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Birth Date: 2003-09-15
Body Type: bodyTypeAthletic
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Oh, this one's easy. Find a new boyfriend or just be single for a while. Your choice.
Geez. How did you know??
I never thought of that — we have talked about this a few times. He always says how grateful he is that I have his favorite snacks at my house when he comes to visit. Thanks for the advice!
Yeah you won’t take accountability, you just deflect it to the other people who should treat you respectfully. That sounds like a cool utopia, I hope we get there someday but we are not there yet. And drinking to excess is not a problem of morality it’s a problem of personal safety but you straight up won’t acknowledge that point because your friends (who statistically assault you) wouldn’t hurt you. So you want to be irresponsible and then blame everyone else when you get hurt, pretty sweet hustle
Sex is so much more than penetration. If that’s his only focus, ouch. Double ouch for seeking sex outside the relationship. Triple ouch for making you feel like you’re unworthy.
Sounds like you need support and to get yourself something better
Yeah that's ok, state your boundaries clearly. I'm sure she'll understand
He’s not interested. Get out more, falling for your coworker never ends well.
Sounds like grooming and there is a strong possibility he will continue it and will try to progress it. I'm sorry this is happening to you. There is a lot of advice on this thread, but I suggest talking to someone you know and trust so that they can help figure out how to best handle this. Again, I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Because you were upset by this, it made me think you were in an exclusive relationship. If his behavior did not involve any rule breaking, why did you ask for advice?
If you are in an exclusive relationship with someone, and they flirt with someone else, that's one thing. But when he is not only revisiting an ex, but speaking longingly about her, it is a diversion of emotional energy that is a true infidelity.
Not being honest and forthcoming with you is a choice that was made, and making a choice to serve his deception, an intentional act to deceive you, can be called a lie.
If he is one of those contract lawyer types who insists that he never uttered a falsehood and therefore did not lie, he is too childish to be in an adult relationship.
That is a man who is self-serving and will act against your interests, who cannot take responsibility for his actions, who would rather apologize than ask permission, and is only out to use others for his personal profit and pleasure.
I wouldn't doubt that he is flirting with his ex to keep her on the string as an open option, while leaving his phone unlocked to see if you will be emotionally disrupted and stay off balance, or work harder to please him, or some other manipulative BS.
That is not a person who wants to give you his love. He merely wants to take yours.
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There are other ways to bring up your weight if he was genuinely concerned rather than saying you're getting plump.
In fact, imo that really honestly is a dig on your personal appearance because if it was health wise, he would have and could have had other things lined up like 'I noticed you're having a harder time getting up the stairs' or 'I know that this medicine can cause weight gain but I want to make sure we both stay healthy.'
He would make it a team effort, not comment on your appearance alone.
Thankfully I had called the second he got home and FaceTimed him. Who knows for sure though honestly
That’s how I felt. Because I’m strong and confident he thinks I’m an “alpha female” and he is getting older and losing his confidence.
We were talking in the kitchen the other night about a nice fleece I bought second hand by the Helly Hansen brand…I know the guy Helly Hansen was a Norwegian skier but my mums husband, who used to go skiing said he was French. I just corrected him in polite conversation, and he gave a whole spiel about how he knew he was French because he had been skiing a lot and knew about those things…I just said well then the brand website must be wrong because I looked it up when I was buying the fleece to check the quality. He went quiet then and walked out the kitchen. My mum brought it up in a whispered conversation this morning because apparently her husband had talked to her about how I always argue with him. But like, if you’re wrong and I politely correct you and then you make an ass of yourself trying to prove something I know for a fact is wrong…am I supposed to just shut up about it? My mum said sometimes you can let things go…I sort of laughed and said mum, am I meant to let men think they are right to protect their egos when they are saying things that just aren’t true? She said it’s easier to keep the peace.
You missed the point of the comment.
Stop listening specifically to respond as opposed to listening to actually hear what the other person is saying.
If I’m understanding right, even though you aren’t officially in a relationship, you were exclusive, yes?
Doesn't sound like they were officially a couple or discussed exclusivity.
