat, both of which seem to be completely out-of-character (but it could be the tip of the iceberg). Having had fertility issues myself and a miscarriage at 10-12 weeks, I grieved so much, and I had so much anger. Late at night, I would beg my them husband to bury the baby. I threw out any baby-related items, and when I learned of others’ pregnancies, I was happy for them, but I was also severely upset that everyone except me seemed to be able to reproduce. Both of you suffered a huge loss with regard to the pregnancy that had to be terminated. It is not an excuse for her actions, but if you decide to stay, you need to address this issue.
I’m glad it helped – though I wish I wasn’t on the money because you deserve much better from a life partner than an arrangement like this. Good luck hun ?
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Second this. I had some VERY bad experiences drinking alcohol when my mental health was all over the place and I was younger, interspersed with some ‘normal’ experiences. I did some really questionable things and almost ruined my life several times.
Now I have had therapy and am in a good place, I can drink and behave normally.
Nah, this isn’t on you. He’s enmeshed and unwilling to stand up for you. That’s not cool.
Have to say that even just admitting she would like an open relationship i would be gone . This is a huge red flag.
Why to put so much efforts in texting, cooking and other dates if he just wanted sex?
People have gone to far greater lengths for “just sex.”
He now feels entitled to sex because he has so to speak “put in the time and effort” i.e. the cooking, texting, dates, etc.
Asking once was fine, pushing your head and asking repeatedly? Not normal. Get out before he puts more effort into getting sex from you and begins to feel more and more entitled to sex.
Block her. Sounds like a nut
There is a lot to unpack here. Scenario 1: Your ex contacted one or more family members with a pack of lies about why you broke up. And NONE of them believed your side of the story. Scenario 2: Your ex contacted one or more family members with a mostly truthful account of why you broke up, and they asked “how COULD you!” Etc. Etc. If scenario 1 is true, then the question of WHY they immediately took the exes side, becomes the central question in this whole drama. If scenario 2 is true…well then, maybe they have the right of it. It also sounds like your father doesn't trust you with the money he is sending, for whatever reason. And now he's not talking to you. Sounds like a whole lot of people are pissed at you. Seems like you would have at least one ally in your family if everything you have done is above board. SO…I am sensing that there is another side to this story. But if not, if your family is TRULY that horrible, then just go NC with them and get on with your life. Take time to heal and find a better support system. It sounds like your Dad will hold up his end of the agreement whether he is on your side or not, that's my read on the tuition situation. I can't speak to the rest of the family dynamic…not enough info here and I would need to hear their side anyway.
Best of luck!
There is a lot to unpack here. Scenario 1: Your ex contacted one or more family members with a pack of lies about why you broke up. And NONE of them believed your side of the story. Scenario 2: Your ex contacted one or more family members with a mostly truthful account of why you broke up, and they asked “how COULD you!” Etc. Etc. If scenario 1 is true, then the question of WHY they immediately took the exes side, becomes the central question in this whole drama. If scenario 2 is true…well then, maybe they have the right of it. It also sounds like your father doesn't trust you with the money he is sending, for whatever reason. And now he's not talking to you. Sounds like a whole lot of people are pissed at you. Seems like you would have at least one ally in your family if everything you have done is above board. SO…I am sensing that there is another side to this story. But if not, if your family is TRULY that horrible, then just go NC with them and get on with your life. Take time to heal and find a better support system. It sounds like your Dad will hold up his end of the agreement whether he is on your side or not, that's my read on the tuition situation. I can't speak to the rest of the family dynamic…not enough info here and I would need to hear their side anyway.
Best of luck!
i’m an idiot my bad
Yes, you were right to be upset. She hurt you're feelings. She was in the wrong. You told her how you felt, and she apologized to you. Do you feel her apology was sincere? If so, great! If not , then you need to have another conversation. Although, im not justifying her actions. But I can't help but get the feeling she was showing off! In front of you and her coworkers. Now what she was trying to show off or what message she was trying to send, i have no idea. Sounds a lot like she was being bratty or trying to be cute! Lol i know women who still do that! Its all about the attention, for whatever reason. If it's still bothering you, then you should have another conversation. ?
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I mean, just cause you have AAA..are you really gonna wanna wait an hour for them to show up.. when you have the thoughtful gift your wife bought you in the car? I wouldn’t. I’d use the gift I was given, cause it’s one of those things that’s good to have just in case. I think it’s really the thought that counts.
Idk man, maybe act like you are appreciative or something she at least got you something idk.
I’ve been there. Your age is a contributing factor to this but it’s not an excuse to have you feeling so taken for granted like this. To give him any benefit of the doubt, he’s probably not accustomed to being in a relationship. He may have low self esteem and constantly want validation. Lastly, he may not realize you feel this way. A relationship is a two way street. Typically someone like this would learn better when the good one leaves them so they’re left thinking why and what could I have done to make it better. It’s going to be very hot to have patience with somebody like this. They’re going to make you feel bummed out a lot over time. Do they realize that if he doesn’t invest in you, you might be left feeling better off with someone else? And great that he makes more money that you….for now. It would be more fun if he were spoiling you. If you’re willing to take him out, would he appreciate that?
But if you really want things to work out with him, try “I” statements like “I feel like you don’t appreciate my culture” or “I thought you were being insensitive when I made you things and you commented how bad they are” or “it’s nice when you take me out but can we go somewhere I would enjoy too?” If he’s not responsive to then then I’m so so sorry. You may need to realize he’s interested in anyone who lets him be self centered.
If someone said that to me as an excuse not to meet my boyfriend, that friend would be gone. She should be defending you and not letting people disrespect you. She thinks you possibly hurting this guy is a good excuse? Is that her opinion of you?
I don't think you were attempting to be rude, but the first sentence could be seen as condescending lol. It doesn't bother me one bit, but I feel like it was worth pointing out just so you know in case you didn't realize. But it is really difficult to convey a message the way you indented online like this since there's no tone of voice or body language to help out with such things. But I do agree with your point, and religious groups that radical are literally just legal cults
I’m not sure if she wants him as much as she wants the attention. Grass is greener and all. I’ve had this conversation with my wife and both ways if either party wasn’t comfortable with a friend they would be cut off if possible and if not minimized. I don’t even care if I’m the bad guy name drop me all you want.
Too soon, suspicious hamster. Maybe in a few months I will find it funnier.
If you say so. Getting attracted to someone while being in a relationship is normal, I have found people attractive, but that's just cheap biology to me. You will need to be able to set up better boundaries incase something similar happens and cut off people quicker if you start to feel similar things.
On my mom's side, everyone had/has brown eyes she has blue eyes. My daddy has brown eyes and both me and my sister have blue eyes. Eye color is individual… leave your husband and take your kids and yourself to a safe place
So you have cheated in the past, maybe he thinks you're falling into past habits
are you a kid?
He's human
It's normal in my relationship. When one of us isn't in the mood, the other is more than welcome to masturbate. Or, if they want something quick and easy, they're allowed to. Masturbation is indeed emotionally separate for a lot of people, and has nothing to do with how sexually satisfied you might be with your partner.
Oh god, well now I have a new thing to worry about. But also offer to do other forms of sexual things, whispering in his ear while he jerks off or only do hand stuff and wash your hands right away. And if he doesn't like that, he thinks he's entitled to sex regardless of your discomfort and dump him.
If breaking up is equivalent to jumping into a cold swimming pool, taking a break is like when you enter the pool slowly.
You typically end up in the same place, but it feels less scary. When you took a break, you were really just breaking up, but prolonging the process.
If she wasn’t, then I’d say don’t.
Might want to turn em into bullet points
Then avoid going home or just online with it. Your sister and family are not changing. You get good advice (call cops) but turn it down. What else do you want?
You and your husband need to address this with your mil before your daughter/other kids hear or pick up on it.
That could be anything racy, nudes, lingerie, anything
They care about the PARTY, they don't give a shit about you, the HOST. They basically used you.
If you want to try to fix it, you can confront them and tell them you know they invited 50 people you know, so it wasn't a small wedding.
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Yeah its weird, its like you see one thread that got kinda popular and then you see multiple of the same theme popping up in short succession. I'm pretty sure a lot of the threads here are from a few assholes who have nothing better to do with their time.
What would you rather OP…..Knowing in 10 years from now that you potentially saved multiple people from being harassed because you stopped this predator in his tracks or staying silent and knowing that he becomes more arrogant thinking he can get away with more?
Who gives a flying frog about his “career” This guy deserves to lose everything
Ride it out I say, living with an ex is the most miserable thing life has to offer. Stability is what you need right now starting out with university.
Try and be friendly and share some joy together, but detach yourself more and more every month. If she refuses to change after numerous talks then it’s not worth your time, just be selfish here.
I really hope she leaves you. Don't trickle truth her either. Tell her the full extent of your relationship with your mistress so she can make an informed decision.
Thank you, I’m really glad I reached out on here, its been helpful to have others opinions and insight. I’m going to talk to him about it and hopefully he will want to work out a solution/get help.
I mean, your boyfriend probably knows his brother better than you do and Might have a habit of “randomly” gifting his brother’s partners with things that they like but would otherwise appear to be nothing more than a friendly gesture. Chances are the brother is either at least attempting to get closer to you in the hopes of forming some sort of relationship with you that he hopes will turn into something more, or past actions you may not know about have made your bf paranoid to the point he acts irrationally.
I’m not excusing your bf’s behaviour, and it could very well be nothing but a big case of insecurity issues, but people don’t normally react this strongly or negatively to a well meaning family member giving their partner random and expensive gifts.
How far apart do you both online? Sometimes, it's best for a holiday romance to remain just that.
Wait. You're telling me that you messaged this person from a random fake account you have and they just openly spilled all this private information to you? No one does that.
You mean ex boyfriend surely? I’ve worked in STEM as a woman my whole life and it’s honestly awful. I have so many stories of mistreatment by people that seemed nice, like your boyfriend, but honestly make our work place a living hell. I’m in my 40s and burnt out as all hells. Literally been through everything from well meaning misogynists (like the idiot who spent 20 minutes of my life off my shift whilst I was trying to get away to my birthday party explaining to me how I could use copying & pasting on notepad to speed things up on a process I’d coded out to be automatic weeks ago) to actual harm where someone held me down by tied up hair (because gotta be worn up in a lab) to try and rape me. Also this is meant to be the honeymoon period where they seem perfect. If he’s this bad now, how long before he’s leaving you his housework? He’s showing you a total lack of respect. I don’t like the usual Reddit advice of “run”, but in this case? Far & fast.
No, wayyyy too many facts have been stated that match up with the reality I found…so not thinking catfish tbh. Like there’s just no way ? but idk if I should say anything lol now that I found him
Tell her she is acting like a child, and that you are going to have to break us because you aren't a pedo.
I thought by the subject line he wanted to keep a stitch as a memory of birth. I was like “kind of weird but okay”. Im such an idiot.
Where?
I mean, most people grow at least a little bit as an adult. Your girlfriend probably will outgrow you if you're stuck in teenage arrested development. If you're just looking to have fun that's fine, but you are probably not going to find a life partner unless you have the capacity for maturation and growth.
My partner is 8 years older. He never belittles or coerces me. If anything he looks up to me and always asks me how I want to be theated (he says he is man an men dont understand hints so he better asks :p). Not every age gap is a problem.
What you did wrong is get back together with an ex. Unless you identify the problem that broke you up, agree it’s a problem together, and come up with a plan together to fix it, and then actually fix it, getting back together isn’t a good idea.
Her diagnosis is irrelevant if she refuses to get help. Don’t ask me how i know.
Her mother made it clear her wishes, your husband made it clear where he stands on the issue. You need to accept that and let it go. Cause if he divorces you because you went and met with them after he told you to block them you will have no rights to the little girl anyway.
When there's smoke there's fire.
I mean, I cried when my bf was accusing me of cheating. It was hurtful and extremely stressful that he was presenting me with “proof” that made it look like the accusations were true and I couldn’t explain it. I didn’t leave the house but I did go to our spare room and spent the rest of the night there because I didn’t want to be around him because he was super angry and I was hurt. I find it kind of strange that people think her crying is automatically a sign of guilt? Like wouldn’t you be really upset if your partner was accusing you of cheating? Especially if it was a misunderstanding and they didn’t believe you?
I think Dave was testing the waters… I think Dave maybe wanted Maria and asked the question with the hopes that she would respond with something like “ do you want me to go and help you with that?” but when she said no, that’s one David knew he f$&ked up.
Trust me I'm never going to move in with a man who can't use basic hygiene but thanks for your concern
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When’s the last time you saw someone change who they fundamentally are?
She is braking up with you – accept it.
You should have no say in how a father spends time with his toddler. If he wants to stay the name and wake up to open gifts, that is the mom's decision. He can sleep in the kid's room.
You need to stop interfering with how the father makes any contact pertaining to the child.
Being that you've only been around for a short 3 months also lessens the importance of your input.
can you specify why?
You're blind if you can't see what's happening here. Why hasn't he been paying child support? Since he's thinking of his kid and only his kid… Dudes a deadbeat. Didn't give a fuck until someone new started dating the mom.
Move on from girls like this, the baby daddy will always have a finger around her
It sounds like he's trying to isolate you.
It's never mutual. My guess is she cheated in his dad or at least was the one to initiate the divorce and OP is siding with his dad for now.
Give him sone time (many more months) before bringing up his mom again.
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Foreplay then 69 each other then try again. If nothing helps maybe get a little drunk together, just enough so it eases your mind. If it works it will probably ease your mind for the next rounds.
We usually do discuss our concerns again after we have calmed down and gotten to a spot where we both understand where each other is coming from. We have talked about why we get into fights as well. We both have said and admitted that we can be defensive at times, and she has said she has a shorter fuse than she should have. So, we talked about it before. We are both overthinkers as well, which is probably a big reason why we get into arguments too.
The trauma endured with the childhoods you both endured doesn't just go away because you tell yourselves to get over it or it wasn't that bad. It will continue to impact your lives until you confront it. You are responsible for healing your trauma and he is responsible for healing his. By staying, you are only prolonging the inevitable, and it isn't helping either of you. You are not obligated to him just because he had a difficult childhood and has mental health issues, you aren't the cause of them, and can't be the cure for them. If moving 3,000 miles away or staying in an abusive relationship are your only two options, you move 3,000 miles away. Its a cake walk compared to what is coming down the pipe for you. He has already moved to physical violence as a means of gaining control of you. It is only a matter of when, not if, it will get worse. If you stay you are taking a huge gamble with your life. He needs help that you can't give him and he's not willing to get. Save yourself.
Yup I can see why you’re 35 dating a 20 year old. Gross.
Typical answer from Reddit from someone who doesn’t know me.
She’s too focussed on the wedding & not enough on the marriage.
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If you online together, it’s just common courtesy to tell your partner. This isn’t a huge thing though. Ask him if this is the deal between you now – when you leave you’re going “out” and you’ll return when you’re done. Then stick to it and come home late one or two nights.
He’ll come around.
I'm a habitual Christmas eve wrapper
It's not like you just want to know where he is and give him a curphew. He has your car. Your dad was an AH for even saying that. If he doesn't want to tell you when he's coming home then no car.
Yes sir
Here is what I reckon
You are away a lot and work on the road
Your wife feels lonely
She gets a new job with a new male coworker
That coworker gives her male attention
She likes that male attention because it’s lacking and she feels wanted… she’s drawn to it.
She may or may not know what she is doing but she is walking a verrrrry fine line. From what you’ve described it very much sounds like they have already bonded, how deep? I don’t know
By communicating. If you screw up they will tell you or ghost you, and that tells you.
My intern “accidentally” gave me one. It took years for the pain to ease during sex, so I was celibate for a long time
sorry to hear you're in the situation, but if the baby is yours, you'll have to consider the changes to your life and how to overcome it. but definitely do not sign any documents about the baby's birth until you get the DNA results, since you have doubts about the situation.
in the meantime though, you'll still have to consider the possibility that the baby is yours, meaning that if you wanted to be involved with the medical care and decisions during the pregnancy, then do that as well. and if you don't, then i guess there's no obligation to, but it will be 9 months that you miss out on, if the baby is yours.
stop playing the fool
True. But most of what I was trying to say was that it's not a once off statement.
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This doesn’t seem salvageable to me. It’s toxic, and she’s refusing therapy. Saw both my best friend and sister get divorces once their exes refused therapy as well.
Mental health struggles are not an excuse for the way she is behaving. I am depressed, I have severe mood swings, and I am an alcoholic, but I would never, in a million years, disrespect my fiancè by ignoring our relationship and seeking solace from another man.
She is emotionally cheating on you and is blatantly rubbing it in your face. How would she feel if you developed that kind of close relationship with another woman? How would she feel if, when she expressed concerns, you threw it back in her face and accused her of trying to interfere with your relationship with this other woman? Your wife is a hypocrite, and frankly, doesn't have a whole lot of respect for you or your marriage. Instead of trying to work things out, she's running to another man – that is a huge no-no in a marriage, and its a one-way ticket to infidelity.
Does this guy online in her home country? If so, she may very well be going to meet him. But even if not, she's not doing anything to try and fix things. She's choosing to run away instead. This marriage does not need space. It needs COMMUNICATION, EFFORT, and RESPECT. This also includes you having respect for yourself and not allowing her to play you for a fool.
She insists that the relationship between them is platonic.
And yet…..
They talk for hours into the night and are constantly playing together. Recently she has confessed to me that she is no longer sure if she is in love with me and also enjoys spending time with her new friend more than she does with me. She claims that he is a way better listener than I am and she did not know she was missing this in her life.
I've been replaced as her primary pillar of emotional support.
Dude… the sheer fact that she's refusing to even try and work together to solve your issues, and instead wants to run away/seek solace from someone else instead is bad enough. But she's emotionally cheating. She's developing an emotionally intimate relationship with another man, right in front of your face, and has no issue throwing it in your face and making you feel like crap. She even has the audacity to act like a victim because you are, in her words, “interfering with their relationship” … that is completely unacceptable.
She is not the type of person to lie about something like that.
Are you sure about that? Did you originally think she was the type of person to develop an intimate emotional bond with another man and blame her husband for it, instead of just talking to her husband about her issues? Well she is. She's also the type of person who will happy disrespect her marriage and not care one bit.
Why do you put up with this? Why do you not stand your ground and make your boundaries clear? What she's doing is NOT OK. You deserve so much better than this and you need to realize that.
She's asked for space and for me to give her time to get bored of the friend so she can refocus on me.
Is she for real?? That not how it works and she knows it. She is perfectly capable of actively deciding to cut contact with him and take steps to repair your marriage, as well as her own personal issues. She is actively deciding to pursue this other guy and grow a relationship that WILL eventually lead to physical cheating if it doesn't stop. She has complete control over her decisions, and she's actively deciding to pretend that she doesn't. That way, she doesn't have to take responsibility for her actions. But again, it doesn't work that way. She needs to grow up and start taking responsibility for her actions.
OP, your wife is treating you horribly and you need to stand your ground. If she wants this to work, she needs to cut contact with this other guy, take responsibility for herself, and take action (get therapy, figure out her issues, and then go to couples counselling with you). You need to put your foot down on her rude behaviour towards you and insist that she either takes steps to sort out her issues and work on the marriage, or its over. Do not let her gaslight you – in no universe are her actions (confiding in another man and saying that he's better than you) justified. If she refuses to make any changes here, you need to be strong and be ready to let her go, even though it will hurt. Heartbreak is only temporary, but a lifetime with someone who doesn't respect you is 1000x worse.
What an awful position for you to be in! Here's one thing. If you ignore everything else, his destructive rage when he smashed the chair in front of you should settle every question you might have about whether or not this relationship is worth trying to salvage. It's not. He was violent, and the next thing he smashes might be your face, or that of your child.
You said that you have a house together. Does that mean the two of you own the house together? I strongly recommend you talk to a lawyer before you make any decisions. You have rights you may not know about, and every dime you can save will help you.
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Why would you use condoms from someone who wants to baby trap you? Why would you trust she was on birth control?
Bigger question
Why was a 36 year old woman dating a 23 year old man? I mean yeesh. Wtf do you even have in common?
Don't sign the birth certificate until the DNA test results come back. Don't move in with her at all. Honestly you need to break up with her. There's just so many red flags here.
lol ditch him and move on
Moot – a subject to debate or dispute. Or is uncertain.
Not a point that you can no longer debate.
Don’t worry, you’re not the only one who uses it wrong. Everyone does. But using words incorrectly probably makes YOUR point MUTE. Isn’t irony wonderful.
According to multiple places on Google, Chlamydia can in fact lay dormant for years. Big typing and big wrong.
He wanted to pare things back & has lost interest to some extent. Why do you think your reasonable reaction to his actions/stated desires should make you feel guilty?
Jesus fuck he’s a terrible person
I used to be with someone like this, so trust me when I say he will not ever get better. He doesn't care about how you feel, he just cares about hurting people who've done nothing to him. Get our while you can because if you move with him he WILL make it difficult.
Updoot for the username.
So you were both in agreement with your views up until recently.
If you actually sit down and talk through what you actually feel and why, you will most likely find that most people are moderate. To be extreme right or extreme left is to be impractical to the point of dumbness, where nothing can make sense anymore.
Try couples therapy, it is likely that your views are still not really that far out from each other. Things are getting crazy and you've both fallen into it a bit. Maybe avoid the political stuff for a while.
So you were both in agreement with your views up until recently.
If you actually sit down and talk through what you actually feel and why, you will most likely find that most people are moderate. To be extreme right or extreme left is to be impractical to the point of dumbness, where nothing can make sense anymore.
Try couples therapy, it is likely that your views are still not really that far out from each other. Things are getting crazy and you've both fallen into it a bit. Maybe avoid the political stuff for a while.
So you were both in agreement with your views up until recently.
If you actually sit down and talk through what you actually feel and why, you will most likely find that most people are moderate. To be extreme right or extreme left is to be impractical to the point of dumbness, where nothing can make sense anymore.
Try couples therapy, it is likely that your views are still not really that far out from each other. Things are getting crazy and you've both fallen into it a bit. Maybe avoid the political stuff for a while.
I mean it call comes done to, all of them are assholes?
IMO he was an ex when you said he “doesn’t want his children raised like this..”. That was reason enough to know this won’t work. I would not procreate with this man.
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Yup. Thankfully I can take their bs, I'd rather them give it to me than to someone who it would majority upset
It sounds like he has made being a political contrarian his identity and he is fully entrenched. Good luck, It doesn’t get better until there is intense self reflection and a willingness to literally change his personality which most people will not do.
“my boyfriend is always late”
This stupid fucking website that I want to leave: “well it's obvious he's perpetuating a conspiracy to hide an entire life from you”
She was approached by one fellow and slept in another guy's bed do to poor planning on her part.
Grammar and spelling aren’t your strong suit, are they bud?
You know what you should do, you also know what you will do. Reddit isn't going to change it
I think you are deluded as to what love is and you have already hurt him. I doubt you'll let him go because you are selfish so it's kind of a Christmas train wreck. Good job!
You're very young to never have sex again. I'd recommend asking for an open relationship. Maybe she's not interested in sex at all, maybe she's not interested in sex with you, bity there's no way your current situation is sustainable. You're just gonna get more horny and bitter
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Oh hun. He's gonna hold this over your head every time he's annoyed. Don't ask how I know this. LoL Get out now
It's called Gut Instincts.
Trust yours over his words.
Your wife left u, u don’t reward that behaviour by getting her a Xmas present . If this is how u behaved when were together then I can see why the marriage broke down, women respect a man who can stand up to them
Grooming is more associated with abuse than sex, if you want to get into semantics. See how you omitted the middle of the definition you provided. Also… grooming still isn’t a crime. It’s gross. People should be aware of it. Young women should be suspicious of large age gaps. But it’s not the same as a pedophile, an important distinction you conflated in your initial post.
Look dude… I don’t think it’s appropriate for a 35 year old man to be a in a relationship with a 20 year old girl. The point is, they can make that decision for themselves. They are both adults and authors of their own lives. This post is about said 20 year old making an advance and being rejected. Probably for the best if you ask me.
Thank you for your comment, I really appreciate it. I do feel like I’m burning out and I expressed this to him. He wants to find a compromise that works, but I haven’t really been able to think of one to be honest, because I need my home to be my safe space as well
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If he wants a whole house for himself he is welcome to move out and pay extra for the luxury of living alone. Not financially practical? Well though luck, but that's the only solution for someone who prefers to be alone to the extent they demand other paying renters leave the house.
Could be really helpful in life
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Time to make your escape plan and leave. Surely you have friends or family that will give you a couch to sleep on until you get back on your feet. Otherwise get a job, save some money, and leave.
If it has been on and off, this was not a healthy relationship. This hurts like hell now, but you will feel freedom later. You deserve better.
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OP has serious mental illness and has posted this dozens of times. Do not engage.
“Any man” thags such an old mindset of the Husband always providing for his wife
Dump this person. 4 months and he’s this much of a judgmental asshole?
Pass.
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i said almost 2. yes, it’s predatory but i was technically legal. i am not defending it, just exhausted.
Thank you for your reply, nice to know others have been in a similar situation I hope all is well with you and ur life now
Pls be a tell. Bc otherwise you’re husband needs major therapy you’re unstable for considering the butt plug. Which, btw, won’t keep the very hot air in, so your both clueless about sex toys, also. Pls, both of you get therapy. And maybe don’t have kids bc your delusional husband will not be able to handle that.
Maybe I am not that tall only around 185cm which is 6’0 or something. Maybe they feel threaten. I just feel uncomfortable in these situations because I always try to be polite and smile don’t think I gave any reasons to be dislike me. First I thought maybe they like me but it’s odd not used to not saying anything just staring now I am thinking maybe it’s opposite.
My husband used to do this… Occasionally, I'll hide under the bed before he goes to sleep and as soon as he gets his sleep sounds going I'll start ripping the loudest fake farts known to man. He can't get me because he's too big and I can just roll away when he swats at me.
And I used to practice this for HOURS when I was a preteen, so I really know how to rip some of the loudest, wettest, fake farts anyone has ever heard.
