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unless you are planning to break up with him, don't tell him about this crush. it's cruel, there is nothing he can do about it.
Your “problem” sounds like an opportunity to have a great relationship with the two most important friends in your life. It would be much worse if he hated your best friend and you always had to run interference between them.
Bet money when she breaks up with him, suddenly he will change and that he loves her. It's all a tactic.
I would just talk to him about it, in depth. From my experience a lot of men are just… dumb? or have different boundaries from women. I find actively following women you meet/see at clubs disrespectful but my last partner said he was just being friendly. Going back and liking all their photos would make me uncomfortable because it feels like they’re trying to grab their attention.
Try talking to him again and explain why you feel uncomfortable with it regardless of if they danced or not etc.
If you have only been together a few months is it possible to be from pre relationship?
Right? This guy should get a medal. If my partner could not start getting their shit together within months (barring physical limitation) I'd be letting them know we may need to separate. She's been putting him through Hell for 3 years.
Oh boy
Nah this is the right one
I would like to know too
This is NOT the normal cost of a wedding — this is the normal cost of a social media wedding. Loads of people spend far, far less on their weddings, but they're often less interested in taking photos that they can share on their social media accounts for the rest of their lives. So… I mean your GF might also just be interested in having a fancy ass party to make her friends jealous or whatever, but still, you don't need to spend 35k to tell someone else that you want to dedicate your life to them.
Then again, I eloped so…
Because they were friends from the same high school that's not uncommon. It's also perfectly normal for people to date multiple people from the same general area. Since we have no idea where she's from it could be a small city for all we know therefore we can't make a judgement on that aspect.
It's not that weird to talk about what you see and think without censoring yourself. There is a huge difference between mentioning a detail that pops up and going into graphic detail about an ex. Basic shit should be easy to talk about as long as it's not disrespectful. Telling your gf you essentially just want her to sleep with, live with, and not to be friends with is screwed up beyond words.
No two relationships r the same. U need to get NC with ur ex, and give urself some time away from her to heal.
I get you OP. I’m pretty upset about it to. Love CR7
If you left while she was giving birth to go home and sleep, there is no coming back from that. Nothing you can do or say will erase that memory from her mind. She’s giving you a “second chance” because she’s likely not mentally ready to rip off the band-aid — but this relationship IS dead, and you killed it.
Remindme!
Coerced consent isn’t consent.
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Seriously. The things some people are willing to put up with who post here in always got me like “and you’re just totally cool to deal with that……?”
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Wish we could, but this would be “culturally unacceptable”
I added an edit. Not to excuse his behavior but because he did have a reason to be upset and that’s why I’m struggling with this
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I am inclined to believe her that she isn't looking for a relationship. That she was just having “harmless” fun with the flirting, things then escalated to a point where you wanted a relationship and she stopped things.
But in the end, it doesn't matter – she doesn't want to be with you. And it's completely understandable that you are upset and feel like she led you on, but overall, I do believe you dodged a bullet there because a relationship between coworkers, with such an age gap, with shitty communication from her side… there is no way this would have ever worked out.
Not surprising! Good luck being a miserable cunt
Reframe that how everyone else sees it: you contacted a total stranger to talk about his new girlfriend for no other reason than that you couldn't get over her. That's definitely obsessive behavior.
Is he on the autism spectrum? If yes he acted “normal”. If not, he’s an ahole
Recognize that you’re not compatible & move on.
Are you dyslexic??
Don’t read into it. He’s being safe. It really doesn’t have anything to do with you
when you date a child, you will get child like responses when things don’t go their way.
I just feel like this might be something that he would agree with if he thought about it because he is prolife. Before I knew I never even thought about changing his mind about vegan
Dude I’m mid twenties and wouldn’t dream of dating a teenager. You’re in your 30s what the hell are you doing. Don’t marry a child.
You're a good person. I've said the same type of thing while totally wasted, even blackout drunk. Luckily the guy I was with when I did that (he passed away recently, that's the only reason we're not still together) was a really good person, and a decent human being, and did the same as you: took me to bed, cuddled me, consoled me cause I would usually start crying at some point while blacked out (I always do), and generally just be there for me. I don't care how much she wants it, if she's blacked out, it's a no. That's my opinion anyway
yeah exactly, and even if he really isnt cheating she definetly doesnt trust him at all. why stay with him
I get it. I have that disease. It is his fault that he hasn’t gotten sober. He’s a man with a wife and children. He’s got to be willing to go to any lengths and he is not. I’m so sorry. We do destroy everything in our path.
