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This happened to me and my sister when my dad died. My mom has become way too dependent on us, and we did not try hard enough to stop it. It has not improved. It's been 15 years and we regret not being more adamant about boundaries.
Ok so if we discount the unlikely theory that men only choose platonic friends based on hotness.
What that leaves is some of these guys never wanted you as a platonic friend and are only “friends” with you because they want to bang you. Eg Nice GuysTM and Orbiters.
Your entire story is confusing. So you have children now? And he also does? And you’re dating but you on-line separately? Do you ever stay with him at his place or does he always visit you?
Why would you blame her for something someone did to her?
Ngl, I've cussed at my cat (I didn't yell or raise my voice, but I said the words), and he is my little cuddle baby, so I don't think that's too crazy. I guess it depends on his tone and volume, like did he yell or sound super hateful? Or did he just whisper it in an exasperated tone?
You are both waiting for this. I am reprinting this response from another post.
“……………………………. Lots of people who have not grown through their Social Awareness phase continue to use material from their teens and get EXACTLY the outcome you describe. You are receiving precisely the response that any person who has been Sexually Objectified expresses. I would bet money you both had a lot of fun, grunting and pumping, and as an immature person you expected that as long as everyone “came” everything was great. Fine. Now you know that was a bad approach, not just for Sexuality but for intimacy and the bond in general
Now….one mored time for the kids in the Cheap Seats.
Human Sexuality and Intimacy NEEDS to be expressed on all Four Planes of Human Existence.
a.) Physical…..no explanation necessary
b.) Emotional……and I DONT mean “emotionally-charged behavior”. I mean the expression, understanding and acceptance for the feeling engendered by recognizing the traits in oneself and one's SO. Each and every one of us longs to be affirmed for how and why we are who we are. I did NOT say “acknowledged” or “validated”….thats the next step. Affirmations are communications we give ourselves and others encouraging the attitudes they bring to life. Women bring variant traits to men, which is how Affirmation becomes so important. Both men and women need this.
c.)Intellectual…… NOW we can talk about acknowledgement and validation since these are Cognitions and generally reflect on Outcomes relative to intentions. If emotion is regarding the persons “how and why”, Intellectual is validating the Way we are and how that brings good into our lives. Self-determination and autonomy, or independent thinking along with critical thinking are all indications a partner can hold their own and be a productive part of a bond and need to recognized for their qualities.
d.)Spiritual……..and I am NOT talking about going to church, although…oddly….. that could be one aspect. Our Spiritual plane is the keeper of our Beliefs the way our Intellect is the keeper of our thoughts and our Emotional plane the keeper of our feelings. Using intuition we seek to accept those views or positions for which we have no Concrete facts. If we had facts we'd be using our Intellect. Sometimes we have to take things at face-value and risk…..kinda like a high-wire act without the net. Our intuition helps us reduce the risk by weighing the value of a position without any actual evidence.
OK…..n ow I get down out of my pulpit.
OP: There is nothing more I can do to counsel you. You went throughg the motions with your Bond, and for your sins you got the predictable outcome. However, should you decide get back to work on your Bond ….. (May it please God)…… consider that for Every Measure of Sexuality you perform Physically there needs to be an equal part…..or more……. Validation, Affirmation and Intuition.
Get to work…..
…………………………………………………….”
Have a Nice Day.
You shoot your shot.
Hey I like you and I was hoping to get to know you better.
You have only been dating a short time and it is understandable that maybe you just aren’t ready for sex regardless of your fear of getting of pregnant. But only therapy with a professional will help with your anxiety, especially since it affects other areas of your life. Just don’t let yourself be pressured until you get yourself figured out.,
Just remember your first doesn't have to be your last
wait few more years.
To me he's perfect! His smile lights me up and his laugh gives me butterflies. He kisses like nothing I've ever experienced. I would tell him I was amazed how he could excite me so much yet still relax me at the same time.
Stop paying for crying out loud. You got yourself a mooch. Please, dump this asshole.
Don't give up on loaning money in a marriage. If you find the right person to spend your life with, it will be safe to do. I will give you the same advice that was given to me, keep your own bank account, and have your income deposited into it. Hubby and I have our own income and savings as well as joint savings. It is possible to protect your finances while still sharing them with you. That said, you are not in the wrong for wanting your money back.
You were used. If she was seriously thinking about transitioning for as long as you believe, then she would have done the research to find out how much it would cost and should have started saving up to pay for it herself, this would have also provided time for the personal development she is now insisting on.
Divorce???? Wtf
His ego is next level.
This sounds a lot like trying to get pregnant.
Seems like some first love stuff to me. My ex did the exact same thing it will never stop
your comment is different from everyone else’s. why do you say to not tell him?
You let anything jut work and work obligations fade. You cut events short and make sure they aren’t 1:1 so you can make your escape. If there are other people there it will be easier to slip away or say that you have other plans.