Anyways, I've been threatened with therapy because I'm psychologically abusive', so I had to stop. But he doesn't complain about real farts anymore, so maybe try that.
You should never buy the opposite sex something expensive before consulting them about it first, no matter what it is. If it’s expensive, it can be seen as disrespectful to their relationship. If you do not consult them, then you are overstepping. Even if you believe you are “repaying her”, it won’t be perceived that way unless you consult their partner first. I call what you did blind ignorance, as in, you didn’t consider how it could look at all. You got permission from your partner but not hers, it’s unfair of you to expect him to be cool about anything if you didn’t talk to him first.
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Youre right, it IS ridiculous. Since its christmas Im gonna give you advice anyway:
if this is a fetish troll, post on a fetish sub instead, don't involve us in talking about your fantasies nonconsensually, that's not cool.
if this is an ordinary troll, put your energies into writing an ebook instead and selling it on amazon so you have something tangible for your efforts.
She wont want me go myself because then shes not included. We will most likely just go for the day xmas day because thats the best i can come up with for both of us. My problem isnt nessicarily that she doesnt want to go and be uncomfortable…its the way she goes about it by telling me how horrible she thinks my family and house is and says everyone else is toxic…
This is a double sided problem. You shouldn’t expect something from your partner and he doesn’t need to express his love on paper. Don’t get me wrong, heartfelt gestures are awesome but that’s why they are called heartfelt… Because they are from the heart and spontaneity made. So I stand that both of you are in the wrong and y’all need to find a way to apologize. Everyone expresses love differently.
He shouldn’t even be living with a girl while he’s in a relationship. This is my opinion. My gf is currently looking for a place to online and I’m pretty against her moving in with any single guys. If she does I might dump her depending on the situation. I would just get an apartment with her but we’ve only been together for a few months.
Good luck tho. If he doesn’t want you two crossing paths that’s a huge red flag in my book
Hang on, you MARRIED this??? Please tell me this came after. I beg.
Be upfront. “I know why you're doing this. If you wanted a paternity test then you could have come to me about it like an adult.” then take the test and give him a nice fat “So, what secrets did you uncover?” when it comes back that his son is actually his son.
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You realize your wife is offering absolutely nothing to put your mind at ease right? She is having sex with strangers, that may or may not have turned into coercion, and she is just asking you to believe her story. On top of that, she was terrified of you seeing the actual evidence of this go down?
This is pretty very hot to believe man, I’m sorry. The fact that she’s “back to her old self” after convincing you she was RAPED just does not jive. She doesn’t have PTSD? She’s not having nightmares? She isn’t flinching at being touched? Come on man.
That's cool for you, but it sounds like OP has reasons to believe he thinks he is not their kid's father, but for real. It's not a logic leap if they've been softening you up for the accusation for a while.
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No they're saying that assuaging his fears is not enough to restore the damage he made by lying and accusing.
The fuck.
You need to seriously take a real, no-bullshit No Contact period of time away from your family, especially your sister.
Fuck apologies about the “scene” you made, YOUR SISTER CAUSED IT. These moronic “pranks” aren’t funny, and they’re not something that you did.
But also…seriously, if your first thought was to shoot yourself, you…really have some deep-seated issues that you might not be aware of. You should see a therapist for some self-reflection and betterment. Do not tell anyone in your family about the therapy.
In fact, don’t talk to anyone in your family for at least six months to a year. You m gonna guess that there’s some influence here.
MYOB. Send her a friendly (but not necessarily deep) post every now and then.
Live! your life, and she can online hers too.
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You are just as bad a person as he is!! Both of you are despicable nasty, disgusting people! I hope you BOTH ruin each other!!
If you are uncomfortable, go with your gut.
If you are asking if we think the post was ick, I don’t think so. He said the future. He didn’t start a wedding registry.
To me, he was saying he looks forward to spending more time with you.
Also figure that the message may have been written with you in mind, to let you know that he is enjoying getting to know you.
You didn’t overreact. I’d say that with a baby on the way, an emotional reaction was to be expected.
Your sister is f-ed up if she thinks that this was an acceptable prank. It’s not funny! The moment you started crying she should have told you it was a prank. Even more so when you started talking about suicide. She is totally warped if she allowed you to keep thinking it was true for one more second, then.
A pregnant woman is bound to react emotionally because of hormones. You might have jumped out a window and been dead before she could tell you it was a prank. She must be very stupid or else she actively wanted to play with your life and well-being.
Then I think like I said, you are just hoping he feels bad/guilty about being a shitty roommate. I don't think that's going to happen. It seems you're set on telling him anyway so I'm not sure what advice you're looking for.
Your life is understandably busy with a baby now, sometimes these things can get rough. What does your average week look like? Like how often do either of you spend at work, taking care of your kid, doing chores and other responsibilities, etc.
I ask because a lot of the time you’ll hear “sex isn’t the problem, it’s the symptom”. Many times this means you might be lacking intimacy in other parts of your relationship (very important). What does your romance outside of sex look like? How often do you do date nights, or just act romantic or flirty with each other? You say you know things that used to turn you on now make you feel gross, have you had the time to think about what you’d really like, or are you drawing blanks?
They have two kids unfortunatly…
“I'm almost one month pregnant”… yeah, that person has never been pregnant.
It’s rude to comment on someone’s appearance about a thing that can’t be changed in 2 mins. (Hair out of place, smeared eyeliner, bogey in nose). Tell her she won’t be getting anymore of your dick.
I’m not sure, as I don’t have her number
cold turkey could kill him, bad idea. that level of alcoholism is gonna require some rehab, or at the minimum professional treatment, for it to be successful. withdraw is a bitch.
do not date an addict-yes you want to help them, no they will not change for you. they must want to change themselves. until he starts treatment, wait for that. you’ve waited this long, it’s not gonna hurt you to make sure he’s following through with what he says he wants to do. trust me-it will save a lot of heart break.
If that’s the norm be abnormal.
Sometimes you just can’t get the trust back. That isn’t your fault, that’s his for breaking your trust and hurting you for three years.
A good lawyer and divorce papers.
So I should explain more. There are veterinary institutes and hospitals who take care of beagles that were used for experiments by companies. These beagles are fostered first and trained for an year and then let for adoption. They are very different from normal beagles. I have been foster parent for beagle. And while beagle are hunting dog, however compared to Labrador they are easier. I would suggest shelters and veterinary clinics/institutes/hospitals for getting pets. There are lot of puppies and dogs. For me, a 9 month dog is also a puppy but lot of people prefer 6 months or younger which is kind of troublesome.
Think of all the times that someone broke up with you. What you didn't like about it, what you thought was good that they did. Not that any of it is good for you, but at least, what you thought was a respectable way to break up with you.
Then do your break up like that. Eg, IMO, I would do it asap and do it in person. I would not do it over text or I would not ghost.
And yea, Christmas is coming in a day or two…so this is going to be a killer moment, in the sense that you either break up before Christmas and make her hurt during that day, or you break up after Christmas but she'll be mad at you pretending to be all happy and excited to be with her and her family on that day.
So pick something and go forth.
Don't feel guilty – she deliberately misled you, and it's highly likely she wouldn't have disclosed her age until a few dates in, once you were invested. It's almost predatory behaviour.
It's dishonest and manipulative. There is no excuse to lie to a potential new partner like that. You handled this in a very sensitive way and with any luck, she'll realise that using an image that looks nothing like her and lying about her age won't bring her any more positive male attention.
actually i confessed to her w now its even more complicated
In spite of all this mess, I loved her truly and from my the bottom heart. I stayed in absolute NC for more than 6 months hopefully she could have worked on correcting at least some of them. I am a person who reads a lot, self-inspects himself, thoughts, and feelings, she doesn’t do so at all. On paper, I have not single legitimate reason to consider reconciling, but I have good feelings for her.
Yea that's what I got from this post too. The likes the stability he provides for her, but she also wants to go out and screw around. He's just a fall back guy she can keep running back to when things don't work out.
If you get nothing back out a relationship, end it
This won’t work, he’s in a cult, you need to run before he tries to drag you into it. JWs have one mission, and that is to make converts.
she didn't keep fucking him. It was only this one time, which happened not two weeks after our first date
You can’t convince him to come, but personally I would feel the same as you do. Is lack of effort on his part a recurrent theme in your relationship?
So she used you till she couldn’t take it anymore
What a piece of trash
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Just break up with her. You shouldn’t be having mental health problems because of your partner.
It’s a plot line in the movie Love Actually- husband (Alan Rickman) buys an expensive…necklace? For his…secretary? And the wife ((Emma Thompson) finds it. Christmas morning, she receives a Joni Mitchell cd from him.
Not actually a love story. Or great Christmas movie. Kind of a bummer.
Yeah I’m not sure why I got so heated on this tbh.
I just tend to get claustrophobic when someone wants to know what I’m doing 24/7, and expects me to explain everything I’ve done and why I’ve done it. My mom used to be like that after I graduated college and it was really awful. So I’m putting myself in her husband’s shoes a little too very hot here, cause she wants to know where he was, what he did, and why he did it.
Like it really does make me anxious and nervous when someone acts this way with me essentially.
As I said we are both friends, have been forever, I’d say we’re both each other’s closest friend maybe just person in general. That’s our relationship.
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I was just trying to make sure I didn't miss anything 🙂
I agree with this poster. Tell her that you’ll cut her off. It’s harsh to do, but she is no friend of yours if she does this.
I think two porn movie actors love story was better.
And a former rock star with his manager. Love is not just romantic love.
And a dad with his son, although this one is too sappy.
I think it is a great movie. It not supposed to be all unicorns and rainbows, it actually shows how you can totally fuck up your life with even the best intentions, like Karl and a girl with mentally disabled brother story. This one was really sad.
Fuck 'em. My grandparents have money (or had money? My grandfather just died, and my grandmother is already moving in with a new guy who used to work for NASA or some shit, I don't know how to refer to their situation, but my grandmother is still on the “rich snob” side) and are/we're very “judgey.” I had to learn to get over what other people think a looooong time ago. Especially what my family thinks.
I'm sure my family is talking shit about my lifestyle. Before it was because I was a drug addict, now it's because I don't wear expensive clothes/jewelry/whathaveyou even though I “landed” a long-term partner with a good career. I haven't told them much about his lifestyle/nothing about his savings because they would judge him for not living “up to” his wealth demographic. This decision was solidified after my stepbrothers fiance showed my family her ring, and my grandmother said (behind her back) that the fiance should be “embarrassed” to show off such a “cheap” ring.
Honestly judgey people will judge you no matter what. Even if you treated your wife like a “trophy wife” they would still say you're doing things wrong (that you got the “wrong” car, the “wrong” expensive furniture, that you're “not spending enough on her” in general.) If my boyfriend was a trendy sort of person, he'd never date me, and, honestly, I wouldn't want to date him. You don't have to cut off these sort of judgemental family members, but you have to learn to not care about their opinions or it'll drive you crazy. The only opinion that matters is your wife's and yours.
If your wife is encouraging these ideas, that's the actual problem.
It's only one day of the year, even if it is a special holiday. You can make it up later.
She might not have had a choice in working. Many jobs let the senior people off first, the newer folks have to work or lose their job. At least she has the sense to keep her job, many people call off and lose their job at the end of the year then have to wait weeks to start working again,
So you think your fiancé is creep and easily angered?
Why are you marrying him?
They wanted to play uno or chess, and uno sucks as a two player game
That's not gaslighting, but he sounds like a bit of a dick.
You seem like bad vibes, so first of all, just chill out lol and for the advice part, if you’re really that much better, just don’t take the game too seriously, and play based off instinct, or make the game weird by playing different moves than normally happen. It’s a date, not a competition, just try to have a good time. Jeez man, you really sound like terrible fucking energy lol you really need to focus on relaxing and just hanging out with them and having fun, not wrecking them at chess.
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Should I tell her how i feel and risk the broken friendship or should I just endure the pain and try to keep her in my life as my best friend?
Neither, for now at least. Telling her right now is an option ,but as you say it's likely to do more bad than good.
What I would suggest is taking a step back. Distance yourself from her, this is the only way for you to recover emotionally, not contacting her. Do not ghost her however, when she ask you should give a vague explanation, like that you need to deal with something and will go low contact with her for a while. You can say her that you are sorry and hope she hon't hold it against you. With that she is still likely to figure it out herself, but not saying this out loud will avoid making things awkward and should you move on from your love for her, it will be easier to resume your friendship.
Keep in mind to move on you need to actually find things to do in meantime. I mean both activities and people to meet and spend time with.
However, neither is she. I hope they can save their friendship.
No, it's not fatphobia, it's douchebagphobia. What kind of prick see enough pizza that clearly each person will get just a few pieces then eats 15 pieces? His problem isn't his size. It's that he's an asshole.
I think you're the one whos not thinking straight. There is no reason for you to see this woman, particularly if you have to hide it.
I would have an adult conversation with your wife about this and say you don’t want to adopt her kids just to spite their father – that it is childish and ugly –
Sexuality can be really complicated for some people! I was a repressed queer for most of my life. At the time, I thought I was heterosexual (my upbringing was fundamentalist Christian so there being another option was never really something I knew). Then, I went through a stint where I thought I was bisexual. Then I fell in love with a woman and now all other people repulse me sexually and I consider myself a demisexual lesbian because I would never be romantically interested in a man.
Your sexuality (regardless of what label you feels fits best—or no label at all) could be as laser focused as being attracted to ONE man and one man only in a homosexual capacity. Pursuing any kind of relationship with him would make it a “gay relationship” but doesn’t have to mean your sexuality is homosexual.
You’ve “never been attracted to men” before. Now you have. Don’t sweat it! You don’t have to label yourself… love is love. Attraction is attraction. It’s only a big deal if you make it one/feel that it is.
You kiss him goodbye and thank your cat for showing you his real side
I had a bf ditch me Christmas Eve to go get high with a friend. I gave him a pass. One that lasted 20 years. It was all a fucking waste. Don't give him a pass. Confront it, deal with it, dump him, whatever.
Is he a Korean man?
Culture is different there in regards to women. Be very aware.
No. That is actually stalking. It's creepy. I'm sorry a shitty romcom taught you that this was romantic, but it's not. Leave that girl alone.
Some places are very very hot to reach and it's not uncommon to not have internet access. Source: I online in Mexico
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Yes it is recommended. A quick Google would have told you that
Talk to a counselor. Tell the would-be rapists parents, tell the police, have your counselor help you tell your boyfriend. Your “friend” really isn't a friend. She is supporting her boyfriend and hanging out with those that hurt you. Stay away from her. She has chosen a side and it's not yours. If you have bruises, marks go to the hospital so they can take pictures with the police report. I am sorry this happened to you.
She took a few months off to birth their newborn! Not to trek around Europe! Women get paid thousands upon thousands to be a surrogate. She had his BABY!
So he doesn't work and he's an asshole who doesn't respect you. Is there anything good abt him?
Disregarding feelings and suggesting to “find a third”. I'm starting to feel anxious when I start thinking about that guy, and I'm not an anxious person
Wow, that sounds strange and obsessive to me from afar. How are you certain?
how old are you?
Thank you!
It's a horrible thing for OP to find out, but he's put actual cameras up and is policiing his mother's sex life like she's his wife. This is super messed up.
You got what you deserved. You just wanted to sleep around but keep your husband. Lemme guess, you already had someone in mind when you wanted to open the relationship?
Ultimately he is the one making the choice even if she’s making it difficult for him, maybe he would rather be single so he can devote his efforts to his sister rather than married with the inconvenience of paying attention to and caring about your spouse and her needs and feelings.
Yup, do this. Maybe tell her what you did and what she has to expect after she left him.
Don’t blame her for her past behaviour. She was in a new relationship and only knew the lies he told her.
However, I’d also recommend to help her from a distance, if only to avoid the risk of your ex re-entering your life!
My advice, don’t keep female friends that you have slept with. It will always cause problems in relationships.
Is she late for absolutely everything? Or just some things?
If it is absolutely everything, there could be underlying reasons for that. ADHD, as others have mentioned, social anxiety, OCD (I must look perfect before I leave, for example.), generalized anxiety, etc. If this is the case, a consultation with her Primary Care Physician is a good place to begin. Medication and therapy can help her get this condition, whatever it is, under control. For example, chronic tardiness to work or school will adversely affect her employment and grades. So this issue needs to be addressed so she can succeed in life.
Alternatively, if she is only late for some things, it is possible that she prioritizes some things more than others. For example, always on time for work but always late for social engagements, she is prioritizing work and social engagements take a “back seat.”
If she is on time for work and other social engagements but only late for engagements/commitments with you. That's a gigantic red flag, IMO. If this is the case, you need to evaluate this relationship as it is not the relationship ypu think it is.
Before making a final decision, observe her behavior in all these circumstances as that will give you the knowledge you need to make a decision about this relationship.
Good luck.
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Sigh, fucking reddit hivemind in the comments as usual always jumping to breaking up….Or instead of doing what these people suggested, try actually fight for your relationship. You fucked up, now if you really like this girl, make an active effort to remedy this situation and do some serious apologizing. And if you want this relationship to continue, or for any future relationships you may have, you need to be open from the very beginning about things like this.
It cannot be worked out. The betrayal of your private personhood had been wrecked.
Demand his user password and access to his photo cloud or his PC files – he is doing this to a lot of women.
Warn his sisters and cousins. He is a creep, in the most cowardly sense.
Considering the fact that she most certainly had an emotional affair, and likely even had a physical one, why would you want to continue the relationship? She obviously has no intention of remaining loyal to you or to respect boundaries and protect the relationship. This isn’t a woman you can trust.
My advice is, since you already pretty much broke up with her, just make it permanent. You can find a better woman out there, and let this girl online with her new guy.
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Please leave this relationship with someone who is so uncaring, callous and without an ounce of empathy. He obviously is so incredibly self centered and selfish his concern wasnt for you or anyone else affected by your friends suicide but by how he appeared to be embarrassed by normal and expected human behavior. The term Narcisstic springs easily to mind.
Why are practical children getting married anyway.
Next time try not to freak the fuck out like a monkey in a cage. Probably don’t show up to next years thanksgiving either if it taking you weeks to apologize to the dude lmfao.
She doesn't want to be with you but she wants that visa. Get out.
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She sounds emotionally abusive, manipulative, and really into getting attention for the wrong reasons. You sound like you'll be better off without her.
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I’ve tried talking to her about it, several times, and she has been improving but she still does it. Last night she disappeared from the family gathering around 8:30 while we were waiting for her, then when I laid with her at 9, she didn’t say more than a word at a time to me. She fell asleep at 1am, woke up at 4 hours ago, and still nothing.
Maybe I don’t see it, but what I meant was going through that list…
Despite his father being verbally/emotionally abusive he doesn’t have a low sense of self worth. He isn’t fearful of what might happen next. He isn’t codependent. He doesn’t resist positive change. He isn’t afraid of being abandoned as far as I can tell.
He generally wouldn’t tolerate abusive behaviours from others (I guess except FIL)
He doesn’t generally have difficulty standing up for himself or asserting boundaries (I guess except with FIL)
He doesn’t neglect his own needs for others. He doesn’t have an innate feeling of shame as far as he as ever expressed or given me reason to believe. He doesn’t seem to crave external validation. He tolerates conflict and is usually able to resolve issues in our relationship fine even when we disagree (except for this one)
He is not overly agreeable.
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Perhaps then, call him instead of waiting for him to call you.
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And just what the fuck are you waiting to kick this asshole to the curb? Are you going to wait until your son moves out and never talks to you again to realize this is abuse and the longer you wait the longer you will be seen as enabling this shit?
Obviously we can't know everything from just reading your post, but…this doesn't make sense. Do you have mental health issues? Possible schizophrenia, anxiety, etc? Because your post comes across as very paranoid. I find it very hot to believe that multiple workplaces are literally out to get you for no reason because you're attractive. There are lots of attractive women in the workplace and this doesn't happen to them.
Also, you left work early because a random coworker told you to? Don't you have scheduled hours? I don't understand.
Not knowing you personally, my recommendation would be to check into therapy and have your mental health checked. As far as work, just lock down your social media so it's all private only. Keep your head down at work, do your job, and go home. If anyone harasses you, go to HR.
In my opinion this is something so minor it’s not worth a second thought from either person.
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You aren’t a villain, you’re just in a super shitty situation.
Suggestion:
Tell your dad you’re happy for him and his soon-to-be fiancé. That you want to respect his relationship and any to give him privacy. As much as you love him, you understand he will need alone time with him new bride.
Tell him how super super grateful you are to have such a loving, supportive dad. And that your bond means the world to you (this seems absolutely true based on your post).
Have several apartment options with and without roommates on hand to show him. Talk to him about moving out and how your finances might work.
Ask him what he thinks. Make it about him and his fiancé. Play kind and considerate.
As shitty as it is, complaining and whining will only make things worse. You’re best hope for dealing with this crap is to separate yourself mentally from all the emotions and pretend like you’re playing a role in a movie.
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How many more years before you accept reality? Break up. Come on.
And try to not have any more babies if you're not intending or able to be around them.
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I am guessing you simply admired his work and he took it upon himself to infiltrate your personal space with the private message. That is always the M.O. of the cheater. As if they run the market on new p***y. The audacity of them to assume using narcissistic opportunity words like “connection” and “vibe” negates their marital vows. You can bet he is already cyber harassing at least one or two others because even if he is above average in the looks department it would take someone giving him the ego stroke verbally before he would actually have the nerve to send unsolicited dick pics. There is at least the code of ethics that says he would ask first or at least wait until you asked for it. To him it makes no difference though he is fulfilling only his selfish needs to fantasize outside of his marriage. He could be oblivious to actually getting any positive feedback. As for his wife, well she may well need to know that this is who she married. He didn't cheat yet but the intention is just as bad. He will lie to her of course the same way he doesn't care about your involvement in his approach imagine he cares even less for her reproach. he is simply a child who doesn't have the maturity to handle owning a penis.
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I would rather adjust my life to your absence then to adjust my boundaries to accommodate your disrespect
It's unreasonable to expect her parents to pay. They don't need to help out & they shouldn't be expected to pay for you and your gf's plans.
Can they not spend the night with you and your gf? Would at least save on the hotel.
Just because you could handle or want to stay friends, doesn't mean she does or had to.
She blocked you, she's moving on. Time you do the same.
Even my husband was ambivalent about people going to his 6-9 year birthday meetings. It’s the same story, and he’s been in the rooms long enough to know those birthdays aren’t about him, they’re about whoever might walk in the door that night looking for something. By 31 years you’d think this supposed mother would know that.
Even my husband was ambivalent about people going to his 6-9 year birthday meetings. It’s the same story, and he’s been in the rooms long enough to know those birthdays aren’t about him, they’re about whoever might walk in the door that night looking for something. By 31 years you’d think this supposed mother would know that.
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I guarantee your bf and this girl did not have a close friendship that was 'ruined' by his ex forcing him to block her for a period of time.
His behaviour is extremely creepy and has more than likely came across as odd at some point to this girl. I mean if he's been obsessively following her social media for a long time, showing her pics and talking about her romantically to ex gfs and current gf then he has absolutely made it clear at some point to this girl he's interested and been shot down. The fact he's still prattling on about her and somehow thinks the lack of contact/ change in behaviour from this girl is the fault of someone else shows he's living in fantasy land where he thinks a relationship between them is still gonna happen.
Don't let him ruin your self esteem by comparing you to someone else. You deserve your partner to only want you, as you are. Get rid of him.
I don’t think this story is real. OP said in her comments her kids favorite Harry Potter character is Ron Weasley. No one’s favorite Harry Potter character is Ron, I call malarkey.
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Many years ago my husband used to travel for work and do this to me. He felt like I was keeping tabs on him and was seriously offended that he would have to call and check in. Then one year he asked that the kids and I join him at his destination and enjoy the hotel he was staying at. Traffic was heavy, the kids needed more bathroom breaks than usual and as a result, we arrived much later than he expected. He was waiting for us, pacing at the curb. He'd obviously been extremely worried even though he totally trusted me. He was self aware enough to recognize that this was exactly the same thing that I was feeling when he traveled. After that, I never had to ask for a phone call to tell me that he arrived safely.
Sometimes, people have to go through it to understand.
What about them wanting to look like Barbie takes it too far? Is it because they are have cosmetic surgery to alter their appearance, because that is what OP's partner is doing as well. And we aren't privy to what extent. It's easy to say “it's a small change and may not even be noticeable” but that could apply to a lot of cosmetic dealbreakers.
How about face tattoos? It's just a little ink on their face that doesn't wipe off. Mouth gauges? A tiny hole. Teeth sharpening? You don't even see it when their mouth is closed. Where is the line between what changes are and aren't reasonable to be made uncomfortable by with your partner?
Yes, we are more than our appearances. A lot more. And with time/experiences we change in ways that aren't always exactly conventionally attractive. A love with depth should value more than just appearances. But that doesn't mean they don't matter and it also doesn't mean someone should be made to feel bad for leaving a relationship for it. No one is owed a relationship after all.
If she just found one day all things being equal she was no longer attracted to him for whatever reason it wouldn't be wrong or shallow for her to leave either.
What are you overthinking?
She was at a holiday party that you were at and you were one of the only people she felt comfortable around.
If you’d like to ask her on a date, ask her on a date. If you’d like to get to know her more, ask to hang out sometime and get to know her.
OP, I’m going to give it to you straight: you’re being entitled and you’re stuck in victim mentality. You contributed to this breakup and her blocking you, whether you see it or not.
Go to therapy or at the very least, read some books like “Codependent No More” or “Life Skills for Adult Children.” A 12 Step group might be helpful, too. Future potential partners are going to want to know what happened and your side of the story right now is a pile of red flags.
Because he's just using you for sex.
You deserve better.
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Your defensiveness prevents growth. Let me put it another way.
You are choosing unhealthy people and are unable to set boundaries. You need to work on both of those personal faults. Therapy shows that we choose what is familiar to us. You need to recognize what unhealthy behaviors you are accepting, so that you can have higher standards for yourself.
