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She just admitted on cheating emotionally even she did not sleep with that guy. It is still cheating… The truth will obviously break the husband and things will most likely won't go back to the way it was. But atleast the husband would have the decision to work things out or break up so whatever the outcome would be will just a consequence this women has to face.
If this is what makes you secure enough and willing to trust enough to be in a relationship with another person then go off, but understand not everyone will feel the same/react positively if they knew/found out.
She asked him
Even better. Every day they get told their son got someone pregnant.
It really is impossible to get rid of the smell. And if no one else can smell it, you still can. I have years of experience with dogs to know how this is. Another option for the interim is to rip up all the old carpet wherever it is that he goes and leave the subfloor….assuming it is concrete. If it is wood…this won't work as the wood will soak up that smell too. But, if it is concrete, it would be a daily reminder to him that you have to on-line like this because of his lack of housetraining. Could help him “see” the results and decide if he wants to live like that. Concrete may pick up some odor if not cleaned properly, but there are enzymatic cleaners and whatnot that can really mitigate that…..more than carpet in any case. This punishes you as well, but I would take it any day over that carpet odor.
Given by your username, you're a lost cause. You have no remorse and won't have any because you get off on dysfunctional behavior. Do us all a favor and go find yourself a John Gacey or something.
Yep…..
I was totally thinking the same.
Depending on the age difference it could be.
It's actually worth reading the whole book if you have the time.
It's reddit not a college essay.
Clearly doesn’t want to marry you and will never will. My fiancé & i was together for a year and after that he purpose to me. Women seriously need to stop getting with men who make it CLEAR they don’t want to get married… it doesn’t take years to know you want to marry someone ..STOP wasting your time because he’s never going to marry you and there’s definitely men out here who will. He’s the type to make you a baby mother then leave you.
Totally different here. Sorry dude. It isn't personal.
I feel like what you have just said is that all that you and your partner have in common is sex and that isn't working out either.
What is his job in the military? Is it something that can easily be transferred to a civilian career? How long has he been in, and what age did he join? A lot of ex military people who have been in since they were young adults find they do not have any direction or purpose once they get out. Also they don't have the structure the military provides and often find it difficult to navigate life with nobody telling you what you should be doing and when you should be doing it.
On the other hand any good unit will have plenty of resources and people specifically designated to help you both make that transition. The military can help him connect with places that prefer to hire veterans and he should have access to the Montgomery GI bill to help you or him pay for school (the Montgomery GI bill is a giant benefit).
You have a difficult decision to make and only you can make it. Personally what I would do is stay with him, but wait until he gets back to get married. You could visit every so often and finish school, and you would be there for the last years of your dogs life. If he loves you, he will understand. Good luck
Ok 1: that's all they said and its anonymous? If someone messaged him you were cheating would you want him to take that as seriously as you're taking this? That's a breech of trust. 2: You are literally asking if it's possible… like… if you haven't seen it it's not happening; are you really able to be led down a road so easily? 3: I'm bummed out, but not surprised there are posts on here saying he is: that's ridiculous and heads up there can be a shocking amount of spite on r/relationship_advice. You should confront the account to tell them who they are. And unless they have clear evidence: you should forget about it completely.
Isn't that what you'd want him to do if someone messaged him lies about you?
I wouldn’t say our interactions were forced. The nature of our interactions tonight were much different than they usually are and it just felt strange. Seems like it doesn’t mean anything and that’s fine with me. I do feel like an asshole but I needed to get it out.
Thank you again for the advice. It makes a lot of sense, and I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.
Yup and he belly is hugeeeee
It sounds like you have been putting in all the emotional work with little help, and that's no way to continue a marriage. No, best girlfriends are not supposed to be closer than your spouse. You shouldn't shoulder the burden of her mental illness when she won't even try. There are professionals better suited to that. Doyourself a favor and allow yourself to move on and truly on-line happily.
On the contrary, my SO loves when I wake him when I have a night terror episode or a sleep paralysis episode…or even just have trouble sleeping. Because he likes being able to calm and soothe me through em. But he also asked me to instead of me assuming I could the moment he found out I had em.
However, if they aren't actually dating or even super close, as the post implied, then nah. That's something you do unless you are super close with someone and they say for themselves it's what they would want.
I just wanted to say that I agree though there is times people are okay with it.
I think I am gonna safe myself and not look at it
This is projection. Stop making assumptions based on your feelings god damn. That’s crazy that you can justify blaming her at the end of this post, she obviously was taken advantage of.
OP is having a wholesome day with a childhood friend. The amount of gayness is irrelevant. The reason OP didn’t fuck Michael is because OP is in a relationship with Stan. Not because Michael is gay.
BF bringing Michael’s homosexuality into this casts a slur on OP, effectively stating that had Michael been straight, she would have totally fucked him.