Lol what speculation and projection – do you know the definition of those words? Plenty of couples have to deal with this scenario. If they love and respect each other, they defend/support one another against racist family members/friends/anyone. If they're really in love, and the family doesn't change, the couple should go low/no contact so as not to deal with it. No one is obligated to remain in contact with their family. Whatever race the gf is, she should be defending her date/partner if she wants him in her life, and if she chooses her dumbass dad and brother, then why would he want her in his life?
It depends on the couple how they proceed, and everyone is different. As long as the couple is happy, respectful and supportive of each other, and want to face this shitty world together, what else matters? Not sure why you're here except to troll because there may be hypocritical people in this thread, but it ain't me. Your lack of reading comprehension and your intent to inflame this conversation aren't my problem.
You need to tell her beforehand in case she doesn't want to see you.
Never show up unannounced
Exile yourself from the group. They've made it clear they do not value you. Focus on your peripheral friends and develop a new friend group.
She’s just being friendly so you do nothing.
THIS OP
You CANNOT force an able bodied adult into something. My partner is suicidal and i love him with all i am. I would give anything to flip that magic switch in his brain but i can’t. I can only love and support him without getting dragged under as well. You have to take care of you and realize what your limitations are. Be his partner, be his support. But you can’t make him see he’s sick until he is ready to. And you can’t force him better until he’s ready to.
Girl she is neglecting her child and trying to force a pregnancy and what bothers you is him financially contributing?? You need to get your priorities in order. People in relationships can spend money helping each other. That is normal
You weren't on a break, you broke up with him. He was single, what's the issue?
Living with someone who has this frame of thought, AS A MINORITY, would be the worst mistake. Sounds like he gets drunk and can’t control himself/words. He will continue to get drunk and spew hate.
Thank you. I’m putting my all into it. My biggest issue is she’s aware of her issue but won’t do anything about. She feels like someone’s out to get her when she does.
well now you know. So as much as you thought she was cool with it, I guess that wasnt the case as much as you thought it was, so from here on out you refrain from doing it. Just come home from work and give her a hug and a kiss and leave it at that.
Absolutely. Suck my freedom, you filthy communist! ?
Okay can you tell me why in your opinion?
Tell her GOODBYE ?
We would have only got few thousand each so it is not even worth it to take to court. And I kind of just want to tell my other family members so they know the kind of person she is because this is beyond frustrating.
I think your bf is just trying to keep the peace. Hes offering to let you read the texts. I think youre over reacting a bit. It sucks she said what she did, but at the end of the day shes entitled to her opinion and you and your bf are on good terms. Let it go
There’s a lot that can be said here but it boils down to one thing: it’s over. One day you’ll look back and be very glad you left before wasting more of your life.
Geez…sounds like a great guy. Why are u even asking for advice. The guy is crazy and if u do marry him he IS going to kill you and your family EVENTUALLY. Are u afraid now? Just wait until u r living under the same roof
Is she taking care of herself? Like is it clean? Vaginas all have different odors, and some of the scents you might pick up can mean different things. Her ph balance could be off if she’s taking care of herself properly. Otherwise if hygiene is not the problem, there could be other issues. You shouldn’t be able to smell it a mile away but it’s not supposed to smell like roses.
I mean like I said we’ve been planning to live together for like two years
I know my consent isn’t NEEDED but I feel that it’s very disrespectful and she’s playing dumb by acting like because we don’t live together currently it doesn’t affect me whatsoever
Forgiving them must have been not only difficult, but absolutely the best thing for your mentaal and emotional health. You should be very proud in how you dealt with the aftermath. That includes keeping these people out of your life.
Quite frankly they’re poison and you only have a finite time on Earth, so why deal with POS like this.
You did great OP. Keep enjoying your life with better people.
Yes I do think the same and it scares me.
“I've been called immature and selfish but how am I immature for finally putting myself first?”