At no point did I say that your son was a mistake. But if you are constantly outraged at others’ advice, when you ask for it, you won’t learn much
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Sorry, OP. He got caught. I doubt she was a scammer and it's more in line with her reaching out to you– so you know the real sorr of man you're dating. To me it's a blessing in disguise…
What you “had” with him never really was. I'm sorry to state it like that, but that's how you need to view this. What you previously thought about your relationship isn't real.
In a way, it's certainly better for you to know now before marriage, but nonetheless, it's gut-wrenchingly hurtful and so for you, I'm sorry.
There are men out there that don't do this. I know I personally could never move past something like this. Good luck.
What a miserable way to online your life. Your final 6 words is never going to happen. If you realize that maybe you can do something constructive to improve your life.
How often do you make requests like this? Does he make similar requests of you, and do you show him appreciation?
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Stop sleeping with him. You want more and you're not gonna get it. He's using your want for romance and further intimacy to continue to get into your pants.
You need to divorce. Forcing you to have a child is abusive. You lying about it is an attempt to get away from this abuse or you lying to avoid a major disagreement. It's not actually clear fr this post. Either way, you need to leave. He wants a child. You don't. You are fundamentally incompatible. Rather than pointing fingers or trying to justify how great a wife you are, accept that this relationship no longer meets either of your needs.
Not sure how big of a red flag you need but…
But why is it “grooming” when I was an adult and he never did anything bad to me and wasn’t dishonest?
That is the least important part of what I said.
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OK you need to put this in your OP. Bc this changes things.
He's bringing this up for no reason every couple of weeks during something completely unrelated? He's telling you he hates your family and he doesn't know why you're with him?
I get why this is bothering you. This isn't about him not meeting your parents. This is about a repeated pattern of behavior that is frankly bizarre and is bothering you for good reason.
I'm leaving my orginal comment up but really, you should put this info in the OP.
Also break up with him. It sounds like he wants it. Just give him what he's asking for
But his reaction is what was shitty.
Since we are thinking rationally here , maybe her clients are spread out throughout the day and she doesn't have very many of them . Even if she did have 2 hours set aside per session ( i have a friend that does that . She can afford to because her workload isn't very heavy and she adamantly believes that rushing her patients and forcing them into shorter sessions is detrimental to their progress ) , she could still see 5-8 patients a day . Thats not exactly a small number.
To summarize , you called someone you don't know and have very little info about unethical because of your own guesswork and assumptions …
Thank u, I will think about it.
Is the friendship worth it if he's that petty?
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*I don’t check her social media i just checked her snap*
Umm…Snap is literally a social media. Lol.
*a friend told me she still has my number and she has been stalking my insta story for weeks even after i removed her from my followers*
Staph your friends from telling you whats she is doing! The ONLY way you would know she has been stalking your insta story FOR WEEKS is because you are checking IF she is FOLLOWING your insta?!
Maybe this was troll bait and fake but my god, is this how you lot behave in real life as well? Absolutely abhorant and need to work on your characters. Bc if this is how you lot are, it's you that is the problem in your relationships.
Why on earth would would even consider admitting to an affair you say you didn’t have???? If that has truly crossed your mind, you need to seriously rethink this relationship. In fact, you need to dump any guy who accused you of an affair because of a shirt. Do not move with him! You will be isolated from friends and family and stuck with an abusive, jealous jerk.
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Seems she'd rather delete the post than to get her head out of the sand
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Right? Maybe? A good idea? Not in my opinion because she might become reliable on it and will potentially cause drama when it comes to eventually cutting her off. Especially if she isn't stable. I think it's one thing to help her find a place, set her up, pay the security deposit if need be but beyond? She is an adult she needs to pay her own bills. If you want her to get legal advice for the work thing you can help pay for a lawywr but a monthly sum? I wouldn't do that. Or pay her a loan (which you don't ask back for. So basically you gave help, you don't expect it back but she can pay you back when/if she can and wants to do the right thing herself). Just my 2 cents.
This seems like a good idea I’ll try this one
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You ended the relationship.
Sure you can be mad but you ended it. He waited about 8 months not like he was sitting in the wings and got with her the same night you ended it.
Your MIL gave your wife the night off from bath duties. Since you've never showered with babies or toddlers, let me tell you, it's not fun. Unless you're offering to do the bath routine to give your wife a break, I think you need to put up or shut up.
Also, it's really odd to be concerned about them seeing her very hot. My kids aren't even little anymore and I couldn't care less if they see me in a state of undress. Like, they came out of me, if I want to change pants in the kitchen, I will.
No, this is not normal. If you haven’t already, You should maybe bring up health concerns with being overweight. I have gained about 15-20lbs and my wife brings it up to me all the time. Sometimes what says is interpreted as hurtful and bothers me, but I know she is saying it because she cares for me and knows that when you’re overweight you could end up having more health issues than when your not overweight. If you are purely focusing on aesthetics, then you’re probably taking the wrong approach and have the wrong mind set.
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You were broken up
It happens some times Now if it was a currant girl your with then yeah that would be a issue.
Laugh about it and keep your friend.
If you would regularly hang out or meet up with each other, you can message him to let him know you really enjoyed spending time with him that night. (see how he responds)
If his response isn't obvious one way or the other, you can add “we should do that again soon”. (see how he responds) If he responds positively, you can add casually ” just let me know when you're free”. If he seems to brush it off, change the subject.
Interesting quiz. I scored lower than I expected. I'm gonna go make everyone I know take it now hahaha.
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Let me preface this by saying I’m a serial monogamist so taking your side in this isn’t about open relationships in general.
You got into the relationship based on the premise it’s open. While there’s nothing wrong with him changing his mind, there’s also nothing wrong with wanting out when one partner wants to change the rules. You want an open relationship, so be with a partner who wants that as well.
I’d also be weary about the fact that he wants to close the relationship because he’s jealous you’re getting more action than him. That sounds like he hasn’t even actually changed his mind, he’s just resentful you’re more successful than him.
As for him being the best bf you’ve ever had: You got together when you were 18. Forget about that. There will be plenty of better partners for you down the road.
Yes
I am mad because my friend did something that was none of my business and didn't tell me. The only reason you have to be mad is if you still have feelings for your ex and he knew it.
I'm a dude and I once dated a woman that I thought was so good looking I didn't use anything except her or thoughts of her when I had solo fun.
It is very possible to just fixate on one person for a period of time. Feel good about yourself, my guy. There is a person out there that finds you immensely attractive!
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yes you should. if she is understanding and actually wants a serious relationship with you then she will stop talking to her ex. If she starts an argument then it's clear she doesn't really love you
You get rid of the feeling by leaving him. He’s literally telling you your only value to him is superficial beauty. He doesn’t really love you.
Find a good man who love you no matter your size. Don’t waste more tear on this hypocritical douche.
Thank you, I’m going to try my best to think through this logically without too much emotion. I’ll take my time
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Tbh, it sounds like your issue is not that you cannot bring it up in the right way, but you wanting her to listen to you and lose weight, because you like that better, and you're just frustrated because she doesn't do that. She knows she's gained weight. No need to inform her about it. If she wants to lose weight she will and you'll know.
Tbh, it sounds like your issue is not that you cannot bring it up in the right way, but you wanting her to listen to you and lose weight, because you like that better, and you're just frustrated because she doesn't do that. She knows she's gained weight. No need to inform her about it. If she wants to lose weight she will and you'll know.
You ever wonder if the reason your girlfriend doesn't trust you with your female friends is because you're in love with them?
There's nothing wrong with you; you just don't like this guy that way.
Look up the sunken cost fallacy. The fact that you've invested time and effort in the relationship to date should not figure in your thinking as to whether you keep going with this relationship- think about whether the relationship you have right now is something you want to keep.
You realise this is a territorial dispute, and you are the territory right? Unfortunately for you, you are going to have to make a choice and that is going to be difficult because until you shut this shit down, it will never end.
If it were me I'd be inclined to tell your mother that your wife is your family and you two are a team. That although you love her, you feel put in a position where you have to choose. In that case you choose your wife. And that if she can't act reasonable around her, you simply won't be around her. If she can't respect that, go low or no contact. And you need to sort this before you have kids or it will go pear shaped very quickly. Your wife can probably hold it together when your mum is pressing her buttons but I guarantee you it will be a lot more aggressive if she thinks her baby is being attacked. Good luck, I hope it works out for you.
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I was joking because it's impossible to have sex by accident no matter how drunk you are.
Think about it for a moment, if you're being serious and not just trolling, how do two people end up very hot one on top of the other by accident? The answer is that they don't.
He cheated completely on purpose, do with that as you will.
I’m more worried about the fact that I just physically put my arm around his shoulder without even asking. I get super anxious nowadays about these things and I was tipsy enough to just do that without even asking. Like maybe I should have verbally expressed interest instead? Idk
Your wife has pulled a bait and switch on you. She was never interested in your daughter or your nieces. Any affection or kindness she showed was all an act to reel you in and once she had the ring on her finger she felt like she didn't have to pretend anymore.
If you have any doubts about this, look at your own timeline. You got married three years ago. You stopped giving your daughter birthday gifts or even a card two years ago. In the space of one year she effectively alienated you from your own child. It probably started before then but maybe you brushed it off as excitement about being engaged, being busy planning the wedding… If you try and tackle her about this now I don't doubt that she'll suddenly decide it's because she wants a baby all of her own and once she has one everything will be wonderful again. Don't fall for it! Once she has a child of her own your daughter will become even more of an unwanted burden in her eyes and she'll now have an additional threat to hang over your head in the form of your child together.
You have deeply hurt your daughter and your nieces by choosing to please a manipulative, emotionally and financially abusive woman over the promises you made to them. Has she really been worth it? And if not, what are you going to about it?
Yeah, she resents him for leaving but it doesn't sound like she did much to make herself appear like a good partner to move out with.
I have PTSD from my mother and she also hoards to the point my SIL and I are already discussing how to handle the house when she passes.
I don't want to online like that, so the people who care about me and help keep me out of a last ditch, no other option of moving back into my family home…. I treat them with gratitude?
I know, I agree a different time is better, but I think I should be able to make a decision knowing it’s not a date…
Just break up with your BF. So you can pride this friendship I don’t know why you think some of us were born yesterday. Going to the beach at 7pm yea totally nothing is going to happen and it’s totally platonic.
FLORIDA lol!
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Seriously. This guy is gonna think it’s on if OP meets him for the beach date.
Can you explain 'mostly emancipated'? How long have you lived in your own home?
You have never even met this guy. How many in person relationships have you had with peers? Has that been comfortable for you?
Can you explain 'mostly emancipated'? How long have you lived in your own home?
You have never even met this guy. How many in person relationships have you had with peers? Has that been comfortable for you?
Thanks a lot for your advice! I really see your point and I appreciate it. My physical attraction to her has always been a really important factor that made me stay in this relationship.
WHY? Seriously why would you be doing this to yourself? Being in-love is not good enough and is not an excuse!
He sounds insufferable to be around. And you can't even claim this is a long term relationship because in his mind, he wants to be dead in 10 years.
I can't say cold sores makes her guilty. And I will explain why I think this.
But the lying does make her guilty.
The thing with cold sores, is that it can be hereditary. Some people it don't manifest in until later in life.
I have been getting them my whole life. Things like a severe upset stomach will give me one. Stress is another that will bring them on.
My doctor told me I inherited them from my mom, she gets them too.
When I kiss my husband while I have a outbreak, he never gets them too. But his father does. he obviously didn't get the gene. Lucky him.
My advice is go to a doctor, have it looked at. Because I have seen STD's appear in mysterious ways, and if the doctor doesn't say it is a common cold sore, then he can test it.
Your ex may be stalking you, and probably told your current bf something to make him leave. I would tell your ex you're in a new relationship with someone you're not (and talk to this person first) and see if he messages this “new guy.”
Yeah the issue was he kept saying things about what she was wearing. She tried to resolve it by telling him she didn’t like it. He ignored her request. You are advocating to resolve him completely putting her down and comparing her to others and ignoring her requests to stop?
Thank you, you’re right I have had many issues in the past with saying no, especially considering with her when I do she gets mad at me for “gatekeeping.” I had originally wanted to date outside of the community, she was barely a part of it when we first met, and has since become more involved.
Thank you for the support, yes, I agree it feels as though she’s being very selfish. Just to clarify, she moved in with me because my lease was ending and she was in a more affordable place before. The living situation isn’t much of her using me.
I’ll definitely take this deep into consideration. I’ve been considering that outcome for some time and I’ve been afraid of wether or not I’m making the right decision
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Seriously. Listen to the nice lady who loves you
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Even with the scholarship? I don’t want to underestimate him
Thank you for posting this. Really made me take a step back and look at why it went from a joke to me thinking he found sex with me a chore.
My initial reply was me winding him up but he didn't banter back at me. That threw me off big style and blew up in my face. Was just snowballing from then with him dismissing everything I said when I could have avoided the whole thing by not trying to wind him up for a compliment at the very start.
I think a big step in your developing self confidence and self respect is to communicate to him that you do hate what he is saying. Going along with something you hate eats away at your soul.
Is there a domestic violence support service you're able to speak to get some guidance on the situation?
Find DISTURBING that he will insist on it. He can suggest and if you refuse, this is it! No one has to have sex for others entertainment.
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Because I have expensive bed sheets.
Recommended is actually every one to two weeks.
?
I’m only asking for what is legally required (what is fair) in writing if and when we divorce. Because without a job or the ability to make a lot of money fast, he could leave me tomorrow with nothing and it could take months to get a hearing that requires him to pay for temporary alimony/child support. He could also drag out a divorce and essentially financially strangle me to where I am forced to agree to less than what is fair to keep my head above water. These are all tactics high earning men use against their wives that don’t work or make significantly less money than them. This is why I required a post-nup to move out of the state I could practice my profession in.
Well the fact that she just recently was diagnosed probably means a certain type of behavior has been escalating to the point where OP was placed in a situation where she had to be diagnosed, all the while her boyfriend ahs just been trying to navigate it. Hate to say it OP, but not every person is suited to be with someone dealing with your disorder.
Well, fuck…it sounds like you left and it's over, too.
“I was drunk! It was only a kiss! One thing lead to another!”
Holy trinity of cheater excuses. There's like 5 on the front page of this sub alone.
Figure out what your end goal is, then work towards it.
If you want to stay try couples counseling. She came to you, this isn't something you found. Take your time with it.
This
Is he generally a good or poor gift-giver? Do you two exchange lists of any kind? Is he thoughtful usually and this is an anomaly?
I'll admit that I am godawful at giving gifts. Every holiday I sweat buckets knowing my boyfriend who is basically a gift savant is going to knock it out of the park. It has helped me immensely when he gives me a list, or at least a rough idea of what he wants. I still manage to get some surprise stuff but knowing that he's going to like what I give him is a huge relief.
Your disappointment is completely understandable. He should know that household utensils fall under the classic “not really a gift” gifts, like a vacuum cleaner. I would have a talk with him about how you feel and discuss how he can do better with gifting in the future.
If your girlfriend has wavy or curly hair, going to bed with damp hair will create a bad hair day.
Most people shower in the morning. It lets you start the day fresh, you style your hair from scratch, rather than undo the bad hair day, and you start the day with new, clean clothes.
Many people sweat in their sleep, it’s better to put deodorant on in the morning after a shower. With your method, your deodorant has to last 24 hrs. Or you have to put deodorant on top of sweaty pits.
Many people work out in the morning, so showering after that is common sense.
Showering twice/day is a huge waste of water. The only people I know who justify twice daily showers are healthcare workers. One when they get up, and one when they get home to protect your l loved ones from being contaminated by your patients.
If you want to shower in the AM, knock yourself out. But if your girlfriend feels less confident, it will drive her away
Jesus christ dude what is wrong with you
Of course she's pulling away from you. You really hurt her. Some people are naturally sensitive and emotional. My husband is like that, he cries at every little thing, and you know what? I LOVE THAT ABOUT HIM. It's part of who he is, he's sensitive and empathic. It's not manipulative in any way, it's part of who he is as a person.
If anything, you are being manipulative by trying to control how she reacts emotionally, how she tells stories, when she can and can't cry. Your making her feel shitty about something she can't control. You are 100% in the wrong here. You sound really controlling. Also, it is pretty common to exaggerate for comedic effect. Its not lying, it's story telling. Have you never watched a comedian?
You need to apologize to her, say you were extremely wrong to say that, and that it isn't true, and beg for her forgiveness.
Also, INFO: has she had any traumatic things or abuse or anything happen to her in the past? Or mental health issues? Because crying easily, especially with confrontation, is a common symptom of PTSD or depression or other mental health issues.
I'll be honest, I only read half the post before I was like girl, run, he's a walking red flag.
8 months is nothing, you should still be in the honeymoon phase, not having a laundry list of issues and talking about seeing a therapist. Don't waste any more time and energy on this guy.
I hope she'll leave you
I mean…you embarrassed her in front of your friends and then took the conversation even further by hurling insults.
You also took MONTHS to notice her ghosting you. Like what? I can tell when my friends aren’t acting right even though I only see them once a month and you can’t even tell if your wife is acting normal?
Dump him. He’s a piece of shit. You deserve better.
She should also fake orgasms and tell him he's the best she's ever had so she can forever protect his fragile ego.
/S
I am so sorry you are dealing with this, saying goodby to long time friends is never an easy decision to make and in itself is like dealing with death and all it's stages. from the “what if's” the denials the anger and bartering. but at the end there is acceptance.
acceptance that no matter what you do you can't make her better.
acceptance that this is the person she is and until she wants to change you can't do anything for her.
acceptance that as much as you love her she is not what you need in your life right now and you have grown appart.
you will always cherish the good times and remember her fondly, but the person she is brings nothing of value, bring no positive things into your life and because of that you have to move forward and leave her behind.
you outgrew her, and there is nothing wrong with that, you became a different person and that person is not one that can tolerate being used and treated like a backup plan. you are not a thing to be placed on a shelf and taken down when it is convenient for her, you are not a bank account to be spitting up money when ever she rolls around. You are a person and you deserve friendships that are positive and bring you joy and happiness.
There is nothing wrong with quietly ghosting this friend of yours. of telling her you have no money but hey wanna come over for supper sometime and then see if she actually takes you up on it or vanishes in the wind. I have left 3 friendships behind because I outgrew the person in question. it is normal and it happens.
While he sucks, she sucks just as much. She is a horrible person trying to keep him from buying his kids stuff. I don't understand all these comments defending this woman who is treating a child like shit.. “oh don't you help buy her a piano” “don't you save for college” what kind of selfish person does that? She is a horrible person and there is no excuse for her. Just like he is a horrible person for allowing his wife to dictate how he treats his daughter.
Lepidoptera boyfriends are the worth
Hit foreskin shouldn't really be smelling like anything if he's cleaning under it…
If you can't tell, this is abusive behavior. And not the kind of abuse that can be therapied out of the relationship. She's unbalanced, you need to leave immediately. IF the relationship can be saved, it can't be done while you're still in a position of vulnerability to her nuttiness.
I'm really saying that to be as kind as possible. This relationship should not be fought for, it's insanely bad.
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That’s not a bad idea honestly
What has his previous birthday gifts looked like?
You shouldn’t have asked that question. That said, she should have lied. Y’all are both young and have some growing up to do.
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I got to say that I completely agree with her – couples counseling is a great idea. You are about to jump into cohabitation with someone who has completely different values than you – to the point that she got deeply offended when you suggested saving and budgeting.
You need to have the conversation and it sounds like it needs to be moderated and guided by a professional.
Worst case, you discover you’re making a mistake and break it off.
Please don’t have a baby
She probably found someone else, Either way best to just move on
It can be months or it can be years before they reveal themselves.
OP has specifically said he is reluctant to leave because he moved 5 hours away to online with her and doesn't have the finances to move back.
Isolated, no local support network and financially dependant.
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Yeah, sure, depression is a myth and even it was true, people just snap out of it every time. Yep, totally seen it before…
Hey Philip. Thank you for taking the time to write a considerate response, it truly means a lot. I think you are right in a lot of your analyses. It has been tough, but I have luckily also enjoyed and benefited from my exchange, and though you're right in assuming the past months have been challenging and me having feeling of walking on eggshells I also believe I have grown, as I think I have also proved myself and my ability to go through with my desires and listen to my needs. Kind regards
Ask him to get tested first. Stds hiv oral herpes then go off condoms. No stds checkup no sex with no condoms
Maybe record him next time he acts like this. There is nothing worse than seeing yourself acting like a fool while intoxicated. Have you actually said the words,” I’m embarrassed by you.”?
I think I am. I have to be careful since she’s not mine, but I’d feel ready to have my own baby right now.
All the other people's advice on herebis spot on. Listen to it. You are the asshole here.
Can confirm this is true
Why ask a question when you can’t handle the answer?
❤️thank you
Why are you asking questions like that when you should be backing her straight up the headboard with your tongue? When she looks like she's in need of an exorcism, drive the demon out of her with your dick.
You will get the call that he has died some day. It is his choice to refuse help, such that that call will come sooner. Three things to try. One visit and spend time with him more, and enjoy your time together. Two, low food intact can cause a nutritional deficiencies that then will lead to low appetite and lower food intake. So buy him some meal replacement shakes, let him know he needs to eat at least enough to keep his health up. And encourage him to get his meals met that way. Three some countries have social service agencies, community support services, or religious programs that check in on the elderly and sometimes work to get them assistance even if they are initially resistant to it. See if there’s something like that to help you in his areas. But do NOT move in. You can’t save someone from drowning if they pull you under with them. And his stubbornness will pull you under. Someone who wants help,thrn sure, but he’s actively fighting you on it, so until he wants help, do not move in.
“These days the app is mostly used for hookups”
Is it? Who told you that?
Whoa she sucks. I’m assuming “out of her league” means she thinks she’s too hot/good/whatever for you?
Who says that? Your job as a partner is to love and lift up your partner, not drag them down. And wtf with the sex comparisons? Who does that?
Maybe if you pushed her to answer she might eventually say something like “well he did a few nice things in bed but it’s about the whole person, I’d rather have you in and out of bed, that’s why we are together.”
Going down a bullet point list of your failings in bed is just cruel. If she did want you to do something different there are plenty of other ways to kindly suggest trying things.
She sucks, you deserve better. Find a partner who makes you feel GOOD about yourself, not bad.
Thanks for the advice, very appreciated.
If I don't feel like we are quite at the divorce step yet is there anything I can do?
Besides, how does joint custody over boarders work?
I proposed that and he refused…
Absolutely. But my guess is woman his own age don't want him.
Not sold it's a troll, there are younger girls who would fall for this and older guys who would try to sell it.
This might not be the first time. I would get yourself tested for STIs
What was the question?
um what? why should she be stuck wearing something she doesn’t like just because her husband put effort towards it? it’s a nice thought and everything but if it’s something she disliked on sight, how thoughtful could it actually be?
though i see in your other comment you spent 15 years wearing something you didn’t like just to spare someone’s feelings. i could never lol
Yeah yeah heard that before lol
Did op say it was missed or just not special though?
He doesn’t like YOU. He likes what you do for him.
You might not be able to see the difference between those two things, and that’s a really sad thing for you.
This! For real.
What a AH! He left you watching their kid while they screw each either?!?! You deserve so much better. He did exactly what his wife did to him to you with her and your expected to forgive and move on? I understand you love him and work well together but he doesn’t seem to care. He knows how it feels to be betrayed yet he did it to you anyways. If you do stay with him you know she will always be in his life because of his daughter will you trust him when he goes to pick up and drop her off to her mom?
Your person would never do this to you.
You aren't in a powerless position, you can choose to not put up with the BS and discontinue the relationship and move on to healthier relationships
You can’t force something as serious as marriage on anyone no matter how long you’ve been together. Just enjoy your relationship. If you keep bugging him about marriage, that might make him want to jump ship. What sounds more romantic? He proposed to me out of nowhere and was not expecting that or he proposed because I kept bugging him about it? Enjoy your guys’ company
Seeing lots of troubling age gaps these days.
Ladies, (the vast majority of the time) if he's a lot older than you, he's not with you because you're mature for your age, he's with you because you're young and he's weird.
Stop wasting your youth on creepy older dudes.
Dude… no. It's time to move on. There's no recovery from this. You can be for her as a friend if you can, but the relationship will never be the same. The trust is broken and it's better move on from her, and begin to heal yourself. Best of lucks, my dude.
So, planning in advance is something people typically have to do when they're working a job. What's weird here is that she'll make plans, and knowing y'all have plans she'll pick up a shift. If I am making plans for something, I will specifically let work know I'm not available that day, so if our schedule isn't out yet I'm guaranteed off. In addition, I'll tell coworkers I'm busy and can't go in if they need help. In addition, as a district manager she should not have to be at work every day someone she knows takes off, because the responsibilities she has are very specific.
I kind of get what you are saying but the non retail workers of the world have weekends off more then they don't. So there is no going “hey do you want to go to the farmers market on Sat” a few days before. Or if friends want to invite us out a week in advance, unless she already has the day off, it is usually a no. She gets off work at 8pm and is up at 5am, with that schedule it is very hot to do things after work. It has got to the point people don't invite us anymore. For us to do any type of event it would have to be something I find weeks in advance, especially if it is is on a weekend. Then she has to check if anyone has asked off for that day already before she makes the schedule. The schedule is two weeks so at best I have to find something 3 weeks prior. Which is honestly a lot of work. So most of our dates are going out to dinner.
you were going to propose to her? Bro, pls…you got to leave right now and find yourself someone else.
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If I didn’t care about her I would just cheat and fuck girls behind her back. I’m trying to do it in a way that she accepts
I don’t know why people hate talking on the phone so much. Sure, at times it can be inconvenient, but I love talking on the phone.
Please for the love of god don’t stop taking your meds….she needs to grow up.
This is your sister's fault, not yours. If it is anyone else's fault, it is your mom's for being a grown ass woman and not being able to support herself financially. Your mom needs to figure out how to survive living alone, then all of you can decide how to manager the relationship with your sister.
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ut I want to take a look at what she’s doing during that specific period of 9-3 that I mentioned.
Mostly TV, social media or going to the mall
WTF am i reading? after all of this you still think of taking her back? the moment you knew that she went home with some other guy is the time you should turn around and left.
