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He does NOT speak for everyone He's using it as a excuse to be a duck He's a dick and you should find someone who worships your body like a goddess
Yeah, something like this happen to me..not my dad .. but my mom call a priest to exorcise me cause it was de devils work.. not the other person…
Actually yes. She has come out as bi. No abuse in past relationships. There some more details about the situation in the other comments that might be helpful. But I agree. To me this does not seem healthy, but I really want to give this a good effort because everything else in the relationship is absolutely perfect. To me it's not that she doesn't want sex often but that she says she does when she early doesn't.
Holy crap, why did it take so long to find a nice, polite response to this? Everyone is just telling her how much she fucked up, to just end the friendship and all that. Thank you for at least thinking about another humans feelings lol
Ugh ew
Even if he’s not trying to hurt you, he’s trivializing something that has impacted you greatly. I was a virgin when i was raped at age 15. It took me until age 18 to feel safe enough to have sex with my bf at the time. my therapist at the time recommended that i start on top so i could be in complete control. that helped but it was still really hot. be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time. you got this
My guess at his age, he's throwing stuff at the wall to see what will stick. And at your age, you don't yet know that a relationship is soooo muuuch mooore than what you guys have. Unless this quickly turns into a non-LDR you're better off finding someone who gives you what you want NOW. You're so young.
Good luck ? hope it works out!
I say reach out to his sister and say that you wanted to reach out to him but you didn’t want to infringe on his boundaries or if he still needs space but that you love and miss him and that you don’t know if he’s not reaching out because he needs space still or because he’s just worried about infringing on your boundaries and that maybe it’s like your mom said and you both want to reach out but are waiting for the other to text first as to not break the boundaries.
Wow, what a baseless, sexist thing to say.
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It's not weird when you see the name of the thread and have been here long enough.
He could have caught her cheating in their own bed and this place would blame him.
I was just clinging to hope. You all helped me see what I'm doing is more enabling than helpful so I have to redirect my focus
Then he better have some good reasoning behind it.
The entire point is that he won't. They literally just said he's being irrational and will double down.
If neither of you want to move out, and you two are breaking up, then you should both sell the house and split the money fairly(after paying off the mortgage obviously). I don't know how contributions were made, but a fair split will factor in income, if only one paid the mortgage, but the other paid all other bills, then that is still helping pay it off.
Regardless living together is a terrible idea. Possible sure. But still a terrible idea.
You’re only 18 years old. You will not be living with him forever, and shouldn’t because he sounds like a jerk. You deserve better. Leave him, work on yourself and then do whatever you want because you want to do it for yourself not for any man.
That's not what the fiance told the police, though. She said it was a joke, even though she could be facing charges. She didn't say, “we were trying to let this guy know his wife is lying and cheating”
My kids are 13 and 11.
She may or may not be, but she sounds like she's certainly presenting herself as one. Wearing a hoes uniform.
Your brain is dying, as you are killing it with your porn obsession.
Move on i guess. You already got your answer (no answer) from him.
Literally the opposite of what the post says did you even read it?
My post was removed, at least it says it was. I don’t know why and no one explained or messaged me regarding the reason so it’s a mystery.
I just wanted to say thank you for all the comments and advice both good and bad. Due to many of you having negative opinions I will not be posting an update. If it is a negative outcome I am afraid you will put me even more down and if it was a positive you would not be supportive.
Thank you all
As I have already said, I will be with her. That's not an option. Yes, emotionally bombarding is something I am doing to her at times. Thanks for that point. I will try taking care of it.
Your GF lacks empathy and is very immature. You can not leave a baby or an adult with feces or urine in a diaper. It’s inhumane and can result in rashes and infections. You did the right thing. Your GF lacks compassion too, You need to think about this relationship.
I’m not going to read any of the comments but I assume it goes like, this is retarded. You’re both 25; you are both 25, when you were 5, he was 5, when you were 15, he was also 15, your dads an idiot. Pray you didn’t inherit too many of his genes cause that level of stupid is contagious.
He’s 24 and on his 2nd wife at 19. No disrespect but what was the period of time between his previous marriage ending and you guys getting together. It’s kinda sounds like he may have been in an abusive relationship and didn’t give any time to recover before jumping into another one. Even so, no excuse for his treatment of you.