Abosutely not. And they are both a pair of scumbags since they are trying to guilt trip you, after hurting you. In fact, for your own sake, you should go NC asap. Get these kind of people as far from your life as you can. To be honest, I wound not have even forgave them, they dont deserve such a thing.
Blame shifting, minimized by “I take responsibility” gtfo
I'm sorry, what? Don't be with such a pos.
Tell her she has two weeks to pick up her stuff because you're moving out. Then try to move on. She already has.
Why are you having a very hot time since you’ve only seen him for 2 months. It’s only been 8 weeks for crying out loud. Why are you even having this difficulty?
and thinking about having to explore an open marriage just because of how I'm incapable to have a child is making me sad.
Okay but like…why? You don't want it. Your husband doesn't want it. You're the only two people in this marriage, not your mother. You're making yourself depressed thinking about something you don't want to do that you will literally never have to do.
Well, you could either talk to her about not texting you during work, or you can tell her you aren't going to read her texts while you're at work.
This has a lot of very easy solutions.
Okay, but this relationship doesn’t just involve you, it also involves your girlfriend, so maybe instead of just saying what your feelings are you should also ask about hers.
There are two options for you – you either bury it down deep and hope to hell he never finds out about it, or you come clean now and deal with the possible consequences.
Neither is preferable but there is not much else you can possible do.
Which is why I told you to block them both
It's way too late to be talking in circles. Either take my advice or don't, but don't pretend to not understand what I'm saying.
Especially not a partner that keeps disregarding your sexual pleasure needs. OP repeatedly asking him to stimulate her breasts and being ignored? Sounds like he’s a crappy lover!
What do I do?
Do?? You should have been kicking the paedo out and calling the police before posting here. I'm sorry, and I know you say you love him, but really, you only live the side of him that he has presented to you. The things you found on his computer… That's the real him.
I find it a little bit disturbing that you say:
we plan on having children one day
instead of “we planned”. Are you actually considering still having children with a paedophile??
Also:
I am mortified and am now extremely cautious when he is near my younger cousins.
WHY ARE YOU EVEN STILL WITH THIS MAN AND ALLOWING HIM AROUND LITTLE GIRLS?!
I really do feel for you and the devastation you must be feeling, but common sense and your own moral compass should be overriding any feelings of love that you have towards this man. You seriously need to spell this out for yourself:
The man you want to spend your life with and have children with wants to have sex with little children.
Really think about that. If you still have any feelings for him after doing so, then I'm sorry, but I think there is something wrong with you. I would report my own children to the police if they were anything like your husband.
A breakup can be a unilateral decision. He needs YOUR consent to continue the relationship (as you need his), but you can withdraw it at ANY TIME.
More importantly, you need to think of this as an ESCAPE. You are with an emotional abuser. Normal “breakup rules” do not apply. He is not owed an explanation. You don't even need to tell him you're leaving him. You just do it. After you've extricated yourself and your important belongings, you send a text telling him to never message you again. Then you block him on all possible platforms. Abusers do not get the courtesy of breakup talks or post-relationship friendship or whatever else people might consider “closure.”
You also don't need your reason for leaving to be “approved” by him. ANY reason you have is good enough, and the fact that he's a soul-sucking, toxic, emotionally blackmailing asshole means you have very many extremely important, life-saving reasons to leave him. Stop making him a part of the breakup process. He's sabotaging it.
Its not him stopping you from leaving. It's you.
It's your belief that you owe some duty-of-care to him. That you are responsible for his growth and well being.
You're starting to care about yourself so little that you care more about him than you.
There will no peace or happiness until you reverse that.
yeah, I told him, he said he is too embarrassed by his reaction he doesn't feel comfortable discussing it with anyone
Good. He should be embarrassed.
He doesn't feel comfortable? Poor baby.
Does he think you felt “comfortable” while he was “screaming” at you over his incest fantasy?
Make a list. Become responsible for these things without relying on her. When you notice something isn't as clean as usual … clean it yourself. Don't wait for her to give you permission or please with you to do it. Also, prep your own meals. And pay for the damn groceries you're using.
My kids (12 & 16) hoover daily, tidy their rooms, wipe over the furniture weekly, make the odd meal for themselves and put on a couple of loads of laundry. Why are two kids doing more than you?