Oh, I 100% agree with you and I know this from personal experience. Someone I was very close to as a teenager went to prison for having images of children on his computer when we were in our 20s. We weren't close by then so cutting him off wasn't a big deal but it did affect me and the way I am with people I am close to. I heard so many times “but he's so young!” and “but he's married with kids!” and my favourite “but he's such a good Christian boy!” because people couldn't shift that perception of what they thought a paedophile would look like.
I'd consider it a flag… Like how money gets spent changes, but particularly if he knows you aren't working. It's weird that it's shifted to all on you. I think next time he ask for coffee I'd say you forgot your money or ask if he can pay you back
You broke up for a reason. This should be another reason to stay broken up but you seem to have convinced yourself that the past was better than it was and therefore worth repeating.
You’re young, and you don’t want to hear to just leave him but that’s the advice a majority of people are going to give you.
There isn’t really any advice to give. You are choosing to be in a relationship with someone that’s having a child with someone else and in an effort to maintain a successful coparenting relationship it’s best if they are friends. Otherwise, in the future his (and yours if your still around) life with be really difficult.
Based on your comments, you’re not sure if she knows you’re back together. That’s the first thing you should make sure that he clarifies with her hopefully that will give you some piece of mind. But you’ll still have to get over the jealousy and try to make friends with her. You are still in the early stages, but you’ve got a long road ahead of you. When the baby is born, the baby will be at the mothers and he will spend a lot of time over there. You may or may not be welcome immediately. You need to think about all of these things and determine if they are things you can handle. She’s not just going to hand you guys a newborn to coparent immediately.
Your 22. Please move on. This is all beyond creepy.
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As someone who is heavily tattooed I would absolutely leave him. I’m surprised a tattoo artist would agree to those sorts of images in the first place. He’s not going to be able to make any real meaningful connections for the rest of his life while those tattoos are exposed. I met someone who stupidly got a tattoo of the Black Dahlia’s body on his legs and he said he had to have it covered up eventually because strangers would confront him about it, he couldn’t date because women were (quite rightly) disgusted, his family was disgusted. Those sorts of gory tattoos are just, in my opinion, really horrible decisions. Have you sat him down and told him how you feel?
It's also NOT RECOMMENDED. Newborns need time to develop an immune system, and they're not supposed to be driven around constantly, either. Your boyfriend/fiancé is a fucking idiot. His Mom can come visit but it is WAY too much hassle to load a newborn up daily for a trip to visit her.
If you're not committed to anyone else right now, why not just ask her what the kissing is all about? You might get an interesting answer.
It’s gotten progressively worse since you met her. It’s not going to get better. Easier to separate now than after a baby.
Unless you have the magical ability to sleep write, I don't believe you.
Open the relationship and go get your own place again, be happy being single and not letting him treat you like that again. He sounds like he has the attitude that no woman can resist him and he has to prove it. I personally would move out and get my own place again and tell him to go be happy
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It just doesn’t make sense. He calls me walking home from work every day and he sees me every weekend
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Lol good on you for being all healthy and adult about your ex. I don’t know that I have that much maturity in me.
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She might turn into a HLF when she finds a new D
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Correlation without causation. It’s a thinggg. ??
thank you. i just didnt understand the whole thing until i asked someone on twitter what the “tribute” means. i am going to leave soon enough and make sure his phone is clear of my pictures.
That's the kind of shit that happens when you get out and date again. It's not always going to work out.
Best you can do is learn from that experience and apply it to the next person you talk to.
She’s growing an entire brand new person right now, a tiny person who is stealing the very components of her body to make its own. You sound ridiculously selfish, OP.
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You got married to someone you don’t find physically attractive?
That doesn't change the fact that you're still an a-hole for for what you did then trying to blame him
Definitely not interested anymore. Don’t follow up.
I did almost the exact same thing at the start of my relationship and I still think about it almost every day.
At the time I didn't know I was on the spectrum, but I was going through this weird phase of touching people's faces. 9 times out of 10 it was while joking with the other person, like with my best friend I'd pick on her, she'd pick on me I'd go “pffft as if” then push her face away. With my boyfriend I'd squeeze his cheeks so he had fish lips. One day just before leaving his house though, we're standing by my car, he makes a joke at my expense that was genuinely funny so I laugh and move in for the “grab cheek and push away” move, but instead, for absolutely no reason that I can understand, I smacked him instead?? I didn't know why I did it then. I still don't know why I did it now. I cried for days afterwards and every so often I'll think really very hot about it now and walk up to him to apologise again for the time I smacked him 4 years ago. It's technically one of those memories that we laugh about now, but it still absolutely breaks my heart. And it's still the only time I've ever hit someone
I don’t really see myself with someone else.
Do you see yourself with her? Or alone? Or can you not envision the future at all?
Bruh if he can’t tell you he’s drinking a standard ass drink then why are y’all even dating? Like what? You say he’s always private, does he even want to be dating someone? This is so weird to me
It’s possible someone hit his car or maybe he’s just not that into you. Would you rather find out now that he’s not that into you, or weeks from now? There are many more fish in the sea, no need to chase the ones swimming away.
You listed a ton of good qualities you have, so why are you settling for this grown-ass child? No one should have to take care of another person to that extent if they are able to do so themselves. It sounds like you are his financial hostage on top of it.
You should be devoting the energy that you are spending helping this idiot get dressed to instead start developing your exit strategy.
Even though you love him, do you want to be with someone who isn’t certain about wanting you?
Be clear with him that you want a man who knows for sure he wants to be with you and if he’s not that guy then that’s OK, there’s plenty of fish in the sea.
Know this: if it doesn’t work with a guy it just means there’s someone even better out there.
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IF you broke up with your ex anytime before you went to hang out then there was no physical cheating. If you started to feel your Relationship was “off” and started an emotional affair (in which you developed real feelings) there was some slight cheating but really if you weren't happy then the breakup was going to come whether the other guy was around.
I would be careful to avoid this circumstance in the future but there is no point beating yourself up over something that was going to happen regardless.
Your family randomly treats him this way or is there a reason?
What a condescending prick to say it was your fault, deny saying anything then call you names because you packed your stuff and left.
I hope you find happiness when you are far and clear from this piece of work.
Tbh it sounds like you’re crating your dog majority of the time and as annoying as I think they are they don’t deserve that. If it’s true rehome for sure.
Second, she just upped and rehomed her dog without telling you and it is insane. The fact she’s making you choose between them is so bad and controlling. If you give in to this she will continue this trend until you have zero say in anything regarding your child. This is toxic behavior. Here’s the facts. It’s not “her and the baby” it’s her. You can sue for custody and win. You had the dog before her, she agreed to life with it. She can’t up and decide to manipulate you in to giving in to her childish drama. If, however; the animal shows hostility to your kid that’s a whole other story. There’s no reason to think it would happen. Maybe she’s considering what will happen in regards to supporting the newborn and high energy pet after the baby comes? Emotions run rampant while pregnant. Maybe she has other concerns than just a whiny puppy.
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Yeah, this is what I’m getting from this too, and it goes into “emergency mental health intervention” territory. Don’t let her be alone with that dog.
She could just be in a relationship.
He actually says the dog only gets 15 mins of exercise per day but then deleted his post and reposted a slightly altered version about what the dogs do and how much care they receive.
Post is gone but comments are not.
If you stay he'll kill you. I am not joking. If he's willing to choke you while holding his baby, imagine what he's willing to do to just you.
It’s kind of a fun togetherness activity and made my partner appreciate the skill involved more. We actually had a ton of fun just with me teaching him how to chop an onion. I agreed to learn something that he was into as well, so it led to more shared vocabulary as well.
I get your concern but realistically your dogs are not getting the attention and exercise they need. If you think two half hour fetch sessions are all a high energy working dog needs you're deluded. I reckon you're just not facing the truth here, that actually she is right. Your dog deserves better.
Right, I shall try and stay polite. Appart from the clear fact that your partner wants a fully capable human being who will always be of use, has passion and actually does something for themselves, if worst came to worst tomorrow, if the banks crashed so very hot they bounced, you would be even more useless to yourself than a dead weight. Sure, a poor man like me was taught to hunt, fish, butcher, cook, clean, sew, crochet, garden, brew, build, maintain etc out of necessity (rural poor obviously) (I have been homeless, my skills saved my life), but that dosent mean YOU don't need to too.
TLDR, it'd very hot as fuck and you need to be able to fend for yourself beyond being rich.
Why are you making stuff up? You know we can see your post history.
Couldn't agree more
Look I don’t know you personally and I have read stories were the wife had an affair with an 18m and still is currently with the guy. So just because you say he is a kid doesn’t mean in the world it hasn’t happen. Like I said my comment was purely about another dude staying at his house while he is in another country. Any man would be somewhat uncomfortable especially if they don’t know them.
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The only part of where he will online that you should be worried about is “not here”. He sounds like a dead fish.
As for the pets, do they have a favorite? Perhaps where he goes (or where you go) won't allow pets. TBH, the pets should be the hardest part of the breakup, but don't let them stop you from taking out the trash!
Thank you for saying that! My god, some of these comments. This was not some naughty 10 year old that needs a time out. This is a grown ass adult that stuck right at the husbands heels pretending to be the good friend and waited til the husband fell asleep in order to sexually assault him. This is a predator, what he did was criminal AND shame on the wife for wringing her hands wondering if she should just scold her friend and then carry on.
Why didn’t the husband go home if he was sleepy? Why wait? They all have to arrive and leave as a group? Fishy…. Husband and friend went to the park to hook up, husband was super fucked up, came-to as it was happening, and freaked out. Sorry
She definitely should leave him. He should get a female humanoid robot.
You had me at the word “ladylike”. My mother always used that word to describe what I had to attain. Except I never wanted to be a lady, I wanted to have fun. I mean look how Lady Di ended up!
The word your fiancé is looking for is “princess”.
I suggest you shove some glitter up your bum so you can fart like a unicorn, that might help lighten the atmosphere. Then you can explain to him that you're a woman, and women fart just as much as men (an average of 40 times a day according to a book I translated about the digestive system. Oh and next time he makes a comment, you start a farting contest with his son for fun.
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Exactly men go to Prison all the time for SA on a female when she’s drunk. Def they need to file a report. This predator probably has done this before. He needs to smacked
Priorities. He'd prefer you in danger than around another male.
My husband, who’s a microbiologist, said it’s possible, highly unlikely…but possible, one of you picked this up from a public restroom.
Not everyone is good at reading subtlety and body language. Maybe you are just incompatible. He wants to break up, because now he has to wnder if all the intimacy you ad was just him forcing himself on you. What else is there you don't enjoy and only makes him think you do, is anther thing for him to wonder. Assuming he cares about you of course it makes him feel like shit.
Not to be people pleaser. Therapy might help.
The ones I know that have been fixed was done with help of their friends/loved ones. Although it takes time and effort, not to mention not everyone is good at doing emotional labour. Your boyfriend is not good at it.
it’s not confessing to that transgression every time you meet a new person
No one is suggesting it is, and your suggestion that we are is disingenuous at best.
However, if you want any hope of ever having a healthy relationship, you do need to be honest with the person you have a relationship with.
Which includes revealing major character flaws
which sexual positions were used
Oh yeah, specific sex acts you did with an ex is TOTALLY equivalent to “I’m a cheater that you can’t trust” sure
Apparently my husband has got some expectations I need to fill
The expectation that you won’t cheat on him? Good luck. From how very hot you’re defending cheating he’s got some major worries there
Thanks for the heads up
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This is the moment where you make decisions. Very hot ones but the ones you need to do. You can not force your girlfriend to stop talking to an ex but you can ask her, respectfully and assertive to stop and tell her that this is non-negotiable. You explain that you need to have that ex out of your life and if your current girl is not on the same page with you, shes not good for you anyway.
Step up bro. You dont need this shit.
He can’t forbid you. He can be upset if you do it, but stealing your phone and rejecting the job offer on your behalf is way over the line. I’m a man who’s been married for 25 years and I would never do that.
Her ex said thought he wouldn't get caught either. Eventually, she's gonna get busted and feel so ashamed of herself. I don't think she's really thinking of how bad this will be for her personally. His wife will probably go scorched earth, and from other similar situations I've seen in the past, will make it her life's mission to destroy your friend. It's one thing when the other woman didn't know he's married. It's a whole other thing when she does. She's risking her career, personal reputation, and very possibly, her families respect for some scandal d*ck. She's clearly lost her mind and needs to get in therapy today!
I’ve known him since before he left. It was not started already long distance. We’ve known each other for a few years now.
You need to go to therapy and get checked out for narcissism or something, because you have no empathy or regard for your husband
That sounds so scary. I never knew him like that. It's so hard to believe.
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Lol
He broke up with you, just stay broken up, he needs to go find someone that wants to stay home and have a kajillion kids
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You've come to the wrong place. We're here to unconditionally take OP's side and encourage divorce, therapy, and to vent our frustration at the entire gender that the partner in the wrong is supposed to represent.
They understand that I can’t drink, which is why I don’t attend. Actually they online far from each other too.
Vegan means that women can't be trusted to make their own health decisions.
Okay first you’re being abused and raped. Period.
But to help calm your worries – he’s a moron. Legal action like what? You didn’t break any law, and you don’t have any money to be sued.
Your bf is not just a predator, he’s a f’ng Karen. Get away, please.
hey sorry for the slow reply. Yeah, I think she possibly has depression. It's past 1 PM on a Saturday, and she's still in her bath robe, playing the phone game. I tried to snuggle with her, but she said “10 more minutes” for the game.
And yea, I have told her that everything else is tabled for now basically. Even after telling her how I'm feeling, she seems very unwilling to change at this moment in time.
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another fake pedo story…
Wasn’t a come back but feel free to think it was I guess. Just thought you should know you wasted your time replying to a discussion that was already over. Have a great one! 🙂
That’s a long time for sure! But you’re a different person than you were at 15. It might be nice to branch out and grow with someone else now.
I had to stop bleaching my hair and wearing all my earrings, etc…when I went to work FOR THE MAN. ?
Go for pink, not black and blue.
Other than that, I would say best way to start out is just holding her in place, holding her arms/hands where you want them, pulling her hair, etc. I wouldn’t get too crazy the first time. After that, talk to her about what she liked/doesn’t like.
Establish a safe word.
Depends on your relationship dynamic and love language.
I don’t make unsolicited comments on my partner’s physical appearance ordinarily and would honestly be weirded out if he called me pretty everyday.
If we’re all done up for special event or something then it makes sense to make a comment about how he looks handsome in that suit or how I’m beautiful with that shade of lipstick on me.
If words of affirmation (including verbal compliments) is your love language then you should communicate that would your partner and they should put in effort to accommodate, or find a partner who also speaks that love language naturally.
He’s been trying to force me to change the way I dress and the way I wear my hair,
Red flag – Controlling
He also gets mad at me for not having sex with him and will go as far as to threaten to cheat on me if I don’t put out.
Red flag – Rape
It’s even worse because I have chronic utis so it physically hurts.
Sometimes genetics can cause a person to be predisposed to UTI's. I'm not saying that is your case but I will say it is my case.
Here is what worked for me. You can try it, worse case scenario it doesn't help, best case it helps significantly. Maybe a modification to what I do will help you too.
Bidets, hypoallergenic unscented wipes (because not every place has bidets), a tea with chamomile at least once a day (I like the chamomile vanilla honey tea) and I changed to tampons instead of pads.
Chamomile can also help with relieve menstrual pain.
Tampons shouldn't be used during UTI flare-ups.
Some people also allow back to front penetration. They shouldn't do that.
I don’t have a job because he doesn’t want me to,
Red Flag – he doesn't want you to because it makes you less dependent on him and less dependent means less likely to be manipulated and controlled aka financial abuse.
Anyway, two days ago he threatened to cheat on me again after I said no to having sex with him three times.
Red Flag – Rape
Advice:
Keep all text between you two.
Have him admit to raping you.
Once he has admitted to raping you if you don't have anything else to worry about such as a an animal go to a shelter.
If you have an animal and it's yours and it's in your name arrange for either a friend to take it, ask the animal shelter to make arrangements with you, or see if there is a woman's shelter that will let you take the animal.
Then leave.
Many times abusers will use an animal to lure a victim back. It's best the animal not be able to be used if possible.
Info for future use: if a condom breaking ever occurs again and you have a health plan, try getting Plan B through them.
She is projecting some internal issue onto OP. Don't bother
Good advice but she needs to keep in mind that she stole his cc and he can sue for the money back as well as press charges. First and foremost she needs to get out and in a safe place imo
I would dump him or quit having sex with him.
Sex can create babies and he doesn’t seem mature enough to take on the responsibility if birth control fails.
This is not a man you want to have a child with.
It’s an invasion of privacy. But if you have the password then I guess you’re allowed? I dunno.
My phone is pw protected. I wouldn’t share my phone with my partner regardless though. My private convos with friends are private. I would be so pissed if I found out one of my friends was sharing our private convos with their partner.
And then there’s the issue of the work stuff I have on my phone and the NDAs and such. I could be fired for letting someone access my phone.
Obviously, there’s a bigger issue here than a breach of privacy if he’s sexting other people.
No. This is NOT ON YOU! You did NOTHING to be embarrassed of. NOTHING! He should be hiding in a dark corner somewhere out of embarrassment, but you did NOTHING!
Your education never goes to waste. That degree will still be a part of your resume when the kids go off to college and eventually move out on their own
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We met through mutual friends, she was in the US I was in the UK
Also, these things are never as big as they seem. You will survive this. Your ex is a piece of shit. You need to act like this isn't bothering you. Take away his power.
Sure yup
X
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You’re sick…. Let your boyfriend hang with friends and go to bed. It’s not a big deal.
Easy? No. There is no easy way to do this when she uprooted her entire life to move in with you.
You could try talking to her about what isn’t working and come up with a plan to fix it or an exit strategy for her.
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Sickness and in health doesn't mean shit to her then.
Give her a taste of her shitty medicine x1,000,000 in return, the next time she's sick.
EQUALITY.
If this is the worst thing in your relationship, count yourself lucky. Perhaps, just perhaps, he just doesn't feel like eating or drinking everything you shove at him.
Maybe I'm being harsh here, but I've been in this kind of relationship, where I was supposed to try everything she liked and she wouldn't budge on refusing anything I would ahve liked her to try.
hmm he’d question why. the only reason i would want it back is for other people to see what i’m doing, which as of now i don’t want. but he’s been the best person to come into my life and i was not considering his feelings when i sent the message bc i didn’t think it was bad
As a stay at home mom myself I do not think she was communicating exactly what she meant very well. There is a difference working and being among other adults who can feed themselves and have stimulating conversations. Then there’s being around kids 24/7 and your most stimulating conversation is trying to decipher their needs and wiping butts. I remember feeling like my brain was turning to mush. That I was regressing into this shadow of my former self. You’re still you, you still have your identity with your career. I think she’s at that point I was at at one point with being a new mother who stayed home. I thinks she’s trying to say she’s struggling right now. It just came out very wrong. Both of you should try and find time to do things for yourself but what I found very hot as a SAHM was actual mental stimulation and that feeling that I’m being judged as not doing anything important.
Sounds like you’re putting waaaaaaay too much into someone you’ve never even met. You’re in high school—go do high school things with your friends, let a real relationship happen naturally. Stop wasting time and hope on someone you aren’t compatible with and doesn’t match your efforts.
Also there are lots of families that do it, many choose that route when people stockpiled TP at the start of Covid.
Why would you expect an invitation to your SO’s party non specific themed/gendered party that was mentions to a group chat? Aren’t you automatically invited? If not, then this relationship won’t last. But it also won’t last because you 2 seem incompatible.
It wpuld be so fuckung stupid to do this. Please don't be that guy. Don't disrespect yourself this way.
And even if she said yes, she still has to work. Are you okay with being in a relationship with that elephant in the room. Could you handle that?
Gonna have to fess up and talk. Could you go to a therapist together to talk it through?
The only possible thing I can justify there being a problem with is the porn but that's a relationship boundary that not everyone has and if you guys don't thats fine.
As someone with a male appendage I can tell you masterbation is not and mever will be a supliment to the sexual pleasure another brings you. It's at beast holding it over until the next time you can with your partner.
But what's the intrinsic difference between him doing it when you are or are not home? He's doing it anyway and it's fine.
Essentially, imagine this. Everyone talks to themselves to some extent, even if it's just thoughts in your head. But would that ever replace a good conversation with someone you love. Fuck no. Same thing here.
If you feel some type of way, I can't stop that. But I can tell you is that your husband is clearly satisfied with you and himself and that sounds very healthy to me.
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You don’t have a husband. You have a overgrown manbaby playing games 12+ hours a day leading up to Christmas. I’d be so fucking embarrassed if my family saw what yours just saw. Have some self respect and get out of this marriage. And also, your overgrown manbaby is exactly like his mother. I won’t even call what you said harsh or uncalled for. It is just true. And he needs to hear it.
It’s completely understandable to feel that way, hopefully if he’s able to see how bad it gets he can admit to himself there’s a problem and be more receptive to try to deal with it.
Fucking run.
Why are you continuing to waste your time on someone who cares so little for you?
Would you be happy for your friends if their partners treated them the way your husbant treats you?
Leave him. You're only 30. Find someone who will give you far more than the bare minimum.
There's a lot of things in your post that don't line up the way you'd like to think they do.
You say your partner is a “super involved step-dad” who your kids really benefit from having in their lives. But this is the same guy who, every three weeks or so, gets so drunk he is “Vomiting out of car windows, pissing the bed, bum-rushing bouncers, losing his phone … He stays in bed the entire next day, and when opportunity presents itself, he goes out and does the same thing the very next evening.”
You are continually exposing your children to this alcoholic, and normalising his behaviour. You are justifying it by saying that, despite this, your daughters “adore” their stepdad, but this is a very common coping strategy for kids brought up by substance abusers. Children are programmed to love the adults around them, plus they see you tolerating and excusing this behaviour, why should they be any different?
You say that you used to drink heavily, gave up six years ago, but somehow your daughters (who were 10 and 11 when you quit) “have never seen me drink alcohol intoxicated in any way”.
I think this situation is already very serious, even if you put aside him thieving your daughter's medication. I'm surprised that that is what has finally made you take the situation seriously.
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At the very least take a break. I think you don’t want to hear ‘leave her’ because you are used to her and the idea of being alone/ starting over is scary. Take some time off and realize it’s not as scary as you think.
Unless you decide you do want to spend the rest of your life with a roommate that messes around with other men. Then you can take her back.
How dare I insinuate he's a rapist.
Well he said that himself
He was just joking.
Doesn't matter. He said it.
So I'm just some scumbag… some rapist
If the shoe fits.
Does it matter if he likes you? Why would you’ve terrain wasting your life on a married man? You’d just be his side piece. Is that a life you want?
You two have been together for four years. Is he in a primary relationship with you, or his best friend?
Our school don’t give a shit about bullying tbh. The only thing they had to react on was when my friend punched me but only because there were people who saw him and he just got told off and a warning. He’s ignored me ever since
This doesn’t seem like it’s about the holidays. She’s having some serious concerns and doubts about your relationship. Find out what they are.
How is it not manipulative to use the words she wrote in her private journal to make her think he feels the same was as she does when his issues only stem from having read her journal?
You told him to low-key tell her he feels things that she wrote in her private journal as if he felt the same way. That isn't empathy, that's manipulation. He doesn't feel that way. He could try to understand by thinking about what she said and then trying to.underdtand her feelings better by actually having honest communication.
Reading her private journal and then hiding that and using it as a way to make her feel that they are on the same page when they aren't is massively manipulative and not the way married people or people in any relationship should treat each other.
Doing it because the truth might be more problematic is also manipulative. He chose to read it, he needs to admit to that and then they need to decide how to move the relationship forward. They both need to be part of that.
Just because he is a good person does not make him a good partner. Ive dated a few men like this and it didn’t last long.
My heart breaks for your wife as I once was her. Rest assured though- in the long run, she’ll be fine. One day she’ll see you did her a favor by revealing your true self. Tell her now.
Stress from preparing for the future. We’re saving up for marriage, a car, a house — those sort of things.
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A hobby that you enjoy. Something you like to do and can build on. Exercise is also good for building confidence. Start small and acknowledge with yourself when you done a good job. Look in the mirror and smile at the beautiful person looking back at you. And therapy as previously suggested.
“She claims that it takes a while for her body to recalculate the amount of alcohol in her system.”
Okay, well if she knows that, and she feels she genuinely wants to start changing her behavior, then… perhaps she needs to slow things down. Have some drinks and wait. Not just drink more because she doesn’t feel anything yet. If she can’t do that, then she likes to black out for some unhealthy reason. Blacking out from drinking is very bad for the brain, especially in the long run. If she doesn’t care about that then she’s simply irresponsible.
Is she using getting drunk to suppress something?
Was the communication software mentioned in the divorce proceeding? If not, time to go back to court to make it the only way of communication. If it was, time to go back to court to enforce it, maybe address the parental alienation while at it.
Next time there is a cake, you either say no or you say thank you, but never bring me a cake again or it is going straight in the trash while putting it back in her car. And then, follow through. Don't give an inch. She sits next to you, you move. She move to sit next to you again, you go sit in the car and lock the doors. Do. Not. Engage. If even a five years old can see through her bullshit, maybe it is time you try a more drastic approach, no?
Your “friends” sound like leftist PC thugs, get better friends for one thing. You can date who you want, you're not any more obligated to date someone the same gender as you any more than a homosexual person is obligated to date someone of the opposite gender.
Also like people saying she's unproductive, like I'm sure op has hobbies and shit to do and isn't just laying around 24/7
as a guy i don’t think your boundary is unreasonable. it’s the same as getting some random girl at a bars number. if you didn’t want him following ANY girls, that’d be over the top. but no, your boundary is completely fine.
however for the boat girl, maybe he wants to be friends with her because she owns a boat? not that i’d want my girlfriend following an attractive guy with a boat she just partied/met with. so, i can see why you’d be upset.
And focusing on her friends instead of you when she sees them is completely normal. She’s with you all the time, she’s catching up. She’s not your pet.
