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She told you because the guy was going to tell you if she didn't. That's about all you need to know. I am curious if the dude knew she was seeing someone or did she lie to him and said she was single?
Best case scenario, he knew he was going to hurt you and struggled with that fact and therefore decided to make a clean cut the way he did, so he didn't have to deal with the aftermath much.
That being said, there's nothing he can tell you now that will ease your pain, anything he says will just add to the hurt tbh.
He's made up his mind and no amount of speculation will change that. The best you can do is on-line your best life. Eat a bunch of ice cream, watch silly movies, get it out of your system, and eventually him too.
Mr. GoodToes, you are once again correct 🙁
If you need spiritual help reach out to us on r/truechristian. I’m sorry you’re going through this
you’re getting into all-or-nothing thinking. it doesn’t have to be like that. stick with med school. you can do it, even as a single person, but the relationship might not have to end
you’re getting into all-or-nothing thinking. it doesn’t have to be like that. stick with med school. you can do it, even as a single person, but the relationship might not have to end
There’s no guarantee he’ll get to the house before they wake up or get to do the little things like eat the Santa cookies and wake them up in the morning with bells and all or any other little traditions they may have . It’s probably the little things they used to do together that he’s scared to miss and stuff
Please don't ever think that you were wrong in this. He acted immature and like an asshole, you probably saved yourself many disappointments by breaking up with him
I'm not interested in dating. I don't really care for it. Just because I have feelings for one person, it doesn't mean I want or need to have a relationship. Plus, I know I won't have any interest in these other guys.
Omg your first time having sex since your breakup should be awesome. Like talking and touching, making out. Foreplay? That guy just whipped it out and expected service! Shocked Pikachu Face! Holy crap! Well, 1 down, dozens to go.
It happened within fraction of second
You don't need to apologize…you were not in the wrong…dating an underage girl is so wrong on so many levels
Sometimes the worst part of a breakup is that we're forced to take the decision alone. Some people will endure an awful status quo longer than others, right?
You want to arrive at a consensus, to be kind to your significant other as things end, and that's good and decent of you.
Keep that in mind when you have the parting discussion, but also keep in mind that you aren't being selfish or cruel by being firm.
There are valid reasons for a puppy vs a rescue, especially when it comes to being a first time owner. Rescue dogs have often got specific needs that not all first time owners can meet, but can be prepared when trained from puppy stages.
For me the big red flag is that the puppy was 'on sale'. We did buy a dog. Our breeder had a license and good reputation, we went to visit them on scene and saw the place was big and clean and dogs socialised. Most importantly, we got to see our dogs mother, who was very healthy, friendly, socialised, and had a wonderfully fluffy shiny coat (a dogs coat and shine is an indication of overall health and diet). So we knew the dog we were getting did NOT come from a mill and all dogs were happy.
Getting a dog on sale implies it came from a pet store, which very often does come from puppy mills. I would never in a million years get a pet store puppy.
The other red flag is 'picking out the cutest'. You never judge a puppy by how cute they look, you judge whether or not they fit your lifestyle as an adult.
Yes lots of nuance is missing about our dynamic. But I can't fit that in the post unfortunately. But you did help, and appreciate it 🙂
This isn't a healthy relationship. You need to take the baby and leave, ASAP. Being annoying is no reason for physical violence.
So you have a spouse who refuses to help around the house, physically assaults you and your child, and has anger issues. There's no fixing this. NONE. Leave before you or your baby are seriously injured or killed.
This is an important thing to put into the main post. Knowing where you are from can change the advice given.
There is no breaks. The fact that you guys are even married is crazy. You being depressed for 3 years and he still stuck around is amazing.
That being said, don't do ultimatums. He wants to to cheat, which let's not kid ourselves when he says explore he means cheat. Tell him go. You file for divorce or tell him you both go to couples therapy. No ultimatums, that's the choice he makes.
You can't hold onto him if he's already gone.
This is an important thing to put into the main post. Knowing where you are from can change the advice given.
It’s 11 years too late..