Based on replies and messages so far I clearly have my fair share of the blame. No she had made posts regarding these issues in the past and that was very much the response that she got as well. Clearly we are toxic to each other and maybe just toxic in relationships in general and both need to pursue therapy.
Honestly for the both of us I might have to put off filing so she can see counseling here on my insurance. In her home country standards to practice are very different on top of being very expensive.
I've said before that the only reason I brought up my friends situation is to say i wished my boyfriend was more supportive like our friend. Also he said if I am pregnant and keep the baby he wouldn't leave me. I have no idea how all of you people turned “I'd rather you have an abortion” into “if you don't have an abortion I'm leaving you”
Get the paternity test, and be wise, do not ever have more than one baby with a man looking for excuses to have one foot out the door and mistreats you. No more babies.
I take no pleasure saying this but I think you know deep down this relationship isn’t lasting the 20 years it takes to raise babies you are barely getting through this because he’s so awful and you’re at your wits end. Any extra kids is you raising them alone and having even less resources.
You can’t do anything about him but you can do everything about you
I’m so glad
You don't know how much that means to hear from a total stranger.
I treated her like a queen.
Even her psychiatrist called me up to offer his sympathies when she told him about the affair.
I guess it's true when they say nice guys finish last
Why are you letting this horrible person lie to you? You're the one he's feeding the lies to, she isn't the only one. Break it off with this creature before he disrespects you again.
Nope bruh
My husband randomly checks in to see where I'm at when I'm driving home. He's text me before to ask what I ordered as I'm sitting at a drive thru.
When I was pregnant, I'd turn off my location as I'd stop for some “secret” french fries. He knew. He knew my alleged dead zone. But he's also techy.
Two Rules of thumb for any newbie polyamorous person: do NOT date someone just to date someone else. Do NOT accept any kind of polyamorous set up just because you want to date someone. Ie, in this case, dont date the ex just because you want to stay with your BF. Set aside the fact she insulted you and you don't like each other : are you even attracted to women? Are you even attracted to HER?
One set up that I could maybe see working would be a “V” type relationship, in which he dates you, and dates her, but you and her don't date each other (nb this is a very common poly configuration). But then again, you don't like her, she has a history of cheating, he's not the most respectful or straightforward with you, and all of you seem new to polyamory, so I'd pass if I were you
a man saying he needs a woman to be quiet and submissive is not a man that a confident woman like you should be wasting your time on. Don't change yourself for anyone, simply find someone who loves you for you.
I don't really have much of an advice to give, but I do want to tell you that you are NOT destroying the family relations of your boyfriend. That would be solely on the parents who seem to value traditions more than their son.
It doesn't matter. If he doesn't want surgery then he doesn't need to have it. Disgusting behavior from Redditors implying he should do it to make someone else happy
so what you're saying is that if she keeps asking for reassurance after i try talking to her about it, i should just end the relationship? also, please feel free to ask any questions to gain more context. idk what other context to give
Also what does “meaningful” even mean in this context? Yes chores are boring and tiring. Doesn't OP think they're also tiring and boring for his gf? Additionally she works 32 hours, studies and is expected to do the household alone? The only way I see the word “meaningful” fitting is that his work in the house is NOT “meaningful” as in the 7-15 minutes his “part” takes is laughable. Insufferable he sounds
Time to leave!! 3 years and you have put up with this?
Time to think about your own health, he isn't changing!
Thank you. I am just not used to the fact that he will keep silent unless I ask him for suggestions. Like it's as if I am reminding him of the existence of the trip. Is it a common occurrence with you and partner too? Should I be worried?
Makes money by illegal activity and is abusive – stopped reading there. Dump him. Don’t get dragged down by this guy.
Across the states with his new family.
Block Daniel. I hope you’re in therapy.
You just mentioned her weight and fitness habits many times and every time you talked about her mental health you talked about how it related to her weight. When you talked about how it impacts you, you talked about your lack of sexual attraction.
Thank you. Take it didn't work out for him / them then? Did she continue cheating?