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Birth Date: 2003-06-14
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Best friend is gay, I moved out of her place, not the other way around. I’m not here for help figuring out why she broke up with me, I know she’s telling the truth.
No, you don't have to. I don't. I don't actively choose not to but it's how it works out. I've had male “friends” in the past when I was younger and it ALWAYS ended up with them having ulterior motives and became super uncomfortable. I guess I decided unconsciously it wasn't worth it.
That’s what I thought too. It went on for two years. I don’t remember exactly how many times he did it, but it was at least a few.
My parents were devastated but they took him to therapy and that was it.
I honestly didn't read them but it seemed like they were just replying to each other's stories back and forth.. I can't help but feel so insecure about this because we just haven't had sex in so long & I honestly feel so disconnected from him. I don't know if I'm just overthinking from being sexually frustrated or if this is something I should be concerned about..
3 years and you're only discovering this sh*t now…..really?!
Both families will want their religious views primary. There is no compromise.
This problem is very common and the results incompatible. There is no surprise here.
So what are you implying?
I've gotten therapy but ok I'll give it that I may be weird about this. But don't worry the reason I'm posting on reddit is because I already think too much about this stuff.
It’s never easy, but all I can do is tell you that I’ve been there. I’ve broken up with someone after being with them for 4 years and I’ve also been dumped after 2 years.
What I have learned is that in the moment and the lingering aftermath you feel they are the only person in this world that you need and then after time you wonder why on earth you was in such a mess over it.
Focus on yourself and accept that it’s very hot and learn from the relationship, you are in the driving seat again. Take some time and Use this relationship experience as a way to truly discover what you want moving forward. As you’ve mentioned there were a lot of underlying issues and it really shouldn’t be that way.
This is true. I just don't consider her feelings in this situation because if the bf really was loyal then his ex not being over him wouldn't be an issue or factor here.
Man you gotta be dumb to not want anything serious but you’re “religious” and having casual sex and also wanting to keep the baby. Like okay but man you seem like a hypocritical person. You do you man but isn’t premarital sex also part of being religious?????
Or you’re playing dumb and baby trapped him which also is pretty dumb.
I wish I could piggy back and confirm but I had an awful ex who let me have access to his phone/computer any time but he still managed to cheat and see over 4 different women while we were together.
just before he married Laura.
ah so he was trying to prove to her that he would be a good father to their children.
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So when are you gonna propose to this rational, responsible adult?
Does he work?
You tell her no.
Next time she wants to vent, you tell her no. That she is a grown woman, an adult. She needs to deal with her own inflated sense of being a victim, without dragging you into it. Tell her that you help her find a therapist, but until she stops being so melodramatic, you will no longer be her emotional punching bag.
Tell her that her actions and behaviour have damaged your relationship with her, and while you don’t want to leave, if she continues on it will be the only option left for you.
Stop trying to be reasonable and teach him the error of his ways, the guy is a dick and doesn't need to change while everyone keeps appealing to a better nature he doesn't have. Pick a side, your sister, and be the person SHE needs rather than the person their marriage needs.
most benadryl comes in a small bottle, and pouring out one is easy. she can also get a pill holder and put a weeks worth into it, and then open each one before bed.
That just throughout the relationships I’ve been in I’ve been cheated on, Yes I was young and still am but I just hate the thought of being cheated on and I don’t want this girl to cheat on me. I love her yk
Also what about dress shopping? By her self?
Your mom?
buy him some nappies .. wtf . get him to see someone about his mental health asap
Hell I know divorced couples who have shared children who still give each other (small, non Romantic) gifts like for Mother’s Day or Father’s Day! It is showing a GREAT example to the kids about respect for their Dad or Mom.
Your girlfriend sounds immature and jealous
Yeah I know it unfortunately seems to be very common :\ my last relationship had a similar issue due to my ex’s depression and he never treated me well so the resentment just grew until I couldn’t take it anymore. He was a complete asshole though but this one isn’t at all, he’s a total sweetheart which is why I’m trying so very hot to be helpful. But I agree if he’s just not into me then nothing will change that
I’m sorry but I don’t read a lot of red flags in her, other than her not shutting you down immediately which I can’t say is a red flag. You sound incredibly clingy and not respecting her not being interested, and I know from personal experience that instantly shutting down such men could be dangerous and lead to stalky situations.
You were expecting way too much from someone who’s clearly not interested, and it seems like you blame everything on her when every story has two sides. I’m curious as to how she experienced the FWB situation getting out of hand, and the guy not being able to let go.
Yes, he is the one that seems to believe taking steps furthering our relationship is going to be beneficial. He wanted to move in together, he proposed, and said we’re getting a dog together, and more recently he said we’re opening a joint bank account. I know these things won’t fix anything but they aren’t my idea.
He’s very against therapy and I’ve been encouraging him for a majority of our relationships to go. Sometimes he agrees but he mainly reverts back to “what’s it going to do? We still have the same problems at the end of the day”
Lol, pretty sure you're wrong. It's fairly typical in the US to divide up debts that either party has acquired during divorce proceedings.