Oh girl this is not the best relationship. You both are doing things that will not make it successful. He obviously does not place you as the priority in his life, and you played games by cheating. You are both AH and I would recommend moving on. Pick yourself up and find a person who thinks you are the best and wants to spend time with you instead of some other girl.
We're talking about sexual acts with another person other than your partner.
Yes, you should tell him and talk about it. I assume you and him have an exclusive relationship. So you can't go out and doing things without both coming to an agreement on these sorts of matters.
Not to mention bringing strange men into the home.
Not the same thing
Do what sits right in your heart, for your friend, and the father of your child.
Romance doesn’t have to have any part in a human, empathetic, adult, relationship.
lmfaoooooooooooo
Let your sister deal with it. It should be up to her fully.
Fr. They’ve been dating for a couple of months, not years.
Nah, she isn’t into you like that. If she wanted a relationship with you, she would ask for it. Respect her decision. If it doesn’t match what you want, then move on.
This one. If this is real and not a scam then THIS is the answer. Also if anyone does face this situation even if this is a scam (current top comment has a post 3 days ago—this is currently 14 hours—that is pretty much the same story but from the husband’s perspective. I will edit if wrong but I think even the ages are the same) then I hope they see and read this comment.
You can spend a lot of time and energy trying to understand why she wanted to break up. But it won't change the outcome.
I know it hurts now, and that hurt will still be around tomorrow. But it won't be there forever. You just need to accept that, be gentle to yourself, and find something else to put your energy into. That could be work, study, a new hobby, or exercise. Find something and focus on that, and in good time the pain will go away.
I’m not buying the whole “I’m trying to adult but my parents won’t let me” excuse tbh
As a woman, she may know what I know: no-one will believe you, so the efforts can feel futile.
Now, would I stand there and ignore someone talking shit? No; I'd confront whoever I needed to. But at the same time, unless she's gonna whip out her license every time, no-one will believe her protests; they'll assume she's covering for him.
Idk what the solution is, but they really need to be a united front and confront people together/
Once again, your experience does not dictate the rules for everyone else.
“I do not want to have seggs anymore”
I'm sure that everyone understands including your husband. I don't think that you should be going anywhere close to that until you've healed emotionally and certainly not be forced to 'rip off the band aid' and just get on with it.
If so you might want to move in tiny steps by first rekindling affection and a re-establishment of your husband as a safe space. Hugs, cuddles, forehead kisses. Accepting any of these would be a start towards normalising your relationship.
Q: Do you feel unlovable and might be projecting that onto your husband almost like to push him away before he pushes you?
If so, I'm sure that's not the case. We are all worthy of love. I don't know how I'd cope if my SO was assaulted like that but I'm sure I'd veer between homicidal rage, overwhelming love and a deep despair of helplessness. I would not dream of raising sex as an option – all I would ewant is to support them in any way that I could. Accepting support from him might go a long way towards reconnection. You might want to move in tiny steps by first rekindling affection and a re-establishment of your husband as a safe space. Hugs, cuddles, forehead kisses. Accepting any of these would be a start towards normalising your relationship. It absolutely doesn't have to be sexual in any way but rather a reaffirmation of your bond.
Four months is nothing when it comes to substitute knowing someone and who they are. No, after 4 months you don't know him. You haven't had time to know him. Situation you described in your post also shows it. Calling someone isn't in any way a path to truly know someone. You didn't answer my question – where you learned that “he treated women like they were nothing”. What this is a sign of? That he does this normally, that's who he is and that he lied to you. If you want to believe that you truly know him and this is out of the character behavior, you are allowed to. I understand it hurts, but if you want to stay in denial you are setting yourself up for even more hurt and disappointment. It's up to you.
I own the house, and we were planning on separating before this with him leaving next week for us to have time apart, but we've been going on dates and I've been saying how I hope we get back together and such.
Far more likely it’s due to changes in her physiology than yours.
Noses and ears grow throughout one’s lifetime. ( That’s part of what makes old people look old.). Penises, not so much.
One possible exception to that is weight loss: reducing the fat pad in front of the pelvic bone can “un-bury” some amount of shaft length. Doesn’t change girth, though.