You are right. Its the same way woman can be manipulative with men. The same bullshit of if you love me you will sleep with me more. Or let me sleep with other men or woman.
“Im just a sexual person” you should support that bullshit.
You don't need relationship advice, you need a therapist.
You're clearly just refusing to see what is so perfectly clear to the rest of us.
You will never be happy with this guy. And he's never going to be happy with just you.
And just so we're clear, people who want open relations and throuples are the minority, no matter where you live. And there's nothing wrong with it if that's your thing, but that's not something to force on someone who doesn't want it. You're going to have no trouble finding someone you're actually compatible with.
If you aren’t confident that you can share your feelings and be heard, what is keeping you in the relationship? I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, I don’t mean to be brash – healthy, fulfilling, happy relationships are built on reciprocity.
My partner and I work together on everything – when one of us is feeling like we aren’t getting what we need, we talk about it. We tackle it together – “it isn’t me versus you, it’s us versus the problem” is our strategy. We adjust, evaluate our actions and feelings, and trust that we both have the others best interests at heart.
you both deserve a genuine partnership – this may not be that for you, and that’s okay. It takes a lot of time and work to find that. Do what is best for your mental and emotional health – whatever that looks like for you.
You don't need relationship advice, you need a therapist.
You're clearly just refusing to see what is so perfectly clear to the rest of us.
You will never be happy with this guy. And he's never going to be happy with just you.
And just so we're clear, people who want open relations and throuples are the minority, no matter where you live. And there's nothing wrong with it if that's your thing, but that's not something to force on someone who doesn't want it. You're going to have no trouble finding someone you're actually compatible with.
Check the expiration date on those condoms.
Fucking your friend won’t help anything.
even now she's extremely apologetic since she knows I'm hurt
She's only remorseful because you're hurt. If you tell her it's ok and you forgive her, you better believe this will become an recurring event. She'll know you're cool with cheating since it's a girl, and her best friend. Then eventually it'll be a different girl, but it's ok because it's still a girl. Finally she'll end up cheating with a guy and you'll be left looking like a doormat.
Just cut your losses now and move on. You're young and have plenty of time to find someone who won't betray you.
I am also open for casual, even if it hurts, but I dont know how to act less “relationshipy” with her, as she acts the same
I don’t think him finishing inside of you should ever be used as a joke… but yeah, be clear about what you do/don’t want in terms of children – it’s a huge deal to be on the same page as your partner!
I don't understand exactly where's she's at and how suicidal people think, but if he completely cut contact and never spoke to her again do you think that would help her? Or would that be it and she would die by suicide? I know she needs help but idk what it is
He wants to work on love but his way of expressing that is accusing you of holding back which is why he thinks you both can't get there. He's younger so give him the benefit of the doubt on emotional experience. However, you can try a bit more and if that's not good enough for him then you'll understand it'll never be good enough because it's not a you problem it's a him problem.
Your partner should make you feel an exhale of vulnerability from the world. He's making you question the sound of your very words.
“IF YOU WANT LOVEY-DOVEY I BETTER SEE MORE LOVE AND MORE DOVES FROM YOU FIRST MR CAUSE RN IM AT MY WITS END WITH THIS TONE BS.”
If he wants more he should try more or different. It's not like once he had you figured out the first time he could coast on that understanding forever.
If you wanna move out, I would seriously look into certification programs that are a year or less. The biggest thing is that you're thinking about saving money. Nooooo. You need to be thinking income stream. Savings run out, you need a sustainable income that can let you live alone.
Second, you need a roommate. If you and your boyfriend aren't ready to live together, then you need a stable chill quiet roommate who you can get a 2 bedroom apartment with and split rent and bills.
If a certification program is not an option, I would look into like work from home secretarial work, which isn't too hard, or something similar. Maybe political calling or something, support your party and see if there's someone paying people to do surveys. While alot of work from home opportunities are bogus, alot aren't now, and something like that might give you the flexibility you need around school and such.
If that doesn't work then consider looking into starting in food service somewhere you really like the food. If you're going to have a shit job, a shit job that gives you free or discounted food which you actually like can help tons. Lots of places offer shift meals and such and you'd be surprised how much you can actually save if you've got free work food supplementing.
$150k