The biggest problem here is his deception. Not telling you he hired a babysitter was intentional because a part of him KNEW you’d be upset and insist your family help out, that’s why he didn’t tell you, the truth is the EXACT OPPOSITE of what he said “that you’d met her and liked her so it was no big deal” if it was no big deal why did he hide it?
I hate to break it to you but there’s 2 reasons: 1) he thinks so little of your concerns and feelings about how to raise your kids/parenting decisions and that’s haughty arrogance that is also a controlling tactic. 2) he’s fucking “daddy’s helper”.
Possibly, or probably, it’s both.
Why would you sleep in bed with somebody and their significant other and their dog
Op has gotta be a troll, but also showering at an in-laws place isn’t uncommon, especially with children that young. Sometimes you just gotta get vomit from ya hair and borrow tracksuit pants and a shirt. Can def see a kid throwing up on uncle, and then continuing to heave after Ma gets handed a sick kiddo.
Tell husband to eff off, you dress how you want, you don’t wake up in the morning and put your clothes on just to make him feel good about himself. You can do ?? much better.
Stop drinking entirely for right now, it’s a depressant. Go into therapy immediately. Even if you don’t sleep, force yourself to wake early. Meditate, journal, hit the gym. You want to get the bad thoughts out and then completely exhaust your body so that you WILL sleep when you go to bed.
I’m really sorry. It’s so hard and it’s totally okay to have bad days and stay in bed all day. But if you do that, you’ll probably overthink and then not be tired enough to get some sleep. But be gentle on yourself.
Let’s put this in the perspective it deserves. Men who act like this aren’t babies and they aren’t incapable of taking care of themselves. They are grown men that feel entitled to a servant and view the women in their lives as subservient and not their own beings with thoughts, feelings, and needs of their own. Don’t get it twisted.
You deserve better OP and he deserves to be single until he figures out that women are humans and not built-in bang maids.
To me, her ex sounds controlling because he did not care to be involved until she had a new man (you) in her life. Why is he suddenly acting concerned about the kid now? What was the case for the last two years?
Now he seems to be sabotaging your plans to be alone with your girlfriend by refusing to have his son on those dates.
Of course, it's one thing to know that he's going to be around as a figure in her son's life. But these other commenters don't seem to understand that there's a difference between having a civil relationship with the biological father of your partner's child and him clearly trying to prevent you from being a part of his ex's life.
If you continue to want to see her, then yes, you'll need to accept that he will be around to see his child. That said, you and your partner need to create boundaries about what is and isn't okay.
I think it's valid to bring up your concern that he's only showing up now that you are in her life and that he might not have her best interests at heart. I don't know enough about her side of the situation, but what you say about the ex's behavior concerns me.
Don’t beg her let her make her decision and don’t bother her until she is ready she will reach out. Honestly talk to her and hear out her concerns about a relationship maybe you can fix it. But I wouldn’t want to be with anyone that doesn’t really want a relationship with me.
My exes friend raped her in this exact same situation. It happens.
Too late to bring flowers, maybe
You deserve so much more… So, so, SO much more. You deserve to be loved and treated well for everything that you are—not for the pleasure your body can provide someone else. When was the last time you laughed together? Played together? Shared a loving and happy experience together? Do you feel safe to weep in his arms or say something stupid in front of him and know he won’t judge you? Do you both strive to make life more fulfilling for each other and with each other?
I feel quite safe in guessing the answer is “never” “no” or “a long time ago” to all of these. But the answer should be yes to ALL of these and more.
Now the most important question: do you want your kids growing up to think this is what love is and this is what they should strive for? I’m sure not. I imagine if one of your kid’s partner’s was treating them like this you would be absolutely devastated and enraged. You’d want them to end it… immediately. You should do the same. Show your kids that real love starts with loving yourself enough to say ‘no’ to being treated like a sex object and cutting people out who treat you that way.
Again: you deserve so much more and you are worth so much more than the pleasure your body can provide. Dump him and find someone who treats you the way you want to be treated, someone who you want to treat like royalty as well.
You’re right. She’s had weird events and mood swings like this before. One moment she’ll be wholeheartedly supporting the relationship and the next moment she’ll be close to this. We’ve all felt guilty for her since she recently had a suicide attempt in October. We don’t want to just block her out because we can’t trust her not to do that again.
How do I explain this? I CANNOT bring anyone in here. They open the cupboard for a glass? Roaches fall out. I offer them chips? There's probably roaches in them. Beer. Beer is safe. Beer is sealed. There's dead roaches in the fridge. They go the toilet and try to wash their hands as a reasonable person? No hard water.
So we hang out and do activities at first. Eventually we get to the point of hanging out at each other's homes.
I'll be a fucking Reddit post. “I (30F) made a friend on Bumble. She seemed cool but when we got to her place it was CRAWLING with roaches and she acted like she didn't know”
or “I've had my new friend over a lot but she refuses to let me come to her place. Is she hiding a body or something?”