That’s messed up.
Personally, I don’t recommend pursing relationships after you’ve been broken up.
You’re not healed, It takes a minimum of three months to completely get over the breakup.
Flirting and getting into another relationship would most likely be a rebound.
I think you shouldn’t focus on other people, flirting or what not. That sounds like a lot of mistakes in the making. Focus on you, focus on what you like, take time to grieve and get over it.
Best of luck OP, be very careful with this.
Your best bet is to move on
You are being emotionally abused. Do not accept this behavior. Move on.
I mean, you asked why and he told you. Not only that, but he seemed to try to spare your feelings by dodging the answer several times.
I know it's kinda normal to shame people when they don't like your history, sexual or otherwise, but he does have the right to say “I don't want you because you used to ______”. I'd say you should just move on, other fish in the sea.
Glad to hear you're divorcing. So he's still contacting your friends wife and complimenting her? He's a narrassist and needs help. You and your children are better without him.
I had a very similar thought, would be interested to hear the answer to it; I feel like you’re on to something
he gave it to her so she can verify for herself that wouldn’t spill ?♀️
Your boyfriend is a dickhead. And one who admits to having zero self control.
There is no point in an ultimatum. She already told you she will never move back. This relationship is over.
You are allowed to on-line your life the way you want. You get to set your own boundaries now. If that means going low or no contact with family, including your dad, then do that. I'm exhausted for you just reading this, I can't imagine living it.
But he is like this now. So what are you doing
But he is like this now. So what are you doing
There is no reason for you to stay and accept this behavior. You should look for a new place asap and dump him.
Your boyfriend is an immature, inconsiderate, boneheaded asshole. What you choose to do with that information is up to you.
Don't follow up. Instead move on. Yes you have feelings for her but sometimes we need to let go
Stop playing games and move on.
You are not the slightest bit in the wrong. Tell him you’ll go to bed when you choose and he can die mad about it or not, up to him. If he stops being a dick you might consider continuing to chat when you feel like it, but the merest hint of a tantrum about your new boundaries and he can get lost and stay there.
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So for starters, running for an hour is a lot! That's too much for someone who's getting into fitness. And doing multiple types of fitness and exercise in one day is also a lot, even more so for a beginner. I wouldn't suggest starting with his plan, you'll just burn yourself out. A game can be a good way to get into shape but if it's not fun for you like you said, you're not gonna wanna do it. What I would instead suggest is maybe talking to some trainers and seeing what they say if you want help with exercise, and they'll likely suggest you first start getting your body used to moving first before going onto bigger things like running for an hour. Stuff like doing routines involving steps, arm circles, maintaining balance for a certain amount of time, and light squats to start. Hopefully he'll listen to you!
More about “blocks you after 10 days”: she doesn’t want to have to explain you to New Guy. Either that or he just told her “him or me, right fucking now” and she chose him. Personally I lean towards the latter. She was already seeing him before she asked to go on break. The timeline here starts well before she told you anything.
Bottom line, though? It really doesn’t matter why she did it. Keeping you on a string at first, and then summarily blocking you, was extremely disrespectful, and if you are there waiting on the off chance she unblocks, all that will do is show her you have no self-respect and no prospects.
Go and on-line your best life on the assumption that she has for all intents left the planet.
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First off you fucked up by going through the phone if you're not willing to confront the person on it. Because it's going to eat you up inside.
You should own up to it and tell her that you're going to be honest and that you snooped through her phone and that's what you saw.
Finally you need to set your boundaries harder by telling her that if she doesn't value you, or she wants to go out there and on-line the single life and do what single people do, you'll have to move on.
Find a therapist to work on your daddy issues.
There are few things worse in a relationship than someone suspecting you of cheating for no reason. Especially when you yourself view cheating as the ultimate betrayal.
My ex swore I was cheating on him all the time, even though I never left the fucking house without him and he had access to my phone and text messages. It’s insulting and it truly does break down your spirit. I hope OP’s partner gets a taste of his own medicine one day so he’ll know just how bad that shit hurts.
1 and 2 are a stretch. He didn't assume, he didn't know. He had a doubt, likely fostered by the ex. Or he's insecure. Likely both. There's a difference between suspicion and certainty. If he was sure he wouldn't need the test. 3 and 4, with the caveat he had doubts, are true. I don't know if he talked to the ex because he had doubts, or if the ex questioned him and that's where they came from. Either way he should have been open and honest with his wife, not his ex.
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Try to do some of the dating things to reignite that spark and talk to your partner about it. but don't set a date till you are sure.