Been there, done that. If you stick around, he'll isolate you from everyone else in your life, convince you that you're lucky to have him as you're so awful/horrible/ugly that no one else would every want you, and then the physical/sexual abuse will ramp up.
You might wanna read the rules
What you do is you do not lie to yourself. You know this shit is unacceptable and inexcusable. Move on, this sack of shit is not worth your time.
He tried to make a move on her with you in the same bed? That's nerve. Was he drunk?
That sounds like an assault. Why didn't you do something in the moment?
its a myth that weed is not addicting. Seen multiple doctors post on /r/medicine that it is absolutely addicting. if you need a drug so bad you are lying about it, you are addicted.
I wonder if there will be a weed patch like there is for tobacco some day to help addicts quit.
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It makes sense to me to have a group meeting to ensure no triangulation. Same convo for all and all at the same time.
I think it IS childish to be doing social media wars.
I, as a CF person, post shit on my FB about being thankful I don’t have kids of my own or whatever and it has nothing to do with my friends with kids. Not everything is about you but again, she clearly is feeling insecure at the moment about her living situation.
And I doubt anyone thinks you’re irresponsible per se. But your choice is going to impact a bunch of other people. Would be wise to keep that in mind I think when you chat with them.
Definitely won't be doing those things to him. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt that he's still learning, however I asked him “did you know it was wrong before you went to hang out with her and not let me know + hide it” and he said he did feel wrong and guilty. So clearly he knows not to do that. I think over time, if I know he's being honest with me, that's how my trust will come back.
I agree that was completely inappropriate behavior on his behalf. Do not feel shame about your actions because he 100% took advantage of you in a time where you were dealing with some really heavy things and that was not okay. The pictures sound non-consensual. You were passed out. This is a form of sexual assault. You are not “playing the victim” you are a victim. Stay away from this man, and focus on your sobriety. I am so sorry this happened to you and I genuinely hope you have the resources and support in your life to seek the help you need. It’s absolutely normal to need some time to process your relationship with this person and I wish you the best.
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There will never be a “right” time. Next thing will be Valentine's, then maybe a birthday, a wedding, a graduation, summer, another holiday. You're doing both of you a disservice by staying in a relationship purely because you don't want to cause hurt and feel bad. It's more cruel to stay with someone that you no longer want to be with because of those fears. Imagine finding out someone was only with you because they were afraid to hurt you. Think of how awful and devastating that would feel. How it would impact how you trust someone in the future and whether or not you would believe them when they say they love you. You could cause far more damage and hurt by forcing yourself to be in this relationship. The kindest thing you can do for you both is to end it as gently and soon as possible.
Would not allow kids or pets in the home without a muzzle. People think muzzles are cruel. They aren't, the dog just adapts like a cone. If husband objects to basic safety measures like this, he's in denial.
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No worries you can always start again. A good therapist would understand the lapse in time too so no worries on that front.
The pain you feel is justified. Sucks. I know how you feel because I’ve felt it. At least in what you’ve described above…but allow my convincing nature to help guide you in making the right decision. But that in the end has to come from you.
Or, god forbid, have your child get abused by their child, if the OP shares custody.
This is what happened to me. My mother was physically abused by my father, never laid a finger on me because he had my mother to pour his frustrations into. My mother divorced him, but they ended up splitting custody.
After the divorce? My father started abusing me. He couldn't hit my mother and he was violent and angry all the time, so he had to hit someone. So it was me after.
That's the problem with people like this. They are violent and needed an outlet for their violence. It's not like someone is 'doing' something to trigger it. They will find any excuse to trigger it.
And if their current outlet of their temper is removed, they will find another.
Run away from him!
You told him “NO” and he didn't hear it.. he has his objectives and doesn't care about you!
He's putting pressure on you and with time it will get worse.
You don't know him.. but at least you learned that he doesn't understand a word “NO” and that's a huge red flag
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Holy f#$k
You approached her a second time and she still said Bob??
This is the message you send:
“I want to thank you. I appreciate our follow-up conversation where you said that you feel that Bob does more for you.
I need a break. I'm going to be stepping back from our relationship now. I need to be somewhere where I feel appreciated and that clearly isn't here so I'm going to take some time to focus on myself and my needs for awhile.”
Then turn off ALL notifications from her. Block her on all socials for now so there is only ONE WAY she can send messages… and you will not see notifications from her.
Tell all your family that the two of you are taking a break.
HERE IS THE PROBLEM. YOUR ENTIRE POST IS ABOUT WHAT YOU DO FOR HER. NOT ONE WORD IS ABOUT WHAT SHE DOES FOR YOU.
“She doesn't want to lie” but she sounds like a pretty shitty gf.
Go find someone who will hug you and tell you that you are awesome.
Most people who need to be 'saved' are actually appreciative. She sucks.
Sorry to hear that bro, it's gonna hurt like hell for a while but it will get better; just take it one day at a time.
Her being on Hinge while apparently not being 'in the right mindset' for a relationship is a huge red flag though, it's probably better that it happened now rather than later.
You don’t have to speed up your healing for anyone, and your healing does not have to involve having sex with him or taking him back/forgiving him.
If you do this, be very careful. It would be easy for her to interpret it as you saying she was a burden or being her parent was not something you were happy about. Or that she would relay to your newly independent adult child that they were a burden and held you back, making you unavailable to help her with her kids.
When I'm home from work I'll contact my therapist and see if he is willing to have an appointment with both of us. Maybe it can snowball into her going on her own to another therapist. This definitely isn't a “learning who she is now” moment. We've been super close for damn near 16 years now.
There is the sign for you………………………. to walk away.
(Drunk people usually let the truth escape)
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Can you clarify what you said about the friend?
Like you just agreed with what others were saying?
But, he is willing! I tried to break up with him but he said he’ll work very hot for us. I was mainly hoping to get some advice on how to better support his career because I really do love him. Even if it doesn’t sound like it in the post, I do.
I suppose I used the wrong subreddit for this. I’ll delete this post soon and ask somewhere else.
Does it make you feel insecure? Then yes. You still think about it. Tell him 🙂
The stranger was doing the harassing, but what happens when the stranger turns on you? He runs at you, you punch him, and he falls and cracks his head open on the sidewalk.
Now what?
She doesn't owe you sex but you don't owe her a relationship. Date someone who wants what you want.
Porn star Nina Hartley said she's never had one without a vibrator.
I had a boyfriend that would inform me how many orgasms I'd had. If I tried to correct him, he'd disagree.
Someone is willing to blow up everyone's lives because they have no idea about how genetics works.
He can have one, which he entirely pays for, but I’d be done. ??♀️
Fuck that. You do not teach a child respectful behavior by allowing them to throw fits and get their way. Do not cave.
Make him Pay rent and a portion of the utilities.
She needs to respect the fact that You’re not going to be happy as long as she’s still talking to this girl even if it’s just once a day. If it’s a deal breaker, she needs to know that in no uncertain terms.
I feel like they just used me since 1. I’m extremely sick and wasn’t going to be busy today and 2. I don’t ski so it was the perfect person to watch their animals
Dude… it’s a simple question you need to ask yourself. Do you want to spend a single day without her in your life? If the answer is no then you marry her. If the answer is yes then stop wasting her time.
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People want me to be a father to a child that isn’t mine for some weird reason
youre the start of it duh
Literally your own reported history with this friend group. That is the basis. If nothing could be further from the truth, you would be doing the emotional labor of dealing with the emotions around saying goodbye to them and prioritizing your marriage. Yet here we are
You should divorce him. You don’t know him. Not really. Whether bi or gay he has not been honest. Him messaging others is because he has a desire to cheat. He may love you, but he’s not being truthful about himself and not to you. You deserve better than what he has to offer you.
The specific trigger for her ultimatum was inane. The ultimatum was expressed immaturely, in a way that directly hurts your family, and she gave you all of 2 mins before she was ready to go.
Bitch, it’s very hot for you? What about for that poor teenage girl?! You were doing right by your sister, IMO family comes first. She’s not even your wife yet and already making you prioritize her over your immediate family. While that family is having a literal mental health crisis.
My background is in EMS where a lot of our patients are mentally altered, this frankly sounds like a medical emergency. And she is ready to leave you after a couple months of this. That’s who you’re going to make things work with, for a LIFE TIME?! What if you develop mental health problems? This shit is often genetic dude. Will she bail on you after 2 months, too?
You’re about to marry someone who deals with stressful, life or death situations like an adolescent. This could end with your little sister dead, and your fiancé made it about her in less time than it takes to find a decent provider/therapist.
Let her go, all the way around. Fly solo and have a great time being single. Break up with her now so you won't do it later.
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that’s what i think is messed up. he wants to have me as his loyal girl while wanting to go have sex with other girls who may or may not want anything to do w him either.
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You’re (I hope soon to be ex) gf is toxic. She has anger issues, as you’ve mentioned and they are escalating. It’s not a matter of when she becomes physically violent but when. Pls leave. She needs serious professional help. If she’s willing, you may be able to work through this but do so living apart. You’re not safe.
Find someone who doesn't insist on putting you in dangerous situations and then mocking you for feeling afraid. He doesn't care about you, sweetie, he's spelling it out if black and white for you. Not your safety, not your feelings, none of it.
He spends money on items that seem unnecessary to me (for his financial situation), but generally he is a frugal guy. We also online in an expensive city and his job doesn’t pay nearly enough for the cost of living
Document all of this. Custody and visitation is court ordered. You were already broken up before you found out about the baby. Seeing what you have seen now has not made things better. The best thing for myself, my kids and my then wife was for us to separate and divorce. There will be a time that she will be able to control you seeing your son. Document that as well and wait for the courts to make their decision. This relationship is not salvageable. My then wife ended up moving 1.5 hours away, out of the house that she got in the separation to try to gain as much control as possible as I was in the military and had long shifts and extra duties. It was bad for a while and I ended up getting out of the military mostly because of that. Things eventually worked out. I bought a house 15 minutes away from them and see them throughout the week now. It was very hot, the whole process took about 3 years. I regret the missed time with my kids but staying with her would have made everyone's lives worse.
Think you’re replying to the wrong post…
Girl. I can't cum from just dick alone. My partner and I use toys and I touch myself during sex. It's amazing and we both enjoy it. Seriously you are young, go find someone better. This guy is delusional.
You learned a lot from your first boyfriend. So it is not waste that the two of you are no longer compatible. Spend time with just yourself – get to know who you are as a single woman. Go on dates without the sex. Or just make friends and hang out. You are still a teenager. You have lots of time to learn and grow. It is time for you and your boyfriend to part ways. It is time for you to focus on yourself, your education, your aspirations for your future. It is okay to cry and miss your boyfriend. Feel your emotions , remember lessons learned. You will be okay and in less than a year thank the Gods you are a free woman.
: His first name is an old name but also the same as that of a city in our country. Most people would recognizw it as a city name rather than a given name.
Not that uncommon to have the name of a city…
His middle name is Urs which is latin for bear and not a normal name at all
Ehm, Urs is a completely normal name in all DACH countries…. and most Europeans would actually recognise it to some extent.
His first and last name are somewhat funny initially with new people but it's the middle name which I actively tease him with every now and then. I remember with shame that I tagged funny bear photos with “you” once. I used to think that because I can laugh about my own silly middle name (great-grandma) he would be able to do so too. Now I realize his situation is very different than mine. He said he doesn't feel comfortable about his first name and even worse about the middle name.
Tbh, you sound rather immature for your age.
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My sister was that person and she told me everything too.
From the sounds of it, your sister might have other people she's very close to as well…people she tells everything to.
My boyfriend never had a close relationship with his siblings so he doesn’t really understand why I’m sad about it.
I'm not talking about that….I'm talking about the general family dynamic.
Again, please get some counseling.
You don’t want that shit saved because you had a traumatic experience
He wants to be able to save them to… masturbate to layer?
I dunno seems like one is reasonable and one is dumb young horny guy stuff.
4Gs is really nothing , which says that either he lied about the amount or he lost a whole lot more. Either way wouldn’t stick around to find out.
I want to vent so I’m going to do it here: it took me 2 weeks to build up the courage to end things but it went a lot smoother than I expected. I didn’t bring up the cheating because it just didn’t feel like a fight worth fighting, he’s a very defensive person and would’ve asked for proof, which I have loads of- but I knew that if I brought it up he would defend his offense (of being unfaithful) by using my reaction to it as the original offense in question… rather than, y’know, the fact he couldn’t keep it in his pants… does that make sense? I don’t think so but that’s ok. I say the breakup went smooth but he still tried to start a whole thing about about how I never loved him to begin w… like bitch u literally cheated on me with any and everyone u knew?… him having the nerve to talk abt love like he knows anything abt it was so infuriating. But anyways the more I reflect abt the person he is and the relationship we had the more I feel so beyond stupid for overlooking the abundance of very visible red flags. I feel lighter but so so so sad, not over him, but over my lack of judgement and how long it took me to act on leaving the relationship after finding out abt the cheating. I used to think to myself, that women who stay with cheating partners are so weak and that could never be me. Especially as someone who’s father cheated on their mother and my mother stayed. I never understood that. Lol. I was so quick to judge, when that was very much so me for the last month. And this is a 7 month relationship that I’m talking abt. It’s nothing compared to the people in 15+ year relationships and marriages. What I’m trying to say is, I am very grateful for my circumstances and that I found out sooner than later. and love is very blinding. I know this is the beginning of a new chapter and better things are in store for me and all that good stuff. However I still can’t help but listen to Adele and convince myself he was a better person than he is in reality. That’s the dramatic part of me that’s fueled by the fact that I’m on my period rn lol but the logical part of me knows that everything happens for a reason and this is just one of the many very hot learned lessons that I’ll encounter in life. I’m a firm believer that time heals all and the hurt I’m feeling rn is no exception.
Please, please, please don't listen to this man. I know exactly what you're going through and was in the exact same situation at 22. You are making excuses for him because you feel sorry for him. He's kind of nice, so you feel bad that he hasn't had any sexual experiences. He's had you feeling sorry for him from the very beginning. I know it may not seem like he's being manipulative, but he is. He knows it's wrong to keep pestering you. He knows it's wrong to force his duck down your throat. He knows he keeps pushing your boundaries.
I know you think he doesn't because he probably doesn't have many friends and no experience with women. Unless he was raised by wolves, he knows what “no” means. He doesn't care. Please realize this: HE DOES NOT CARE about your no.
I thought my nerdy, inexperienced guy could learn. However, it ended up in him sexually assaulting me when we were in the middle of nowhere and he was my ride. I know this seems melodramatic but I'm so afraid for you. It's only been a few months and you're making excuses for him disregarding your pleasure and hurting you.
This isn't a communication problem. You're communicating great – he just doesn't want to listen. Please end this relationship (preferably over text so he can't prey on your pity) and be a bit more careful around men.
Very composed and mature answer you've given her
break up- he’s a great manipulator
Those 7 girls lied to this man ?
Good for you for not doing that. Us women out here that have been lying to men to boost their ego or spare their feelings have created generations of men who don't know what they're doing and are convinced YOU are the problem due to the lifetime of false feedback we are dishing out.
I hold my hands up and admit I am one of those liars.
I recommend you maybe explore some alternatives that may help you get closer than just the standard in and out approach. You said that you don't come from penetration.. not that you don't come at all. Tell him if it bothers him so much, try something else.
The man is 30.. he really should have figured out by now that there's more than 1 move.
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You obviously know it's not for you, break up but be there for her as a friend if you choose. This is 100% on her, not you and her other life situations shouldn't dictate your decisions. It's sad what she is going thru but she cheated
I’m sorry you guys are going to be at the same school now that he’s expressed this. It would be so much easier to move on if he was there as well. Is he the reason you decided to go there? Is it too late to change your mind? He’s told you his intention and unfortunately he will cheat if you guys don’t break up first. But rest assure you guys are young and will change tremendously in college. You may find he isn’t your best match anyway once you come into your adulthood.
She should definitely be changing her underwear everyday, personally I change into new pair at night. Woman are more likely to get yeast and /or pH imbalances due to bad hygiene as well as risk of urine infection.
The issue is how to raise it with her without embarrassing her and causing distress especially since you have said she does have mh issues. For 1 it may be linked to those issues or 2 how she was raised. I personally don't know her obviously but I gentle conversation is needed.
I had some complicated advice until
I’ve also gone through his phone and saw that he is hiding Snapchats from other girls. It plants a seed in my head that he’s hiding a lot more.
This relationship is just flat-out doomed. Break up now or break up later.
Dogs sleep on floor when he’s over. They’ll survive.
I don’t know if I’d call myself geriatric. I was a resident athlete at the Olympic Training Center at 35. I have always been more active than most 40 yos. I do not drink, have never tried a drug, and this was my first age gap relationship. I did not see the signs of drug abuse or alcohol abuse because I’ve never been around that and I understood that we had an age difference and she would do things I’ve grown out of or never was into.
I was stupid and I don’t disagree I need to step away for my sons sake and make better decisions. I just don’t get why the fuck it hurts so much? It shouldn’t, I didn’t get her pregnant. I’m not stuck in that shit.
“up the compliments”
Yes, shower her in what she wants to hear, that'll definitely fix things!!
“It's in our DNA”
Lmao, if it was in our DNA then wouldn't every male act identically?
I was thinking he gets off on it too. Or just waiting for something to happen so he could watch. I hate that I thought this, but people are sick fucks.
Your ex is playing games with you. He's already slept with someone else & now he's grilling you about your tlaking to someone else? Naw, he's just trying to put you back on your heels to gain the upper hand should you get back together again (because he slept with the person who made you uncomfortable, he's going to way prioritize HIS 'hurt” to get you to not focus on his own actions).
Your mates are right, start pointing out how very hot guys are, how big their arm muscles are etc. find something he is self conscious about in himself and point it out mercilessly. I know it’s petty but he needs to know how it feels to be in your shoes. You have told him it hurts you and he continues to do it so give him a taste of his own medicine and see if it resolves anything. I agree he’s very disrespectful and does not take your feelings into account.
Sit her down calmly explain the situation. Do not say a dumb thing like “are you really crying because I don’t buy you gifts”.
Then make it a point to give her affection more. Bring her up on the priority list more as far as thoughts. Write her a sweet little note here and there. Get her a thoughtful little inexpensive gift with a sweet note of thoughts about her.
But don’t go off your plan, and buy her really expensive things all the time. If the gift thing is all she’s concerned about then you might want to reconsider the relationship!
Just take 5 mins to write her a note, or let her know you think about her. That kind of thing is free to do. If your thoughts, and time are not enough then you’ll know that she is just really interested in things, and not you.
Not seeing this as an issue. Boys sometimes get nocturnal emissions. if you are in a dream state you are in a dream, its not like you can help it.
Your bf is behaving like an ass. He has a problem sleeping in the bed with you, he can leave, You stay. Tell him to get therapy for his insecurities, and sleep on the couch till he gets over himself
The internet is too weird for me
Last 3 months have been the best months of my life, it's also the long distance maybe. I am soon going to give an ultimatum that we can go on a date else we can part ways
That poor kid. Why do people bring innocent babies into their dysfunctional shit shows?
It sounds like you guys have completely joint finances. A good approach here might be to separate some of those finances.
All income goes into one account and you each have your own accounts where you each get an equal monthly allowance.
Depending on your income that allowance could be $100 to a few thousand a month.
Your own separate account is to be used on things you want. For you that might be using most of the funds to invest for an earlier retirement, and for her that allowance could be used to pay for the finer things she wants in life, a nicer car, couch etc.
This gets little more complicated for things like a new couch, but you can resolve any differences by having a budget that you both agree on before you go shopping. E.g. you both agree that $2,000 is a good price for a new couch, and if she wants to buy a $4,000 couch then she pays the additional $2,000 from the savings she has in her own account.
He raised an eyebrow because that tipped into sexual assault. Which means the school needs to handle it because that is the stuff lawsuits are made of. Speak to the dean as well since it’s better to make sure nothing is buried. On your end, be proactive about following up and make sure to always have a witness (friend/classmate) with you if in you are in a room with Wendy. Never be alone with her or a situation where people could guess you are alone with her. Don’t open the door if she shows up at your dorm, and document everything. You cannot create a situation that she could then use to accuse you of anything.
Please update us.
What I meant by the 2nd part is that
Keeping a relationships isn't a walk in the park. I feel like I might mess something up. Like I'm not really emotionally mature. I don't want to add another problem when I'm already struggling with my own issues, family issues etc.
I’d say stop communicating with this guy and move on. He stood you up, shit happens. No use letting it ruin your days, it’s not like you even knew him, and anyways you seem pretty confident so who cares what he does or thinks?
She should have at least let you watch!
You should be sticking by your fiance and his wishes here. He knows them better than you, and when it comes to his family, he should decide who he wants there.
No, these are not valid reasons to cheat at all.
He cheated on you and paid to do so even. Leave him.
I had to walk away from one entire side of my family because the toxicity was too much of a risk to continue to allow. No contact. No nothing. It hurts still, to this day, but then I focus on my self-worth and how they didn't value it. Then it hurts far less.
Participating in healthy hobbies also helped. I made casual friends that I didn't latch onto tightly but just people who took me mostly as I was… that also helped a lot. They somewhat saw the value and that was validating. And that I didn't treat them as lifelines that they hadn't agreed to be (yet) didn't scare them off.
At about the same time, I had to read walk away from most of a friends group too. The gang leader was a narcissistic asshole who would poison the well behind my back and then eventually to my face. Almost everyone believed his bullshit about me despite obvious evidence to the contrary. It took years before mutual (ex) friends started seeing that I was his canary in the coal mine as he went after others much the same way.
With him, I'd noticed that anyone who left the group started doing better. If I vaguebooked anything, someone would reach out and ask… is that Xxx? They always guessed correctly. Surprise, surprise.
It's not easy. It will continue to hurt Forever. But a little less each time. Especially as you begin to fill your life with not living their version of you.
Best wishes. And feel free to occasionally check-in if you need to.
Reproductive coercion is what he was trying to do, to force you to have children.
Maybe because you cannot get pregnant you don't see that this is a horrible, manipulative, dishonest and frankly abusive thing to do to you.
Would you still trust him and want him in your life knowing he was trying to baby trap you?
Block her immediately.
Please don’t. He sounds awful. It takes time to meet the right person. Although it’s not easy being lonely, it’s better than being alone with a lying, stalking, abusive person.
TBH I would suggest you take a break and really work on who you are without a boyfriend. Work on your studies. Spend time with your friends. Don’t have friends? Make some and develop relationships outside of “love”. Learn to respect yourself and find someone who will respect you as well.
What on Earth are you talking about? What racial issue? This is goddamn cosplay of dark-skinned asian character by asian person. Black people have nothing to do with it. Trying to shoehorn real issues into this only makes them seem ridiculous and far-fetched. “Kate” is not entitled to anything in this case.
She wants to explain to him why she was justified and MAKE him understand.
…no? Their history with race and their culture today is not the same as it is in the US. I'm not even going to get into all the way that African culture and demographics differ from that of America. To claim that it is the same is absolutely bonkers.
This is an incident happening to people in the US, about an event in the US, surrounding characters who are neither American nor African. None of the people involved in this situation are African either, from what has been shared. I'm also not interested in arguing about whether I should care what your African friends think about a random post on reddit.
I got sick of it and just left.
If the sexes were reversed, I suspect we’d see comments calling your girlfriend a rapist and urging you to dump her, contact the police, and tell her friends and family.
Run. She was going to file a false police report on you. She'll do it again.
Trust your gut
Didn’t fall for it completely cut off all contact. I even ended up changing my number because he would not leave me the fuck alone and was calling me from so many different numbers.
Break up with her and watch how quickly she ends up with the guy she sent the nudes to.
Affair partner
Sweet baby. It’s because you’ve been socialized as a male. if you can’t be better than a women, especially YOUR woman, at EVERYTHING, in your friends and fathers eyes, what good are you? I hope you decide she’s worth celebrating for real because of what she works very hot to do and to take the hit if it means she’s better than you at something awesome.
You're not the sharpest crayon in the box, are you?
Honey, that’s a big booty Judy that left those behind.
Okay momma, it was… the boogey man ? but your comments are off topic with the post now. I just wanted to point out for OP that friends with benefits are people you are close to as friends that you also have sex with (and can also have feelings for), that you get involved with without having expectations, commitment, or other things to worry about. They aren’t just robots you chill with and fuck occasionally. This stark difference is important to clarify. I will be disengaging with you now mom
There are innocent people in jail because of women like her. People like her are not to be trusted and are the scum of the earth. You would be insane to not run for the door.
Hey OP- did you get medically checked out? Sometimes a blow like that to the head can be very dangerous hours after the incident. Please be sure to go to an ER/doctor asap.
Even if it was just the alcohol I would never be able to trust her again. Move on and date someone trustworthy.
2 months and nothing sexual? Come on man, no wonder she found someone who desires her enough to want to fuck her.
Women like sex, don't hide your motives
Have you discussed it with her about how you feel and if she can send pictures more often
When I thought I recognised what was happening the second time I did roll over and cuddle him and was touching him, as I went for his penis I realised his legs were closed tightly so I rolled off of him cause that didn’t seem like someone who wants to have sex. But a few minutes later the heavy breathing started again
She didn't lie. She said she didn't want children. And she didn't. Her medical issues are of no one's business but her own, and she only needs to tell people when she is ready, or if they desire children and she is in a serious relationship with them. And considering she told him once he decided he wanted children, in ever conceivable explaination of the situation, she did nothing wrong.
I would not recommend a one-sided open relationship as a solution for mismatched desire for sex. It’s very likely to just cause her pain to know you’re having sex with others, even if she doesn’t want it herself right now.
I say this especially because it sounds more like OCD or some sort of anxiety inhibiting her than plain old lack of sex drive, as I’ve been through something similar to what it sounds like she’s dealing with. For me, it was a very temporary thing, a physical problem triggered it and the mental issues lasted a few months, during which time my ex chose to leave me. Never had anything like it since, so I urge you to encourage her to get mental health help rather than give up on her. It’s not normal for a 21 yr old woman with a formerly high or normal sex drive to suddenly lose it.