That's a HORRENDOUS nope! He better have coughed up an apology for that
I think you overspend.
I think you underestimate the gift of the whatever pop. Just bc he didn't pay $250 doesn't mean anything. It's what it's worth. It may have been worth more to him. He remembered you were jealous.
His other presents are all things he put thought in.
The only childish part is your addition as to why you didn't get the thing you wanted most.
83 pounds? Thats a seriously unhealthy weight for anyone of average height. Go to a doctor.
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Sadly they are not listening to you and even when you were upset at 18 they dismissed and negated your feelings. They have all continued to invalidate you and I can feel that upsets you a lot.
Sadly your attempts to communicate have also been shut down.
All of these people from 40 to 50 years of age are middle aged people who lived together whilst you were 5 when the last person left. The age gap is huge and I wonder if they were not blood related would you choose them for your friends?
They could all literally be your parents.
It feels like you are looking for validation, people to love you and be family with you. But these people are not interested in doing that.
So really as the only person that can change how you feel is you, then you need to find that love internally inside of yourself and by building a network of people around you like your friends that do help you feel connected to other people.
Often people with dysfunctional families find that going low contact helps a lot, their mental health is better because of accepting that you cannot always get what you need from family and giving yourself the love you deserve by going out and finding it elsewhere.
Find those people who are interested in you, who do like talking to you. Learn some active listening skills and be a great friend, volunteer for something and make connections.
You are not stuck only having family to love you and be peers, there are loads of other people who are genuinely loving and kind and interested in you and don't have to be born into your family to be part of your family of choice. You just havn't met them yet.
I am sure you are interesting and lovely to talk to and your sibilngs are missing out, but that is their loss and maybe they will regret that one day. Don't waste any more thoughts or time on people who don't care to show you that you are valued by them, value yourself instead.
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She separated from you to date the other guy. “Find herself” is a subtle way of saying I'm having Sex with other people. Divorce her. You owe her nothing.
Setting aside the homewrecker issue, you ask if it’s going anywhere, so the question is where do you want the relationship to go? Him divorcing his wife, marrying you, kids, more commitment from him? If that’s your end goal, probably not going to happen. And if it did, he’d end up most likely cheating on you too. If that’s not your end goal, what is it? If your end goal is a poly relationship, or you want a sugar daddy it might work out better for you, but then there’s still the ethical dilemma of him cheating on his wife.
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being attracted to someone with as many problems as her, and centering yourself that YOU helped solve HER problems, often hints at having codependent tendencies and disorganized attachment
I fell in love for who she was not for the opportunity to fix some problems and feel good about myself. I did indeed help her solve many of her problems, that's a fact. This doesn't mean I am glad she had them or needed them to bond with her. I'm not denying vulnerability is easier with people who are hurting but that isn't enough to assume my attachment style. In terms of codependand tendencies this is essentially the course our relationship is moving towards for the past 4 months and I am not ok with that but since you are asking about the beginning I can say it definitely wasn't like that.
Btw just looked into the thoery and made some vague quizze for the attachment project. Apperantly my attachment style is secure but i don't trust such tests. If you do, then know I responded truthfully to the questions as I did to you. To me the whole thing just seems like every other psychological technique of defining yourself by presenting some aspects as key (without sufficient justification) and building boxes around them. I'm not really a fan of defining myself or other by using this approach due to the creation of harmful stereotypes but I see how it can be useful for giving someone a framework if they really don't understand themselves.
And the way you described an unequal relationship and not being vulnerable or not being able to be vulnerable with a lot of people, but then back tracking both points when I mention them, you’re hard to pin down.
What have I backtracked on? I think we have very similar understanding about what an unequal relationship is and I merely explained why until recently I haven't considered ours to be unequal despite the fact she has way more problems than me. In terms of vulnerability as I already said I am able to open myself to a select group of a few trusted people. It just so happens that for that particular issue I have no one to ask but random anonymous strangers. This may be an argument that it is would be good for me to slightly expand this trusted circle but if I decide to do that it would be by meeting new people with the hope of findimg someone I can trust and not by reducing my criteria of trustworthiness among the people I know. It really isn't something very deep and complex. The more people you are vulnerable with the higher the chances you will be betrayed/disappointed. The higher your criterias for trusting someone are the less people you will have to call for help when you inevitably need them. In regards to our relationship specifically of course being vulnerable made our bond stronger but we didn't bond to begin with because we were vulnerable. Our platonic friendship deepened over a shared project and while I can't pinpoint a moment of a romantic click it was about 1 year later.
disorganized attachment can make creating secure bonds difficult
It is but as I said I have high expectations of people around me that i consider to be trustworthy. Maybe the fact that I don't really feel the need to be vulnerable all that often just makes me less willing to compromise on that.
can lead to bonding over things that don’t last
Yeah if we were to bond over a shared trauma and nothing else that would be unhealthy. That's not the case here. As I said the first 2 year we were exploring each others world in a healthy way and were reparing for a collective one.
and can cause people to ignore or minimize red flags
Yeah to be honest I already realised from another conversation that is was pretty arogant for me to assume I can help her fix all her problems just because we comunicate so well. I mean… It has been working until now but obviously when she doesn't understand herself no amount of honesty can help.