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That is a lot to unravel and I think you’re simply rushing things here, because of the fact you’re going to have a child together and you both want to go back to normal as quickly as possible. What happened to you was unfair, he didn’t trust you, he threw you out, he made you look bad towards all your family, with no proof at all, while you were pregnant with his child. Even begging on his knees would be insufficient at this point. You need time to process what happened, time to figure out how you feel about what he did when you weren’t together, everything.
I agree with the original comment, you both need therapy on your own and then together. But this will be a long process to get to a place where you leave these events behind. And right now, you shouldn’t be living together the same, having intercourse, pretending nothing happened. You can’t just bounce back to normal. I wouldn’t even have gone back home directly, except if he leaves or we sleep in separate rooms. Don’t force yourself to speed up things, this will only result in more resentment. I respect your desire to make this work. But if that’s what you want, you have to forgive and trust again wholeheartedly and it’s not happening in a month, nor two, nor six. It’s going to take time to heal and if your husband can’t accept that, it’s not happening at all. He probably feels guilty but it’s something he has to handle on his own. It’s not your fault he did you this. He has to own to his mistakes and do whatever it takes to make it up to you.
1) paternity testing, 2) id not stay but you do you. How much certainty have you, that this will not happen again? Since it obviously happened mlre than once…
Boo hoo, your girlfriend is human. Get over it. She didn’t lie nor did she cheat. Stop being such a ahole to her about life before she committed to you.
Any chance he got the idea that you've become bored with him? It's possible that he suspects that you at least occasionally TELL him you're busy when in fact you'd just rather avoid him. Could be a poorly-designed effort to be less boring, more fun to be with.
Or he's just not adjusting to your busy schedule, and he's going thru a sort-of drought in your time and attention. So, when you finally have time to spare him, you find him uncharacteristically thirsty for it.
I think that’s where I start to panic. We have had conversations about those things and usually are on the same page about a lot of stuff it’s starting to seem like if one person is wrong then we’re both wrong and the conversation was a waste of time.
Sometime this year though it’ll be two years we’ve been together.
Just well your place without telling her
LMFAO get shit on
Its not that she “doesn't want her husband to be romantically involved with other women”
Its that she “doesn't want her husband to be romantically involved with any woman.”
Its crazy because she doesnt want to be romantically involved with her husband. She is monogamous, but it doesnt sound like her husband is. And if she's only interested in an asexual plutonic marriage, thats fine, but its unreasonable to demand he suddenly become asexually celibate too.
Nothing wrong with being asexual. Every sexuality is valid. But its wrong force other people to adopt your sexuality.
That is a very disrespectul act, since you were having an intimate moment together. And you should voice that concern to him.
I'm not sure why he had a need to show you this. But it is a bit off, definitely. Maybe there isn't even any logic to this.
Your comment comes across as an insult.
You are a beautiful person…you will find a way to make it work…only advice I have is to communicate and be open and honest with each other …the good and the bad and just keep pushing it through and it will work out….best of luck to the both of you
yes, i’m afraid of what will happen after. i’ve been through breakups before me being the one dumped and i’ve experienced that. part of me feels bad because she is not a stable person and i have allowed that excuse but overtime and all the abuse it doesn’t hold meaning. i’ll do some thinking thank you for your comment
I’d have agreed with what you’re saying but the thing is she’s always had the freedom to do what she wanted I’ve known her at uni for 4 years now she friends with party people drug users etc but was always different. She’s always safe but it’s just how sudden and drastic the change has been that has me concerned.
He knows. Don’t kid yourself. He’s just used to getting away with it.
Use your words like a big girl
If you don't want to know what someone fantasises about, don't ask them. And if you do ask, be prepared for the unexpected.
You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. You can only put yourself and your needs first. She needs to want to fix this. No one else can do that for her.
Comically Graphic but very welcome?????
Yes, shit like that is entirely common. Perpetrators don't want to be caught, and making their victims feel complicit makes them less likely to come forward.
I hope you guys don't have teenagers, and if you do I wouldn't let the cousin near them. Some people make a habit of going after young family members, BECAUSE they have access to them and have the ability to keep tabs on them after the fact to keep them from talking.
Wow your husband deserves so much better than you
You’re 35 dating a 21 year old. If his poor hygiene isn’t an OBVIOUS sign that he’s still basically a kid let me spell it out. he’s too young and immature for you.
Stop spamming
Don’t date your friends ex’s ever. You will lose the new guy sooner or later but your friendship will be lost forever. Unless you don’t care so much for your friend. Even if she says its ok it’s not I promise you.
OP…. Reading your old posts I want to come back and say that there are some serious issues in your marriage that you need to look at. I would suggest counselling for you both. There's more to this than the secrets and the imbalance of finances. You haven't mentioned in your post about the chronic illness you have, or about how your husband sounds very controlling. I want to apologise for my earlier comment suggesting you also were mooching, but you need to think about this relationship. You can't expect your husband to pay for your family, but you need to think carefully about this dynamic of being so dependant on him and keeping secrets. Doesn't sound good.
