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  1. Notify the police that you’re going to serve her with the 30 day notice and that there might be an issue. Get them on your side first so she can’t lie about you. Get friends involved to help you. Have the friends hang out at your place on days you have to work to keep an eye on the place. On the 30 day mark, have police there to supervise as she leaves and to verify that she’s removed anything obviously hers and can’t control back claiming you still have her stuff. Get a restraining order that day.

  2. I don't usually reply to these type of posts… But all the negativity in the responses has left me needing to speak up. My wife (36f) and I (38m) have been married 10 years and together for 12 years. Our relationship is extremely strong, but was not always so… You see, I met her while I was in trade school in another state far from home. I left my home state after loosing my father to a 3 year long battle with cancer. I didn't know who I was any more, and I was attempting to find myself. I met her one night during a bowling trip that I had arranged with another girl I had met on MySpace… I know, I know… You see my now wife had accompanied the other girl, and I was going to bring a classmate (who bailed at the last second). We hit it off almost immediately and within a few weeks we were talking nearly every day. Got a first date a few weeks after that, and before we knew it we were hooked on each other. Now my wife was coming up on the end of a particular nasty divorce in which she spent 6 years with this man (just over a year married) and 2 kids. And finding out that she, as the wife, was always the other woman that noone ever knew about. Leaving her damaged and deeply scarred. We were very open with each other from the beginning about our past trauma as I was definitely not perfect myself. We met in June (2010), started dating in July, and decided to be exclusive in late July. I graduated in early October and by November I was forced to move home as I was unable to secure employment that would have kept me close to her. I decided that I wanted to keep her in my life. To show that I was serious about staying together even long distance, I proposed (yes,at 5 months I proposed). She accepted, and we agreed that it would be a fairly long engagement. And with that, I moved home 30 hours/6 states/1800 miles away. For the next two years, we were on the phone or skype multiple times a day, had good night phone calls every night. We took turns flying halfway across the country every few months to see each other. In 2011 we started planning our wedding here where my family is so my terminally ill grandmother could attend. And in June of 2012 we got married, we flew her mom and kids out for the wedding, and she stayed with me here for 2 weeks after. Yes, all while still doing the long distance thing. In September of 2013 we had finally saved up enough money, and she managed to secure her own residence outside of family, that I was able to move back to her and my kids (they were always mine from the day we said 'I Do'). In 2019 we moved here (which was our plan all along, but custody papers) to be closer to my family. I know this was a long winded way of saying it's possible, but it also takes trust, and a lot of communication. I don't blame you for being nervous or apprehensive, but if your relationship is strong enough and you are open and honest with each other, you can make it work… My advice, say yes if you WANT to, but make sure your expectations and wishes are clear and understood, and if you want a longer engagement, SAY IT, talk about it, be open and honest about it.

    Good luck and best wishes with whatever you decide.

  3. I get you man, you've made it a lifestyle and believe me all you'll be dreaming about is how you can get more muscular

  4. So yet another way life isn't fair: women are more likely to catch certain STDs from an opposite sex partner than men are. I know some people who had been in a relationship for like 6 months and she turned out to have HIV and he didn't. After some work they figured out she got it from her ex who also turned up positive. But she hasn't seen him for well over a year so could prove she didn't cheat. They only found out about her because she was pregnant. (Kid came out negative, thankfully)

    The way it was explained is a combination of things. One is that men have a longer urethra so there's a decent distance between entry and an area where they can end up infected. The other big one is that men don't really absorb much during the process of sex. If there is a wound in the general area it's far more likely, but assuming healthy skin they can sometimes go quite a while without getting anything. Not to say it's safe, just more so than for a woman.

  5. No, that shit doesn't matter when he goes to divorce her.

    She is committing insurance fraud if OP didn't sign off on her depositing the check into her account.

    You cant just start paying insurance on someone and then cash out without their knowledge or consent

  6. Take your time and don’t rush it. When it feels right and the timing is right, it will naturally come to you. Just enjoy life and your college years. Relationships will come and go which you will learn from each on of them.

    I dated like twice in high school and they were very short periods, one lasted 1 month and the other was like 8 months. During college, I was seeing people but didn’t really date them and now I’m dating someone.

    Don’t ever rush yourself in a relationship or else it won’t go well. It’s good to be picky because you know what you want.