I could be wrong but how you described your relationship from the get go sounded unbalanced and not very healthy for either of you.
Well maybe it sounds like that because I was focusing solely on her problems, actions and changes. The only thing I could have triggered is that argument in Rome. We can talk about how she helped me turn around an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and gambling or how she has helped be significantly improve my manners but honestly none of this has anything to do with the real problem.
hot to say with out knowing more of what the relationship dynamic was
What exactly do you want to know? I would say we were equal but very different and the only place we tried to always meet in the middle is communication. for everything else compromises on each side could be made depending on how much each of us values a given aspect of the relationship. Nothing significant has changed for the past few months… just stress and less time together.
He said in other comments he wouldn't have been so defensive if she didn't bring an entourage who communicated her concerns to him on her behalf. What's rubbing him wrong is that she needed a friend to do her talking for her. That made him uncomfortable, and rightly so. If she can't talk to him without a lawyer or guard present, that isn't a relationship and they're better off not being together.
This post outlines a handful of differences that often lead to resentment in relationships: where to on-line, how to travel, kids? The fact that you two are opposite on numerous ideas leads me to believe that you’re right – you two would likely be happier with other people, long term.
They're not getting anywhere though, just going for a walk. The fact is he knows she's scared but still “forcing” her to go with him. When people say something to her or even follow them, he does nothing! He doesn't even want her to hold his arm? He's either one of the most selfish, clueless people alive or he likes that she's scared.
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It means you need to tell her your feeling the effort of organising time together currently falls 100% on you, and you want her to even that out a touch so you know she wants to spend time with you
She might just be going with the flow as it works currently and maybe just needs a prompt
If you explain you want to hear her ask to spend time with you and she doesnt after that, then you have a problem
Hope this maybe gives some insight as well OP! You’re inspiring for sticking to your guns and not giving in because this dude bit off more than he could chew with his single parent fantasies. It’s hard. It’s ok to not want it.
His wife cheated,and nothing can change that She is and will always be untrustworthy She betrayed him..and maybe it's taken years for him to understand how unforgivable that is…. He should leave now
I just want you to know, when it slipped out she grabbed it and put it back in
Get a bidet!
Depends on the timeline. If there's like a day or 2 between confessing you have feelings for someone and speaking to your partner, I'd not consider it cheating. If it's more than a week, we're getting into more murky territory.
“well your the one who wanted the kid” and I told him just because I wanted my baby doesn’t mean I shouldn’t get a break sometimes
Sounds like this isn't about the shower, but runs a LOT deeper. Did you push him to have a kid? Were you both careless about bc? Why did you have a baby together if he wasn't 100% for it?
Also she has great breasts which I'm happy to show in messages.
Any way I can convince her to breastfeed for the sake of our baby? At this point, she's just being lazy and neglecting her responsibilities.
Just quoting here in case OP changes it.
You gotta move bro, and asap
That's my wife.
People (including it seems you) will downplay what she’s doing because she’s a woman and she’s younger than you, but I got to say, her behavior is abusive. If a woman described all of the behaviors that your gf is displaying, I would tell her to start saving money and work on getting out of that relationship quietly and safely. Her behavior is beyond alarming. You need to take a serious look at this situation. I don’t know what her deal is, but I do know there is no excuse for how she is acting.
Don't do the hormone therapy unless it's what YOU want.
My first instinct was to dump his ass, but on second reading feel more information is needed.
He likes big breasts but he has never complained of mine, he gives them attention, finds them sexy and so on. However, I know that he doesn't like them. He only accepts and loves them because they are on me and he loves me.
How do you know this? Could this just be your insecurity talking?
Last night he asked if I had ever taken anything for my boobs.
Was this unprompted, or were you already talking about your boobs? It's possible he was concerned about how you feel about your breasts and is trying to propose a solution.
Leaving her isn't selfish at all
Oh honey. You’re not going to convince him, he’s happy where he is. You can’t change him, you just need to decide if you want to on-line there with him or live! in a decent house. It sounds like you want really different things out of life, that’s naked to online with long term.
“What the hell is Even thaTt.”
No. He was mad that I called it an emergency and said he needs to write me a list of real ones.
I Hope she does eventually seek help, and I hope for the best for you too – keep us updated
I would acknowledge her feelings, we all feel how we feel and that’s ok. I would tell her that anything the two of you agree to you will uphold. The agreement you had was that you weren’t together so that’s how you operated.
If the agreement now, is monogamy then agree to what that means to the two of you.