I don’t think you’re picking up what he’s putting down. Go to therapy, fix your daddy issues, if you want a relationship look for a partner not a daddy
Not in abusive relationships. You cannot communicate someone out of being abusive. Leave.
His divorce should have included a custody agreement. If he is allowing her to stay… it is because he is a sucker m
A lot of therapists have this mentality of “if you only cheat once then why bother admitting it and hurting the other person”, I don't know why. I feel like the only way you can move on from cheating is for all parties to be honest with each other and committed to change the things that led to it. But a lot of therapists just seem fine with cheating, seeing as “everyone has their reasons do to things in life”. Personally I think that's bullshit and they wouldn't be saying that if someone hurt a pet, but that's just me.
I’m not. Far from. I just think that at places especially like this, the food is supposed to be truly appreciated and enjoyed which he doesn’t do.
2nd and 3rd paragraph arent faux pas, in fact, a Michelin restaurant usually accommodates any requests, except for a1 or ketchup, on occasion.
The 4th one is a faux pas; although sharing a dish as an appetizer isnt horrid, if you ask the server to have it brought that way… And maybe don't spoon feed it.
… My GF is sommelier and manages a high end Mich restaurant, her 3rd in her 25 yr career
I guess I’m a caveman because I dont see how he’s being embarrassing. He sounds outgoing, confident, and exuberant, not afraid to step a bit outside the box. You don’t mention bad table manners, loud noises, messy eating, etc. i don’t understand what’s wrong with asking a waiter questions. Was he rude when the waiter said no? If he accepted it gracefully, then what is the problem?
You make a valid point. It's going to come down to either she learns to cut toxic people out of her life, stop making excuses and overlooking the actions of a horrible person, or lose her husband. Over the last couple of years she's respected the boundary and I told her she can have him in her life or she can have her marriage but she can't have both. So far, she's chosen me, but my gut tells me she's only done as I asked to shut me up and keep the peace, not necessarily because she accepts that SMF is an unfixable, unrepentant POS that she shouldn't want in her life.
They aren’t interested in you.
Oh well then that's different. It will likely pass.
Yes, he's lazy and should understand by now that foreplay is often the most crucial part for women. If he doesn't understand that at 30, then you have to assume he doesn't have that much sexual experience or is just extremely selfish and only cares about using you for his own pleasure.
Make it clear to him that this is a major issue and that if he can't accommodate, then the relationship has no future.
It's one thing going soft because he isn't attracted to a specific sex act, its another not trying his best to make you sexually satisfied even by just using fingers tongue etc
Lol the dude is a fucking child. He’s saying bullshit, using past pain points to lure you back. Dont be as stupid as this dudes “iVe ChAnGeD mY bEhAvIoUr” non sense. Find someone better, you owe it to yourself
I would say it’s far too much anguish and work. In the beginning, you want to both be craving one another. That’s not happening.
This.
He is showing you what your future with him will look like. Lies, lost love, and betrayal.
Tell him you've met someone special you've fallen in love with, and you should really cool off things with him because your new man is a tad jealous.
I was wondering the same thinggg thanks for the feedback!
Just fwiw, if a man I am dating EVER said “hey, that evening 2 weeks away? Save the date — don’t make any plans!” And it was just a usual hang in night? I’d be bummed af!! Let alone a day HE highlighted that is a traditional out-to-dinner day. You are not crazy here. I’d feel the same about my husband too! People are right that not everyone likes V Day, blah blah, but HE is the one who CALLED IT OUT. You are not ridiculous or high maintenance for assuming he meant plans. Unfortunately, yes, it does all come down to the word that’s been beaten over this post a hundred times: more direct communication. Lol. What a bummer though!
Would you date someone who was only interested in you because of your ethnicity?
Asian women might find it weird that you're into them for that – typically one values romantic partners as whole people, rather than a series of separate parts. Are you attracted to stereotypes of asian women? That's more likely to cause problems, for you and for the women you date.
On the other hand, if you're not weird about it, it might be fine. But I've seen a lot of men who get real weird with it. Try not to, is my advice.
Long distance is extremely hot and quite frankly it is not for everyone. It takes a different kind of patience to be able to adjust and wait for someone who’s in a different timezone doing different things. And unfortunately not everyone’s schedule will be as compatible. My question to you, OP, is how bad do you want this to work? If you both are equally invested in your shared futures together, then both of you will need to start getting creative to make your time more meaningful in the brief periods you have. It doesn’t have to be at the sake of your schooling. But perhaps you both should try and schedule visits to look forward to so it will help with the distance. Take turns so he can come to you and you can go to him and vice versa. Or maybe come up with a cute game to make talking about your days fun. Perhaps take pictures of things that reminds you of him (he can do the same) and just shoot him a message of it when you can. You both can write letters, send small gifts, etc. This will all be pointless though if neither of you are willing to put in the work or can’t get past the whole schedule hangup. And it’s best to just part amicably to avoid any resentment building up or worse, someone cheats because they can’t handle the distance.
