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Man I literally said what I didn’t understand, I believe I was in love. I don’t feel like I’m out of love but I’m thinking of pulling out, that is falling out of love no? How am I being disrespectful so far in the relationship and how am I not trusting her
You are only 21. Don’t bury yourself deeper in a losing situation. He wants to have sex with other women, my bet is if you said “fine, I will have sex with other men” he would go crazy. One thing that I found out later in life that I didn’t realize at 21 is that if I worked on making myself better, I would meet several good choices of women that wanted to get involved with me. Break up with the clown that you are with, he IS a clown. Work on making yourself a better and more confident person, work toward a solid career if you aren’t already, develop a fitness and healthy eating regimen, believe me, you will meet better men than the one you are with now, and one of them
Why would I be nice to someone who was cruel to me?
This sounds like abuse.
Consult a lawyer, look at how best to evict your boyfriend and maybe even get a restraining order.
So you're willingly exposing your children to a violent man? And you aren't using protection despite not planning for a baby? What, are you 19? It's time to grow up. You're a mother and you need to out your children's needs before your affection for this man. And don't have his baby. He is violent and dangerous and having a child with him will permanently connect you to him.
Babe he is soooo not worth it. You can't make a good man out of him.
Yes this is the best approach is! She has obviously already decided that he is not the best man possible for her to get, that's why she is checking to see if she can “bag a better man”.
If she decides to go the “alright guess I'll give this relationship a chance and commit to it” route, her eyes will always be on the horizon for those guys she thinks she deserves more than her current guy.
She has already decided she is not into him, otherwise she would be all over him trying to deepen the relationship. He is the fallback option.. never allow yourself to be a fallback option!
Op you've not even do a trial run of living together with him. Why make a major life change like this blindly? Sure he maybe as sweet as you describe him to be, but so do the abusers. Its their standard MO
It’s a terrible situation but this is the safest option. If you can record him singing the song as evidence. Do you have any other family members that you could live! with?
He deserves to know the truth. Obviously trying to hide this isn't going to be feasible in the long run and doesn't help build trust.
Agreed. I’m not sure there is a reality where this conversation goes well. From her pov no matter how he frames it it’s going to come across as get skinnier or I’m leaving you.
The threatening to kill himself I would find unbearable.
That said – we need to stop labelling every negative quality as “abusive”. Someone having passive agressive tendencies or being sulky isn’t “abusive”. It’s annoying and not great qualities to have and you can leave someone for them. But to label every fault of character as abusive just cheapens the word and makes is shorthand for every small negative character trait a partner has (and we all have some of those).
Hey I mean thats fair. The only thing I’ll say is that she got a new phone about 3 months ago so it wasn’t an old phone from years ago. It just presented me the opportunity to look through her phone without trying to sneak her phone away from her. Trust me I’ve never said I’m “mature” enough to date and I’m sure I’m not. But the point really is that it happened and now I’m trying to deal with the information at hand
Closure is overated.
Consider therapy to help you process and understand and heal from all this, it can be very helpful.
Best to you.
He wouldn’t be my boyfriend after that
what do you mean
why cant isee the comments??? it says i have 4
Probably something she will regret later on. I also have a few I regret.
Blow it up. He's doing something sketchy because there's something about your ex-girlfriend he wants for himself. Blow his life up by telling his wife he's meddling for unclear reasons that may or may not be linked to feelings he has for your ex. If he's going to make waves, make bigger waves for him. You don't fuck over family, but your brother has made it clear where his priorities are.
Pull away from Ashley. Six months of friendship isn't worth this stress. If she asks, mention the pants petting and how it made you uncomfortable.
No problem. Have a good one.
He's not trying now so that's a given
With out judgement
People treat all aspects of life differently. This is a good indicator on how things will flow if you ever break up.
Simply reflect on your own morals and conduct. In a plain fashion explain how this conflicts with your integrity (fill in the moral word) and you have a very hot boundary.
Think of both out comes tho. If he says no, don’t be the woman who argues with him till your blue in the face to make him change his mind. If he doesn’t care, that’s good for him. You have to be okay with what your willing to online with. It’s just for you to decide.
You don't owe anyone anything with OLD. Had these types of situations it never led to anything good
Don't make a big deal just don't text back and if she asks say you have plans or will get back to her or just say I found someone in interested in. No need for a long parsed out explanation
If they rejected him then why would he ever want to go back. Men care about much more than looks and he probably has grown and changed a lot since they broke up. If she broke his heart I doubt he would then want to take her back later.
This is what goes through my mind actually…
So he’s just not that into you?
At least I am not saying to him to wait around.
Yes, but does your husband go out of his way and message your friends about the issues they have? That is where the trust is broken, while ok, you can assume that the person is not your friend anymore, is an entity and comes in a package, the issue is the other person, that you’re not friends with starting to message you about your shit.
Why not? Well you bring up respect, but doesn’t respect towards your friend require something said in confidence to remain in confidence?
Once you message you make it clear that confidence was broken, even if it was, keep it on the low low.
You can tell your husband, hey it’s a private matter, I can’t share since it’s not mine, that’s ok.