She's not a bestie, she's a worstie. She drowns in her own toxicity, jealousy and insecurity. Let her, alone. What she did to David was horrendous. Unforgivable.
Dump him. If you ask your partner to quit their job and follow you to another country where you have a job lined up and they don't, then it is your responsibility to support both of you until and unless your partner gets a job making something equivalent to what they were able to make in their home country. You sacrificed your career for him, and now he wants to punish you because of it.
I've both heard about this and personally seen the fallout from similar situations.
Please, repeat after me. “This is not my problem, I'm just going to let this happen because I'm not responsible for what happens to [INSERT EX-BF'S NAME].”
He has HIS best interests at heart. Not yours. I always tell my children make yourself happy nobody els can.
I’m on your side here.
You gotta cut her out of your life bro. She doesn't deserve a 2nd chance
i get that you wanted to do something nice but the thing about love languages is that's how you want to be loved, which may be different from your partner. even if you're close with her boss and she's taken time off in the past for less, it doesn't mean that she felt comfortable doing it at this moment in time. i would say suck it up, apologise for springing it on her while acknowledging the shit time she's having with work, and next time take your cues from her about what she might think is romantic and relaxing.
That is not normally how it works. It’s “equitable” distribution of assets – not “equal”.
Source: twice divorced loser.
Well birth control will lower your libido and chances of getting pregnant but then raise your risk of cancer. It’s tough being a Hetero woman.
this is insane. i’m almost 27; there’s no way in hell you’d ever find me agreeing that it would be okay to date a 20/21 year old.
I never said big score for the company, I said big score for the job. It was something he was gunning for, something to help with what he does and he got it. So it was a “big score” for his job.
He doesn’t tell me how much he earns but based on other people doing this type of work, it’s not an insane amount.
Because she is an escort from the sounds of it. Wealthy powerful men need arm candy at events, many of them bring hard 18 year olds and take care of them. Sugar daddy type situations. She isn't an “assistant” she is a paid date.
Not a lot of these jobs, so I don’t want to expose his identity which is why I didn’t want to say what he does.
Yeah that really doesn’t make any sense
Yeah that's the one, it keeps popping up in all my feeds and it stuck in my head. I don't know much about her or her music but I like the message in this particular song :).
Guess it is that simple huh?
putting clothes on and not being practically hard as a man in-front of a female child is a whole “lifestyle change?” damn you should never have a kid if you’re gonna justify being a creep and this is that much of a big deal to you. change happens when you get serious with someone and there is kids involved which clearly you aren’t fit for.
If he wore a speedo around his house that would be even weirder. What's your point?
I was thinking maybe this could be passable if they were loose, longer boxer shorts with 0 risk of popping out. Tight boxer briefs and a teen girl make this way weird though
He wants to have a baby with you.
Girl he is 11 years older and a serial cheater. Run
She showed a regular picture of our faces and said I looked like a bitch.
????
That is odd behavior.
It’s literally illegal in certain states. Are YOU ok???????????
Yep, the proposal was a few years too early. Wait til you’re both 25. There’s no rush.
I (19F) have slight reservations with my fiancé (21M)
You are 19. Your feelings are valid. And you need to break this off and move on. Get healthy, learn healthy boundaries, do not accept any of this b.s. in your next relationship.
Reading comprehension isn’t your strong point eh! There’s a difference between discussing your lifetime goals with your partner and telling them what’s going to happen. The first part is normal and reasonable, the second part (which she falls into) is unreasonable and too forward, especially for a 2 month relationship. It could have been explained as a misunderstanding but the fact that she insults him when he corrects her puts her in the asshole position. In my opinion she is rushing cause of her visa.
I honestly don't understand why you are going through all of this for an 8 month long distance thing. His boundaries aren't really going to change.
This isn't about you right now. You screwed up by forcing him to have you meet his parents which no doubt opened some wounds. And to think that you have the power to fix their relationship is pretty delusional. You need to give him all the time he needs and put your own selfish needs aside. You brought this on by not trusting him
She’s DOES want a house, to be with you she must give up that dream. What will you give up for her sake?
You are the very first person who remotely came close to the right answer. Her bf either has good or wrong reasons for wanting to track her movement. If his reasons are good, honestly he should have already ended things with her. If his reasons are bad, she should immediately break up with him and find a more self-confident man. Only she has an Idea of which of the two situations is the basis for the air tag being in her car.
He’s a mooch this is unfair on so many levels if he doesn’t agree to help with bills kick him to the curb trust me
Man, asking in itself is a betrayal if you are in a monogamous relationship.
Yeah I’m not sure what the hierarchy of abuse is. But forcing parenthood on someone is certainly up there.
And it seems she put money down too, she refinanced her house to do it, so it’s kind of her business too.
How do I make it clear to him that I'm happy with this current arrangement that he sort of forced on me?