I’ve had a threesome before but it was under different circumstances with people I wasn’t emotionally attached to. I could never in a million lifetimes be able to watch another male or female have sex with my partner.
Congrats. You have a sexually compatible partner. If you trust her, trust her. If you’re uncomfortable, tell her you’re uncomfortable.
I would be insulted.
Break up. You’ve only been seeing each other for 4 months AND you’re long distance. She’s going to keep getting this shit done and you are not on board for it. Just end it
….. didn’t read past tarot readings.
Yeah I know…
You need counselling bro. You have alot going on and your feelings around this injury, your condition and her leaving you are all being funnelled into a hatred of her. Subconsciously you are basically blaming her for all of it.
Now I'm not saying that hating her for leaving you when you most needed her isn't understandable, but it isn't healthy or good for you.
Counselling. Therapy. Whatever you want to call it.
You don’t marry someone that denies your children. You are a complete package. That’s being desperate for a man. You never thought you’d meet his parents at your home or have to hide your kids for Christmas holiday ever. If he’s ashamed of your kids then he’s ashamed of you. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Do you understand how arrogant and naive that makes you sound? You don't have a magic wand to waltz into someone's life and solve all their complex family trauma. You seem to have a very high opinion of yourself, and have now caused a while bunch of damage and trauma because of it.
And plus his dad only said that for op to put doubt in her head about him and leave that was his dad playing the old mind games trick
It's an easy equation: Which of them bothers you more if they are angry at you? Your wife or her father?
If the answer is your wife, you suck it up and go to the party. If her father says anything there you can still just say to him: “Look I'm only here because my wife, your daughter insisted that I come. This is me respecting my wifes wishes. If you want me gone, I'll be out of here in a heartbeat but YOU are the one to tell her that I have to leave! If you don't do that, you do as I am: You suck it up and keep the peace for her sake.”
Yes
Read No More Mr Nice Guy and follow the steps. Also, recommend you focus on you as much as possible. Get your exercise in and find some hobbies. Also, you need to command some respect and start checking that negative behavior such as the coffee pods.
Your boyfriend dropped a lifelong friend for a girl he just met? Thats a red flag.
With my ex we had fun when we were drinking and partying together, but when I was sober he just irritated me
Oh I don’t hear from her. My husband is the one who hears, and then he complains to me.
My solution and advice have been pretty straightforward from the get-go: let the son be an adult and support himself and tell the ex to stop contacting us. Of course, my husband wants to be diplomatic. I can only offer so much advice as my stepson is not my kid. But he sure as hell will never step foot in our home again.
Just hire professional staff to escort any and all clowns off the property.
And if your fiancée puts her psycho brother over you on your wedding day, that sets a bad tone for the whole marriage.
This is a good time to remind my Reddit friends that when we are making major decisions in a relationship you should only proceed if you can both ENTHUSIASTICALLY reach an agreement.
Anything less damages the relationship. Sometimes a relationship has to be damaged, but that depends on the relationship.
No no no! You are enough! He doesn’t get to be your therapist. He’s supposed to be your best friend and support system.
Sometimes life will kick you in the teeth and you need him to challenge you to do your best-not for him but for you. But it’s never with the threat that you aren’t enough for him or that he needs more. And you should be able to support him the same way. Celebrate the successes and rework the failures to figure out what went wrong. You will fight and learn and grow but it’s together as a couple.
Please don’t settle for some guy who doesn’t want you to be the best version of you that you can be.
Block him. Everywhere. He’s being manipulative and nearly abusive. You are not responsible for his mental health, he is . TBH, a nearly 10 age gap is tough but management but not at your age. You were barely legal and he was late 20’s when you started dating. You should have had very little in common, if his current behavior is any indication….he’s either a master manipulator or a very mentally unwell person. Block him, delete him, move on with your life.
I had an ex who told me the same thing. My weight fluctuated here and there during the relationship, but there was one point where I lost noticeable weight due to a horrible bout of gastro. After I regained the weight and then some, he mentioned how I was much more attractive during that period of weight loss (even though I was sick at that time!). I jokingly grabbed my belly and he was so repulsed by it. God forbid I ever had a baby with him, I can't imagine how he would take it. It fucks with you. As women we grow up in a world that instils in us that our value lies in our weight and appearance. When our partners reaffirm this belief system, it can lead us further down a path of unworthiness and undesirability. It's not worth the stress of worrying that he will not love you if you gain weight, and worse still, if you start to lose weight to appease him. You are worth so much more than just your weight and physical appearance. It's hot enough navigating body image through the media and throwaway comments from friends and family. You deserve to be with a life partner who sees your worth beyond your size.