A) Getting him to say it again is not likely. He was very drunk and she turned him down. Life isn't a sitcom.
B) You don't need to say this “twomparty consent” bullshit. That is for when people are going to court. She's not going to be using the recording to create a lawsuit.
Well put up some boundaries my friend. Its okay to make him a priority but not at the cost of your sanity. Go hang out with friends atleast once a week, blow off steam.
Well doesn't seem there is much you can do about it if you stay with this person. Thing is her Mom isn't going to change, it's who she is so if you expect this to be along term thing, better get used to it. Besides the Mom really isn't your issue right now.
I kinda hope he might change his mind and just accept the offer I made to pay for everything I took from him
Yeah cus drug dealers can have a change of heart when it comes to love lmao. Dude you robbed him! He’s probably plotting and scheming ways to get his revenge.
I just don’t want to get into…
Dude you’re in it already. Your best way of dealing with it is being honest and tell her about your past and explain to her that you turned your life around. She has to make the choice of staying with you or not.
My advice don’t stick around it’s not worth it. the brother is gonna find ways to ruin the relationship or worse.
Not an overreaction at all. It's normal to acknowledge that other people are attractive but if you two are in a monogamous relationship (which I assume you are), it's not courteous to allow others to linger in your mind and especially not appropriate to allow crushes to develop and to then verbalize them. Maybe that's just me, though.
Yeah, it really does feel like at this stage there is going to be an issue, no matter what I do or say. I don't want to go on the holiday anymore and need to work out how to communicate this to Amy.
i mean i tried? i just need advice, if i havent replied correctly then what is the question exactly? i misunderstood ?
I just had a conversation with her and she still keeps saying “ i didn’t think you’d be this upset since it was a girl” my heart doesn’t see it that way
thank you, i think ill just let her raise it.
i made it clear that i didnt want any children when i was with her. if she wants to keep it its up to her
Now the proposal is coming up and I am realizing I am dreading her behavior at the wedding
A year at your ages isn't a lot. When you and your gf discussed the engagement and timelines, what were your expectations?
Does your gf realise that her mum's behaviour is an issue? How's she working on it? Does she set healthy boundaries?
Toxicity in a behaviour stems from the cause of it, not only the results.
If you two decided this was the best course of actuon, that it wasn't a coerced idea from one of you, it isn't toxic. I see it as “we had this problem, what can be an quick and easy solution”.
I will say however that doing it for years and years CAN eevolve in toxicity territory. This is a quick and easy fix for now, but the more you trust someone, the less you'll need it. I think it is a good solution while you guys work on your trust and insecurities together, so that you can feel completely comfortable as a couple.
My point is, it's okay as long as you don't use this solution and then not work on your relationship. All healthy relationships require to work on them so they are strong and solid.
Don't listen to your friends though. They are not the one your bf chose to be with. He chose you for who you are. They wouldn't go for such an arrangement, that' why they are not in one. If you don't feel like it is upsetting you ik any way, i don't see the issue
Than go for it.
I say that not knowing what his degree is in, and what the options are and how those jobs were working out for him — I'm trying to remain objective because I don't know enough about both sides of the situation. I agree that I would be turned off by someone who had no drive to better themselves. I think as long as that expectation is calibrated for a person's circumstances, then yeah, it's absolutely reasonable. Especially when you are the breadwinner. If he doesn't ever talk about any future plans, I would be extremely bothered by this, but I also don't know the timeline here — how long you've been together, how long since he's used his degree, etc. My feelings would be different if he was taking a couple years to wait tables and try to get his head together (even if that's not working out) vs just planning on waiting tables forever.
I'm going to reiterate that I think you should end the relationship. Hearing about the meanness really bothers me as well. I wonder if he is hearing what you say as mean as well. The fact that the weed chills him out leads me to think that's the case, but it doesn't make it ok. I also wonder, on a sheer practical level, if he could transition to something like THC gummies. I've seen these be way more effective than smoking for someone who may actually get medical benefits from cannabis. The dosing is more controlled and typically much lower. I am in a legal state, though, so I understand this may not be a viable option.
That said, I am going to respond as if you aren't leaving the relationship, because you come off as hurt moreso than actually intending to leave, and I understand these things are complicated. Is he opposed to therapy? Is he opposed to couples counseling? What if you let him choose the couples counselor? I'm guessing you have insurance, and that would at minimum potentially cover couples without his finances being an issue. Unfortunately, I know that it can take several tries to find a decent therapist and this can be very discouraging.
I really feel for you in this situation. I actually feel for you both. I worry that I come off like I'm siding with him, but in reality, I was in a situation where I kept telling myself that at least it wasn't actual abuse for years. That situation still messed me up. If this is messing you up, it sounds like you need to at minimum let him know that something needs to change and be consistent with it. That means that you can't slip into reassurance mode when trying to hold a boundary.
If you're not in therapy, I'd definitely recommend it for you as well btw. Nothing you want from him is unreasonable. But (and it is a big but), from your writing, you say that you don't want to be his mother and therapist but your actions and words to him say otherwise. You kinda need to hash out what providing appropriate support for a partner looks like, because if you continue to do this, you will continue to draw men who want a therapist and a mother even if you leave him. It sounds like your fear of being alone makes you need to be needed. Again, his responses may be understandable (though again, not justified) if you are also offering something very unpredictable and inconsistent.
What hope, you started the post about how frustrated you are that she doesn’t do anything and you don’t even want to sleep with her
What a terrible, underhanded, malicious thing to do, especially to someone he pretends to care about. If a friend told you this had happened to them, what would you think they should do?
Thank you for your input. I don't want to have to do that, but going NC seems like the only reasonable answer anymore.
She has been awesome, I'll be sure to let her know you spoke well of her!
Man reminds me of my ex wife. I had given her access to all my passwords. I had an old email account I had t used in 20 years. She looked it up. Found lots of spam for sex. Searched my computer for porn. Found none. Put a tracker on my computer and saw no porn in history. Accused me of cheating on her. I had recently been unemployed. I was packing the house for moving. Took kids to school and picked them up. Made meals. Did laundry. All while the wife was going to school. And she accuses me of cheating. Then next day accuses me of not looking for a job. Then the last day when she moved out said it wasn’t my fault. She was in love with her sons dad again. Sorry. I finally figured she had trust issues and was leaving before she thought I would leave her. She had been used and abandoned by her own family and previous boyfriends. I guess she thought I was no different. Married four years. All her other relationships lasted no more than 1 year.
Yikes. So many red flags.
She's blackmail you.. call the police and have her escorted out! Don't threaten her with the cops but just call them. Don't argue with her .. you told her to leave, period. No more talk! More you talk, more she'll threaten and guilt trip you..
She could hurt herself and call the cops on you.. so be smart and not afraid!
So the boy is good at grooming. Date someone closer to your age
Just how she cycled thru explanations like any of them were plausible or valid. I just don’t understand the mentality that she’s going to throw you a bunch of BS in hopes that you’ll think any of it is true. She at least owes your marriage the respect to tell the truth when confronted with it.
I’m sorry for your situation OP, you’re committed to your marriage and your wife was not.
The us spending time together was a mutual decision. It at a NYE party was his want. And many other things were his wants. It was only my wants that never happened thats why I only listed my wants. If you want I can give you a detailed list of the things he want and got? His family giving no effort hurt him too not just me.
Did you read any of that?
weird
stop being a creep
Thank you! It’s good see some validation of my fears! And that’s my plan to make sure I have everything in place incase I do need to move back.
Yea 100% talk to your parents and if there's anyone at school you can talk to too.
When you talk to your parents I would maybe suggest getting him to come to stay with you and your parents for a bit – under the guise of something like “I need help with [insert some very boring grunt work]” 1. So his parents are suspicious and 2. So they'll think it's shitty boring stuff and let him go.
That is so awful OP, good luck x
Damn. Birthday sex and a BLT. Sounds pretty great. But of course it’s one for the brain trust on Reddit to over analyse.
Knowing absolutely nothing about you or your relationship, go apologise for fucks sake. Your basically punishing your wife for wanting to have sex with you and make you a sandwich. And she made the effort to get the kid out the way.
At this point you’re been a jerk and you sound like a nasty dickhead by not apologising out of what… principle that your BLT wasn’t waiting for you? Pathetic.
Glad it happened now rather than later too. She just kept blaming me for inviting my friend as if I should've guessed he was gonna like her song and not invite him lol. I felt like I couldn't do anything if she'd think like that
Women in their 30s often feel ready to settle down. They want to get married, get a house together, kids or pets. And a 22 year old guy won't be ready for that yet. That's why they won't date them.
I think it is possible to come back from cheating if he is honest with you, shows genuine remorse, willing to be held accountable, and wants to change(not keep doing it).
If you have to “force” him to be honest to your initial questions………aka revealing your evidence…….than it would be understandable to not believe their “remorse” and willingness to change afterwards.
“finds you too cute”? lol. I'm a guy, btw and I don't know what you look like, but I have no doubt that's another straight up lie he's telling you.
It definitely is more logical to try and lie about being less sober after a poor reaction to you drunk-driving than it is to lie about being more drunk in a dangerous situation, so I can absolutely understand where your partner is coming from. He will see it as dangerous (potentially life threatening) and that you lied to get out of it.
This may be his deal breaker.
Your LIFE and future is far more important than his feelings.
Believe me, if you break up he'll take no time finding someone else to prey upon.
Well, you've been this way towards her for two and a half years, yet your defense is 'I'm getting help!' You've been 'getting help' for all of twenty minutes.
It's good you are getting help. I hope it sticks. Meanwhile you need to bear in mind that she's been putting up with it for a long time. I don't blame her for her skepticism and/or simmering resentment. When you show actual improvement, hopefully things will improve on both sides. These are obviously not good feelings/dynamics for a relationship, but here we are.
I suggest you be patient with each other.
I have counselling in general as I have anxiety, s
Was this the reason why you never “travelled” to see your ld bf at the time?
To be honest, she did admit to it in an email I saw, and having had a previous counselor fall asleep in a session I know how disheartening it can be …nd he is mocked (gently) a lot for how much he likes to talk – hes not comfortable in silence and he's very friendly – s
I hope your bf reported her to the board. This is not acceptable at all.
Maybe she took it the wrong way and felt that you didn't want to have sex with her because you don't find her attractive anymore. Sure maybe it was manipulation, or maybe it was overthinking/oversensitivity. Society pushes this idea that men want sex all the time, and if they choose not to it's because they're not attracted to the person. That could be where her head is at. Anyhow I don't think you need to apologise as you did nothing wrong, but it might be worth asking her why she got upset. You could thank her for putting in the effort and reassure her that you find her very attractive and enjoy sex with her, but due to the physically demanding nature of your job you're not going to be in the mood for that when you get home, and was upset because you were just really looking forward a birthday BLT.
I reckon she meant well but just doesn't understand that men wanting sex 24/7 is a myth, and so misinterpreted and internalised your rejection.
Dump him. That is something you tell somebody asap.
UpdateMe!
But the reason always comes down to “they want to do it.” Sure, it's in response to something wrong in the relationship, but the response to that can only be cheating if they want to cheat.
I totally agree that what she is doing/saying to her husband is SOOO wrong and toxic. I just hope that having this baby will kick her ass into finally doing the right thing and divorcing.
Her texts were barely legible
Yeah, that's strange anyway. If took your perspective at all she would make sure to make you feel secure. She is to old to not understand that this is something most partners would be insecure about. You can be totally trusting. That doesn't mean she shouldn't care about making sure that you can keep on trusting her.
It doesn't have anything to do with you looks either so don't bring that into it.
Why are you with someone who hates animals???
So you were 26 dating an 18 year old? Vile
her stress was caused by him (in verbatim) “when i didn’t immediately accept it [her apology]” if that is causing stress then she clearly needs professional help in managing her own stress.
as Sufficient_Oil_1756 said, her anxiety issues are not his responsibility – she needs to seek actual help
I was thinking the same. Who knows if he respects her. The fact is she doesn’t respect herself. I’d rather ruin the mood then end up with an STD or pregnant by a stranger
Does this only come up after consuming alcohol
Of course she laughed, and no she’s not laughing at your problem. She’s laughing because her obsessive husband thought that after 8 years she needed to be told something she already knew, and like you said she’d never heard the phrases you used. Most people would laugh at that. You need to get a grip.
Have you actually spoken to a doctor about this or are you one of those annoying people that just Google’s their symptoms and assumes they have all the info they need?
It’s a bit concerning that your wife jumped straight to guilt tripping you when you didn’t accept her apology, and you might want to raise that with her at a later date, but I can also see why she got annoyed – why would you start someone’s day off on such a negative note so that when they get to work, that’s what they’re thinking about all day? Jesus dude again get a grip. This is the sort of thing you talk about after work, in a safe space like your living room. Not in a moving vehicle before work.
This is really good advice, thank you!
I have a feeling this is just one of those things that he doesn’t realize people can see through, and that it doesn’t reflect very well… not to mention there’s not a need for it!
I’ll see if I can gently suggest that it’s not the cost of these things but the thought that matters.
You also bring up a very good point about policing joint finances. I wouldn’t be able to stand that scenario. Better to draw that line now
He doesn’t want to have sex but wants the freedom to make out with someone when he goes to parties or clubs.
He's lying to you. He'd have sex but just won't tell. Most probably he had a girl in mind he wants to sleep with. He wants a relationship while sleep with other girls on the side. So break up. Its an unhealthy relationship and you going to regret later if you stay back.
And why are you hesitant in breaking up with him? You are young and have tons of options to be in a relationship with. You deserve better.
Don’t save the marriage. Talk to a lawyer and move on with your life. You and your kids will be happier without that lazy, lying sack of shit in your lives.
Yup. Check twitter for “genital preferences” and google “cotton ceiling”.
Which of you brought it up first? Most of what we see on Reddit is women bringing it up, and I have yet to see a man doing so, but it's HIGHLY unlikely that it is ONLY women wanting it initially.
In that case definitely stay in touch. Having a friend from home to chat with could be very helpful.
Yeah, I'm definitely doing that next time I see him. I'm usually a split-the-check kind of person but he'd pay for it beforehand or do it when I'm not looking, I don't want to give him the wrong idea
How do you know it's false?
I did. I think you’re missing the point or trolling to be honest. I asked a question at the end. If you can’t answer it there’s no discussion to be had here.
No he’s a controlling groomer who is pissed his 18yo piece of ass doesn’t want to be controlled anymore
Hi! I am in the same situation as you are, albeit on the side of your boyfriend. I am not a very communicative person through WhatsApp or any social media in general, while my girlfriend is extremely focused on communication when we’re apart. This hurts her, and I couldn’t really get behind why. It felt to me as if she couldn’t handle my independence and couldn’t accept that I have my requirements regarding personal space and me-time.
I think we met in the middle after quite the deal of fighting over the matter. It consists of her being able to accept my requirements and personal space when I need it, as well as better communication regarding what I need in any given moment from my side. I also try to incorporate little things that into my day that tell her I think of her, eg sending reels on Instagram or just a random picture of what’s going on, doesn’t have to be a message.
The eye contact thing is also a fun symptom of social anxiety.
I think the moral is, if you're the messenger, make the message nice if you don't want to get shot
I guess this is all about personal opinion, but it would bother me to be in your situation and sense that my gf didn't approve. You gave all sorts of detailed reasons why you want this time with your mom and it's very understandable. But I also think you shouldn't have to do that. I've been with my husband for a total of 15 years, and we wouldn't work if each of us didn't feel free to take personal time. He has his frat boys and hunting buddies, and I have my besties and my sisters.
Also, your relationship does not sound very healthy. If she blows up your phone like that while you're gone, she doesn't trust you. After 4 years, this isn't ok. When you call her clingy, what does this mean? Most of all, your couples communication doesn't sound like it's where it needs to be. Your question proves this.
Have a long chat with her, and if you want this relationship to continue, consider getting couples counseling. You'll develop better tools for addressing stuff when it happens, rather than the slow burn of resentment.
So sorry to read this – it is heart breaking.
But I can 100% guarantee that things will get better, it's a bit of a cliche but time really does heal everything. Try and focus on the good things in life that make you happy, and surround yourself with friends and family for love and support.
I dint think it's completely fair to say the husband is throwing a fit. The rational thought is that him quarantining elsewhere is the right decision. I agree. But put yourself in his shoes. Been away from your newborn and wife for 2 weeks. Having one hell of a time trying to get back home to said wife and child. Only to finally get home, not feel well, and be asked to leave his home and child for even longer. And has to now suffer alone. I'd be upset too. I'm willing to bet that the husband is upset about the situation. Not at his wife.
I'd also like to add, if they're so well off that dropping a couple grand on an air bnb last minute, you'd think they would have moved to a bigger, more family appropriate household, knowing they're having a baby.
Your post history has different ages from just a few days ago. Is this a real post?
Please tell me you told your wife.
Gross. Op is an abusive asshole. His entire comment section is disturbing.
Oh totally! Once I start to get serious with someone, this is one of the first things I discuss and seek total compatibility on.
Ironically, after 12 years together (and deciding that we don’t want pets ages ago), we slowly start to consider it.
This post made me significantly dumber, thanks for that.
Get your money back. Don't do the money for a lease and then ghost him. That's a crime. No need to have that drama.
Sis..he did sleep with others
I wouldn't be at all offended by that… He's missing his family, but happy he gets to spend time with yours instead of being alone. That's a compliment to you and your family, not an insult.
You realise you’re the other woman right? He bailed because he didn’t have an excuse to get away from his wife / girlfriend
I never said to “stalk” her. You came up with that on your own. Obviously it would need to be done in the correct way.
So like totally useless for anyone looking for other pictures of him on him profile
We had discussed the possibility of getting back together, yes. That was a possibility. I just don't know what to even make of the whole situation.
The fact that you’ve been together for a year, as full grown adults, and you’re still struggling over telling each other ‘I love you’ does not bode well. This isn’t just on him either, you’ve apparently been waiting a very long time to achieve the bare minimum of emotional intimacy with a long term partner. He hid a big part of himself for so long because you helped to maintain this emotional distance and stay in the fun phase rather than have a tough conversation.
Honestly, if you’ve just left the honeymoon phase and are already completely reevaluating your relationship you should probably just end things now. If you really want to push forward, you both need to be open and honest about your feelings, especially the negative, difficult ones you’re having now. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing your thoughts in this post with him, or he reacts badly to hearing them, you’ll know if there’s a future worth building toward.
15 yr old, disgusting pedo
From your other posts sounds like you've been having problems for a while – keep moving forward on your own –
You’ve forgotten Reddit’s Cardinal rule??
Thank you for your advice.
? Im sorry I didn’t quite understand your point
He's 41 and he doesn't have money? I know it might not seem like it matters to you now but trust, in a couple years that will start to make you wonder. And it WILL matter to you then
So much so that it’s almost like OP made this up
Hopefully you will see some of your money back one day, but honestly you should consider it lost forever : It is extremely rare to get back any money in case like these, and for your peace of mind you should just keep your life as if it was an unfortunate and permanent loss
Because if going to be her man I have to be able to take of her and the family that I want to have. And I don’t know else I can explain it but I want to be able to take care of her without her having to worry about paying for anything
Guuurrrlah! Leave that loser alone. For someone who won't need to meet you at a hotel that he can't even book. It all sounds suspect.
OK. This is the logical progression of that conversation. I was waiting for someone to say this. He has traditional values expects a traditional wife. A stay at home mom who takes care of the cooking and cleaning, and child raising. He’s looking for someone who’s point of pride would be to do all of these things for him and not expect him to lift a finger.
He wouldn't last that long. She's got 2 years till she 'looks' 26. * He's sooo nice for making an exception for her though!*
Okay. I think I needed to hear this and I pretty much agree. No plans to complicate their budding relationship. Thank you!
Well, in the case mentioned above, he could have easily stepped away from the friend and said “not cool”. He could also call his friend after the fact and discuss what happened and that he would like it not to happen, when he’s in a relationship.
I know, I am going to get downvoted to hell (again), as my opinion on the matter doesn’t really match with the vast majority of the sub, but I’m actually with your boyfriend. I find the notion of being ‘disrespectful’ to a partner a little weird. I could see how rambling on about the person’s previous partners might fall into that category, but I’ve always struggled with…what needs respecting there. The partner’s exclusive claim to someone’s body? To never make the partner feel secondary to a friend? To me, cheating is disrespectful and if that happens, I will terminate the relationship, but the vague notion of a partner’s claim(?) that needs to be respected, is one I struggle with.
However it does mean, I am not the right partner for everyone and that is perfectly fine. No issue at all. The only thing I get annoyed with, is if my partner refuses to drop the situation after the discussion and tries to enforce their take via being passive aggressive, nagging, etc, so I would strongly advise you to figure out where you actually stand.
This is why she needs safe words. She should pick a word that she wouldn’t normally say. A common safe word is “Yellow” to mean slow down, dial things down a bit, check in with me. Then “Red” to mean stop all play immediately and untie me.
You can be the person you want to be with deliberate actions. Don’t let people or relationships hold you back.
It won’t happen overnight. You will experience growing pains and heartbreak.
But you’ll be happier and online a more authentic life as a result.
One big thing you need to do is realize it’s not your fault. Stop blaming yourself for things that occurred outside of your control.
It really fucking sucks but that makes him a terrible person, not you.
If he keeps promising to treat you better he's admitting he's an asshole. It's a shame adulthood and (his concept of) marriage has changed him.
Tell him you are no longer accepting apologies. You're only accepting changed behavior.
The first thing he can do to change his behavior is talk to a therapist to figure out what his problem is. That can be a condition of you staying in the marriage.
If he doesn't make a marked improvement within a few weeks, don't continue to stick around. You deserve better.
I'm being sarcastic, sorry idk how to use tone tags so i used the emoji.
Okay no worries deflowering is used to describe a girl losing her virginity
Yeah man i feel your dilemma. I think we all go through it one day in our lifetimes. It sucks.
All in all i would say your relationship was fairly short man. Only 2 months you barely got to know one another Just take it with your chin held high and use it as an experience for the future
Does she often stonewall you or try to make you leave? Is this new behaviour? She’s being incredibly cold and manipulative, suggesting you leave the house over this is outrageous
Good luck! I wish you the best and hope it goes well.
She’s never done anything to betray my trust. She’s gone out very few times in our hometown and shes mainly the DD in her friend group. The place where she’s staying at is in the heart of a city where a DD won’t be necessary. The paranoid part of me is saying that she’s gonna get really drunk and do something. Especially since she’s far she might be more inclined to do it
I’m currently just chatting with her to make sure she is on bored and that this is what she wants
I think it depends on their financial situation. But then I’d say they probably aren’t financially ready for a baby and stahm if they can’t afford university fees.
This isn't AITA. This isn't a subforum for AITA that allows relationship posts. Check out Am I The Butthole if you want somewhere to post AITA posts about relationships.
This is a subreddit for relationship advice. Please see rule number 3.
She’ll either playful say “why wudbe in incompatible?” Or she’ll be a bit creeped out. But If u never usually make sexual jokes then probably the latter
Should have, could have, would have
This is the only answer you need.
He waited until you were asleep to assault you so he 100% knew chances were you would shoot him down. It was sexual assault and while you don't have to go to the police if you don't want to, you have to clearly tell him and the mother, etc, that it was sexual assault and that if he doesn't understand that then chances are he will do it again. It's extremely creepy that he had the idea to wait until you were asleep to get to you. It was thought out and planned. Don't allow anybody to downplay this. He spooned you without consent, he groped you without consent, he masturbated next to you without consent, it's all very much unacceptable and either they all own up to it or you do what you want with the police, his reputation, etc. He didn't ask you for permission, why would you ask him.
Why can’t you date men closer to your age? Why do you look for these older men? Assuming that your comments are true about this being a 2nd 40 something man in the last couple of years this is slightly concerning on your part.
Men who date people so much younger than themselves are more likely to be groomers and be abusive. There’s a reason why women their age don’t date them. I also don’t normally judge people for being poor/broke but unless he had some serious (real) stuff happen to him in his life to have no money at 41 may mean he’s made some really bad choices. And dating a young person is another bad choice on his part. This is not the type you would want to father your potential children or rely on him in marriage (in sickness and health etc).
You are also either on very different stages in your lives. In 10-15 years time you’ll still be young and want to do things while he will most likely not be able to keep up.
Why are you still with her? Please leave and find help. If kids are involved then please take them as well as they are not safe. Document everything she does to you, take pictures and report it!
Then your suffering consequences to your own decisions. That’s what happens when you make adult decisions.
Yes I'm afraid because I'll lose a lot and i don't know how i will be handle to do that…my family and his family already knows about us. It'll be harder to break up and.. I don't know how he will react
Meh…like 75% of the adult population has some sort of herpes. Plus, most people believe that it’s only really transmittable when you’re having a breakout, so even if she was wrong in that belief, I don’t think she was being malicious.
I wouldn’t end an otherwise awesome relationship over this. My wife has herpes (mouth, not genital as far as we know), and if I have it as well now, I’ve never had a breakout.
Aesops Fables I think. Something about a woman goes out walking in a frost and there's a viper frozen to the sidewalk. She feels sorry for it and takes it back to her home wrapped in her clothes then warms it by the fire. When it wakes up it bites and venomates her. She's like, why the fuck? And he goes, I'm a snake I do snake things.
She didn't sleep with him. She went asleep and woke up to the guy assaulting her. I highly doubt anybody that has been sexually assaulted would talk with you about their experiences considering how unsupportive and prone to victim blaming you are in this single comment.
Exactly how inappropriate is this?
This was a sexual assault. I know you're probably feeling some pressure externally (and internally) to not call it that because that's such a loaded thing and it feels like acknowledging that will open a huge can of worms for you to process, but that's what it was. “Inappropriate” is an inappropriate word for it, the guy is a predator who molested a sleeping girl. You aren't the first person he's done this to and you won't be the last.
I'm not going to push you to go to the cops, because going to the police is its own kind of trauma and no one has any right to pressure someone in your situation to deal with it any way other than the way you think you can handle. I WILL say that you're absolutely not safe anywhere near this guy and need to at least hold firm on no further contact between him and you. Frankly I would tell every single one of your friends as well, because I guarantee you he's already started lying to them about what happened and if you just sit and stay quiet he'll build a narrative about how you were coming on to him and he didn't do anything or some such.