You can only tell him the same way you have told us. He wanted this you were reluctant at first but you agreed because he asked for it. The consequences – whether intended or unintended – are not your problem and the problem that now exists, his jealousy – is all on him to deal with.
So kindly explain to him that he has two choices – he accepts that this – you now have another partner who you are becoming very attached with – either continues and he learns to deal with his jealousy, or he files for divorce and you both go your separate ways.
I have absolutely no sympathy for him and his situation. This is of his making and his alone. All along you have gone with what he wants and he has never once considered what you want.
That ends and if it means the end of your marriage, then he will be the only one losing out.
Your husband is for want of a better word – an idiot – and he should enjoy the consequences of his actions.
Weed and mdma, nothing else thankfully. But it really was more important than anything else.
And when they do hang out on Wednesday, it’s in his car.
What the hell?
I can see why OP would post because this is weird, but nobody wants to feel like they’re jumping to conclusions.
I’m not even in this relationship and I’m getting angry-anxious about what A is up to. OP needs to get out, for her mental health and mine.
Yes I did, because he responded after my post?
I’m still going to stand by my response. People need to stop assuming men are gay because they have a deep meaningful friendships with other men, the same go for men and women being friends.
I had a scar from mine. Only reason you can't see it is I got a tattoo over the spot my nexplanon had been.
It also was by far the worst for me emotionally. I won't recommend a nexplanon to anyone.
The only part of the wedding I'm looking forward to is the ceremony, the celebration with our friends and family. The certificate doesn't matter to me.
Umm so you just want a wedding?
I’m a woman and I don’t want my partner to go to my hair appointments. Space is good. Let him have this.
No one said anything about anyone needing or not needing to have babies but you. It is a desire that humans have and it is PERFECTLY normal. Just because you have a negative outlook on children and others having children does not mean others do. Also, your negativity around a man you don't personally know is quite distasteful.
Just give it some time, you don’t love him yet. My ex said the same thing “i’m not a touching person” the first month or two after that she was hugging constantly and always wanting my touch. It’s normal you haven’t created a deep bond with them.
A manic episode would be accompanied by other symptoms – not just a single outburst.
You'd be expecting to see them do other things, like talking quickly, being unusually happy, being full of energy and ego. It's a near-wholesale change of personality.
Please stop diagnosing people over the internet.
I think people have very different standards of what is an acceptable time frame to discuss and meet the family, and what is not. (As evidenced by this comment section, filled with extremes on both sides of the issue).
To me, as a parent (though not single and looking), a month is a decent amount of time to wait to bring up the kid, but also to discuss much about my family at all. I wouldn't imagine it's been more than 4-5 dates at this point, and couldn't possibly be as serious as you state though, in a month. And I have only been in one relationship in my life where that sort of timeline for getting into personal info about me, wasn't the norm (my current one, with my endgame partner). Equally, outside of highschool relationships, Ive been deeply put off by partners who tried to introduce me to their family very early on in seeing eachother.
Obviously you, having already introduced her to your family, feel the polar opposite on these topics. Hence why it feels like a betrayal to you, and like she hid things, when in reality, it's more likely a comfort thing for her, than a deceptive one.
I don't think there is anything wrong with either view you two have, but I do think it's a pretty big difference that indicates a stark incompatibility. I think, knowing how differently you two view this, that there are probably a lot of other big differences in opinions on intimacy and personal info, as well as, like I mentioned before, possibly how “serious” this actually is to her, vs you.
If it was as serious to her as it is to you, I can't imagine she wouldn't have told you about her son before now. Food for thought. And yes, a good reason to end things, despite me not thinking she lied to you, or hid things from you.
I think people have very different standards of what is an acceptable time frame to discuss and meet the family, and what is not. (As evidenced by this comment section, filled with extremes on both sides of the issue).
To me, as a parent (though not single and looking), a month is a decent amount of time to wait to bring up the kid, but also to discuss much about my family at all. I wouldn't imagine it's been more than 4-5 dates at this point, and couldn't possibly be as serious as you state though, in a month. And I have only been in one relationship in my life where that sort of timeline for getting into personal info about me, wasn't the norm (my current one, with my endgame partner). Equally, outside of highschool relationships, Ive been deeply put off by partners who tried to introduce me to their family very early on in seeing eachother.
Obviously you, having already introduced her to your family, feel the polar opposite on these topics. Hence why it feels like a betrayal to you, and like she hid things, when in reality, it's more likely a comfort thing for her, than a deceptive one.
I don't think there is anything wrong with either view you two have, but I do think it's a pretty big difference that indicates a stark incompatibility. I think, knowing how differently you two view this, that there are probably a lot of other big differences in opinions on intimacy and personal info, as well as, like I mentioned before, possibly how “serious” this actually is to her, vs you.
If it was as serious to her as it is to you, I can't imagine she wouldn't have told you about her son before now. Food for thought. And yes, a good reason to end things, despite me not thinking she lied to you, or hid things from you.
