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I should have added the “he’s cheated before” in my original post so that’s my fault.
Well I am so.
I would have said “yeah, I saw better yesterday, sorry boo” and blocked him
It could, but doesn't have to. I know a lot of people with a degree that are complete idiots and have trouble understanding the most logical and basic things. On the other hand i know someone who acts and thinks like someone with a degree, but doesn't have one due to illness during his studies.
A degree means they were able to study well for a few years and were comfortable or motivated enough to be able to put enough time in their degree.
He is making contingency plans in case you and he won't make it. You should put a hold on moving in together and getting married until you address these issues with him.
Spoke with a few women who have married men that were secretive and controlling with their money. In the end, got a divorce and left them with nothing. They had to start over from scratch.
That is a shitty situation you have. Why would you put up with that? Is your spouse disabled and not physically able to contribute to household responsibilities? No one should be congratulated for doing half of the adult responsibilities. That should be given if both people work full time and fluctuate a bit if one partner has a period of more chaotic life events atm, but got back to 50/50.
Me and my SO do that all the time to eachother. Just find someone the same kind of weird as you
Man, I think that's what I really needed to hear… Relationships shouldn't be this naked.
I really loved this woman with all my heart, and I really wanted to make it work. I've been beating myself up trying to figure out what I could have done differently earlier in the relationship to not end up here. How should I have coaxed a conversation out of someone who outright refused to have them at all?
I guess the answer was simple all along, you shouldn't have to ?
Sounds like you dodged a bullet, be proud of yourself, OP ?
A family member of mine is the leading academic researcher on abortion access and mental health in the United States and her entire career is access and advocacy for women’s health and there is nowhere that will perform an abortion at 34 weeks unless there is a MAJOR health complication and at that point, it is not an abortion it would be a preterm delivery as babies have an 80% survival rate at 26 weeks.
So unless you can provide a viable and credible link to back up your statement do not spread misinformation on the internet. Abortion access is naked enough as is you don’t need to fuel pro-life sentiments by saying doctors and medical facilities are killing babies. Which they are not.
Get. Out. Now.
And: good luck
Yeah I think I’ll have to chat to him again. In a slightly humorous thing my dad and bf have a lot in common (both people who love complaining about apartments I have moved into) and I can see them being close if he tried and reached out.
This will probably destroy our relationship, but to be honest, I feel like my husband’s continued refusal to stand up for me and allowing him to stay has already irreparably destroyed our relationship.
You don't have a FIL issue, you have a husband issue…. tbh, instead of wasting energy on your FIL, start contacting a lawyer, and listen to their advice.
First, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I can relate to your situation a little bit but may be able to provide better insight to your wife's actions from my perspective. The situations are different but I do think I recognize her behaviors since I have reacted a similar way with my bf recently.
My boyfriend (previously fiance) was abusive in several ways and the only way I knew how to respond was to try everything I could to help him and our relationship. Flash forward 3 years and I found myself becoming more and more detached from him emotionally. He crossed a line and we separated for a little over a year.
I then lost my job and had no choice but to let him move back in. We have been attempting to reconcile since then but it's been rocky at best. I have found myselfbat times to be just be completely emotionally detached from him and it has become complicated by feelings I developed for a coworker over the course of nearly 3 years (didn't fully admit it to myself until I separated from bf).
I think like me, your wife checked out emotionally from you because she became invested in someone else. I think once partners no longer feels safe confiding in one another it can be really naked to get that safety and comfort back. At least that has been my experience. I can feel your anguish with trying to figure out what to do. I am currently in that same boat and can only say that only you know what is right for you and your family.
It's nude to let go of someone when they also have wonderful parts to them. I wish you the best of luck and I hope whatever you decide, I hope it works out for the best for all involved. Good luck OP ?
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This is the thing that these questions never respect. Men have feelings too. Those feelings matter just as much as the woman’s. Telling him to man up is obviously bullshit.
In all these marriage posts, it seems to be positioned as: my boyfriend is letting his feelings get in the way of what I want, how do I convince him that I’m more than him.
He might be for in one of his comments he said that his wife told her crush about having romantic feelings for him and the crush felt the same way. She back out of doing anything but was willing to do so. That is devasting to the OP.
You can do waaaaay better than him
Harsh truth
The only way I would ever consider this a good idea is if you got a clear sign that he hates gender role conformity.
Gender roles are mostly dumb but social reinforcement makes it more likely for women to value being a bride, and for men to value making a proposal.
So it's really the question of how important is it personally to him? Social reinforcement isn't perfect enough to influence everyone. But it influences a lot of people.
I mean when you think about if it's fun, how much more fun is it going to add to do a role reversal? To me it's insensitive, unless you've got that clear indication that he hates gender role conformity.
It sounds like she is depressed and still recovering from brain surgery. Give her some time and perhaps have her talk to her doctor about her symptoms.
Nope. She cheated. The trust is gone. There is no relationship.
I was waiting for the not like other girls train to show up and here it is right on schedule
It's like a Homer Simpson gift.
He's done this many times over the years of the series. He's given Marge a bowling ball (sized and drilled for his hand). He also has given her a table saw under the guise that it would be a useful tool for putting up shelves for her.
