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Shes agreed that’s it’s kinda weird, but doesn’t admit it fully. She said she why trying to help him find a dog to cope with the loss of his previous dog. And then started helping take care of him… and then they were raising a dog together.
Did you stop to think OP wanted their night to be… more special and romantic? Have sex with his gf? That will not happen with a 6 year old child in their room.
Thank you for your comment, it’s the only one so far that hasn’t been complete despair. It’s nice to see both perspectives on things. He really is a good guy and cares a lot.
What do you think might happen?
Her telling you it’s your problem – you need to avoid triggering her and be the one to calm her down – is really abusive behaviour.
I get easily annoyed during my period too. But I own that and apologise if I’ve overreacted. She needs to take responsibility for her own behaviour.
I on-line at a Southeast Asian country. I have no license to drive yet. Yes, there is no divorce in our country. Like what I said in the post I kids and they stay with my MIL while we are at work. I tried confrontong him but he just dismissed me.
He is obviously awkward and embarrassed. Let him be. He will open up to you when he feels comfortable.
Would be same if he thinks ahh we've been on few dates and she hasn't started farting infront of me yet.
Gosh what a nice chore he bought you! Ugh I’ve been sewing for a while and I’ve for sure altered SOME of my clothes, but even I won’t touch my fancier stuff like my nicer suits and formal dresses.
Your GF clearly has never lost anyone and she is young enough that she may never have experienced any real loss. And she may watch too many movies and read too many romance novels. She seems to think that she can replace your wife. She can't. No 2 relationships will ever be the same. I read once that there are as many kinds of love as there are people. And it's true. You never will love your girlfriend in the same way you loved your wife. That doesn't mean though that the love you have for your girlfriend is less than. You know this of course, but your girlfriend doesn't seem to grasp this and views it as a competition. And that's not going to work. You might consider talking to her and explaining this if you want to extend her some grace, but ultimately, she wants to be someone's first great love and you can't be that for her. And it doesn't sound like she can make room for your wife and the love you shared. You might need to let her go.
That’s you for sharing, uplifted my mood tremendously. Cheers ?
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wdym you “had a thing”
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You didn’t need to lie at all, just leave out that comment.
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If you fiancee wants nothing to do with her, you are taking a risk. Your ex has some agenda that probably is not in your interest. I would pass.
Hahaha I LOLed at this one
I don't think you are doing anything wrong here, other than being pragmatic, but given your history, you should do whatever you feel you need to do to make sure YOU feel secure. That said, I can understand the reasons he would be bothered, but you litterally said this before and it sounds like you were clear on the what and why.
I would point out to him that if you planned on moving in with him or anyone else, these are the things that make you feel secure and would happen. Being pragmatic about the future isn't always sexy or fun, so be it. I see this less of “planning a break up” and more of “I don't ever want to be homeless again”.
I am sorry to hear this happened to you, but you should be really proud of yourself for pulling your life back together.
Again not cuddling on the bed. Why was that assumed. Nobody watches Netflix with a friend anymore??? Like how am I being a willing participant to being assaulted when it’s obvious as soon as it happened I wanted to leave. Like coming up with these scenarios of how it went down is only forwarding ur narrative rather than actually listening to the story and offering actual advice
Just going to put my personal story out there. If it helps, great, if not, then ignore it.
I was with my ex for 12 years (married 9). Within the first year, he expressed he was poly. I was not ok with it but I went along with it cause I was 'in love'. Fast forward to the end of our relationship I would say if I had a chance to do it all over, I would have walked away and never looked back when he first mentioned being poly.
Not because of the being poly, but actually because he didn't know how to handle situations and such.
We divorced (butted heads not over poly). I moved on. My husband now is open to a potential poly relationship BUT there is a big difference. My husband isn't the jealous type, we have clear rules, we also have open communication. A lot factors into how things could work. But if you aren't feeling it, then it's not worth the stress you'll put yourself through trying to accept/force it or constantly wondering if he's unhappy cause you said no.
It's not fair to compare you to others, and she should know that you didn't like that. Why is it important you be “close” with her brother — has she said? Because as long as you're not an asshole with family, the rest of the relationship is pretty much up to the 2 people involved.
You don’t. So the thing with relationships is any party can end them at any time for any reason. He doesn’t want to try and while you don’t have to like that or agree with his logic, you have to respect his right to end the relationship
right!!!
This guy has been regularly sexually assaulting you for a decade. You might not see it that way but that's what's happening. You should have cut him off after the first time, but that doesn't mean it's too late to cut him off now. His behavior is unacceptable and probably criminal.
You need that test. She cheated. What act will she come up? You have every right to feel angry.
He’s 23. He’s young and immature. He fell for a scam. I’m guessing he deleted it when you discussed it but then thought about it and wanted to hear more. He wanted more money, because he didn’t want to rely on you financially which is actually a good a choice. Yes he probably should have told you before now, but he did own up to it and seems regretful. However it sounds like he won’t ever move to your country and if you won’t go to his then there’s no point in continuing the relationship. I do think you were hasty for breaking up with him because of the scam, but maybe you were looking for a reason?
it’s nice to save convo for when you are in person.
That's a nice way to think about it
Who brainwashed you
Cute.
This’ll be my last response as I fear I’m wasting my breath, but really truly I hope you read that article and reflect. You are doing women a disservice by remaining willfully ignorant. You could’ve taken 2 min to read one article to set the record straight, but you decided to be snarky and disrespectful. Pull your head out of your ass
That largely just seems like a fantasy. It's like people who take relationship breaks. Being away from your partner gives you a taste of what it's like to be single again. And usually just ends up making things worse than they were to begin with because now you have become accustomed to being without that person.
