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Probably not smart to do it. But you’ll also be kicking yourself 20 years from now for missing out on tapping that regularly plus any future potential threesomes.
It reminds me of the olden days when people spoke on the phone, before texting. I always felt super self conscious and it felt like an invasion of privacy if someone listened to my call, particularly if I didn’t know they were listening until after.
And it’s not like I was saying anything bad, it’s just there’s different sides of you that you express to different people. I’m pretty honest about my actual life on here because it’s basically anonymous.
So I would feel self conscious or invaded if my partner or anyone else I know read my comments even though there’s nothing I’m doing wrong. Like I’ve shared a story about a previous partner – I wouldn’t share that story with my husband because it’s more than he needs to know, for example.
So I think it’s ok you feel this way, OP. If that’s helpful at all!
If you actually want to prove you didn’t cheat, you’d need a paternity test, not just a maternity test.
Daaaamn your husband is a pig.
I never asked once. NOT ONCE, for sex post partum. I told my wife, when you're ready you let me know. It was 6 months before she was ready. I wish you'd make your husband wait longer because he sucks so bad
Neither is sexually harassing the child’s mother.
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You are so welcome ? and so glad that you have the support and love of your family x I’m here if you wish. J ??
That dog has been abused its entire life. You think you’re doing better because it’s not caged anymore but your boyfriend is beating & abusing your dog.
Yea and he wants to have unprotected sex with a random and then with her. Grossss.
Good. Consider that maybe you should read about safe sleep for infants. 😉
You obviously haven’t seen this alleged blackmail video. You claim it only contained the bj and fingering? It could have been full intercourse in the video, but there is no way to know. Because according to you, she deleted everything. Also, I doubt you’ll get honest answers from people who allegedly are blackmailing her.
She’s lied to you repeatedly. She went against your agreement. I get you want to salvage your marriage, but I’m not sure how you come back from this and how she can earn your trust again.
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Lots of words are made up GTFO of here with that mentality.
He’s extremely unstable. Oh my god. You are in danger
You should just plan for the answer to be no or a non answer. Also, the things you’re changing need to be organic and can’t be done just to win her over. True change has to be earnest and it takes time to work on things, most likely if it’s problematic behavior you should seek individual therapy and just focus on bettering yourself for yourself and whoever your future partner will be better for it too
Yea, and they keep reasurring that this is my home as much as it is theirs, but it doesn't feel that way.
Thankfully, you answered what would have been my first question. He's not just your ex; he's your good friend. That's incredibly important context.
I think you just need to be completely honest with your boyfriend. Is he even aware of your friendship? I don't think he'd be unreasonable to have thoughts about the situation, but ultimately, if your ex is nothing more than a platonic friend, then your boyfriend needs to trust you. If it's a deal breaker for him, then it's a deal breaker for him, and it is what it is.
I would, however, come up with a better story than what you're telling us. He's coming for “tattoos?” He can get tattoos anywhere. Don't even bring that up, because it's logically a silly reason to try to support the situation. “Hey, we planned a trip a while back. We're just friends. It's completely platonic and it'll be three of us. I just want to be up front with you. Thoughts?”
I asked him why he didn’t take me on dates. He said ‘I know, the main reason is I don’t know what’s around. Then there is the financial aspect, with what I can afford etc. and also I don’t know how you feel about leaving your car in certain parking lots.’ Don’t know why the parking lot thing was an excuse, I’d only said that morning ‘is my car safe overnight in the train station car park?’ I’d never said anything about worrying about my car previously
I said I was looking for a new job. He offered to help look. I said don’t worry. He said ‘whose to say if you get a better job, I might benefit too ?’ and I said ‘that’s what you want me for? A sugar mom?’ And he said ‘well if I help, it’s more of a sugar partner hahaha’
I'd just say that given both of your history, you don't feel comfortable being there.
Does she have family she can reach out to?
This is a good idea. I had planned on getting my hands on the court docs but having testimony of people who have been victimized is a good idea too. You'd think my telling her about what happened to me would have been enough but….
“He's so kindhearted when he's not raping me and saying mean things!”
How many times does he have to rape you before he's not “kindhearted” anymore?
You need to think clearly if you want this baby. Don't rush it.
This might be your only chance at motherhood, because even if you break up and fall in love with someone else, it takes time to get to the stage of planning a family.
Whatever you decide, is the right choice, keeping the baby or not. Only you can tell if you want kids or are actually fine with the option of no kids.
But don't give up on this pregnancy “just” because he is an ass. Your decision regarding your relationship with him (IMO you should break up) and regarding the pregnancy should be 2 different things.