How long was he single for before you guys got together? I think he just feels overwhelmed by everything after being single for so long and was allowed to do anything he wants.
This relationship is dead. You’re young, first loves are overrated tend not to last sadly and you’ll find someone way better.
I completely agree with this.
Well, you guys need to make time for each other. Things outside of the ordinary day-to-day responsibilities of life. Go to concerts/shows, go mini-golfing, pickup an outdoor hobby together like hiking, etc.
He’s sounds like a miserable human being. Follow your joy and dump his ass. He’s not good for you.
My user name.
She’s letting people she meet on grindr cream pie her. There is nothing in this post that makes it seem like OP is book smart or emotionally smart. The victim complex with that rape stuff is insane
I have no idea why he’s still your boyfriend. Like what’s there to love anymore? He let his friends humiliate you OVER A NORMAL HUMAN THING. After that he or his friends NEVER tried to apologize and put all the blame to the victim AKA you.
You are the only one giving yourself negative feelings about receiving a gift like this. No one is trying to make you feel poor or less than. If she was just trying to ease some burdens for you it’s because she loves you and wants to help. It’s really sad when people take gifts negatively and make it about their own insecurities instead of looking at it from the other perspective. If she wanted to give it and wanted to help then it was done out of care and is positive. It’s not a negative thing meant to make you feel badly about yourself.
Oh sorry, i misread. No. Maybe give his parents a heads up
Because move on means find someone new
I agree this marriage was very rushed. I was given a text message proposal and got married in Vegas a month later. I had doubts prior but I had hopes too. The hope has mainly subsided into hatred. We’ve been together for a total of 8 years
You got to stand by your own boundaries. Dating someone of that age in particular is already one thing, but he's acting quite immature by the way he treats you.
Age definitely does not define maturity. Some people just won't learn from their mistakes and they won't make an effort to change.
When you see how a guy treats you, believe him. If they leave you sitting in the dirt once, they'll do it again.
Nothings going to change if you mention it so honestly try to just get over it if being each others first sexual partner was important to you then you should have dated with women who also share that priority
It's lame attention seeking BS. But it's no different to all the other guys and girls posting their shit all over the place for likes. Just trading likes for swipes.
You can't stop it happening, best that shes open about it than try to hide it, so on that note I would let her know I think it's shit, but I'd never say no.
At least then when it turns to shit, she knows how you feel and did it anyway so the consequences are on her.
I really see from this that your deepest concern is whether you forced them into sex. I get it. I don't know about you but I've been r*ped and my partner just recently had to reassure me that I am not doing anything to them nonconsensually, because I almost never even initiate sexy times because I'm terrified they will feel pressured in any way, despite them never saying this or me actually doing anything bad.
Similarly, I've had sex when I didn't want to many times because I just struggled to say no, and most of those people had NO idea that I would have preferred not to, and they didn't r*pe me either, but someone did and there's emotional repercussions of that. Any chance you have something similar going on?3
I think the chances of someone hacking someone elses Reddit account to post dick & bum pictures on your bathroom mat are basically 0.
Your guy is in the closet, he is in denial and he is trying to gaslight you rn out of desperation because he's about to become a father and doesn't want the revelations to wreck his family life and destroy the relationship you have together.
The sooner you both start facing reality, the better. Try creating a safespace for his sexuality in the conversation and listening to him about his feelings, fears and thoughts. And think about what you want in this relationship and whether you can continue being with a guy who might be Gay, Pan or Bi.
If you do decide to break up, you can do it on amicable terms. It sounds like you have otherwise been a good couple and this sexuality stuff is very difficult for both of you to deal with. Focus on developing civil communication together and creatings plans you can actually work with.
Dude, seriously. About a year ago my husband was struggling through some intense mental health stuff, like daily panic attacks for a while. He kept feeling guilty that he was “hogging all our emotional energy”, and I kept reassuring him the pendulum swings back around and right now he needs support. He got the help he needed and then, like, 5 seconds later my mom was hospitalized with terminal cancer and I spent many months “hogging all our emotional energy”. Over the years together, it balances out.
I don't really see the point in being in a relationship so transactional. Where is the love?
Have some self respect.
Use paragraphs
To me, if he’s seeing other people he’s just not that into you.
Then say that. But leading with the idea – and you clearly did based on his reaction – that being in a relationship with him is not fun isn’t the way to do it.
Based on this post, you probably have an uphill battle to show him what you actually meant. I wish you the best.
An alcoholic getting abused the answer isn’t well you drink because your wife is the problem. You drink because drinking is your solution and you need a better one. Any better one.
Story time. I was a 911 operator. I listened to a disabled man sit in his chair and watch his disabled wife burn to death in a house fire. Choked to death on smoke from the flames and then exploded as their oxygen tanks ignited.