There is no might here. This is emotional cheating. She is closing communications with her boyfriend and opening them with you, and using you as a soundboard to deface her relationship with him and compare it to the idealism you two “may have”. And probably isn’t addressing issues she has with her boyfriend with him directly. This is textbook emotional affair stuff. A lot of emotional affairs happen without intent or directly “calling it what it is” but the fact is, that doesn’t change whether it is or isn’t.
What matters is that you two have more emotional intimacy than her and her partner, you are humouring her slagging off her relationship with him in your presence (are you pushing back on that? My guess is no given you’re joking about being with her, with her) and you are actively indulging her using you as her “escape”. Whether you call it “deep friendship” or whatever is beside the point. The way you two are operating currently is actively contributing to the decay of her current relationship as you’re providing her with an opportunity to ignore problems with it, let them grow, possibly exaggerate them and all the while her boyfriend is possibly wondering why his girlfriend seems disinterested in making a go of things with him.
The right thing to do is realise what you’ve been doing, and declare “it stops” and back off. No more inordinate texting. No more humouring her slagging her boyfriend off. No more jokey fantasies about being together. If you don’t want to actively champion her relationship, that is fine, but if you don’t do the above you are complicit in helping it break down and saying “but we never intended to cheat! It wasn’t like that!” Doesn’t mitigate that.
And I think you know that. Because you’re here asking the question. So do the right thing.
But it is so hot to understand? What kind of mental issues can cause this? I am going crazy over here! He was the most affectionate man I have been with!!!
RUN
Your argument is that he is not your parent. Second, attempting to control someone's behavior with manipulation is abuse. Nothing else to say, no arguments to be had.
I have told him over and over again how it hurts me when he hangs out with Jack. I am not going to tell a grown ass man to not be friends with someone. He said, he'd limit contact and hanging out yet took a whole fking cake for his birthday and came home proud saying how grateful Jack was.
I have cried, about this issue many issue. He thinks as long as I don't have to see him, I should be fine with it.
If you're ready to lose her over this, move in. Because you will give in to temptation and you will lose your gf.
So, if you're determined to keep up the lie to your gf that you're not attracted, just break up. Then you can screw around all you want.
Just know that goes for your gf as well. You move in. She'll break up with you bc the truth always comes out and then, op, you'll have to face her moving on to a new boyfriend.
This is a really good point to bring up that honors both our needs. Thank you
He’s 35 and I’m around that age.. when we were teens the Chinese 2nd child law was making headlines all over our TVs and docs on adopting the children were really pushed to us here in America. I too, for a very long time would only want to adopt from China after seeing all the children’s sad little faces. It was gut wrenching.
I honestly think it’s more this then the idea some people are saying – that he’s fetishizing the child? That’s a really far reach and kind of disturbing how that’s the first place everyone goes..
Honestly that’s the only adoption I’ve even seen in the states. When I went to adopt, Chinese adoption was the cheapest and had the easier hoops to jump through – at the time. But that was quite awhile ago so I doubt it’s still the same.
I have a few friends that are adopted Russian girls and their parents were fed a lot of propaganda back in the 80s about Chernobyl and so they had a Russian adoption “fad” as well.
I think maybe we watch videos of heartbreak and want to help and then associate that feeling with the children we see in the videos. I’m not saying it’s the best behavior.. or right or wrong.. simply stating that’s probably what’s going on.
He is a cheater. Your post has confirmed this
Should be higher up, c'mon updoodles! Do your job!
Not really. Plenty of people have their exes on their insta, snap, Facebook, etc and the posts are not catered to them lol
I guess I’ll be the person to comment how eating unhealthy amounts of anything long term (skinny or fat) can create health issues in the long run. This affects both people in the relationship long term. This sounds like a baking newish hobby? Idfk just don’t overjudge what they’re doing but know health concerns aren’t entirely unfounded. If everyone switched cookies for liquor it just feels like the initial comments would be very different.
Noted! Thank you for your input. Im definitely gonna work on meeting new people around here.
Girl… No…
He’s actively choosing not to be in his life anymore but won’t take the pics down of him off social media it was his decision not to be involved.