If you pack your bags and leave the reality is that we will be a single parent. And he is going to be exactly the same if you ever come back unless he does something to change. But the problem with that change is that you are leaving. If he were going to stay with his parents while also going through therapy, self-improvement, and other things sure.
Well, it’s about who you are and what you want in life. Do you like her? Does she have drama? Why doesn’t she have a reliable job?
Having kids means she will always put them first, so if you aren’t ready for that leave now. You can’t expect her to put them aside for you, being with someone with kids means you have to change your routine to add her and her kids on. It’s just the truth. If you’re mature and ready for that, give it a try. But don’t string her and her kids along.
She might not have a reliable job because she doesn’t have reliable childcare btw- it’s naked with 5 kids and if her baby daddies ain’t shit that makes it sooo much harder. A lot of them won’t help with the kids that aren’t theirs either. There’s a lot you probably don’t know yet!
What I didn’t even mention was the other circumstances going on ???
Ugh yeah I’m kinda bummed.. makes sense that he wouldn’t necessarily want a relationship w/ me even after I change my mind. Oh well, at least I had a good time ??♀️
I will probably get downvoted to hell for saying this but OP sounds like he takes everything way too serious and is basically allowing BIL to wind him up. It’s why her parents think it’s funny, they probably talk shit about OP behind his back. Let’s be honest, this shit is hilarious and if OP wasn’t so uptight BIL would probably not even think about going through with it. I’m team Clown hate me if you want.
Do that do that. You will likely never find someone like that ever again
The age gap is too much.
Yeah, I had a lot of issues with Al-Anon (they say it's not religious but what they mean is that it' non-denominational, there's no science behind their theory of addiction and the “all or nothing” thinking can actually make relapses worse, etc), but at the same time the group therapy aspect was really helpful to me in terms of processing the guilt I felt about not being able to fix the family.
?
BLOCK HIM!!!!
This is the 'sunk cost fallacy'. Basically it's trying to keep at something you can't fix/win because of previous investment. Carnival cheats use it. It's why I put $3000 of repairs in a vehicle worth $3500 and watched it die the next day.
The answer is “cut your losses”.
For 5 years, if you think it is just time and not emotional, give him 1 shot at blocking her and focusing on you.
Yeah this isn't frat/barracks play. This is a father pinning his son and sucking/biting the neck that only happens in sexual romantic way. Would dad sticking his Johnson in his sons backside in a playful way also not be consider sexual or even sexual assualt.
Massive line was crossed and in no way was it a playful encounter. Each family may have their quirks like play fighting in this one but hickeying each other isn't one, his mother reaction wasn't boys will be boys.
It sounds like your BF's mom has some serious mental issues going on. Unless she's willing to seek professional help, it's not going to get any better. She may continue like this until she's run everyone off that means anything to her. The best thing you can do is support your BF and try to keep him and yourself out of her line of fire. Maybe when she realizes how much this is affecting her relationship with her sons, she will seek therapy.
When we first started making love I usually wore protection . That slowly turn into the pull out method. For context I never ask if she was on any birth control . One night in the heat of the act i sorta lost myself and finish inside.
Oh my word. Not even just a casual conversation about it?
During the course of these 3 months I sorta started to talk dirty in a way that would Imply that i wanted a child. I think she stop her birth control to fulfill that fantasy. I don't know how to tell her . Also truthfully I was pretty happy about hearing she is pregnant but if i was honest with myself i didnt actually want her to be.
Well how would you know? None of it was talked about. My wife and I tried for 2 months before she got pregnant.
What advice are you actually looking for?
No butt plugs on Tuesday
So did she tell you what she was doing? Or was it a vague ‘I’ve got stuff to do’.
And did she (and if yes when) actually tell you that she couldn’t make Thursday?
Now as for her excuses. You may not have used the word important, but based on your post, she should have been able to imply the importance of it all.
That you didn’t tell her what time to be there Friday – well as you say the plan was for everyone to be there Thursday, and (this is where my question above is important) depending on when she told you that she was not going to make Thursday, but traveling up Friday, the onus was actually on her to give you a time she would be finished her tasks and leaving.
And finally – that there was no clear plan for Friday evening, and that you’d probably be giving the newly engaged some space…. Ffs is she stupid? Yes you’d be giving them space unless they decided otherwise, so the chance of a romantic evening for the two of you was there. But as she isn’t going to get there until mid evening at the earliest, that’s gone now.
Tbh you probably should have told her not to bother coming.
Told her that the evening you were hoping for can’t happen now, and her presence is not required anymore.
Then you should drive home tomorrow, and when you get back seriously reconsider your relationship with her.
This ☝️
Damn ☠️
Oh Ight I get u now
You are now learning a nude lesson. Marrying a person that much older than you is quite often a mistake. A man his age should already have had savings and other investments to buy a house, not relying on moving in with your parents to save money for a house. He has disrespected your parents in a major way for no reason I can see just to assert his authority in a house he is a guest in. Huge red flag! Now he's blown up the real estate deal that would get you a house at reduced cost and help your grandma, again for nor reason. Apparently weed and beer are his major loves, not you. Kick him to the curb and let his older self figure out his life.
You tried to have his back but he doesn't have your back. Go on-line your best life without him.
Denial is a hell of a drug.
There's nothing you can say to convince your parents to pay for you to get someone else's hair / fake hair surgically implanted into your scalp.
YES!
Above math is correct.
If the guy makes X and she makes 5X, the total pot is their total income which is 6X, so he would owe 1/6th.