  7. Couple of things here for you to consider:

    If you identify as female and straight and your partner is for all intents and purposes a lesbian woman, I don't think you can still be together and call yourself straight unless the conjugal visits have stopped (no judgement I think any love is beautiful).

    If you plan on staying together for any length of time then you might want to quietly stop asking for the money back and start writing it off as spent on love.

    If you don't plan on being a lesbian and will be ending the relationship then stop “reminding” her and start telling her she needs to actively start working on paying you back because you have spent a lot of money on something she wanted that is of no benefit to you.

  8. Yeah, I'm confused. She met Elinor after she and her husband went on a double date with Elinor and Spencer? How did her husband not immediately freak out? Why wouldn't her husband shut it down? Did he play cool to keep peace? If so, why is OP not mad at HIM?!

    No part of this story makes any sense to me, or maybe I am reading it wrong?

  9. I don't agree it's her story to tell. Talking about birth is her story, but NOT outing a Trans man. Violence against Trans people is very high, as are mental health problems and suicide attempts.

    The woman is putting OP's health and safety at risk. It's very risky and very wrong.

    This is NOT her story to tell. She needs to show love and respect and just stop. She doesn't appreciate the risk she is putting OP in. Not her – but him.

    She can say “my husband has fertility issues”. That's enough.

    Also, the wife needs to get her own fertility checked out if she's serious about having a child.

  10. Yeah she didn't make moves on him when they were in a relationship with other people, she basically said “I don't like sharing my personal life online” which I never have, I never change my relationship status on social media because it's no one's business but mine.

    If he feels he can't trust her based on that fact alone (even though she's been upfront about it) than he needs to either decide if she's worth getting over that insecurity or she isn't the one he should be dating

  11. I always let her take the lead and coach me in what she likes or wants. If she’s inexperienced I take it slow and have her ride on top, cowgirl i guess. It’s much easier for her to regulate speed, depth, and all that. Cowgirl is really good if you’re big or if you’re big. They usually get off really quick when they ride and it helps set the pace for what she will eventually like.

    Honestly just go slow, communicate, and respect each other’s boundaries. Maybe even have a safe word. Going slow takes the pressure off of you both. Remember that sex is mutual pleasure. You can’t enjoy yourself if you’re worried about letting the other person down or one of you not cumming.

    Communication is important before, during, and after. You need boundaries about what’s off limits and what you’re interested in and such. Communication during sex will maximize pleasure and build trust. Afterwords is basically an after action report about what was good and what wasn’t.

  12. I think she's on the fence, and maybe a bit scared, but she's enjoying knowing she can have you if she wants. Getting together with someone else (i.e making her a little jealous and reminding her that you're not just waiting around for her, forcing her to stake a claim on you and show her intentions) might work in your favour here.

  13. Nah dude forget this whole “honor” thing. That girl had way more experience then you and probably manipulated you because she wanted kids before it was too late. Block her on everything and disappear from her life. Don't feel too bad, she also has options at two months, abortion or giving it up for adoption. Of she chooses to keep it that's on her.

  14. Also do you really love him or just love the idea of what you thought you had.

    Their is true grief in a loss like the life you were planning. But it’s not healthy if it’s not productive grief.

    Reality is these actions he has done. You deserve better. You don’t want someone you can’t trust.

    The truth is maybe they got together 6 days later but he didn’t just form that attachment that day. He was provably in an emotional affair with this person. They turned his head and he didn’t even have the respect after 2 years to have a basic conversation with you to break up.

    Then he turns to you first chance when he is not happy with oppps karma..

    Um no. There are good loyal loving men in this world. Make space in yourself to find them. Spend your energy on developing into an amazing successful person and put yourself in spaces to meet other amazing people.

  15. She can say whatever she wants, and as I said I hope friends dont insist on her being nude because that would be weird.

  16. This happened to me when my dad gave me his only iPhone like 8 years ago and some pics I took of myself showed up on his phone…I’m having flashbacks of the terrible embarrassment

  17. I'm in therapy absolutely it's not his fault and I'm trying to explain without causing a row. Part of me wonders how he would feel if this was the other way round but then he's now dealt with the trauma I have so he would be totally rational about it all.