Yeah. No shit. This is obviously bullshit.
You need family or a good friend or both to help you get out of this. Do you have family or friends? Can you meet him in a public place so he does not harm you and tell him you need to break up and you do not want contact with him any longer?
You also need to document everything and go to the police to say you feel threatened by him just so it is registered with them. Also that you are breaking up and you do not want him to come to your home or contact you. This will help you if he does ignore your no contact wish. You can get help if you need it.
If you have family or friends in another part of the country, you might consider packing and leaving for at least a while.
In the worst case there are shelters for women you can stay at. You can also find resources to help you in your area.
I know this is nude but you have to have a lot of strength and courage now. Please do get yourself out of this situation. Hugs and best to you.
There are so many children looking for homes out there. There is no reason you guys can't adopt. You could also consider getting a sperm donor. Talk to her now and talk to your doctor. There may be other options that you don't even know about.
It can be really nude! I have anxiety, depression, and disorganized attachment, myself. I feel you. Sometimes journaling helps me because it narrows down my train of thought to just one, linear thread. It can be a good tool to sort out why you feel this way, or if you focus really intently, a way to force yourself to think about something else for a while. I don’t know if that makes sense or resonates… it works for me! 🙂
I've been in your spot, it's eeire how similar it is. Can I dm you?
Chat her up like any other woman.
How would you normally get a woman to come over or go over to their place?
No problem. Any time a specific thought about her sexual past starts to gnaw at you, throw it in the mixing pot and stir it around so it blends in with the others and becomes part of the larger thought: “Man, she's great. I'm lucky she's lived the life she's lived this far, because it helped make her so awesome.” I use this technique with my partner and it's pretty effective. Sometimes I even catch myself having warm feelings towards his ex-wife and she actually sucks pretty bad ?. You'll be surprised how this line of thinking can lighten the mental load of jealousy.
Multiple abuse this is. Confront him you must.
I am a hoarder especially with photos. I keep everything including people i am not friends with and exes.
Maybe… She just wanted to celebrate with her friends and husband.
You don't mention, but even is your relationship like with her? You say you're a protective older sister, but she's an adult, she doesn't need that very much anymore, so that's not relevant – has she ever given any indication that she doesn't like you playing big sister to her now that you're grown up?
Are you friends or are you sisters, or both? Some people can only pick one box (I, myself, am a younger sister and I'm not friends with my older sister; we get along really well, hang out and stuff, but we're not friends).
If you have a good relationship, it won't be an attack to ask, Hey, so, how was your birthday? Just… Gently open the door, maybe mention you saw the picture, oh that looked nice, I hope you had a good time. Don't pressure her, make her feel comfortable so that she may feel safe enough to initiate a conversation. But if not, you're gonna have to stop being a doormat (a synonym to people pleaser) and just come out and ask, unless you want to keep holding on to this disappointment.
But I will say – you may need to prepare yourself to hear that your sister doesn't, in fact, want to include you in things. Maybe for some cruel reason, maybe because she wants her own circle of friends and (however hurtful) you're just not a part of it. Or maybe she wants some distance to make her own identity beside being your little sister.
I don't know, I'm not her and I don't know you, but these are possibilities you should consider.
You could suggest, if she doesn't want to have you in her parties (her right, and it doesn't make her an asshole necessarily, no matter how much is stings, if true), a private celebration, just the two of you, a little coffee and dessert, a meal, whatever, a new tradition, nothing fancy, just to try and maintain your bond.
-pat pat- I understand this is one of the presumably many things you’re terrible at
It’s okay my dude, you tried.
I tried to tell her and she said she gets that space is healthy, but still does it. She does have some abandonment issues from past trauma. All I’m really asking is for us to do our own thing in the same room.
What would happen if you just asked him point blank how he feels about you?
Have you told him that you love him?
good point, will open this up on my next session,
they’re not going in circles, he’s manipulating you by equating a disconnect with you with you not wanting to be in the relationship anymore. if he says shit like that, respond with “i am not implying that i want to end the relationship. i am telling you that X makes me feel Y way and would like you to be more considerate of my feelings”.