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Thank you for all your posts, this is how I feel to. So many comments made me realise this is so difficult for me because as a society we based all the value on money because capitalism and by all the answers I get a good overlook on different opinions and some are more on my husband side, some are more what I think and believe.
I just wanted to add that all these posts made me also think about family backgrounds we both have, because I was provided more through my family and when we met he had no income but started working really naked and learned to code and now after a few different jobs he works for a good and fair pay. And I do the same things I did when we met and I believe he thinks that because he made a bigger leap from no income to high income he now feels I didnt follow in his steps.
But from my perspective. When he moved in with me I did 90% od all the chores on the yearly basis and I also work. That being said. I provided the time he needed to learn to code with doing most of the chores most of the time so I was left with way less time to be able to code. Now there are some super people out there who would be able to learn to code after working & doing most of the chores but I am not one of them because I also need sleep.
He said many times that he would take higher chore load if I learned to code but when he sees me doing the dishes and cleaning he never says – go learn to code and I will do this things today but he has this you have to show me first that you want to learn attitude before I start helping you by making more chores and it is a wishious circle.
*disclaimer: we are from a lower BDP country which means that coders, who can work for companies in other countries,… are paid more than doctors who are the highest salary in public sector. What I do is public sector and I am payed minimum wage, and he gets pay an enormous amount even considering other jobs in our country for a less than 40 hours work/week.
You don’t want to be treated like a princess. That’s deeply unhealthy for him to do anyway. You want to be treated like an equal.
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I accidentally synced my photos to my bosses email which would have been so Embarassing but I think I caught it before he noticed
It's totally cool to have different plans for the future, but it's important to have a convo about it so you're on the same page. From the sounds of it, it seems like he's ready for marriage and you're not. You've gotta be honest with yourself and him about where you're at.
It's not fair to either of you if you're not on the same page. If you're not ready for marriage, that's totally okay, but you need to be honest with him about that. And he needs to be understanding of where you're at. He's right that a lot can change in a year, but at the same time, you can't just put your life on hold for him. You gotta think about yourself and what you want too.
It sounds like you're feeling guilty and like you're wasting his time, but that's not fair to you. You're allowed to have your own plans and goals. If you're not ready for marriage, that's not something you should feel guilty about. You have to make decisions that are right for you.
It's important to have open communication about all this. You guys need to talk it through and see if you can find a compromise or a way to move forward that works for both of you. But if you're not ready for marriage and you don't think you will be in the near future, then it's important to be honest with him about that. Don't lead him on if you're not sure about your feelings.
It's not easy but you have to think what's best for you and your happiness.
Nope been in the shoes and almost got a devorce because i took things to far and he would put hand over mouth and cry