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Uh, break up with the bf and report the pedo
To me, the moment you engage with your ex was a lack of respect for your marriage and your husband. Honestly, I feel you should not have married your husband if you still had some feelings for an ex. How will this not happen again anytime you are unhappy in your marriage. Tell your husband, and pack your bags to offer him some space to process this and see what happens. A relationship is built on respect, honesty, and loyalty, something you were lacking. The only thing you can offer your husband is for him to make the choice if he wants to remain married to you. Good luck OP
A good point too. Yeah. I will stop contacting her, but leave the decision about contact between my fiance and his parents for him, but I've got great ideas from this thread about how to manage this and information I can give my fiance and leave him to make his choice.
You can't make it work with a mama's biy who's that deep in the fog. Check out the just no MIL sub if you think I'm joking or exaggerating.
Leave. Find someone who is too afraid of their mother to stand up to them.
And before anyone jumps in and says, “He was conditioned!” I know. I was conditioned too. For 36 fucking years. That still isn't an excuse. You'd best believe if my psycho flesh oven said one negative word about someone I loved it'd be the last thing she ever said.
He needs help OP. You can't give it to him. You can't make it work. He's not worth it. Leave.
this is a big jump, even for reddit’s pay grade.
Ok so this sucks, but I don't think you two should be together then. Its not healthy and I understand he's not in a good place but unfortunately there's little you can do to help atm. Is he at least seeking or going to therapy? Medication? Anything that would mean he's making an effort
This is heart wrenching. I am SO sorry you went through this. From another female perspective, not all women are the same. Her maturity level is showing. I recommend looking for women who are closer to your age. People really don't realize how much you learn and grow in your early twenties. Playing games, and manipulation is not okay at any age, but I feel like people are still learning what they can and can't get away with in life. DO NOT allow her to gaslight you into being the bad guy if you feel like opening up to your friends. Keep your head up, a respectable girl is out there waiting to be loved by you.
You're friends are idiots who have no idea what they're talking about. But at the same time, you should never feel obliged to pay anything for a girl just because you're a guy. But it's your money, if it's just a few quid what does it matter to anyone but you and her? Ignore them but don't get taken advantage of or let people rely on you, whether you're intimate with them or not.
If I lose him, I lose everything.
If you “lose him” just because you don't go on a 5 day vacation with him, then you never had him.
If you screw up med school because you went on a 5 day vacation with him (which will NOT be enjoyable, because you will be freaking out), that's when you will lose everything. Because, you will know he doesn't care about you or your dream.
You're 20 years old. Stick with your dream. And, FFS, please find someone who loves you and who you are. Your BF sounds very selfish and immature.
Even if it was naked for you to say in the moment because you’ve mentioned you freezed up which is a real thing for sure… what’s stopping you from having that conversation now? Because in a good adult relationship should be nothing. Also he’s a 26 year old man who can’t infer that someone who has been through sexual trauma might not want to have sex after being triggered by it and crying about it for hours? Honestly I’m just gonna say it throw the whole man away. Reminds me of my emotionally abusive ex.
As a woman, I would be upset if I found paper tissues like that too. So I would say it’s not just you.
You should ask him about it and at the same time show your appreciation that he’s helping more. The fact that he’s finally helping doesn’t mean you should not be allowed to complain about anything out of fear of him reverting back to not helping.
I’m not around him anymore I online in my own house he has his
Exactly lol. Tell him you want to dudes to rail you too, so what now?
He’s a lazy douche. Don’t invalidate all of the naked work she put in HERSELF to get where she is today. She owes him nothing.
They’re gaslighting you into thinking this is ok, when really it’s LC/NC/restraining order behaviour in my opinion.
Dude, there's no coming back from all that. Even if she hadn't lied and lied until she could lie no more to try to get her way out of it, you couldn't trust her. She thinks that you're a literal idiot.
Move on.
Jeez… is there even a term for this? Crack-ho, I've heard of…. Grass-ass? Stoner-moaner? Blow-blower?
This is not trying to be rude but you may love her more than anything but she doesn’t love you or respect you. This isn’t behavior of someone who does.
i know 🙁 he messaged today saying he needs to be alone and fix himself and his issues before being in a relationship bc he “hates how much he has hurt me and stressed me out” i hope he does try. if not for me then whoever comes in the future. i really hope he does.
You tell him exactly that and to go no contact with her for trying to break up your marriage. She is not a friend. Your husband can believe her or believe you. If he sides with her, tell him that you are not going to stand there and be bullied into an open relationship and not disregarded in your marriage. Ask him to leave since his friend is his priority.
I'd leave it alone. The damage is done and you're both no contact at this point. If she reaches out down the line, go for it.
