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You fucked up big time. The least you can do now is to fess up, with receipts and everything.
DO NOT DOWNPLAY ANYTHING AS IT WILL FURTHER RUIN YOUR CREDIBILITY!
Time to face the consequences. If he chooses to divorce, so be it.
Is it possible that your husband is secretly in love with his this friend of his and just using their friendship as a decoy to stay in the closet?
It is not normal to be on the phone constantly with a friend, no matter how close the friendship. It is especially not normal when both he and the friend are in dedicated relationships and the friend just had a baby.
If they phone so much that you feel like you're not a priority to your husband, I can guarantee you that the wife of the friend who additionally has a baby to take care of and needs her husband right now, feels the same way.
Don't do it, OP. There are hills that you should die on and this is one of them. Your husband is not finding common ground with you, he is steamrolling you into a decision without even giving you truly space and time to consider everything.
Additionally, ALL of the things mentioned in this deal will put more strain onto your relationship. Your husband needs to decide whether he wants to keep his gamer buddy (aka secret emotional love affair) or his wife and I hate to tell you this, but your posts don't read like you'll be the one he'll chose. I bet he's just waiting for his buddy to leave his wife (or better: she leaving him for not being committed to their relationship) and then he'll leave you and start anwe with his “friend”.
what the fuck man
I don't get it either. But at this point I can either go knowing he didn't want me to come or not go and wonder why he didn't want me to go. Neither option is ideal but I think I am going to stay
You should be with someone who can understand that right now this is the most important thing to you. You need to prioritize yourself and your future.
..but coming from someone who has been where you are..it’s never going to get easier. Even once you get in. There’s always that next exam, that next research project, that next deadline. Make time to have fun, sustain your relationships to the best of your ability.
Med school is not a guarantee, this boy is not a guarantee. Don’t let life pass you by out if a fear of loss.
I’m not saying you need to stay with him, a partnership should relive stress from your life, not add to it.
You will not lose your dreams if you don’t get into medical school and you will not lose everything if you and your bf break up. The path to become a doctors is not an easy one, the fact that you have chosen this shows how resilient and determined you are.
I haven’t seen his daughter yet and if things get serious, I imagine I won’t until 6-12 months of dating but I would be perfectly okay with her viewing me as her mother since her own appears to be mostly absent. I’m really worried about what I could say and do with her though seeing as I am not the biological mother and have essentially no rights, etc. It’s just scary because I don’t want to offend anyone’s parenting style, choices, etc. and I never once thought about dating someone in this situation.
Ok I get your point I really do but betrayal seems to be reaching at this point he was honest and said he wouldn’t tell you or unless you asked you asked before hand. Betrayal I don’t see it
Yeah they probably already cheated
How does she act when she's at your place?
Because I've got a BIL who was on a bender (drug) awhile back, lost job, burnt all the bridges, unemployed, angry, stole from us, gave my husband's name to the cops, etc then he stopped by, basically keeping the whole house 'hostage' as he 'hung out' with my husband. As in, he picked fight, screaming matches the whole time (neighbors CALLEd the police on our house since they thought people would get harmed), he got drunk a bunch and so unruly.
The issue was: my husband was enabling him the whole way: as in, he requested I went and fetched alcohol and ciggies for my BIL. He provided all the alcohol, cigarettes, made the house very uncomfortable for us to be in when BIL was around. Then, it also often escalated to borrowing money $$$ a lot of it. BIL wouldn't leave for hours too. No one could relax, since we could hear the screaming argument match.
And when asked to quiet down, BIL would basically start screaming insults toward me. Husband would always think I was overreacting and that if it were MY sibling, he'd be more understanding (ironically, he's critical toward my brother but my brother NEVER once troubled our household the way his brother has).
BIL all the way claimed he was suicidal too. Even insisted to get on the phone with my dad to get him to 'come down' from his threat. Additionally, BIL was very rude to my side of the family too. In short, too much drama when it came to him (this was years ago, and he's 'cleaned' up and gotten better, but still years have passed I still got afraid every time he showed up at our house just for a surprise visit).
I almost got a divorce with my husband due to my BIL. I mean, I've had difficult sibling, but I've never met anyone so troublesome like that before. Even, until today, I don't feel any 'familial' affection for him, I'm sad to say.
So my point is, how troublesome your sister has been when she's at your house? Has she caused enough trouble in the past, how? Lacking information here, OP. I'm just saying, I kind of 'get' what your husband is feeling if your sister has gone out of her way to make y'all miserable in the past.
Especially thinking a fancy purse is only $200 lol you can get a nice purse for that but that's not “I'm rich and buying my young hot girlfriends companionship” material.
I’ve had a bit to drink but it doesn’t excuse it. In this environments I can be quite playful and I’m went too far. Part of me was probably being childish as well because my bf had been really moody the day before and that made me a bit spiteful maybe.