  18. My previous ex cheated and i think that's where it's coming from. I'm looking for hints that aren't there.

    Thank you for being 'harsh', I needed it. Going to apologize to him in a bit

  19. Every time I read about stories like this I pray for a reaction like you STBW. Pls tell her she's my hero and a dream come true. She is a rare individual and if she's never felt appreciated for her loyalty and integrity tell her I will give her, her ? ? ?. I hope you know you have a good one. Treat her well.

  20. Step 1. Eat a bunch of pickled eggs and drink a bunch of draft beer. Step 2 start ripping ass too and take it from there.

  21. You only decided to reach out to your ex-husband after your parents expressed their regret at your divorce. I have to say, if I was friends with your ex, I'd be telling him not to take you back because if your parents change their mind it's times up for him.

  22. Personally I would never quit my job unless I either 1) Had another lined up, or 2) Had sufficient savings to cover the gap in employment. I would 100% never quit my job with the expectation that anyone else support me. Her mental health is of course important, but she shouldn't shift that burden onto him and affect *his* mental health because she can't take care of herself.

    What steps did OP take to remediate the situation with her employer before quitting, I wonder…

  23. It sounds like she was uncomfortable with you approaching her in the situation. There could be a couple reasons.

    She could have not wanted to be hit on at the gym. Lots of women don't like it, they just want to get their workout done and not be bothered or interrupted. So now she feels uncomfortable and keeps an eye on you in case you decide to bother her again . It's very common for women o get harrrassed after the first time she declines.

    You touching her for no reason andwithout her consent put you firlmy in the creeeper territory and now she has to be alert and on the look out for you in case you try to touch or bother her again.

    It's possible she was nervous but interested when you approached her and the “no thanks” was a nervous slip up and meant to say something different and now she is trying to figure out how to approach you or get you to approach her. But I think it's less likely because she keeps looking away when you see her, and trying to avoid encouraging another approach.

  24. You cannot love him into having capacity to partner with you in a loving, caring way. Idk why the bar is so low for you that you’ve accepted this arrangement that to us readers seems without benefit to you and detrimental to your whole self. Perhaps therapy could help you find your center and trust yourself that your needs and requests are reasonable legitimate and also not going to be met in this relationship. You want a partner, and he doesn’t seem constitutionally capable. It’s not that he’s withholding something he has to give you. He doesn’t have it to give.

  25. Can anyone educate me? Is it wrong to role play pedophilia as long as both partners are consenting adults?

  26. She would have fucked them in front of you. Braless and only wearing knickers with 2 guys, that's where it was heading.

  27. I can't imagine that anything I say will affect your feelings, but I promise you will be happier if you come off these bizarre, half-baked theories and realize that, like men, women are individuals.

  28. I don’t understand people who sexually assault others while they’re sleeping. I’m guessing it’s because they’re vulnerable at the time, but like… it’s likely they’ll wake up. Regardless, it’s a disgusting and abusive thing to do, no matter how you chop it (unless it is a previously discussed and agreed upon kink).

  29. He sexually assaulted you hun,are you absolutely sure you even want to move forward? I really think you need to put your running shoes on, and get far far away from him as fast as possible

  30. OP, don’t listen to this putz.? Do whatever feels right to you. You could stay with your boyfriend and get married and live a beautiful life together—not having a hoe phase doesn’t automatically mean you’ll have regrets later on. Or you could break up and have your hoe phase and experiences—this won’t “ruin” you. The man you’re meant to be with with love you regardless of your sexual history.

  31. This^ your biological dad is a disgusting creep OP. Sorry you’re going through this, sending good vibes and good for you choosing what’s best for your mental health.

  32. i can understand how you feel and honestly like another comment said the best course of action is therapy for you. this is not a relationship specific issue op. as long as you’re comparing yourself with others there will always be someone better than you at something (like forgetfulness. it doesn’t make you any less smart but makes you feel inferior in your eyes) and it will cause you to spiral. you deserve to be proud of yourself, for example you say you’re hardworking (which is honestly more impressive for me) and you’re in med school because of your efforts and what you did, and it’s something you deserve to take credit for!

    also you’re probably putting him on a pedestal and seeing him much better than how he is while undermining yourself. some outside perspective could help you a lot on this too.

  33. I think your biggest problem here is that you “really don't want to lo[o]se this relationship”

    You shouldn't be with people that treat you like this and push your boundaries and consent.

    Until you wake up and realize what's going on here and are willing to lose a terrible partner, out of respect for principle and morality, you're not going to be well or happy.


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