Be prepared to be a single mom. But if you want to be a mom, it's probably worth it.
I don't think your wife is being brutal, I wouldn't keep it, but there is also nothing wrong with you wanting to keep it, try not to be butthurt.
Don't get married to someone you haven't been with for less than 2 years. Imo 2 years is still incredibly short, but it's better than five months
She should have plenty of money on “cashapp”! I know your being serious. But come on, she cheated in a horrific way. The only concern here to me is the child. It will be fine.
That woman. What she is doing is unforgivable!! Unreal.
Yeah just put every answer as C. Blood type: C. Age: C. Sex: Sì.
Why can’t you just tell me whether you have done something similar or not? After 5 mins you can delete it it’s fine. I’m just curious and want to be more aware of this because I grew up catholic and think it’s wrong. Also are you male or female?
well to find that you will literally have to ask him but make sure he is honest with himself and he is not just saying no because he thinks your way to attractive for him.
Seek therapy to stop fixating on your gfs purity or whatever creepy shit this is. You genuinely need professional help
He could have at least intervened when his supposed best friend harassed his gf for 2 hours after being assaulted? It’s nothing to do with masculinity. Defending your partner doesn’t begin and end with fist fighting you know
You're not throwing away your life by divorcing her, you're making constructive and positive changes. You'll be better for it when it's all over.
Obviously, as explained in my first post regarding the state of my circumstances, the answer to that would be no.
I still don't see why my side, which I tried to be fair and objective as possible, is still not well received.
I suppose I can take comfort in knowing that if the roles had been reversed and either my husband or his gf had written in for advice explaining it the same way, I would have been sympathized with and they would have been the villans. That's the only thing that makes sense.
Thank you for your input anyways.
I get it from physiology and reproductive biology books.
What exactly is “the lie?” Having feelings for more than one person is normal and there doesn’t seem to be any infidelity.
I have a very hot time believing that she actually called you her “second choice.” What lie is feeling guilty of keeping from you? Did she spell out the specifically? It’s not a lie that she asked someone else out, got rejected, and you got her “on the rebound.” You were her “second choice” as a date not as a life partner.
It doesn’t sound like she settled, it sound like she was in the frame of mind gave you a chance, focus her interests elsewhere and it paid off for both of you. Unless she secretly had the chance to marry the guy who originally turned her down, thats not the definition of you being a “second choice.”
It could have been salvaged if she kissed a dude once and kept honest since then. However, she kissed a dude and then started lying her ass off for over a month until she got caught. So… no.
You have to try, you cant say “that wont work” intent and effort matter.
If it was me and it got worst i would know in my heart my SO tried and thats sometimes all that matters.
And if it did get worse, we move, fuck the schools fuck the job.
A childs got a better chance with two parents, not one.
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Also I remember this therapy technique where you imagine a future version of your self where you overcome the issue. Imagine how that would feel. Believe in yourself! You can do it!
She said she had the house and he moved in. That made me think she owned the house. Has that been clarified?
She should not give her abuser her equity
We are in a monogamous relationship
this is even cheating or what.
This cheating. He is in a relationship with you and got those videos from somehwere
I have some friends that are going through this now. One person has depression that makes them a poor partner, not maintaining the household close to 50/50, not able to give support to their partner when their partner needs it, and a few other things have just ended up making the relationship no longer work for the other person. Everyone has needs and while it can be sad for everyone involved, you sometimes have to leave a relationship that can no longer meet your needs.
But also! You have an anxiety disorder which probably means that in your head, your husband is already leaving you and the worst case scenarios are all happening. But that's not necessarily what is happening here – it sounds like he wants you to get better so you can have a life together that meets both your needs. So just focus on yourself and getting better and not freaking out about things that will hopefully not happen. If therapy isn't helping you, consider finding a different therapist.
I have some friends that are going through this now. One person has depression that makes them a poor partner, not maintaining the household close to 50/50, not able to give support to their partner when their partner needs it, and a few other things have just ended up making the relationship no longer work for the other person. Everyone has needs and while it can be sad for everyone involved, you sometimes have to leave a relationship that can no longer meet your needs.
But also! You have an anxiety disorder which probably means that in your head, your husband is already leaving you and the worst case scenarios are all happening. But that's not necessarily what is happening here – it sounds like he wants you to get better so you can have a life together that meets both your needs. So just focus on yourself and getting better and not freaking out about things that will hopefully not happen. If therapy isn't helping you, consider finding a different therapist.
My entire YouTube home page is only videos that I watch on a daily basis. I've very rarely had videos that weren't related to something I watch, and I'm an avid YouTube viewer. I use it consistently.