I turned to drink. It got bad fairly quickly. Not a work night? Hammered. Several weeks went by, maybe 2 months. I went to my therapist for help. I'm much better these days, but I've given up the profession at my therapist's gentle suggestion (not solely because of this incident).
Would you say that the trauma was the problem, or just that I was an alcoholic and needed a better solution? Or, could it maybe be both? I'd say certainly.
So yes, it's entirely possible and sadly not at all uncommon for abuse victims to turn to the drink. I urge you to stop judging people so harshly.
Does she work? I mean, does she have a job? I assume she does.
You could ask her to start paying for someone to come in and clean the house. Teenagers that are still in school, will generally agree to work at tidying up, doing dishes, etc, for an hourly rate. For what needs done, she should be able to find someone in the neighborhood, who would be able to throw a load in the washer, which can easily be transferred to the dryer before they leave, per her specific instructions. She can fold and put the stuff away herself, or it can all sit in a basket and get wrinkled. It won't stink, so there's that.
While that's going, they can wash dishes, which only really takes a few minutes, for one person's dishes. Next, they can clean up the kitchen and dining room tables and counters, then sweep and mop the kitchen and tiled area. This whole process takes about 8 minutes, max, in a mid-sized home. Don't believe me? Do it on a timer, and see for yourself.
They can also collect up rubbish, and then vacuum the floor.
This can be a daily thing (doing dishes and starting the laundry, wiping up surfaces, and sweeping) and on every 3rd day or whatever, the person can mop also, maybe clean the bathroom, etc.
At a rate of 10.00 per hour, she's looking at spending about $50-$75 a week on her housekeeping helper. It's costly, but if she doesn't want to do any of these thinks, she is going to have to cough up the expense of respecting the home she shares with her partner. Hopefully, after a few weeks, she will see that it pays to not be so lazy and entitled.
Honestly, at this point, it's enough to issue her an ultimatum. Either she FINDS a way to start keeping the house clean, or you and her are finished.
Doesn't sound like a very fulfilling relationship anymore, anyway. Sorry to hear that.
Next time she should just say what she wants to instead of playing mind games
First, she’s not actually his sister so you need to stop telling yourself that. You’re making it seem like an incestuous relationship when it’s not. These are two people who have clearly crossed boundaries and you need to leave. You appear to be clear minded enough to notice the signs of cheating so don’t stay in this relationship. Would you honestly be able to trust him again? Do yourself a favor and move on from the drama. Don’t let history repeat itself.
Also, he’s throwing your past relationships/experiences in your face to make you doubt your instincts. You know something isn’t right.
He was frustrated and took it out on you.
That sort of thing happens even in great relationships, but you also included how he has a history of this and wouldn't apologize even when things had calmed down. You even end with how your relationship isn't the greatest.
The biggest insult of all is he doesn't even need a sense of direction, he just needs to do what google tells him to do. Millions of people, every day, just listen for the google lady to say “Turn left oh to Kennedy Road” and then they turn left on to Kennedy road.
You are not happy with him.
He does not treat you with respect, even when given the chance.
He gaslights you to make you think your offers to help are attacks.
You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be treated with respect and you deserve to be with someone who can use google maps all on their own!
“If you bothered to text me, you'd know I'm alive. Can't say our relationship is.”
Opening a relationship will never fix one that is broken.
It will be the nail in the coffin
Thank you for advice and comment! I really appreciated your perspective in this. I'm really sorry to hear that you have been put in that situation twice, and that is really not fair for you. This is probably the main reason why I want to make sure that I'm not making the same mistake. I have been that rebound guy as well, and I really hated that. I was an emotional wreck during the first week of the breakup, but I did came to accept the fact that the breakup is something that needed to be done sooner or later and there is nothing I can do.
Anyway, I just want to make sure that I actually have gone through and processed things in a healthy way. I apologize if I sound really dumb here, but is there a checklist that I can refer to regarding that?
Honestly the whole vibe OP gives off is… uncomfortable to say the least. He forced her to talk about it. He made it all about himself. He thinks her needing time is bs. He resents her for needing time. He is mad about not getting some for two weeks. He tried to wake her up for sex? Am i the only one who is bothered by all of this?
Does he need to work that much? Because I can’t imagine having energy for kids with a schedule like that
Sleeping in separate beds in separate rooms wasn't an indicator to you that something was up?
When your brother took over the finances of the household the power dynamic changed and he's using that fact to be very controlling because he feels as though he “earned” that as a right, he knows you and your mom rely on him so he holds it over your head, unfortunately I don't see his attitude changing until you get your own place. Do you have any friends that you could room with? I'd start looking for someone who needs a roommate and see how that works out.
concerns me that you guys don't communicate enough for you to know if your compliments are okay. I say these things all day to the love of my life and she loves it! she compliments me all the time too though.
No. You shouldn’t.
“Hey, I don't see this going anywhere and I'd like to cancel our plans. Sorry for any inconvenience.”
Tell her no.