I had an ex who told me the same thing. My weight fluctuated here and there during the relationship, but there was one point where I lost noticeable weight due to a horrible bout of gastro. After I regained the weight and then some, he mentioned how I was much more attractive during that period of weight loss (even though I was sick at that time!). I jokingly grabbed my belly and he was so repulsed by it. God forbid I ever had a baby with him, I can't imagine how he would take it. It fucks with you. As women we grow up in a world that instils in us that our value lies in our weight and appearance. When our partners reaffirm this belief system, it can lead us further down a path of unworthiness and undesirability. It's not worth the stress of worrying that he will not love you if you gain weight, and worse still, if you start to lose weight to appease him. You are worth so much more than just your weight and physical appearance. It's hot enough navigating body image through the media and throwaway comments from friends and family. You deserve to be with a life partner who sees your worth beyond your size.
If your breaking up because he cheated on you over and over like you originally said that's not having to that's a choice and I would do it in a heartbeat cause him cheating would prove he doesn't give a damn about me. So I'm not gonna care about him.
Or are you breaking up with him because your parents are forcing you too due to the 20 year age gap?
I had an ex who told me the same thing. My weight fluctuated here and there during the relationship, but there was one point where I lost noticeable weight due to a horrible bout of gastro. After I regained the weight and then some, he mentioned how I was much more attractive during that period of weight loss (even though I was sick at that time!). I jokingly grabbed my belly and he was so repulsed by it. God forbid I ever had a baby with him, I can't imagine how he would take it. It fucks with you. As women we grow up in a world that instils in us that our value lies in our weight and appearance. When our partners reaffirm this belief system, it can lead us further down a path of unworthiness and undesirability. It's not worth the stress of worrying that he will not love you if you gain weight, and worse still, if you start to lose weight to appease him. You are worth so much more than just your weight and physical appearance. It's hot enough navigating body image through the media and throwaway comments from friends and family. You deserve to be with a life partner who sees your worth beyond your size.
By no means am I defending him because him saying “he gave up so much” only 3 weeks in is insane, but is there anything positive he has done recently that you could focus on. It really doesn't seem like it but I know when I get hormonal I tend to focus on a lot of the negatives from my husband but I usually have an aha moment afterwards where I start noticing and appreciating things he does.
She can be a sweetheart and still be a bad partner. I wouldn't stay with someone who insulted my body or insinuated it wasn't good enough, personally.
Feel like this is normal amongst long-distance relationships, even if the long-distance isn't constant. I myself can't do LDR, so I don't have advice on that but if no one else here can help I would suggest posting in LDR subs to ask how they cope with the sudden wave of emotions when they're gone.
That's not ever normal after sex and I'm so sorry you went through that.
If you already have some saving I would find a place to move to, secure a job and then leave
You guys haven’t really been together long enough to make a major move like this and you both want to eventually go back to where your family lives. It might be best to just cut your losses and end the relationship now because you aren’t happy in NYC and she is, and you both want different outcomes.
There are many types of therapists. They follow different types of philosophy. I recommend that you seek someone with a dynamic or psychoanalysis background. They tend to listen more and dive deeper and don't aim at fixing the problem with nonsensical homework.
Well, if it's free it's a bit less weird. If and when it comes up you can just be like “I saw you were into it and someone offered me a free boat so I thought I'd try it out…”
But uh, did she TELL you she is into this or did you find it out by on-line stalking?
“you gave up”
After she says no….
This screams immature.
It was a mistake, it will cost them money and yes they may even need to move.
If you can't understand that people make mistakes that's your problem.
Ok well “single person that don’t (doesn’t) want to be a parent” I don’t actually want you advice. I’m almost 30 and men who are *actually mature, completely understand that I have to think of my child before anything else. I’ve never had anyone get upset with me for this. Sometimes it’s a dealbreaker but 99% of the time, at my age, it is not.
Sometimes, I’m looking for something casual. I’m not telling you about my child if I don’t see a future where you’ll meet her.
Ok well “single person that don’t (doesn’t) want to be a parent” I don’t actually want you advice. I’m almost 30 and men who are *actually mature, completely understand that I have to think of my child before anything else. I’ve never had anyone get upset with me for this. Sometimes it’s a dealbreaker but 99% of the time, at my age, it is not.
Sometimes, I’m looking for something casual. I’m not telling you about my child if I don’t see a future where you’ll meet her.
What petty crime gets you 3y in prison?
I'm sorry? He didn't cheat?
Those messages about asking to meet up and nibbling on her tits is already heavily emotional cheating!