I grabbed onto him a lot but tbf he was the nearest person to me most of the time. It probably could’ve been whoever was closest to me, because I get really into the World Cup. My boyfriend wasn’t being that attentive to me and I’d noticed earlier in the day he’d stopped holding my hand.
None of this excuses it and even then I actually do love him really and that’s why I’m worried. If I didn’t I wouldn’t care.
One of my friends waited a year and a half to tell me about their diagnosis and i tried to be open minded about it. It went from a casual chatty friendship to admitting to murdering rabbits and birds and talking about the urge to kill their step mom. And i mean in a matter of two days. 0-100. Not to scare you OP but be cautious.
There can be deep emotional reasons why someone may unconsciously do that, none of which necessarily have anything to do with respect for the person their with — or anything to do with them at all.
Is he ADHD or autistic? I happen to see this “zero to rage” thing with some of them, like there's very little ground in the middle.
The reaction of blaming it on the adderall?
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Sweetie, no one who loves you would use your past mistakes against you and try to blackmail you. He may have had feelings but honestly I don't think he loved you. People like him lie all the time.
There are lots of vitamins and supplements that are safe and help enhance a woman's libido. A conversation with your doctor could be incredibly helpful.
I do. It's just hard. I'm thankful for all of you taking the time to guide me along the way.
No, return it and break up.
Would you be able to continue your life/marriage with someone that would cover up an affair? That would not only cover it up but break up with you if you tell the guy? That is what worries me the most. Even if he is not cheating himself, the values he has and what he would do to protect them, that is a problem
But if he did actually have tinder, why would he tell you. Makes 0 sense
They’re not self-respecting sweetie, that’s the part you’re missing. Your brain isn’t fully formed yet though so you wouldn’t understand this.
She must identify as a monorail
this is toxic behavior. do you think it will get better or worse as time goes on?
Does she thrive on drama? will she make drama to keep herself happy?
Is this what you want for your life?
Umm are you in a relationship…?
So her desires in life matter and yours don't.
You could recommend taking a break in your relationship. Tell her she should pursue her degree but you can't sign up for that lifestyle.
Nope
I understand wanting to help your sister but there has to be some middle ground between her moving in and totally kicking her to the curb. Is there some missing info perhaps??
Also put yourself in your gf’s shoes. 5 years is a commitment. She is also family now and I can see how you moving out for an unspecified amount of time could be a dealbreaker. Both your solutions (moving out or moving your sister in) amount to huge changes in your gf’s life and she doesn’t have to be okay with that. It might mean the end of your relationship but she’s not a bad person for deciding what she’s willing to deal with in her life and it’s unfair of you to paint her that way. Either the two of you are a family unit and you find a workable solution together to help your sister or you decide what you’re going to do alone and accept the relationship consequences. But it reads to me that you don’t see her as family in the same way as your sister and after 5 years I can see that hurting/being a potential dealbreaker
Yeah they’re carrying on like it’s extremely high risk and that fertility declines rapidly once you hit your 30’s. Yes it does decline but there’s no significant difference until your late 30’s. It’s still a 25% chance and that reduces to around 20% in your late 30’s. The risk of a miscarriage doesn’t significantly increase until late 30’s either. It’s astounding that people still think that you’re basically too old to have kids if you wait until your 30’s
No amount of excuses you attempt to offer up make it OK to speak to your children like that. Period.
If you don’t want to abort don’t do it
Since you tried calling and didn’t get a response I’d simply text and say “Hey, I just called to confirm we’re still on for event tomorrow. Shoot me a text or call when you’re free.”
Then leave it in her court. See what her response is. Good luck.
If an intruder has made their way to the bedroom where I am sleeping, I will assume that their intentions are not good, and I will stab first and think about consequences later.
It’s not her expertise at all , granted she clearly knows more of her subject than me. But all my questions and points are usually how and why, not telling her she’s wrong.
You will both be miserable if you marry each other. You’ll be in a sexless marriage which will irritate you, she will then get irritated for you being irritated. It will be a cycle of a couple being irritated with each other. Instead of children, both of you will be breeding resentment. My suggestion is to speak to each other in what you want out of your relationship. There is nothing wrong to want sex btw.
Yesterday there was a post about someone's boyfriend repeatedly leaving a snail trail of poop streaks in her bed because he sleeps hot and doesn't wipe.
Lotta posts now and then about “how can I gentle tell my bf he needs to clean himself”, “my bf leaves his underwear with skid marks all over it”. Now we are skipping right to grown men shitting themselves while trying to force farts.
Starting to think these girlfriends must have a secret poop fetish or something to be into these kind of people.