The important thing to know is that you didn't do anything wrong and the way you're feeling about this is completely natural. It was a huge violation, you're supposed to be upset.
Personally I agree with your bf and would leave you if I found out you were selling sexual content. I'm old fashioned I get it, but self respect should still mean something so have some damn self respect and dont turn yourself into a prostitute just to have some more money to play with.
Projecting much?
For making the conscious choice to carry a child to term, bring a child into the world and then immediately deny them love and care from their mother.
If you don’t want a child, don’t have one. There are options.
IMO you did the right thing, not by ghosting. Instead of ghosting her you could have just said something very simple like “Right now is not the right time for me to be dating, nothing to do with you, best of luck” easy as that.
But what I mean when I say you did the right thing is that lets say you kept talking to her, entered a new relationship knowing you wanted to experiment with your sexuality etc… You most likely would have quickly realized that while in this relationship and either stuck it out not being satisfied or broken up and experimented anyways.
If she is single, there is nothing wrong with sending her a text apologizing for ghosting her and see if you start talking again, just don't expect anything to come of it, very plausible she wont even reply to your apology.
“the only reason he didn't mention it at the time was because he was busy paying attention to me.” – that's not an explanation, it's a dig.
That statement was an attack on you. He was letting you know that he was giving you attention and felt he had a right to demand your attention undivided.
It makes zero sense. How could he do something so obvious without your knowledge, if you were close enough that t he was too focused on you to mention it? He knowingly picked up your phone when you weren't aware he had it, and messed with the settings. It's literally not possible that he did this while paying attention to you. Not unless he has an uncontrolled telekinetic super power.
Very red flags.
How do I kindly urge him to pay his fee? I don’t want to make him angry for challenging his decision, he can be stubborn. Or should I just let him do his thing and let his car get impounded?
Next time he threatens suicide, tell him that you’re going to let his wife know what has been going on so that she can keep an eye on him/check him into the hospital. He isn’t your responsibility.
nah he groomed you
Yeah, you two have some communicating to do.
Did you know that you can just break up with him
I am very in love and we've grown a lot together. We have had countless discussions of how this made me feel. We've even tried a parental app that let's me block all porn websites and know if he is viewing inappropriate pictures. But that was too much for me, because I could see everything he looked and, and when he looked at it. We have done lots of research on pa, and he has done his own as well. He states he wants to change, but no action has been taken from his side yet. I have made him videos, even did a photo shoot with 50+ pictures. He still looks at other women. I think he gets tired of looking at me… Making him videos and photos take time and energy, and with work it's very hot to keep making new stuff constantly. But I've seen him change in wonderful ways before, I just have to wait and support him, because I love him more than he'll ever know. But this pain has caused me to relapse in my ed many times and I just want to be able to bare ot until he's recovered. Sorry this is so long, ty so much for your advice. I will try speaking with him again and making some more videos for him 🙂
Well you're only digging in deeper if you don't and continue to see her.
Tell her that you panicked, are anxious, and don't want to disappoint her. And be open about it in the future when using it.
OP, your BF clearly told you he has NO plans on marrying you and he is only agreeing to the idea if you're paying for it. Does that sound right to you? Marriage is a serious thing and it should be desired by BOTH partners. If you guys end up getting married there is a huge possibility that your partner will resent you for it.
Your family can see that you guys do not have the same goal in life. It's always important that you share similar core values, beliefs and life goals with your partner so that your relationship will last. You and your BF are simply not a good match. Find someone who is genuinely willing to marry you bc they love you and wanted to spend the rest of their life with you.
Yeah you are right. Tbh, i think it depends if they were raised as a boy or a girl. It is very common for girls to fantasize about their engagement or wedding day, like a fairytale, way less for boys. It embedded in the stories kids are told. The girls are the princesses, waiting for their prince to conquer all to offer them the world basically. So they dream of the way they will be offered it. And boys dream of the adventures of what they'll have to conquer.
Not saying that it is within our biology to do so, but in patriarchal civilizations, that's how genders are raised from a young age.
But if that was about their own dream proposal, i think OP's fiancé(e) didn't go half way between theirs and OP's, since it was so opposite to what OP wanted.
But indeed, i'd find it quite normal to have a compromise of what both want instead of just the dream proposal of only one of the two
Your boyfriend is an asshole and if you're fine with the way he acts so are you.
Yeah, he might be upset because someone dares to breathe in a space he paid for, I guess.
Or, maybe, because he woke up and chose abuse.
I don't know…
Got to ask… how big is the lemon tree now?
Oh this is a hill I will die on, regenerate, and die again. If you want something, be a grown up and communicate. There is nothing cute or endearing about a pouting adult. She is almost 30 years old for crying out loud.
She could have said yes the multiple times you asked if she wanted anything. She could have asked with her big girl words if you would share (although you would be well within your rights to say no).
The diet thing was going to screw you if you had given it to her, because you would have let her ruin her diet. If you’d brought extra home in case, you’d be a jerk for trying to ruin her diet.
You were hosed no matter what.
I have actually said to my SO “I am ordering [food item] and have zero intention of sharing. If you want some, now is your chance to order your own.”
Oh yeah? How’s that?
She's not your girlfriend, it's not your business. That might hurt, but it's the truth
Your mom is a lawyer, not you. When you get a law degree and specialize in labour law, then you can act like an expert. Absent that, your views are no more relevant or important than a random person’s.
How I told her to do what she needs to and stop focusing on me
Usually a little more subtle about it though.
UpdateMe!
The fuck it is the same. Throw the whole boyfriend out. Bet he is one of those guys that thinks oral sex makes a woman become desensitize to it too if they tell get it too often.
Why not just offer to finger him back instead?
You sound like a crazy person. If you start accusing your husband of cheating based on this don’t be surprised if you don’t have a husband for much longer.
Why do you need to pull any of this crap? Why? You’ve practiced different ways of telling people what degree of wrongness you consider them to be? What the fuck, dude? That’s…wow. Just wow. You sound exhausting.
Yeah, he’s 19 and stupid.
Did you cheat, though? You're not being clear on what's from your mental health and what's from the possible cheating? Also, the specific diagnoses you have might be relevant.
Yeah sometimes listening is better than talking.
Once a cheater!
hand him the paternity test results and a separation (or divorce) at the same time. Why would you want to spend your life with someone so weak minded and distrustful of you
Idk man, something doesn't feel right. She seems like trouble. Why is she talking about sex after not talking to you in 3 years. That whole conversation felt a bit disingenous.
Why do you think men are orbiters? Me thinks it’s because that what you do, which again is a you problem. My partner has a female bff that I literally have no worries about, he knows my male bff and… it’s all chill because nobody wants to secretly fuck each other ? like plz talk to someone about your issues with separating sexual and platonic feelings
You need to move out asap. Mom is to obsessed with you
I wouldn't say you're overreacting. Sure it's a pretty minor thing turning up the AC when your cold but at the same time, if he wasn't joking around at all and forced you to also keep your vent opened and pointed at you… That doesn't benefit him rather only serves to make you colder. That's what I find more of the issue. This could be a red flag and a warning that he may be very controlling and this could just be the start.
You could just tell him how you feel and see what his reaction is and use that as your guide as to weather you think this is the type of person you want to be with long term, or not. Only you can make that choice
No that's not the case. It was a discussion about me sending money in future when we finally make a family together vs her current wants and forms of enjoyment. Regarding the part where i said about 1 year back, it was again about the discussion on how she planned to use the money once we make a family. At that time she didn't used tiktok.
A. Fuckin. Men.
Stabs someone in the face “WTF DUDE?!” “Bro chill out it was just a joke, god. Get a sense of humor”
That's Basically how it goes.
A. Fuckin. Men.
Stabs someone in the face “WTF DUDE?!” “Bro chill out it was just a joke, god. Get a sense of humor”
That's Basically how it goes.
I’m only disagreeing with the opinions that call me an asshole for thinking these thoughts. And I’ve agreed with others who have suggested I go to therapy for my guilt. So there ya have it
Your friends are crappy dude. They came together to make you leave someone you were happy with because she wasn't THEIR ideal woman. I'm sorry, didn't know she was dating your Homies too???
But you deserve them..you're just a crappy bro
Sent her packing Alone at 9pm on a holiday And then dumped her for no reason other than “my friends said so”
I hope she's able to find someone with basic braincells and morals. Cuz it's not you. Yeesh
You’re fucking awful. I hope she lives a happy life away from you
you guys are right about getting a lawyer – my therapist never brought it up so I never thought about it.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes…
Lol
What is whose “opinion”? This was rape, sexual assault…I am a “real rape” victim of different varieties.
Ultimately, this ended with her divorcing me and accusing me of being paranoid and she moved with her affair partner.
Can we look at this, please…?
“OP is paranoid”
“But I'll just move in with the guy you were being 'paranoid' about”.
Get outta here scumbag (the ex wife). OP wasn't born yesterday…
Stop it right there…. this whole relationship is shit. Divorce sounds like a good plan tbh
Her affair partner rejected her, and now she wants to come crawling back? Are you ok with being her second choice? How are you and the kids gonna feel the next time she decides to leave for a very hot new cock on the block?
I bet your friend asked you if she could sleep on the sofa because he has done this to her as well in the past.
He’s a predator and sexually assaulted you.
If you want to stay friends with him because of all the history, you need to be very direct with him and tell him exactly what you feel and give him an absolute ultimatum that if he comes anywhere near you in the future the friendship is over.
Also, don’t put yourself in this position again now you know what a nasty little creep he is. Make sure he stays somewhere else if you are all meeting up.
Do this tomorrow morning.
Sounds to me like the biggest reason you aren’t leaving is because it’ll ruin your mojo for school rn. IMHO that really isn’t a good reason to stay.
I think we all know if you do love and respect her- you’ll stop pretending the relationship is going somewhere to humor her.
I’m sorry- you sounded hopefully for better answers.
Have you spoken to your spouse about this? Honestly, I don't think it is necessary for you to reach out and drag things up from 25years ago. It's done.
Focus on your life/marriage now.
I'd say no, it's understandable that he was upset by what his friend said
Everyone in this situation has understandable motives, I'd say your cousin should have kept quiet about it but even his position comes from good intentions.
I mean, fair enough he doesn't seem concerned enough about his partner to you, I'm not here to change your mind and your interpretation is valid.
I'm just not a big fan of name calling and people calling him a douche/etc, and I've seen too much of that in this thread for my liking.
IMO Mostly we're on the same page though, just different interpretations and ways of going about things. I wanted to offer a different perspective and a different way of offering advice, and I've done that, so cheers!
Hmmm….
So she’s most likely paying for the bills and utilities while you study to become a doctor. Then, when you graduate and start making more money you will have more options to be with a very pretty gold digger instead of with someone who really cares about you. This is called monkey branching.
Let’s be real and honest here. You’re with her for convenience until she isn’t convenient for you anymore, am I right??? Just break her heart now and expose your true colors so that she can find a good man and online happily
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say yes, it's you who is the problem.
I'm so glad to hear that. I hope she keeps it up.
I have so many questions.
When you say you guys go out, is it a date? Are you guys switching the planning if it? Also, who watches the kid while you are gaming? Does she get her own time away?
Have you had a big sit down where you guys talk about this? Have asked how to make this equitable? Told her your alone time is important and that you want to figure how to make it fair and balanced for both of you?
It’s super important for you to have alone time, but your wife is telling you that she feels neglected. Talking and counseling can help with this.
Therapists are not ethically recommended to keep couples together.
If the relationship simply isn't working the next natural step is to advise them to part and ideally coaching them through that.
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Me and my wife have had a great relationship, I have loved her more than anything else in the world and I could feel the same from her too, we have 2 daughters who are 16 and 14 and of course I love them too. My wife is someone who always cared and we never had any stupid fights or anything like that.
3 months ago out of no where she said she wants to end the relationship, she said she wants to move out and cannot continue to be in a relationship with me. I was shocked and extremely hurt, I asked her if I did something wrong, she said that it's not my fault, I asked her if she cheated on me? She said she din't cheat and that she just cannot continue.
She din't give any proper reason, I was extremely hurt, she moved out with the kids, of course I could meet the kids whenever I wanted, after a few days of moving out she posted some pictures on social media of her partying and kissing a girl, seeing that really hurt me and it made sense that she could be cheating on me with that girl.
The past few months have been really difficult for me emotionally, after she moved out, whenever I went to pick up the kids, she used to avoid me.
Now since 3 weeks she is being friendly, she is also coming along when I am taking the kids out, she is having normal conversations like before, we even watched a movie together a few days ago. A few hours ago she told me that she wants things to go like before and be together again, I asked her who was that girl who you were kissing, she said she is just a friend and nothing more, I asked her if she cheated on me, she said she din't cheat on me.
She is doing good for herself financially, I do earn more than her but she is not getting back cause she is broke or anything like that if someone is wondering.
I do want to be with her again, but I am scared what if she does the same thing again? I am still confused why she even wanted to end things with me out of the blue in the first place?
TLDR – 3 months ago my wife moved out and did not want to continue to be in a relationship with me without giving any proper reason, now she wants us to be like before and be together again.
Go to the hospital and get a rape kit done.
That’s exactly what will happen. She’s gonna fuck him and probably a few others during the 3 months and get it out of her system. Then OP will come back like the good little boy he is
Reading your post history, I feel really sad for you, not many people notice what’s happening unless they’re on the outside looking in.
She is emotionally and somewhat physically abusing you. It isn’t fair for someone else’s mental health issues to be your problem, especially if it’s making you ill and risking your own overall well-being.
Your partner needs to seek support and advice from a GP or doctor and you either support her through this or leave. To be honest, going by her selfishness I’ve clocked in your comments, I think she’ll refuse help (which is foolish) and you should call it a day. It’s only 4 months, there’ll be other people out there who will respect you. Short term pain for long term gain.
Also, get back into your hobbies (that she’s stopped you from doing- which is emotional abuse), and let yourself flourish. Don’t let her drag you down to her level.
Good luck
I was looking for resources and recommendations i hadn’t thought of and instead got tons of shaming on my life. Its not like adoption hasn’t crossed my mind but at the most it is a last resort. Ive seen foster care and been in it and i would take anything over my time in that horrid system.
want to be able to take her to the spot near where I grew up where I knew she was the one, though time is obvs an issue now
How's it an issue? Tons of couples purchase the ring together, and they simply agree on a timeline within which a proposal will happen. The proposal itself is still a complete surprise.
Is she on her mission? If so she WILL try to convert you. Her family will expect it , her group, her church everyone. Her good standing with the church would depend on it if she wants to be with your long term. Being mormon isn't just a religion she does on Sunday or whatever. It is a complicated social dynamic that infests every part of her life. She would have socialized within wards , if shes from Utah her whole block and most of her school may have been mormon. Her marriage to a MORMON man matters for her entrance into the ” celestial kingdom”. They will go to great lengths to convert you because she will want to be sealed to you if you marry. DO NOT THINK SHE WILL ONLINE CASUALLY WITH YOU FOR YEARS ON END WITHOUT MARRIAGE.
If shes just in spain NOT on her mission and just is mormon because she casually identifies that way you have a slim chance. Maybe.
And be careful, the girls are taught( unfortunately) to keep sweet and mirror their partners interests because of the idea of female submissiveness. One young lady I know( my daughters friend) her interests change with every new man in her life. Right now shes trying to play gamer girl anime fan because that's what her husband likes . she LOATHES that stuff privately. Its not their fault, they are taught this subtly throughout their lives in church groups.
Good luck.
Have you tried raising these concerns to him? I’m pretty sure it falls somewhere in these 3 reasons, maybe even multiple of these:
1) He’s very inexperienced and is nervous to make any moves on you.
2) He’s a very shy person in general, and needs more time to open up to you.
3) He’s not a very passionate physical person.
Judging by his family’s response, it sounds mostly like 1&2. He’s very shy, and so his family is surprised that he’s dating you. They’re also surprised he has a gf, so he’s probably inexperienced. I’d talk to him about it and see. If he’s inexperienced, you can always help teach him what to do and what you enjoy
If this is real, OP is pathetic
It’s insane that his response was “you didn’t stop me”
No, she made the choice to immediately remove herself from the situation and focus on your marriage. YOU are the only one trying to force her into an affair
Disillusioned? He makes zero effort with you, which you’ve justified due to his financial situation. But then you’ve seen he IS capable of these things with friends and family, and just doesn’t do it with you. That’s very disappointing.
It’s honest of you to admit the feelings when you wish he’d miss his train etc when making these other plans – that’s resentment.
Yeah, i'll be taking it slow for now. I'll go for laser treatment. Seems like everything is falling apart again.
I’m wanting $300 until I graduate, at which point I’d move to $400 a month.
I like this approach but I’d also keep notes starting right now recording every date, time, comment, who was there etc. Once you speak to him, write a note of the conversation, including his reaction. Then continue to keep a diary of your interactions, anything you overhear from that point on. Then you have a contemporaneous written record of what happened.
If you consent to be in a free use relationship, you are giving consent. However, she did not give consent. This is pretty basic. It’s not opinion. I’m not sure what part of this you don’t understand.
I agree with the sentiment in here that this relationship won't work out and you should end it.
I also want to urge you to encourage your fiance to get evaluated for neurodivergence. Four out of five of the things you mentioned all sounds like they could be signs of something like ADHD. His brain might literally be wired to tend towards behaviors like these.
Even if that's the case though, you're not obligated to stay with him for that. If he has ADHD or something, that's his responsibility to deal with. You're not required to stay with him even if it isn't his fault that he is this way. So whatever you do, make sure you put yourself first.
Your partner is being I sensitive to your insecurities. It’s January, take advantage of the sales for gym membership and get your old body back. You won’t care if he looks at those girls when you feel confident about yourself. All of this comes from you feeling bad about your post baby body. So do something about it. You are in control of your own body, and you can’t control what your partner does. Should he do that in front of you while you feel insecure? No, that’s rude. But he can look at what he wants in I’m his own private time. You don’t get to control him. Focus on what you can control. You. So control your diet and your exercise until you look like the women you are jealous of. 40lbs isn’t even that bad, I bet you can do in in time for summer, you have 6 months!
It may be the first time but it won't be the last. And it will get worse. He has given himself permission to treat you badly. You have two choices: stay and tolerate his abuse, or leave. I know what I would do.
I don’t look at it though, I only went when someone sent me the video and I was already blocked. Plus I have those footprints thing turned off.
I honestly don’t know, that’s why I am reaching out here. I understand people have addictions – but I am definitely seeing gaslighting also.
Or promotions
Sorry but this man is a total man-child..#5 alone should be enough to call it quits and also the not caring about you is just unacceptable. If he wants kids and you don’t then the relationship should be over 🙁 he’s 26 and acts 16, if even that..you deserve a MAN not a little boy
Now see I was going to suggest that since they take their laundry else where it could have been left in a dryer or the washer, and was just over looked.
And then when the BIL story came out, I was like yep can see that too, but then she went off because he wanted to return them to BIL I was like yep she cheating.
when my dad asked “how do you take your steak” my bf made a nervous joke and said “I dont take it, he does” while pointing to me
What a gross “joke”.
Maybe the time you asked her out she wasn't ready or something. But if nothing else, she wants to fuck. Girls at 19 are nothing alike.
So because you’ve met a bunch of nerds you infer a bunch of things OP hasn’t written and assume he’s like them.
This is a you problem that has nothing to do with OP.
Everyone here is saying this. What am I missing?! How often to cheaters repeat their actions?! He cheated on me with men too but says he’s straight
It's wild that the post painted the bf as innocent and the dad as some terrible homophobic person.
Even the “accidentally found out I was a bottom” was wildly mistated
Either ask her to marry you or break up – you don’t have to do a proposal with all the bells and whistles- just ask her- you know she’s going to say yes
This is worth just ghosting and blocking the twit. You deserve much better from someone who claims (by being in a relationship with you) to care about your feelings and needs. He has forfeited any respect you might've owed him with his callous lack of respect or care for you.
Sounds like you’re the king of guy who will propose when “I’m ready” or “have enough money” etc.
Did they cheat again?
This. Please be careful!
what problems?? op has mentioned nothin in the context of their relationship outside of wanting to get married, and op also wants the marriage. you just made shit up!
More practice then lol and keep trying.
Hitting things around you can actually be assault. The other person doesn't have to touch YOU for it to be domestic violence, him acting violent NEAR you is enough to cause a reasonable person that they may be harmed.
It might be very hot to hear this… but these “anger issues” is just the “testing your boundaries” phase on the way to domestic violence.
The difference is people with real anger issues suffer with outburst all over, even though they regularly experience embarrassing & negative consequences.
Most people see them the same way; easily flustered to the point where they ruin stuff for themselves at school, work, home, with family, with friends, at church, when doing charity stuff… they can't shut it off.
The guy who is abusive, but hides behind “anger issues” will hide his outbursts when it could hurt him socially or professionally. They are only showing you the dark side, everyone else is shown the solid worker, caring son, or generous friend. They are excessively worried about what other people would think, so any attempt to record the outbursts and he will turn on YOU.
Your instinct to accommodate his tantrums makes you a very attractive victim to hurt.
Domestic violence is especially nasty, because it uses the victims best qualities to turn into weapons against them. Patience, a willingness to fight for love, forgiveness, etc all become ingrown… like a tree wrapping it's branches in towards your center, into a cage.
The stage you are in is testing, he's seeing ic hd can mold you into someone who diminishes herself to keep the peace. That you will step backwards enough times until he has you cornered.
When they feel you are trapped, it gets worse. Moving in together, he gets a little worse, get pregnant, sadly it often gets much worst etc.
Run.
You don't have to ask “how she would feel” because she's been through it. And then being battered about it now from the guy who did it to her first is kind of insulting.
No doubt you've improved and gotten a lot better. But humans have a negative bias, so bad things stand out a lot more to us. I think the better approach is to say, “It made me feel insecure when you messaged your ex. If there's an area you feel your needs are not being met, I'd love to discuss it with you and try to improve.”
This isn't a time to remind her of everything you've done in the past. Don't shove it in her face what an amazing boyfriend you've become. Just figure out what the issue is and see if you can accommodate it. Best worst case is she wants to hook up with someone else in which case you both get a hall pass and knock it out real quick. Everybody wins.
We have a decent relationship, don't interact very much due to shift differences. I honestly have no idea if he knows anything beyond we were getting along again.
If you like it then you better put a ring on it! Otherwise I see her walking out the door. Can you afford the mortgage payment on your own?
Don't get the surgery and tell him he doesn't get to control your body with money threats. Then maybe dump him cause there are much better men out there.
Don’t have a child with this man. He’s treating you like an incubator instead of a person with your own needs.
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I need some other opinions on this event that happened with my girlfriend of 3 years the other day, as I’m not really sure how to feel or respond.
Sorry, wall of text to follow.
TL;DR! I surprised my girlfriend by taking her to the spa during a workday (I cleared this with her manager beforehand). What I initially thought was going to be a nice evening together, romantic gesture, and surprise turned into a nightmare. On the way to the spa my girlfriend was very overwhelmed and became upset, but unable to articulate why. We still went to the spa, I thought we had a nice time and the evening was redeemed, but on the drive back it escalated even more.
Overall I just need some other opinions on this, as I feel like I have done something wrong.
STORY:
I [32M] surprised my partner [30F] by taking her to the spa a few days ago. I texted her manager to make sure that the day and time worked for them, and that it would be ok to sneak her away from work and surprise her. The manager said yes, it would be fine. So I thought, great! This sounds like a great way to surprise her, make a romantic gesture (my partner always talks about how I never do anything romantic), and spend a nice evening together at the spa and then eat out for dinner nearby. It was sort of for her birthday which was the week prior, but selfishly I also wanted to go, and we had talked about going a few months prior as a nice thing to do together. She generally likes surprises and random gifts and things that aren’t necessarily for any event – just as a way of me doing acts of service and thoughtful gift giving as that’s my love language.
So I go to pick her up and begin the surprise. OK – she’s in the middle of a task that requires her attention and presence, no biggie, I thought that might happen since I was stealing her away from work. I leave to do some things nearby, and come back 10-15 minutes later and she is free. Great! She hasn’t had lunch yet, so I tell her to grab her lunch and things and that we’re going. Mind you, this whole time I’m kinda giddy and smiling holding the secret, I’m not projecting an air of annoyance or frustration. Why would I, we’re going to the spa, it’s gonna be a great evening!
So she grabs her things, but from the get-go it was clear that she was kinda overwhelmed and didn’t really know what was going on. Reading the situation I didn’t think carrying on the surprise would be beneficial, so as soon as we stepped outside her work I spoiled the surprise and said: “We’re going to the spa, I asked your manager if it would be ok for you to leave work early, I have everything ready”. She still didn’t really believe it and kept saying “I don’t understand what’s happening”, confused, but sounding happily confused, and surprised – great. She kept asking what we were doing, not really believing me, so I kept saying: “we’re going to the spa, I cleared it with your manager”. So we get in the car and start driving. I packed her favorite snacks, water, tea, etc, as I thought she might want something to eat before going to the spa for a few hours (and/or, I had a feeling she hadn’t eaten lunch yet, which she confirmed).
I start driving to the spa and she begins crying out of nowhere. This is literally the exact opposite reaction that I had anticipated. I pull over, try to console her, but she keeps crying, I have no idea why, and I’m just at a loss. I feel terrible. I planned this nice afternoon, surprise, etc, and now I’m confronted by a really, really upset girlfriend. I felt terrible, but also a bit angry and annoyed that she wasn’t able to give me any explanation for the way she was feeling, and for 15-20 minutes we sat on the side of the road while she cried. She still wasn’t really able to give much more of an explanation that she was feeling ‘overwhelmed’ and it didn’t feel ok to leave work. I tried to dig into it a bit more. Did something happen at work? Why was she so overwhelmed? Was something else going on? Did I do something wrong? All for her to say no, and as far as I could tell it was a pretty average day for her. For more context, she has been going through a bit of a rough patch at work, and we've been a little stressed as we need to find new housing, but it's nothing new and all things that we've discussed at length with one another.