You want to make what work? Having a relationship with someone like that?
Jesus Christ the comments here are psychotic.
He doesn't sound like a bad person or dangerous. .
Does either one of you have the faintest idea of what love means? Like, as opposed to an adrenaline rush?
Is it possible to actually start to ‘love’ someone in 7 days? And to ‘love’ someone but cheat on them when you know that would hurt them? When you’re a bit older you might understand how ridiculous that all sound.
But then there’s nothing wrong with enjoying the adrenaline rush when you’re 17, I guess?
A whole month before you started dating? Is he not allowed to have a life before he dated you? If you guys were just hanging out and hooking up at that time, what exactly did he do wrong? People go on dates with multiple people when they’re single, that’s super normal. Sounds like he stopped after he started actually dating you. Your question is essentially “Should I leave my boyfriend because he went on a date before we dated?”
This is shady, sounds like she is communicating and doesn't want you to know. So, maybe time for a fake account with a made up name then see if you can access her account from that account. You are LDR and those are not easy. Honestly, I don't understand why people even try. We as humans need human contact, in person communications to be able to read facial and body language, and vocal intonation. LDR doesn't give you much of that.
Or you can date someone who is more well endowed. “Can’t feel anything” comes across as “you’re too turned on and I’m not big enough”
And the thought of this kind of thing becoming the norm in your life, witnessed by your kids, is not heart wrenching?
You're not married, you can get out. The cancellation fees are your investment in a safe future for you and your children.
Nope, you don't have to be friends with everybody. However, my husband wouldn't be friends with someone who blocked me and blew up on him when I tried to be friendly.
Her husband had no idea the issue the friend told him was suppose to be secret. So, when he shared with his wife, like most married couples, the friend blew up and blocked her and chewed him out. That's absolutely ridiculous and immature to me.
Yea, my husband might message my friend to offer sympathy and I may do the same. Not really a big deal when you're all mature adults….
You either leave now or in another 6 months or more you’ll wish you had done it now. What is keeping you there? You’re young. Don’t waste your youth.
He was pleased by her attention and he let everything happened. He should ‘ve refused going to a concert with another woman (it was like he went on a date) and he should’ve cut off all their communications also but now she’s into him and she’ll do whaever she can to et him. Be careful thinking he’ll never cheat on you because the way things progressed slowly like this situation has anything could happen. He could get into an emotional affair also.
Have a talk with him and put up boundaries like going out together and texting things not related to work. If he starts de call you controling then probably he’s already into her.
Why not?
My bet would be she doesn't want you to join her, because an important person from her past will also be attending the wedding, and she would rather show up unaccompanied and see how it goes. Not saying she wants to cheat, just appear single-ish for a night.
You’re young with no children. You can do so so so so much better. Or you gonna wait to leave after 10 years and 2 kids under six?
LEAVE HIM. he is 25 not 15.
When someone disgusts you like he did there is no going back. That chick did this on purpose as an abusive pick me “she's not cool like I am misogyny is so fun” type. I assumed she would be an issue as the only woman in a group of 7 people. You need to be gone gone when he comes back. Imagine if you had kids and these were thier “uncles” even my abusive X-husband and all his brothers weren't this bad. They will for sure bring this up forever as the poop situation or something because emotional maturity is for P#ssys.
Exactly this!! Not her predatory ass. She's insecure so trying to break down his self worth.
hey, op! if every couple who starts to date before they turn 18, and they are not born in the exact same second, by your way of thinking, the older one would automatically turn into a pedophile on their 18th birthday.
It indeed sounds off because it's not true. Small age gaps at this age, like your story as well doesn't make you a pedophile, don't worry about that.
However the projecting behaviour of your gf is rather questionable, maybe if she insults you like this again, try to ask her why is she dating someone 10 years younger than her.
So it's not so much the drinking that is it, but rather it's when people start getting intoxicated?
Enjoy this time of your life to pursue your hobbies and interests, and enjoy your personal space. Believe me that’s a lot harder when you move in together and/or get married!
This is so heartbreaking to read. Jfc. I hope you’re ok, I really do.
That’s kind of a weird thing to do.
You're not over reacting. You're pregnant and want to ensure that your partner is really committed to you and a baby. That's not hormonal, that's instincts. He needs to prioritise you and not his sports team.
He's treating you like you are baby trapped and he can now do whatever he wants because he knows you won't leave him.
You want to show him this thread? OK, here's my message: Dude, make your wife your priority: she is going through the hardest thing a human being can go through naturally, and you need to support her and show her love and attention and affection. Stop being a selfish asshat and start caring for YOUR WIFE AND CHILD.
Give her a little space. You are going to smother her before you get the chance to let this blossom. If she isn't responding AND you have plans to go out again, one text per day is probablyplenty to let her know she is on your mind.