Jeeze you're kind of rude coupled with a totally narrow world view. No one is saying she doesn't have autonomy with herself/the baby. What the commenter is saying is it's a joint decision if they want to raise the child together. As a couple. In the same home. You're going on this weird angle implying the dude/commenter says what she wants to do with their body… which, by the way, is sort of okay to have an opinion on. I wouldn't call it “controlling” but for sure it's up for consideration when you get married.
I have a Masters degree already and work for a Big 4 firm, I’m more than financially independent at this stage in life lol. That being said, she also has a very good job, a Master’s degree, and makes great money so that was never a part of our issues and more so she praised me for my accomplishments as we have more accolades than a majority at our age. I do understand however how already being established fully in your career with “status” can be attractive.
Have her orgasms come this easily on other occasions?
After reading your post and all your comments, you should buy the house you want, and break up with your gf. She should be with someone who actually views the relationship long-term (which you don't) and cares about their opinion on a long-term purchase that would very much affect the relationship (mortgage payments, selling if you ever have to move, roots where you purchase your home, etc). It sounds like you want to do whatever you want without her input – so do that, be single, and quit wasting her time.
To the Husband: you need to back your wife and cut this dickhead out of your life. Why have you let him talk shit about your wife? What fuck is wrong with you?
Girl, you don't even wanna know some of the shit I've seen while working in the XXX community. Pun intended
You're not being overdramatic. You're being overly naive and creating a relationship out of cotton candy.
Either he's married, or a catfish or just really doing this for kicks.
Look elsewhere.
She has not worked in 2 years and I’ve been taking care of all the bills, groceries ect and have been overwhelmed from working long hours and finding out I have 2 brain tumors from my mri 2 weeks ago.
You don't need this in addition to the dishonesty and stress.
I mean people move around in their sleep. This is very disturbing. Also, since she doesn't see him as a dad, why is she going in their to get comfort to sleep? Would she sleep in any bed hot? Like if she went on a trip and was in a separate bedroom, would she just pop into whatever person's bed in the next room bc she can't sleep alone?
Is she open sexually? Is being very hot natural for her? Revealing clothes? Or did it take some time for her to get very hot with you?
Buy her a vibrator, if she still insists on banging other guys as an alternative break up. I’d break up the second she’d even suggest that tbh
This “ADHD” excuse is complete BS. He’s just selfish in bed and/or sucks at it.
Fellow person with ADHD here and I completely agree with this. Whether or not my partner is experiencing pleasure is huge to me.
OP I think you're absolutely correct to feel uncomfortable
“zero sexual attraction” to me this is a very weird deflection – its one of those comments that sounds like reassurance but in this case it sounds like a way to lie without lying.
> that she loves me like no one ever before.
This also has that hyperbolic love-bomby feel I think people should be wary of over the top comments that are weirdly comparative.
Overall it feels like this is a situation that really can only be bad, at BEST you're not GFs priority , any further context is just going to be more dodgy
Okay! That makes sense. And yeah, you're right. It's been a hell of a ride and I might just get off at the next stop.
Thank you so much. I truly appreciate it.
I would give them to her when you meet up. Say originally they were meant to be for her birthday but now you want her to have them as a thank you for all the good times you have spent together. That’s my advice.
You're NOT insane. Don't question your sanity. What you are is flawed, like the rest of us, because you're human. Be fair to yourself.
I am glad to hear you're in therapy, that's a huge helping hand in these matters. And I am very sorry that you suffered a toxic relationship from the age of 14 for that long. This can and will absolutely mess with anyone's head. So again, cut yourself some slack.
You're trying to help yourself here. You've earned a ton of respect for that choice alone. So accept my admiration for that fact.
I’m 19 right now, and the cases of helicopter/overbearing parents with these sort of rules simply led to those teens moving out early and hiding all their relationships.
Most of the time, the parents are utterly confused why their child would ever want to leave them so early, completely oblivious.
In the end it is your choice and none of my concern in controlling how you parent. Just some of my anecdotal experiences.
This one’s for the streets, man.
Good god OP… Run.
You already know you're his safety blanket to not be an adult. He's only staying for a roof over his head, belly filled, a body to sleep next to keep him warm and the occasional nut.
Have some self-respect. And cut him loose. You'll be able to save money and meet someone that actually cares and respects you b
No I think he means you included. You could have him give back that $150k and still have a down payment for a very nice house and not have to worry about paying his brother back
He’s controlling and systematically isolating you from friends. You need to run like hell.
This is a difficult one but take your time when he goes down on you. Tell him what is good or what could go better, until you find a good rhythm for both of you. Try different positions.
For the fingering, you might be able to guide him with your hand, if you haven't tried that already. But same here, take your time and tell him at the moment how it feels (this can also be in a sexy way)
You don't have to marry him. At 20 you have a shit ton of things you can experience and see. You want to travel and see the world. You won't be able to do thst if you're married, end up having a kid or something. Your whole post is about how you don't want to marry him. Don't then.