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Girl run. He is trying to pacify you but he is going to come back with organized arguments as to why you should be doing this. Also this pastor is going to be up in your business from here on out. From every marital disagreement to every moment you arent living your life filtered through the bible. This is your boyfriend now. Forget the person he was this is him NOW. also if he says no sex until marriage and you cave and marry him he is going to act self righteous and smugly lecture on why HE was so smart to push this and arent you glad you listened to him. These types only get worse.
Recently my cousins daughter married( he is a pastor) and his wife was bragging in FB about how wonderful the wedding was and the daughter deserved such an expensive affair because the relationship was god led,biblically based and a PURE marriage and therefore nkre worthy . you dont want to be latched to these people.
I would actually tell him I was no longer comfortable dealing with this pastor and no longer wished for him to officiate. Actually I would have said no after that first email. Tell your fiancee that and see how he acts.
Just to get things out there I also want to add that this has led to a lot of resentment towards my wife for what I admit are very petty things. I do all the laundry, dishes, clean up after dinner (no matter who cooked), get the kids ready for school, etc.
Just recently I refused to clean up the dishes she kept putting in the sink. The dishwasher is literally 8 inches away and she kept putting them in the sink. They stayed there for a week before my son got tired of seeing them and cleaned them up himself.
These things are very petty and miniscule, but it's difficult to try to teach children to clean up after themselves when they are just following the example they see. I've been told by a prior therapist that these types of things bubble up when there is something much bigger at the heart of the problems. These are just little side annoyances…but they bug the sh**.
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Grandma, next time just give gift cards so that everyone can choose their own buttplug!
Pulling together a few different thoughts in some of the replies here, but either one of two things is going on. Either she feels some shame about telling you about her masturbation habits, or it's happening in her sleep and she doesn't know.
Years ago, I dated someone that denied masterbating when we were early in the relationship. It took almost a year before she opened up about it, as well as some of her other sexual desires. She wasn't comfortable talking about it, and I learned later, the more I pushed her on it, the less likely she was to talk about it. Your GF may not be ready to share that part of herself with you yet (even if it does turn you on) and that is totally ok and within her rights. Yes, it then gets weird that she's doing it in bed next to you, as it's also fair to know if someone is performing a sexual act on themselves in the bed next to you.
As others noted here, she may have some sort of sexsomnia. If she hasn't had a long term partner that she sleeps next to before, this may not have come up before. Also, she may even have some suspicions around this, but has a lot of shame coming to terms with it and/or admitting it.
The issue is now on the table, so you need to address it, but very delicately and respectfully.
“Hey, GF. I want to talk about something a bit awkward. I know we've talked about the masterbation thing before, and I don't want to rehash the same thing over and over. That said, I feel like we need some clarity about this before we go forward, as it's become a weird thing hanging over our relationship. I want you to know I'm not judging you for anything, and nor do I want to put you in a position that is uncomfortable. That night, while we were in bed, you were masterbating. It's happened before as well. Now, it is totally possibly that you were doing this in your sleep and didn't not realize you were. This is a thing that some people do, and from what I've been reading up about it, they can't control it and often have no idea they are doing it. If that's the answer here, again, I'm not judging you for it nor should you be ashamed about it. You may want to talk with your doctor about it, as sexsomnia is a type of sleep disorder, and it would be good to not only get an answer as to what is going on here, but also to make sure it's not a sign of some larger sleep or health issue.
That said, if what's really happening is you are getting yourself off and just don't want to tell me about it, that's ok. You have your right to your privacy, and I completely respect that. However, I also have the right to not have someone perform a sexual act while sleeping next to me. I'm not going to ask you any more about it, but I must ask and insist that if you are going to, please don't do it while I'm sleeping or trying to sleep next to you. This whole thing has left me feeling very awkward, as I'm sure it has you, and I think the best thing would be to keep that solo time 100% solo. Again, I love you and I care about you, I respect you privacy, and most of all, I'm concerned for your health and our health together.”
Need to keep him out at the curb forever. He betrayed you.
Put that dirty dog outside, he already gave you fleas
Be warned, you had to fight him on it. It’s pretty fucking easy for him to just unblock her later. He’s shown you how he prioritizes other women’s feelings over yours.
Yeah honestly I’m so confused as to why he chose the dating mode of an app to meet females? Why not also connect with the female friends of his already female friends?!
I also have a bit of abandonment issues and thus difficulties setting boundaries. I’m asking myself if this is even my fault for not standing my ground in the past? If he thinks he can pull something like this and even get upset at me?
A threesome is a common fantasy. She's bringing up something she'd like to try, which in itself is not really an issue. You can either decide to explore it together or not. She named someone who she has had sex with before – so it's possibly a comfort and familiarity thing for her.
First question – is this something you even would want to explore? If so, then is her choice in “who” what bothers you? If that's the case, you can just tell her that. You would be interested, but you both have to agree to the person, whether it be MMF or FFM.
If you're not into it at all, then just tell her that.
It's okay to discuss kinks and fantasies with your partner – that doesn't mean you have to go along with it, though. And if it's a dealbreaker for them, then it is what it is.
She lied to you early on and kept the secret this whole time. It wouldn't have been a big deal at the time. But, since you were being so honest with each other the dishonesty on her part is the issue. And, you know that. So, what else is she hiding?
This is why I don't discuss my sec history. Nothing good ever comes from it.