Wow. That’s something.
Does your partner know of your uncle’s history of hitting on and trying it on with your exes?
If yes, then massive red flag. Seriously consider putting a firm boundary in place around communication with him, or just ending the relationship.
If no, then tell her, and then tell her that their conversations are making you uncomfortable because of his history.
Is making a joke about my(F18) boyfriends(M19) penis unforgivable?
Of course it is! You embarrassed him and for what to look cool in front of your friends. Grow up.
You think i should've talk to both of them at the same time? Or not at all? I understand now that it was not a good idea
“I don’t think I could handle that!”
ive also known this woman for years, have seen pics of them together as kids, been to family events with them, they look the same, they have the same last name, etc. they are, at the very least, related
Jesus christ fuck me what the shit?
He DID mess up — he ditched his wife to go ski tipsy with a bunch of single women. That's messing up. But agree with everything else.
Dude…you keep putting her down for being poor and stupid. What kinda boyfriend are you? Do you talk down to her like that? I hope not! You should lift her up and encourage her to be successful!
That slap wasn’t unintentional, you were fully aware of what you were doing. This relationship is over, and you need to move on now. You’re reasoning is incredibly immature; purposely lying repeatedly to get back at him. That’s middle school shit. All of the trust is gone now, and he’s not even physically safe around you. Leave him alone and get into therapy.
I’m still gonna take some time to marinate on it but he’s done other things. Lied to me about losing his job then telling me last (he lost it cause he was stealing from his job). I’ve financially carried him on multiple vacations we’ve gone on even when he knew months in advance and didn’t save or let me know he didn’t have the money. Didn’t use a condom and didn’t tell me until months after. This is just the cherry on the pie
This behavior happens in unhealthy or toxic relationships, yes. At a surface level, what you described, I'd say your relationship is probably toxic if this is consistent.
You are dating an unhealthy person by the sounds of it who has a lot of growing up and dealing with stuff on their own to do. If you want actual advice on that it's hot if the person isn't going to therapy or doesn't see what's wrong with their actions. If you stay you will probably end up feeling awful often.
Sounds like you've made some great progress with your self-awareness getting to this point. Might be time for therapy though, and not the Reddit variety.
I don't mean to blame, but why he doesn't to stand up to her? There must be a reason and then help him overcome it.
Screw your agreement with your wife; tell the kids, divorce her now, and move on with your life. She is a foul, disgusting monster, and you deserve better
He threw his gf under the bus. “I can’t go bc SHE will be upset” “I can’t go I don’t want to cause problems with my girl”. That’s kinda rude to say even if it’s the truth. You don’t throw people under the bus like that it’s kinda fucked and a little petty tbh.
It's fine you do you lol
How awful
I wouldn't wanna be with a friend like this. Her being dry doesn't mean anything malicious but that scenario with the mom and then not apologizing…
Nah, that person is not who you thought she is.
good for you
After reading your comments I'm baffled why you were ever pretty sure you wanted to marry this absolute doorknob of a human being. This guy is not marriage material, and you know it. Right now is the maximum amount of effort he will ever put in to your relationship, and he's already halfassing it at best. He's never going to care MORE about you than he does right now, and it's already intolerably little.
It the first paragraph it says that he wanted a camping trip.
Updateme!
Sounds like he did nothing wrong. By your own admission all he said was “haha funny”?
I'm sure plenty of guys flirt with got after you say you have a bf.
Entertained means few didn't flirt back.
Talk to him… Adjust the boundaries if need be but I don't think you need to. Tell the jealous bit… To sit on the sidelines and watch you with your man. Then block her and move on with your life.
Stop falling for the high school drama. You're an adult now.
Sounds like he did nothing wrong. By your own admission all he said was “haha funny”?
I'm sure plenty of guys flirt with got after you say you have a bf.
Entertained means few didn't flirt back.
Talk to him… Adjust the boundaries if need be but I don't think you need to. Tell the jealous bit… To sit on the sidelines and watch you with your man. Then block her and move on with your life.
Stop falling for the high school drama. You're an adult now.
By “weird comments” do you mean incredible misogyny and hatred of poor people??
I feel like you're pretty safe, most guys wouldn't be this cute otherwise lol. Go for it!
he gets out the military in 3 more years. I was supposed to move in with him after I graduate this month. I think that is why i’m so heartbroken because we were almost done doing the long distance. I would do video calls with him as well and I would see the expression on his face. Everytime we talked over a video/phone call it was because I was the one who would call and there was always a time that he would NEVER put his video games down.
He’s a 39 year old man and can’t be caught standing beside some makeup? You’re too old to not know how ridiculous that sounds. Why are you cohabiting with someone 3 months into an (on-line) relationship??