My (32F) boyfriend (31M) thinks it’s the mother’s responsibility to raise the kids and he would be the cool dad who does fun stuff once the kids are older

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We were hanging out with his friends and the conversation swayed to having and raising kids. My boyfriend joined in and said he wouldn’t be interested in taking care of babies and young kids. Because they can’t do anything when they are young and they wont even remember anything when they grow up. He said he would just let the mother take care of them and once they are old enough, he would do cool and fun stuff with them. He proudly said he would be that absent parent type in the beginning and then, a really cool fun dad.

I’ve never heard him say these things before and it was really shocking to me to be hearing it for the first time. I didn’t say anything because there were others around and they were all his guy friends. They just agreed with him immediately. So, I had no words. Even if I did, I don’t think I would have gotten any support. I felt so small and outnumbered.

He’s been pretty progressive in his views and I just safely assumed he would support the 50/50 system where both partners carry the weight in a relationship, kids included. I am not sure if he just assumed I would also be very traditional and submissive because I’m Asian and I really cannot think of a reason other than that. I’ve mentioned about what kind of parent I would be and he seemed a bit suprised that it wouldn’t be conservative. He knows that I was raised in a very conservative household. He seems to have some respect for Asian style parenting.

Now I am worried what other conservative values he holds that will unravel over time. I want to discuss this further with him. How do I reach a middle ground with him? I really like him and this is the first thing that bothered me.

Thanks in advance.


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