I didn’t. I said to counter to him and tell him she would only CONSIDER it IF he did that. I stated in my own comment to never co-sign for anyone. It’s almost always a terrible idea to co-sign for anything for anyone.
Why should she have to choose or decide how I proceed with the rest of MY time on this irregularly shaped ellipsoid?
I’d say so. Take the initiative and ask about dinner on a specific day (since the vague “sometime” hasn’t come to fruition)
I'm amazed how the dude saw nothing wrong with saying “hail mary cockblock” and then chose to go against your point.
He is missing the point completely. A strip club is not a place for a taken guy to be. If a guy wants to go to strip clubs, be single. Don't put themselves in a position where their partner has to worry. Or bring the partner and buy her lapdances if she is cool with it. Other than that, they are wasting their money on chicks that know how to play the game and financially manipulate them, when they can just stay home and get a lap dance for free, or jerk off to porn.
Why won’t you say your source? Any old idiot knows breasts are not genitalia or sexual organs
I tried talking to him about this before I left and we agreed that people couldn't buy me drinks at a bar. I tried to get him to clarify this when we were talking about this situation, but he basically just told me I should be able to figure out what he would and wouldn't be comfortable with if I really think about it. I'm just concerned this will lead to another situation like this one if there aren't clear boundaries.
You are just as bad as you described him.
This lead me to believe there's a lot more to the story than you let on.
No clue why you’re getting down voted. It seems clear to me you know you’re in over your head and looking for resources. I said this in another comment, but the womens center could be a place to start. Even if they can’t directly house Lily, can give you resources and suggestions of where to rent affordable housing. Good luck!
This is it. Dogs absolutely stink. Does she shower the dogs regularly? Also there are some odd people who go in the shower daily but don't use soap.
She is telling you it’s time to move on. She has. You have learned what happens when you cheat and break trust. Take that into the next relationship. It’s really that simple.
Woe. You really just shit on every person who has ever struggled with their mental health with those statements.
Guess what? If your wife ever pursued those services because she struggled before herself, you just made her feel like shit and a complete idiot.
Good. job.
Think before you spew vitriol at something you haven't even tried because you're terrified of seeking support. Just because it might not be for you doesn't mean you have to shit all over it. Jesus christ man.
You really do seem to care about her comfort and you should be praised for being such a kind person. Unfortunately, you're no longer a bachelor now. You have another person to take into consideration, especially with so little space in a flat which would drive anyone batty. You may have to accept that you can't do the elaborate setup like you used to when you didn't have to share a space. You could still DM but it wouldn't be as grand. The other solution is that she keeps her own home.
You really do seem to care about her comfort and you should be praised for being such a kind person. Unfortunately, you're no longer a bachelor now. You have another person to take into consideration, especially with so little space in a flat which would drive anyone batty. You may have to accept that you can't do the elaborate setup like you used to when you didn't have to share a space. You could still DM but it wouldn't be as grand. The other solution is that she keeps her own home.
She rarely mentions him because she knows I get mad about it. But sometimes if we’re in town together and we see him it just sends me into a spiral
The gymnastics you’re doing to yourself just to avoid being single are mind boggling. This dude is trash, and you’re 100% going to end up pumped out for money to his friends.
Please run. Run like you’ve never run before.
Unfortunately women’s healthcare is still ridiculously subpar. OBGYNS are even notorious for knowing fuck all when it comes to the postpartum pelvic floor. She needs to get to a pelvic floor physiotherapist stat – they work miracles, and in some countries, women get default appointments with them covered by taxpayers after each birth.
No, the comment you were replying to is right. You’re making silly speculation that’s beside the point. He could be a total recluse and it wouldn’t make a difference.
Sorry to hear about the timing with these relationships.
For getting over him advice: Look into various personal growth areas. Reading, exercise, learning new skills, etc.
Also think about your values and goals (what you want your life to be like) and take steps to make those things happen.
Create a life for yourself and keep trying new things.
Figure out what you want and do it. Your entire post was about your husband and what he wants that he wants you around and he won't let you go. Is there a gun to your head? Is third place in your marriage comfortable for you, you come after his friend and weed. This is your life, LEAVE if you are unhappy. Who the fuck cares what he wants, he has what he wants his friend and weed. WHat do you want?
No reason to salvage this. The relationship is/should be over
You have crossed over into the land of contempt. Know your worth.
Your husband needs counseling. His anger problems stem from somewhere and he needs to discover where they stem from and how to work past it.
My husband was never this bad, but he had anger problems most of his life that stemmed from childhood trauma, mainly around his mom but also his dad. It took years for him to work through his past. He still has anger problems, but he's better at handling them and better at vocalizing when he needs some time to himself to process his thoughts and feelings before we can talk.
Your husband needs to work on his because this is effecting him, you, and your son. He can't treat you and his son this way and still expect you both to love and trust him. He will most likely end up ruining his relationship with his son and not even realize it. I don't know the best way to approach this with him other than just telling him you know he has anger problems and it's no longer just effecting you, but also your son and this could have lasting impacts on how his son views him and even how his son grows into an adult.