I suggested we go back. She made a snarky comment about “then what, I’d just go back to work?”. So I read this as her now being a bit combative. I suggested we keep driving the direction of the spa anyways as I can run some errands in the area if we didn’t end up going. I try to joke “hey at least we’ll go for a nice drive”. Overall the mood went incredibly cold incredibly quickly and I had no idea why other than she was overwhelmed and surprised – I guess not in a good way. After 15-20 minutes or so of trying to console her I sort of lost my temper. I was angry that I had put a lot of effort and thought into this and it suddenly turned on its head, and she’s unable to tell me why, and I vocalized this to her.
We keep driving in silence – I park and say I need to do these things for 10 minutes, and that I would still like to go to the spa and to let her think about it. The separation is nice, I come back and she seems to have calmed down and wants to go and is excited to go. Great.
So we go to the spa. We both feel kind of shitty and bad with that recent experience looming over us of ‘what just happened’. Nonetheless I try to clear it out of my mind and enjoy it as much as I can. “It’s in the past, she was upset, overwhelmed, having a bad day – it’s ok, we’re here, let’s enjoy it” I told myself. I genuinely enjoyed myself in the spa, but there were times my partner was still sobbing a bit and crying, or looking upset. Then at times she looked fine. Overall I felt like the experience was kind of ruined already that I tried not to let this affect me, but it was clear that it was still affecting my girlfriend. I was very much of the mindset of accepting what had happened, acknowledging it, while still trying to enjoy the evening.
We leave the spa – I think things are better now – I had a great time and felt relaxed and happy, despite the earlier event. My girlfriend seems like she has come around and also appears to be feeling better. We joke about taking way more free bottles of fancy hand lotion and shampoo than we should have (we’re cheap as hell). We get in the car and drive home, and I’m feeling pretty good – and I thought my girlfriend was feeling better too, and whatever happened earlier had passed.
A few minutes into driving home my girlfriend drops more bombshells and becomes upset again, saying things like “I can see why objectively that is a really nice thing to do but why today?! Like was there a specific reason”, again crying and listing reasons for why she was overwhelmed. I understand and empathize with all of her reasons, and support her with all of them, but don’t really see this as being an excuse for not being able to enjoy the experience and ruining the nice evening and surprise that I put a lot of thought and effort into for her. I sense anger towards me. It then grows into more, saying she feels unstable, asking what we’re doing in our relationship. etc. She makes more snarky comments, like “what is there even to do there together, it's like we're together but not, it’s not really something to do as a couple” implying that spas are a bad place to go for couples.
I felt at a loss, again, and didn’t know how to respond. Again I went from feeling like we had moved on from whatever happened earlier, enjoyed the spa, and was feeling good about that, to being absolutely crushed emotionally again afterwards by her. I didn’t really know how to respond to any of her comments. We drove home in silence after that, and didn’t speak again the rest of the evening. An inverse shit sandwich, if you will, of a shitty experience on the way to the spa, a good time at the spa (for me), and then shitty experience again after.
So, here we are. I’m still reeling a bit from this event, and don’t really know how to proceed. We haven't really spoken since and kind of tiptoed around one another. I feel like I was trying to be very understanding of her experience of things, but also feel that it was disrespectful of my time, effort, and thoughtfulness. Not once did she apologize to me for her actions or for how she was feeling, and I thought we had moved on from her being upset before going to the spa but it all came crashing down again on the drive home.
I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, asking myself if I did something wrong, if she was upset with me, etc. Because yes, while our relationship is in a bit of a rocky place we still enjoy one another's company, are fine 98% of the time, and acknowledge that we have things to work on. Ok – I get that it may have been a bad day for her, bad timing, etc, so I do understand and empathize with her reaction and being upset on the drive up
The husband is a serious ass. This would make me suspect that his friends don’t like me because he talks shit and makes “jokes” about me behind my back. Except this time he didn’t even bother to hide it.
Sounds like he's good at playing nice. Be grateful you saw who he really is.
And no, this isn't acceptable behaviorbehaviorbehavior
Is that what he said? “Emasculated”? It's not a dick size thing, is it?
I imagine he is a little insecure, which is understandable.
Maybe consider the way you word things when you reassure him. Instead of “you're all the man I need” try “you're exactly the man I want”. Does he want you to act in bed like you did in the videos? Could you do that for him?
Sounds like he already does these things. Maybe not that exact frequency. She screwed up not going to therapy. Thats on her. And fuck no he shouldn’t be finding her grown ass a job after she lost it being a brat. What?!
Not sure why you are getting downvoted. Must be the 30 year olds going to parties without their significant other so they can play sexual drinking games.
You've probably diagnosed this correctly, that you're not “jealous” out of not trusting him but rather just envious that his schoolmates (understandably) spend more time with him than you do. Herein lies the peril in dating someone who goes to a different school. Obviously this isn't his fault so of course you can never complain about this to him. As with any unpleasant feelings it's not really a matter or trying to force yourself to not feel it. It's just a matter of being able to keep it to yourself so it doesn't destroy your relationship.
Other than telling her, which you have, you can't force your best friend to believe you. I think you mentioned that the girl he was abusing before was there and told your best friend as well. If not, you might arrange a meeting between the girl who has been abused, and your best friend. If your best friend does not want to hear all this, and decides to ignore all the warnings, you can just stick with her as a friend, and be there in case she is abused.
Does he find it difficult to focus on things he finds boring, but get zoned in on things he enjoys to the point where he doesn't notice when several hours have gone by?
Does he tend to not notice things that need to be taken care of until they're pointed out? Like dishes in the sink or some trash left on the table.
Does he have problems picking up after himself?
Does he sometimes talk so fast that you have to ask him to slow down?
Citations please?
Otherwise, we can't examine quack pseudoscience or 'alternative facts' to determine what is true and what is oft-repeated lies. Thanks.
I have some simple rules about marriage. You don’t marry someone you’ve never met. You don’t marry when your 18. And you definitely don’t marry some creep who appears to have been grooming you for the past 2 years.
Yikes! It’s tough because your right. I have tried to take some power back in this dynamic. I’ve told her that I also don’t know if it’s going to work out with her. That unless she works on certain behaviors I don’t want to get back with that person. But overall I still have been there for her and it could be seen as kissing her butt. When ever I put distance between us in any way she responds by chasing me,and I let her back in.
Well, congrats on being used so she could say she had plans/a date for Valentine's day. Based on the preceding few days, this should have been a very hot no. Or, if you did decide to do something, there should have been no flowers, no candy, no dinner, etc. A card maybe. I'm willing to bet she didn't get you a card.
Don't let her play this game. It is over. Cancel it.
You’re proposing a list-off? Lol
You didn’t answer the question of how much weight he has gained? It is a helpful and necessary detail
Denial goes down easier than the truth and tastes sweeter.
I have had some incredible sex and my knees were weak, but after a few minutes I was able to walk. She is too much.
It absolutely is.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone so focused on appearances?
She is more concerned with appearances than with your well-being.
How is that not a dealbreaker?
He needs to leave the room to fart if you're around. Not much he can do if he's asleep and unaware.
Well that's why you don't marry that young. Tell your wife for a divorce, she is young enough to bounce back from this mistake.
You didn’t do anything but save yourself a headache in the future. His anger and abuse would have only gotten worse. It was the wall last time, and it would have ended up being your face eventually
More than likely you are overthinking it.
What did you lie to him about?
Because a lot of times people on here seem to just want to mock OP instead of helping them, imo.
It's up to you, honestly. It'll all come out eventually or fizzle out on its own. I personally don't care about burning bridges, I call out inappropriate actions when I see them. Even something as passive aggressive as asking him how his girlfriend is doing in front of people in class works for me.
With rhat said, you waited a bit too long to suddenly start feeling guilty about this. So, it's a bit of a pickle.
Ok 4 months drunk dialed and you want to vacation? You’re not even dating
Ok 4 months drunk dialed and you want to vacation? You’re not even dating
I’ve thought the same ??
Hey man. I was a smoker for 15 years. My fiancée told me if I want to have kids with her, I need to quit. So I did. You got a child coming into this world. You owe it to the child and your wife to be on this earth as long as you possibly can be. Just quit.
LittleFairyOfDeath.exe has stopped working
Bro don’t be dumb. She cheated on you and is trying to pay for this guy’s apartment. She is incapable of being loyal to you or faithful to your relationship, so dump her and move on.
Massive insecurity lol
Well…U should prepare for the life of a single person, and organize your finances to get yourself in a position to be alone…
Why are y’all being weird? Are we supposed to kick our friends to the curb if they cheat on their SO’s? Not accepting cheating within our relationship does not equal being judgemental fucks and cutting our friends off when they fail in their relationships, even if it’s their fault.
Wow dude, you need a positive role model in your life. You deserve so much better for yourself.
Do her the favor of breaking up with her.
Doesn't seem like you guys were in a committed relationship. The problem is that you haven't done a good job of standing up for yourself and confronting him when necessary.
The guy you lost your virginity to is deceptive. You don't need to be that way. Don't let his poor actions change you. Whether or not things work out with you and the new potential guy, you should probably break things off with the guy you lost your virginity to. It doesn't seem like your life has gotten any easier with him.
She hasn’t responded to a single comment. This is fake. It’s a writing prompt. It just is
Since your life is short, why not spend it without a malicious man.
If this is real, your husband is an absolute raving lunatic. You are abusing your children by raising them in this environment. You need to see a lawyer immediately and start working on divorcing and going for full custody. You can not make him better, you can only control yourself. Be safe, but please save your children from this nutjob.
Well, she has Bipolar 2. Always wondered what role it could be playing in our relationship, but I couldn't glean much from just like… internet research.
A lot of men, and women, will do that blackout thing when it means giving everything they can to defend their family or others. If we didn’t have that, a lot of people who otherwise would not engage in violence, would likely be unwilling to harm another person, even if their life depended on it. OP, you did the right thing. It was you and your gf, or them. You don’t know what they would have done to you two. Better safe than sorry. Also, she needs some therapy, I think once she processes things and realizes how bad of a situation that was and what could have happened, she will eventually realize you were defending her and yourself.
I think that’s actually the perfect word for it. I never thought Of it that way but she totally does. She was the valley girl type her whole life, highly into fashion, expensive gifts, attended ritzy yoga classes in the city, wore mostly lulu lemon and expensive hand bags. Had a closet just for sunglasses, shoes and purses. She literally picked her college based on the fact that her favorite actress from the show “Buffy the vampire slayer” went There. Told me at least 5x when we first met that men used to come up to her in Los Angeles and ask if she was Jennifer Lawrence. Celebrity worshipper obsessed with the kardashian drama, party girl social butterfly.
She finds this out about her dad and suddenly became obsessed with the actress Christina Ricci, bought a poster of her at 34 to hang up in her room. Obsessed with the show “Wednesday” so much so that she wanted tickets to Romania for Christmas to tour where it was filmed, which I stupidly bought for her. Has protection black salt witch spell jars all over the house. Refers to herself as goth, a transition she made at 34. Bought doc martens, dyed her hair magenta, wears an o ring leather dog collar, says she hates people. Reminds me of a teenager going through a phase. She says things to me like “I used to fight my demons, now we cuddle”. Heavily into bdsm sex, got a bat tattoo, a witches broom tattoo and a raccoon Drinking tea tattooed on her shin (all in 6 months). Says she’s into satanic worship and even bought a baphomet stuffed animal as a gift for a baby to give at a baby shower. She’s obsessed with the commercialized witch craft and refers to herself as a witch, based solely on wearing black and making different spell jars she learned about on Pinterest. She also told me she’s obsessed with the girls from the movie girl interrupted and she wants to have BDSm vampire sex when we go to Romania as a cosplay type thing. That’s a lot of rapid fire personality changes for someone in their mid 30s and she occasionally talks in an infantile baby type voice whenever she wants something with that valley girl uptalk. There’s a video of her a a Christmas party and she talking. She’s speaking to one of my attractive male buddies from my hockey team and she says “do you like want me to help youuuuu like open that gift?” It sounds like a comedy sketch. She did a complete 180 in personality just from when I met her. It’s disorienting
Leave on read!!
This is abuse
He’s not going to change
Honestly, that would scare me too and I haven’t had an abusive (violent) past. I don’t understand why people keep going with violence when there’s clearly no need for it. Blacking out isn’t a good enough excuse for me.
Now, I have a husband and a baby, so I’m sure my husband would react the same way as you because of his protective instincts. But without having a family, this just seems like unnecessary violence and might be a deal breaker for me.
What’s wrong with people these days? If you see each other exclusively, spend days and nights together, you are boyfriend and girlfriend.
Do I leave – or do I stay – am I just visualising the greener grass on the other side?
No one can answer that. We can only base such a decision on what feels right in the moment. For better or for worse. But, from my perspective, you’ve already made the choice to leave. Once you stop engaging in the relationship, it will die eventually. Love is not a relationship. A relationship is just life stuff. You can love a person without wanting the life stuff.
Jesus no OP leave this woman. She's a horrible person. Blaming u for the fact she's a homewrecker is a new low. Don't marry this chick. She can't keep it in her pants.
Why? Is it not possible this girl is too naive to realize she is being abused by her baby-man-child husband?
You guys are 14 there is no way.
It will hurt more in the beginning, every break up does. But you need to give yourself a chance to be in a happier healthier connection with someone else. She is not the only person in the world, you'll be ok.
Do any of your other friends who were there know what happened? Who took the picture?
I’m sorry that has happened to you, unfortunately there is almost no way of saving your relationship.
I hope you’ve cut whoever this ‘friend’ is out at the very least. Also it sounds like there were others involved.
This whole situation rings huge alarm bells.
But unfortunately I don’t think you can undo the damage it has caused to your relationship.
Walks like a duck…
Give it some time. Say what you have to say once and let it go. Give him a chance to calm down and think about it.
He’s the one who asked to be exclusive first and gets jealous when I mention another guy in the picture so I’m not sure
Man just break your fucking word. No one on earth will be mad at you about it except her. You're not in a fucking movie. “I'm a man of my word” is a badass thing to say for a fictional character, it's impractical and stupid in real life. Absolutely no reward is coming your way for keeping your word here
Actually caring about them means wanting what is best for them. Is having you in their lives what is best for them?
Yup, this.
When literally everyone in this thread is telling you that you’re selfish, “me me me”, and concerned only about yourself and how you feel…maybe you should take that to heart? Each of your comments makes it worse and worse. Not everything is about you and this most certainly isn’t, other than the fact that you are the reason any of this happened. Your poor boyfriend.
Lol idk why people are taking this serious. This is a copy pasted message that was posted months back word for word.
How do you know he still isn’t cheating on you?
How can you be certain this is all in the past?
May suggestion, ask him about “insert woman’s name” and see what he says and how he reacts. If he asks you why, tell him someone told you about the two of them and list off the timeline.
Honestly, I can’t see how you can move forward with planning this wedding knowing all this now.
When I was your age I suffered from crippling anxiety and depression and often pushed others away with my behavior. Tell your BF how you are feeling and give him the option of helping you through it or breaking up. It will be very hot, but I wouldn't just dump him.
Antidepressants take a few weeks to kick in so stay with them. When you get anxiety it is basically fear. It's awful. What helps me is getting outside and taking a 5 minute walk or going for a run. Anything that increases dopamine. Even sitting in the sun can help.
For me exercise is mostly how I manage mine. I feel strong and healthy and haven't had a panic attack in about 15 years. Everyone is different, but know that what you are feeling is not unusual especially at your age.
Also helping others through volunteering helps a ton, though I volunteer at animal shelters 'cause I like them. It gets me out of my head and helps me think of how to help someone else or something else. I take glamor shots of animals to help them get adopted.
You got this. Get strong and stick with the therapy plan. It can and will get better!
Don't propose to someone unless you've had frank discussions about getting married and know that you are on the same page. “Implied” doesn't cut it. If you aren't 100% sure your partner will accept, don't propose.
Now, this man will almost certainly never marry you. You can accept that, or move on.
Why do you seem certain it’s not your kid? Did you guys discuss how you’d handle a pregnancy before you opened your relationship?
Apparently she told him previously her child's father died not never specified how.
Could be??♀️
I just go with it lol
If she truly doesn’t like you and doesn’t find you to be special it speaks much more about her that she continues to date and sleep with you despite that. Anyone who consistently puts you down and doesn’t affirm or validate you in any way but continues to see you is someone who needs to feel better about themselves by doing so (autism or not.) I’ve been in a few situations like this where guys would say passive aggressive things to demean or lessen achievements I had made and things I was interested in and it really hurt me. As I’ve grown older I realize if someone does this THEYRE THE WEIRDO/FUCK UP. Why would they be with me if they don’t like anything I do ?? Why would they tell me all about their life all day long introduce me to all their friends family etc when they DONT LIKE ME? Why would they do any of that if I’m not lovable or worthy in their eyes?? There is no logical explanation to any of that.
The reasoning is that some people NEED to make others feel lower around them in order to feel O.K. about themselves. It’s very similar to grade school bullies in that regard. They cannot exist without putting others down bc they’d be forced to reckon with not liking themselves. Get out asap. There’s nothing wrong with you. She needs to realize ppl won’t put up with her shit.
Why would anyone agree to this??
if he blacked out how does he know that he didn't choke you? One or the other must be a lie.
you did the right thing getting your friends and security to kick him out. This is a MAJOR red flag and imo you should dump him immediately. He is unstable and violent.
All you have to do is look up Human Resources where she works and read the guidelines concerning what is permitted in work relationships? I worked in government for years and rooms were separate for men and women….
No. Not cute. And what? He’s a super hero or something? I’m pretty sure super heroes don’t make tasteless jokes about hypothetical future beatings. And why oh why are you asking if your “relationship “ (it isn’t) is over when you shoujd be the one leaving him on read. Please re-read your post as if it were one of your close friends asking for your advice on what they should do about their immature and creepy boyfriend. I ran even the 4pm date that turned into 7pm car date where he got mad at you being mad is enough for you to nope out. I think you need to do some work on your self esteem. Simply put, you deserve better than this god’s gift to trolls.
I don’t believe him that she is either.
Did you bother reading the post at all or…?
Please listen to this OP. He's intending the comments to hurt. He wants you to feel like you're not attractive enough for him. People who actually online you don't do that. Believe me. I don't even think I'm attractive currently but my bf sure does, and he lets me know it. Find someone who likes you and doesn't try to make you feel like you have to be something else, or treat you like you're “lucky” to be with them.
And you are 100% correct, he is wrapped up in his own pain, but that doesn’t mean you need to be such a dick about it. You could get your point across just as well by showing some compassion and understanding towards his pain.
They were together for 4+ years, and she ended it, fine, I totally get why she did. She wants to explore her world. Who she was is not who she is/wants to remain as. But that doesn’t mean the OP didn’t just experience a type of death. I mean would you say this to someone who, let’s say, for the argument, lost a parent? Maybe a mother? Sometimes people are wrapped up in their own pain, and they can’t see past it, and that’s ok, for a time.
Some people need to wallow, they need to over indulge their pain so they can get through it. And personally, speaking truth to OP will be the right move…when it’s not as fresh.
you could have shown some care or consideration, but your desire to show “firm and clear” outweighed any humanity you could have used to express how sorry you were that someone he loved, deeply, decided he was no longer someone she loved at all.
But, to quote a line…”if you think me being honest with YOU makes me an AH, I am 100% fine with that. I think it’s kinda funny, actually.”
“He has the nerve to CoNtRoL which dicks you feel like sitting down on at any given moment”
Tell him thats not how gifts work.
I suppose your gifts didn't come with a paper of stipulations to keep them?
Give him the ring back and keep the rest. Cheating has consequences!
Good luck!
He found the one with the lower self esteem.
This is solid advice if anything this is constantly messing with my mental health
If she's made up her mind and refuses to even talk about it, there might not be anything you can do other than focus on if you want to remain married to someone who would do this to your daughter and you and focus on how you'll help your daughter manage the sudden absence of her mother for an unknown period of time.
Personally, I think it's totally selfish and irresponsible for her to decide to do this. Get a fucking hobby, see a therapist but don't just up and leave your 5 year old to go find yourself. Find yourself while you continue to be a good parent and talk to your fucking spouse FFS. Fucking hell.
And it wasn’t that long ago
Sorry man. Same advice as the others, get a lawyer. Also document all the proof of cheating because there is always a risk she might try to control the narrative with family and friends making you look like the bad guy.
See my girlfriend and I (coming up on a year, so not a long time) aren't sure we even believe in marriage. But we're on the same page. You and your boyfriend are not and if you can't match timelines you're probably incompatible
Your needs aren't compatible.
You will just fight until you finally exhausted enough to leave.
Breakup's are sad but you are both adults and will get over it.
There is no future with this behaviour and you both are only killing time.
Get an stdtest done stat
Are you of different cultures? Because in some cultures the guy is tasked with the upkeeps of the household, the woman's career is seen as recreational and hence her wages discretionary (read: to her). This applies even if she makes more than the guy.
Do NOT ask me how I know.
If I'm honest you kind of walked right into this one. He said in the very beginning he wasn't looking for anything serious. That's as clear as day to me that he's not looking for any long-term or short term commitment and would enjoy a casual sex relationship the most.
You decided to acknowledge this and then ignore it. Hang out with him and eventually you started developing feelings.. Sucks, I'm sorry you can't pick who you fall for.. But you KNEW, he wasn't interested.
He didn't use you, nor were you clueless. He mentioned he didn't want a relationship, he couldn't have been more clear. You walked into it and you let it happen. Sorry love but he didn't do anything wrong as he let you know beforehand.
She’s not “getting away” with anything to you, though. Her relationship is with your GF, not you. So she’s fooling your GF. She doesn’t give a shit about you at all. It also means your GF is the one who needs to deal with this. You can talk to her about your concerns, but once that’s expressed, the ball is in GF’s court and she needs to decide how to handle it.
He was drunk with pleasure because he was envisioning the virgin marry blowing him
Oh we all want an unspoken rule but the lure of bit of forbidden fruit is too much for many people. Adam and Steve know what I am talking about.
She is probably overwhelmed with it all. Maybe if she has an excuse to leave the house, you can help her clean it but ask first because she might not like someone going through her stuff. I'd start with the house because it's probably making her feel crappy and might even prevent her cleaning herself up or depending how bad it is. Please don't be condescending with her though, just keep it light with how you present it and she may or may not be open to it but at least you have tried.
This isn’t real. Please tell me this isn’t real.
Sounds like he’s on the right track to righting his financial wrongs in the past. Nothing wrong with questioning this for moving forward with a relationship. Someone put a prenup in a way that makes sense to me, it’s an insurance policy for both parties assets. Doesn’t mean you will break up, but it will cover your assets and yourself financially.
Tell him that he needs to get a certified behaviorist engaged ASAP. And line up a dog walker also.
I am a behaviorist. I foster dogs with behavioral issues that are owner surrenders to our local shelter.
These dogs need more training and more exercise.
That is his job to organize. If he won’t then tell him hw needs to organize doggy daycare so you can work.
People show their love in different ways. Personally, I love giving gifts to people. I think it’s fair to put a line about not wanting/expecting any gifts, but it would be crazy to uninvite or kick someone out of the wedding because they wanted to give you a gift.
Also, you keep saying that this is a ridiculous thing to argue about, so why are you hanging on to this so tight? Not to be rude, but this sounds more like a personal issue than a relationship problem. It’s okay to accept gifts from people
Is cheating just sex? Nope!
Does cheating start when they have sex? No, it starts when they start being inappropriate.
What's inappropriate? You know, kissing, being overly flirtatious, and secretive.
Where exactly does the line get crossed? It starts when they started lying. Outright, by omission, whatever. That's when the cheating starts, when the lying starts.
And if you think about that, that even happens on a one-night stand where they immediately confess what happened… because the promise they made not to cheat was a lie.
Lies are what kill relationships.
I’m sorry but her story that they just made out only a couple of times when she went over to his house for a month is problematic
should i consider him still as one of my dearest friend or as a part of my family ?
Why not both?
I had a dear friend in high school whose father dated my mother briefly, and I was happy that my friend might wind up my step-sister (we daughters were both about 17 at the time). That relationship (between our mutual parents) didn't work out, unfortunately, but I would have been happy if it had.
You really can’t
Just focus on the person you like
It’s a dick move if he knew your feelings first and disregarded them.
And I wouldn’t trust him or really count him as a friend
But unless you’re in a monogamous relationship you can’t object
Agreed.
The laws don't favor women in family court. The issue is that men don't ask the courts for equal custody. When men ask for equal custody, they tend to get it. But they don't ask.
I think you misinterpreted their comment, but in any event, we agree re prenups.
Why do you need to work at all if he’s earning over 200K? Why not be a full time SAHM and lower your stress by increasing your available time?
Sounds like your anger/ “attitude with everyone”/short temper is pretty unattractive and she’s seeing the red flags and actually responding correctly. I don’t think she’s interested anymore
His mother forced him save $150k years ago after he declared bankruptcy….. sorry but yea.
This. He also doesn't trust you. I mean I can't count the number of times my exes, by no action of their own, wound up very hot with someone else being Mrs. Cheaty Cheaterson.
His claim of past cheating is also a crock. I have legit been cheated on and had to make the concious decision to not let it affect the next one. That doesn't mean certain things wouldn't raise feelings, but that's when I'd take a minute and tell myself it was the ex, not this person. I'm not saying it's always easy, but is definitely possible.
Go visit your friend. You said you were in the military, you made it through that without him, I'm sure you can survive a fun trip to see your friend without spontaneously cheating.
That's done. Don't do my mistake. Leave her, and just ignore
Texting 6k messages in 2 weeks Sleeping with phone under pillow Sleeping in seperate rooms Texting a number NOT saved in phone Tilting phone so you can't see
Bruhh all the signs are there.
The only thing I could think of is she's planning a surprise party for you with a party planner? Maybe? No?
Honestly, I do not know. Maybe its about convenience or about choices, but I do not want to tell her to stop using CCs. That might become a boundaries issue. Just want her to atleast pay on time or tell me when she gets a statement so that I can pay.