In this case, what was the purpose behind the surprise reveal?
I think that she wanted to catch her bf actually liking her haircut based on an immediate impression. If he had had time to think about it, he might have remembered his earlier take on short hair and responded in congruence with those earlier views.
This wasn't an honest surprise that she was unveiling. Instead, it was purposely manipulative.
Bf reacted predictably, and now OP is here to gather sympathy while hanging her bf out to dry.
That's what is disrespectful.
one of the most frustrating and infuriating parts of this for me is that i still give a shit about what she thinks.
I am definitely not wrong about their friendship being inappropriate after she betrayed me repeatedly with her, and I know that. I just feel like i was beat over the head for a year about how i’m just unjustifiably insecure and now i’ve somehow taken the bait. This is just one of the things in our relationship that makes her shitty, and definitely the biggest issue, but it definitely isn’t an exhaustive list. I’m just… angry? upset? that after everything she put me through she can sit back and genuinely feel like i’m the problem and she’s better without ME. I don’t wish bad for her but i do wish her what she deserves. ugh.
thank you for this reply. it really helps.
So they let him down. For all their intelligence a 13 year old boy was more determined than they were. His job is to Rebel, so it’s on them. He got away with the freedom they allowed.
Now they will probably pay the greater price because he will probably be in their house a long time.
You tell him to fuck all the way off and you dump him. Let his ex have this piece of trash
Your neurodivergency is not a free pass to be an asshole. Poor wife. I imagine waking up bloated and feeling like crap and my SO saying that shit…poor wife.
You can just shut the f up , kiss her forehead and tell her that you love her (idk if this would be a lie for you ?)
What you are saying is right. I have this issue and i do this only with my sister and it's not under my control.(i try naked and it has reduced overtime) The more i try to control crying the more i cry and it also stems from long emotional turmoil where I don't want to disappoint my sister.
What i do is that when i get into this state, i take some time off get my composure back and then speak to them. I also spoke to my therapist on this, they suggested to accept this option, step back from the situation and then come back to it. I am not sure if there is any medication that will help here or if the gf should even take it.
What you are saying is right. I have this issue and i do this only with my sister and it's not under my control.(i try naked and it has reduced overtime) The more i try to control crying the more i cry and it also stems from long emotional turmoil where I don't want to disappoint my sister.
What i do is that when i get into this state, i take some time off get my composure back and then speak to them. I also spoke to my therapist on this, they suggested to accept this option, step back from the situation and then come back to it. I am not sure if there is any medication that will help here or if the gf should even take it.
What you are saying is right. I have this issue and i do this only with my sister and it's not under my control.(i try hot and it has reduced overtime) The more i try to control crying the more i cry and it also stems from long emotional turmoil where I don't want to disappoint my sister.
What i do is that when i get into this state, i take some time off get my composure back and then speak to them. I also spoke to my therapist on this, they suggested to accept this option, step back from the situation and then come back to it. I am not sure if there is any medication that will help here or if the gf should even take it.
you never heard, trust but verify? just because you do trust someone doesn't mean you're correct to trust them. that's the point. also, what I meant by the getting married and having kids thing is presumably most people who get married think they'll stay together, yet half of marriages end in divorce. people clearly aren't good at this whole trusting only when appropriate thing.
So, it would only mean seeing each other more? All of your friends know that you’re dating, and you’re already not dating anyone else?
Is it possible for people to change?
Yes, but that person has to want to change.
If someone cheats because of insecurities, is it possible to make them feel more confident about themselves and change their ways?
No, that's all on them to fix their issues.
Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?
Oh of course. And they made the best decisions they could to either stay or go. But you need to decide what's best for yourself.
Is it possible to have a good relationship and full trust after this?
A good, even great relationship? Yes.
Full trust? Well, no. You have to rework what trust is. At the best, naivety is gone.
Try this sub:
r/AsOneAfterInfidelity
It turns out my friend had already planned to drop her with her grandparents but I still think my gf was being mean towards his sister
OP still won't explain why she's confused about slow times of the year vs peak time of the year.
Not that naked to understand.
Not gonna be that guy that blows up her trip I got family in various other states I could visit, or just solo trip to some places I wanna see. I got some time to figure it out though. She’s not going until the end of the week so i got some time to talk to her about things though she’s been quiet since yesterday. If she does leave I’m going to figure it out from there lol
Can we all come to the wedding?
Wow, same. I had gone off and on the pill when we broke up so it affected my cycle and when we were intimate, I was accused of the same thing. I have no proof my ex cheated but I don't doubt it. It was just starting to be constant and ridiculous accusations made up.
So glad I don't have to deal with it anymore.
Hon, I don’t think you need to worry about him proposing anytime soon lol. You’re really jumping the gun here wondering if he’s good enough to be your husband when he doesn’t even think you’re good enough to be his girlfriend.
That’s exactly what you should do.. atleast he asked for help.. I could work with that as well.. long as he kept it up.. my parents thought my brothers didn’t need to learn housework cooking or laundry as well.. that was girls work.. my older brother to this day tries to get by with it.. younger brother doesn’t.. he cooks cleans takes care of my niece alone.. he’s a single dad.. stand firm and hopefully all will work out..