If you feel that apologizing would make you feel better, write one out, but don't send it.
And than again that’s the easiest way to explain how women work in Brazil. Ain’t no 7-10 going out with normal guys! Here in Brazil women will always pick the guy with more achievements… doesn’t mean I’m flexing on girls. I’m respectful to everyone who shows me respect.
I imagine it’s common that when one party reacts to physical abuse by hitting back it can feel like it’s less the instigators fault. But if you hadn’t hit back, he’s still hit you. And he’s done it before. And he’s not even treating you like a partner without that. It’s time to get divorced. Before the shared house, before children. Just get out. Do not make this your life.
He probably finds them interesting or attractive.
Your definitely overreacting to something that isn't a big deal.
Do you watch porn?
Many people, including 1 mutual friend with her, are aware that he bought me a ring (he hasn’t proposed yet because he has a special plan he says)
Coffee, walk in the park, library program. Inviting her to the library implies to want to study or whatever you usually do there. Inviting her to a library program like a paint night or author visit or whatever is more date like.
You could say something like women use all of their senses to choose who to be in a relationship with, so in order for a woman to feel comfortable with someone, he needs to smell good, his clothes need to smell fresh, his lips and hands need to be soft, etc. If he denies smelling bad, tell him women have more sensitive noses than men and can tell when he hasn't bathed or washed his clothes, even if he can't.
Or (with other friends, not just yourself, so he doesn't mistake your help for romantic interest) just offer to give him a makeover and walk him through washing his clothes, caring for his skin, picking out clothes he owns that are good for date nights, and taking him out for better photos for his dating app profiles.
But remember, it's also not your job to fix him. Of this feels like too much to take on, especially the risk he'll think you're taking an interest in him, you don't have to do anything.
Absolutely not.
His boss's wife was an adult while he was a teen. It sounds like your bf has some problems with establishing appropriate boundaries with these people. This woman clearly has some issues and is acting more like a jealous girlfriend than the wife of the boss of a teenage employee.
Situations like these NEVER get better when ignored and usually get much, much worse when ignored.
Frankly, while you should always be “friendly” with fellow employees and your employer, mixing the relationship usually leads to very hazy boundaries where both sides act inappropriately.
If the woman is not interested in meeting with you, she shouldn't be meeting with your baby. Your bf is enabling this behavior, and you need to have a more serious discussion with him. His apology is irrelevant to this woman spending time with your baby.
Information is power. You are who you are already so why not get more information about yourself? Maybe you're on the spectrum or maybe you're a sensitive person who needs to practise resiliency. Information helps you to maximize the positive features of your personality and makes life more joyful.
Well your fathers always been a piece of shit for fucking up everyone in his family. The step mother seems no better. Please don’t let her in
Thats abuse
i’m from wisconsin, but the rest of my family grew up in chicago so maybe it’s northern lingo?
Hmm. I've noticed in my life and in others as well, that you can be in love with the thought of a person, and what used to be, not necessarily what it is now.
I wouldn't beat yourself up too much about intermittingly texting her for two years, if she didn't want to hang around you, or she didn't want to keep in contact with you, she wouldn't have, especially for two years.
Now the tough part.
As much as we love to say it doesn't matter, physical attraction does matter, at least to some extent. It almost sounds like your ex still had a preconceived notion that everything would be the same as it was 2 years ago, but it's not. And I'm not talking about physicality's, there's also emotional changes, and people changes. It can be tough, reuniting after two years, you find that you aren't nearly the same as you used to be.
I feel like the best thing you can do, is to give her space. The ball is in her court, if she messages you, then she messages you. If she doesn't, then that's her answer.
This. Also I think OP basically has just learned his wife had sex with someone else and somewhere in his head, it's making him feel like this happened recently because it's new information.
That's not the case though and OP knows the thoughts aren't valid. I legit 100% think he just needs time here. His brain convincing him this is recent will fade and eventually these events will slot in with the others. So long ago he doesn't care about it anymore.
There may also be a slight bit of OP feeling liked he'd been the first great guy for her and the others were all shit, and that made him feel a bit special. Then he finds out there was another one and now he's not so sure.
I dont actually think these are abnormal thoughts or feelings, he just has to recognise that they are just his brain and hormones messing with him. Forgive himself for them, not take them out on the wife and give himself sometime until the become meaningless. Given how he feels about it, I'm pretty sure this will happen for him. It's a bit of a shock, a bit of brain and hormonal trickery, a little bit of jealousy and insecurity but all within the scope of manageable given he's trying to he level headed about it. Just give it some time and recognise that.
She is using you.
I'm really sensitive as well and I cry all the time in front of my wife. But that's a little ridiculous. I would 100% say the same thing you said.