The way children are raised shape how they are as adults. As much as I don't agree with divorce for the most part, getting your son away from your husband if he refuses to change may be for the best.
No he shouldn't have to compensate using his fingers. He should be with a woman who loves and respects him for who he is and takes pleasure in his penis.
If a woman came on here complaining that her bf told her she was too loose, would you say, “Don't worry, you can always give him head!”
I really appreciate the advice. The first choice is a bit more true though. Her friends asked her if she was okay with it, she just didn’t want to say no because everyone else seemed so onboard with the idea. She didn’t make it sound like she’d be overruled.
This has to be fake. I refuse to believe that people are unable to see the writing on the wall right next to their eyes.
It sounds like if they get back together and are in a stable place, he'd be happy to get a vasectomy. But until then, it falls on the partner who doesn't want kids to prevent having kids. Since it sounds like they're both on board with that idea, then it's on both of them, but they're both opposed to having sterilization procedures – which is fine. They're both allowed to not want that, but if it's a deal breaker then they need to end things.
There’s no saving this shit. He was fucking someone else while you were pregnant! He only came back cause it didn’t work out with his side piece. Jesus Christ lady. Pick yourself up off the floor. You’re like the mat in front of my house door. Everyone and their mom wipes their feet on it. Even with 4 kids you can do better than this loser. There’s no reconciliation here. As soon as he finds the next woman he’s gonna be gone again but he’ll come back when that doesn’t work out cause he has his doormat waiting for him at home. I hope you don’t have any daughters cause you’re showing them what a shit relationship looks like.
He is ASHAMED of you because you don't have big boobs. He thinks a woman is just “worthy” to be his gf when she has big boobs.He showed around your sis and told his friends that she is you. Just end it. He thinks big tits is something to brag about. That’s disgusting overall.
…is there more to this past the title? Or should I read this hoping there’s more to it?
Sounds very rough to me.
I'm really sorry for your rough situation.
To me it sounds really like a lot to handle and I don't think anyone here can go be you any advice that accurately fits your situation because ultimately none of us knows you or your situation well enough.
What I would really love for you to do would be going to coaching. I'd look for someone who offers both coaching and therapy (just for the psychology background).
What you probably need is someone who has the mental and intuitive tools to get all of the details of your situation out of you.
Why are you still with this woman? What do gain from the relationship? What would it mean for you to stay/move on.
You want someone to help you reflect and get an accurate and clear picture of your situations and also someone who very directly points out your options and their consequences.
This way you'll be empowered to make the decision you want to make for yourself and also stick with it, no matter the consequences.
I wish you all the strength in the world.
Best, V
You need to get therapy if this is real. Your actions were inexcusable. You damaged his stuff for no reason. Adults don’t run around damaging other peoples things. You only feel bad because he’s not there holding your hand. You didn’t feel bad you damaged his stuff or you would be helping him replace ALL of it. He didn’t damage it you did. If this is real grow up. And if he is a real person I do hope he completely leaves this situation because this is a abusive behavior.
Very hot pass. Stop being a creep and go meet someone in person. She has 0 interest. There is nothing mutual.
He's my entire world and without him, I would feel completely alone.
People really need to stop having this mentality. Stopping making other people your entire world/personality. Learn to be independent and comfortable in being alone with yourself.
That way, when you get played by an asshole, you can respect yourself enough to leave the relationship when your boundaries have been stomped on instead of continuing to make excuses for them and wasting your youth and energy playing sad, desperate detective.
tldr; divorce seems less of a hassle than the sad game you're playing into right now
Red flag.
Even if he hasn't ever hit you, he is having thoughts about hitting you.
And if his mother doesn't see a problem with his hitting you, that's a second red flag.
I’m sorry but so many red flags please don’t do this!
I mean this would possibly fall under civil law, which the cops don't deal with. The cops won't show up unless their is the possiblity of violence.
You did what all kids your age do.
You're both responsible for the outcome, but he's trying to shift the blame entirely on you.
Don't let him.
You said you didn't want to go, he forced you. He got drunk and acted a fool, then drug you into the mud with him.
He was gonna be hung over and feeling lousy whether you were there giving him grief or not.
This ain't on you.
Give him some space and time to clear out the hangover. Go eat a greasy burrito. Take two Tylenol and call him in the morning.
If he still acts a fool towards you, go fishing for another one that will treat you with a little more respect.
I should be supporting them. Helping them. But I can't. I tried, but they won't listen to me. Also I shouldn't
No, you shouldn't. You can't solve their problems, that is on them. Do not try.
Let mom say her piece, nod and smile and say things like OK, or I understand and not much else. Dont get involved dont get in the middle.
Dude clearly should have came in on a horse after humping from a helicopter and exposed lost poems of Shakespeare that were lost in time.
Do you think OP wants to get lied to?
Make plans with with Kate. When Leah asks tell her you are busy or hanging out with Kate.
You can call the local police and ask them if they are available to help evict this man from your home.
This way – you’re protected.