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I would take the quiz on loveisrespect.org.
Abusive relationship only work because there are good times. Just because he’s so sweet 80% of the time doesn’t mean it’s not abusive
Grieving is important. I didn't understand but handling loss is more important than taking acceptable damage aka “they were always going to break it off anyways.”
When you lose someone you should still talk to them. Even if they aren't there to talk back. The world is too simple for something as complex as love so trying to mesh reality into place right now isn't doing you any favors. Stare at the ceiling and set a timer. Put it across the room and just look up and relax and think everything that comes to mind with no distraction. The distractions are bandages on bullet wounds. It's simple not good enough to stay distracted from your own thoughts. You may think you've done this already but I mean make the choice to face yourself.