I'm very surprised to see others saying it's the algorithm and random, because from everything, I've seen, it's definitely not random.
Thats the issue she also uses actions but then does stuff like this and im so fing confused whats going on, does she love me or not , if yes why doesnt she lrioritize me or sympathize i just dont get it
Just read your update. He seriously compared rape and murder to a family eating dinner? I’m sorry but he sounds very far gone at this point and NOT the person you entered into a relationship with and likely won’t ever be that person again. He sounds like he has gotten more forceful, and aggressively controlling and I do not imagine that will change or you will be able to reason him out of this state of mind. The only thing you can do is decide if you want to allow this man with his absurd demands run your life and be brow beaten and snarled at anytime you want to meet up with family for thanksgiving dinner or eat at a normal restaurant. Dare you bat an eyelash at a piece of steak, he will really tie you to the whipping post. Does that sound like a good future for you?
2 things.
In my relationships, that would be cheating.
You said it yourself, you’re obsessive. Can you see a professional? Can you fill your time with other stuff to keep your mind busy? It’s not healthy to be digging around months later.
I think you should not have planned a staycation without talking with him. Of course his studies come first. I imagine he may be rethinking this relationship if you really have so little consideration for his time. This is 100% on you.
I get what you mean but I definitely do say that, especially with female friends (and I’m bi, they don’t find it weird). Lots of “I love you” and “I miss you” as well. I think some women are just open like that. It’s not sexual or romantic at all though.
I mean… there always has to be a first time though. So this doesn’t really matter. Even abusers will hit you for a “first time”. Not really something you should ignore or excuse tbh
Women do too. We push and wrestle. But stable men and women don’t shove and smack anyone just because we’re bad at video games.
Her head was shoved into a wall… yeah, I think this wasn’t playful.
He is acting disrespectful before you are even married. It will ramp up once the ink on the wedding certificate is dry. He thinks he owns you by marrying you. He made that clear by his stupid yelling for you game.
Don't do it.
It is worth mentioning that I suffer from borderline personality disorder which is the biggest culprit behind my feelings.
So time to focus more on that. What is your therapist saying when discuss your problems? You're aware you have issues with emotional regulation particularly when it comes to negative emotions like jealousy and rejection. You would also have a tendency towards splitting, black and white thinking, which is why you are framing this in terms of being 'good enough' and winning him over when clearly it is more complicated than that.
Like reality is this guy clearly just wants to be a player. He was actually pretty darn upfront about it and yeah, your mistake was not being realistic about the reality you would never really be able to handle that. I think there are ways in which he is gross and probably crosses boundaries with you in terms of FWB status but clearly this is much more about him as a person than your merit as a romantic partner.
Still, you're right. Have the conversation, get out of this purgatory. If he doesn't want to date end the situationship before you spiral any further. Though I will be real, I worry even if he agreed you'd hold on to a lot of resentment and anxiety as a result of it taking so long to manifest. It may be that this well is already poisoned.
First of all, what a big baby. He is this put out over having to do laundry? And not like, laundry he wouldn’t otherwise have to do, he is enraged at the sheer thought of having to do *his own** laundry*. He is not a man.
Second, anyone who becomes that out of control over something so trivial has a lot of emotional regulation issues, at the very least. If this is his coping strategy, I am concerned for your safety. He isn’t doing anything physically violent to you in this story, but his willingness to physically act out in retaliation to your not doing his laundry for him leads me to believe this may be something you need to consider more seriously. He isn’t doing anything to you right now. He punched his own car. But when he going to start breaking your stuff? And when does breaking your stuff turn in to hitting you?
True. Maybe I should cry in front of a therapist so they'll say nice things to me ?
Your BF is not a machine. Don't expect the same response every single time. There are many things that can affect this. Google it if you think it will make you feel better.
A part from the picture , what else did she text?
> met up two times
> tells me he loves me
wtf
I know it hurts, but staying in a relationship with no trust and the shadow of his massive, years-long betrayal looming over you will destroy your soul. I've been there, I tried to forgive and forget. It just made me feel more and more empty. Life is too short to spend with someone who you will never feel fully secure with.
Dont answer him, he wants the fight. Ignore him, he continues leave the room. No words
Most powerful thing you can do for your own self-respect is to drop her and block her. That behavior should be an instant dealbreaker. Not as in immediate “huge fight,” but as in immediate “Girlfriend Who? I don’t have a girlfriend.”
This!
Go by what she DOES. Not by what she says!
So you won't lose time anymore.
But consider if your nerves can stand it to be with someone on such a different level of “ambition” for herself.
You have been in that for 4 years already.
Do you need more to comprehend?
Ask to see her ID. Seriously.