You say see it as friendship, but you might not want that friendship, for whatever reason, which is ok…you don’t have to be friends with your friend’s spouse
I think most likely he really cares about you, but isn't ready to commit to moving to follow where you go and may never be. But he also is considerate of you enough to not ask you to give up your long range plans for him. I don't think he wants to let go of you, but is worried the putting off these conversations may just hurt more if you decide you do have to go separate ways.
There's also a possibility that he might be willing to follow you if you give him assurance that you truly love him and see a rest-of-your-lives future together.
Every couple has moments like this. For me, I turned down career opportunities out-of-state to be with my now-wife. But I eventually found a great job near my family where I grew up and she came with me. But I can't say whether choosing a life partnership with this man is right for you. Stay true to what you want most in life.
The “just a friend” excuse again. Tell him, that’s exactly the problem, she’s just a friend and you are his girlfriend but he’s making you uncomfortable with the frequent lunch, dinner and sleep overs. The sleep overs are inappropriate and your feelings are valid.
She’s the ex of his best friend but is he supporting his best friend with the break up? Is he giving the best friend the same level of attention and support? If not, you know then where his heart lies.
Have you, I don’t know, tried talking to him? Why is this her fault if you admit she mirrors people?
Would you give a second chance to a person who betrayed your trust?
No.
Have you ever done it?
No.
Should it be done under a certain circumstance? Even if this person shows remorse?
Well you definitely shouldn't do it if they don't show remorse. But if they do it's up to you to decide whether or not to give them a second chance. There's no objectively correct answer.
Personally, in your situation I would not advise you to do so. Take it from someone more than twice your age, you're still very young, not even a fully-legal adult yet, and you just met her a month ago (I know it feels like “a lot”, but that's due to your youth and comparative inexperience). You don't need this. Be glad you saw her true side this early, and cut your losses and move on with your life.
I highly suggest you guys look up the bearded dietitian on Facebook and YouTube he is super great and the food is very affordable and good as well
This is how I perceived his little “contract”
-seeing each other 2-3 times a week Ok. That’s reasonable ✅
-I should be more fun/positive Does he think you’re boring and rude? ☣️
-make the plans for us if going out Why? Does that include YOU paying? ☣️
-encourage him to tidy up or achieve a goal Mommy kink? ?
-Take the lead on cooking meals Is this supposed to be during the 2-3 times a week you see each other? ☣️
-initiate affection/sex Seriously… ?
-be softer/gentler in mood/energy See replies for 2nd and 4th ?☣️
-demonstrate my admiration/respect Mommy kink confirmed ??
-not accuse/ bring up the past that starts fights Translation: Don’t point out the obvious so you don’t realize your mistake in dating me ??☣️☣️
Mate, pack your stuff and get you and your son out of there. Get home and sort your other stuff and speak to a lawyer and your family. Make it known that you are leaving due to her abusive and manipulative nature. Document everything. Don't delete her texts.
Done
A lot of guys associate bars and pubs with hookup culture. And guys will assume (wrongly many times) that an accompanied woman drinking in a bar is looking for company. Before we got married, my wife went to a bar with a friend of hers for a drink. She said that within minutes a guy sidled up to their table and started hitting on the friend. My wife said her friend did nothing to dissuade the guy's attentions – even though she was engaged at the time. It was the last time my wife went to a bar with her friend – she didn't like the situation she was finding herself in.
just move on you know it already
“He has had emotional affairs before. I'm not sure if any intimate affairs are in the past. Most recently, as of December of last year.”
girl you are getting played for a long time now
From the comments I see on this thread, most people agree that it is normal.
Everyone I know has some kind of memento from a past relationship, and many still keep in contact with exes to varying degrees. There is nothing nefarious or suspicious about it.
I think you are so caught up in the age gap issue that you are determined to make this a red flag for the relationship, when it isn't.
Lots of videos with your wife playing with the kids. Also, your wife should make videos for milestones in your children’s life (e.g first day of school, birthdays, graduation, wedding etc), so they can be played when the time comes.
Did you just link that study without even reading the results and conclusion? I know you just read the title. Lmao. Here you go
“ The race and armed status may interact leaving black males at a higher risk of being unarmed than white males when fatally shot by police among those older than 54 years, mentally impaired, and residing in the South. Causal interaction suggests a lower risk for unarmed blacks in the Midwest.”
Last time I checked, OP’s girlfriend was not an armed 54+ year old black man.
Emotional blackmail only works if you listen and follow their manipulation.
It's on her 100%, and as the top post has suggested, report this to authorities and block her on all accounts.
You didn't do anything wrong, and you will not be a murderer if she kills herself. She is taking this way too far and lambasting the breakup to a point of…I support your decision, my dude. You got out of a seriously messed up relationship before you invested too much time. Time is the most precious asset of life. A concept we mortals take for granted and overwhelming give it away as though we can get more.
Value yourself, of which you have, and the time you have kept sacred to your soul will explore the universe of possibilities in this one instance we call life.
Take care brother, stay strong.
She obviously has medical problems. Get a restraining order and tell the court she is incoherent and obsessive and makes verbal threats.
Poetically I'd have someone else read it and tell you if there's anything worth knowing.. If not then burn it.