Couples counseling isn't for this. If you stay you risk losing your children to CPS.
Get her to move out and file a police report.
My father once told me, “just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you”. I’ve always both agreed and disagreed with that statement. Yes, it is possible he loves you despite not showing it the way you want him to, but why should you settle for someone who doesn’t love you the way you want to? This is clearly important to you, you have expressed these needs to him and, the fact that you even know that he used to do these things for his ex makes me wonder why he tells you? What’s the goal of you knowing he was able to show affection to his ex the way she needed it?
This isn’t just confusion or disappointment about a societal trope that isn’t true, she didn’t give him the any benefit of the doubt and chose to deliberately hurt him.
That was extremely unprofessional and just generally really unkind of the photographer. I know you said you didn’t retaliate because his mom died, but he has caused you a year and probably a lifetime of emotional distress. I think you could easily sue for damages or at the very least, leave a review detailing his part in this. Why he thought it was a good idea is baffling but why he continued to document the day and torment you by not telling you it was a stupid joke is mind blowing. At the very very least, he should have never been paid. At the most, he should cover a significant portion of the expenses of the day so that you are not burdened with the redo, if that’s what you need to move on from this. I’m so sorry this happened and I think you’re absolutely justified in not being able to separate your bad feelings from what should have been a joyous day. At the end of the day, someone that was hired helped ruin your day and there should be professional repercussions for that regardless of events in his personal life.
See now I think you’re confused. He doesn’t completely think that there’s anything wrong with some of the family behaviours. I said he has started to see the problem in different situations like her asking questions about our sex life etc. There is also many situations he doesn’t, like he told me it’s normal for relationships to have scuffles. I think you’re aligning yourself personally with my ex in some kind of element because I never said I didn’t hear him out. Weve had several conversations about this situation, what could have happened and getting his opinion on different things like his dynamic with his mum and if he condones what his brother does. In one conversation in particular he started to get heated because he felt like I was accusing his mum of lying, he said she’s confused. Because of course she can do no wrong majority of the time. I did not come on here and paint him as an abuser, I stated facts, I never said anything to try and condemn him and I have not used this thread as ammo like you have suggested. It helped me to explain my concerns better. Tbh I think you should look at why you feel the need to make my ex the victim. If you yourself have a narcissistic parent and feel like you feel sorry for my ex and that’s why your defending him that would make a lot of sense to me, but I don’t appreciate you saying that I’m being nasty or painting him as abuser or not letting him speak? None of which are true? We’ve had a big conversation and he actually told me that he feels like I’m bullying his mum by suggesting she has lied.
Nonoby talks to friends or family that much without their spouse knowing who that person is.
Do not confront her, you do not have enough evidence to determine whether she is lying or not. An early confrontation will lead to her giving a passable lie and becoming even more secretive. You need solid facts e.g times and dates of when she went out with him. That way when you ask where she was during those times, you will know if she is lying.
I don’t want to make the jump to manipulation to quick with her. Just because she sees legitimately anxious that she doesn’t have the will to have penetrative sex but still received head from me.
And also one of these like I’ve gone softish after orgasming (it was a sexual anxiety thing on my end that’s gotten better the longer we’ve been together) and not been able to penetrate. That being said I still made the effort to give her head if she wanted even tho I was fine to call it quits for myself.
Even if she's cat fishing. It's behavior that suggests she needs therapy. There are more constructive ways for her to behave.
In order for her to take you seriously, she needs to believe you will divorce rather than live with someone you can't trust.
Her behavior (even if cat fishing) destroys trust (the lies to you about who she's texting, investing time in texting that was your time).
Insist she provide a plan to rebuild trust.
Time alone doesn't. And she can't say: “trust me”. For example, individual therapy, full access to phone, ….
Insisting on a polygraph test discourages further lies (bluff if necessary).
Jeez, I'd just leave it out and if they made a comment about it say I found it on the side of the street and picked it up. There's no need to get so anxious about it
Do you think Trump rules the world or something? Or what do you have some illuminati knowledge of trans people being mass murdered in 2024? Cause you're literally a stranger on the internet I'm arguing with because I'm bored, people have tried to kill me for being trans. Im not afraid of transphobes. Y'all are as shitty at fighting as you are at being coherent.