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I spent 3 hours getting ready, and I'm not the one trying to impressing him or pursuing him–that's what his job and that's the opportunity I was giving him.
I tried to brush off him complaining about paying the first time because when I looked at him funny when I said that he assured me he wanted to pay. I guess he lied.
I've never seen a “genders are reversed” scenario where the guy eats her out for an hour and she gets mad because she doesn't come. This isn't remotely the same thing as those posts where the dude puts no effort into giving her pleasure and then rolls over as soon as he comes.
But I loveeeeee him ;(
British Jerry Springer.
You need to talk to him and get therapy before getting into another relationship
Yes it's cold sores, but I read it can spread to genitals and eyes and there's no cure for it
You seem to really care about it. That’s how you’re coming off
This is terrible advice. It's one thing to be sick and to be seeking treatment. It's another to be sick and to refuse to do anything about it. She is not obligated to stick around for more of his abuse.
I mean you told him how you feel he said meh so time to call his bluff, move on… but then he will love you so much and not want to loose you and have a million excuse or agree so be prepared, I wouldn't play this card unless your serious, but I also wouldn't bother giving him another chance. I'm 20 yrs into my relationship and don't have these problems, we have problems don't get me wrong, we all do, but not these problems its still too soon for him to be this distant unless something concrete that will end is causing it, he won't change, the guy from before, the one you fell in love with, was a fake, this is the real him, he is just comfortable enough to show you now.
Dudes don’t shave that. That’s what females do
Damn, never thought of it that way. This helps me to see that wearing it is also a slap in the face to society for oppressing women. It’s a power statement. ❤️
No. For 14 years never talked about it, no issues with drinking. This last year she was really complaining about it because I would go like 4 days in a row having 2 -3 drinks (beers or malt beverage) a night. And then I wouldn’t for 1 or 2 nights and was off and on like that for about a year. I felt it wasn’t a problem and hid it because I didn’t want to be controlled. Would’ve reacted that way with anything. She told we would be over if she lied about it. Well, that’s when it all stated this. There was some issues with us in the past. About 10 years ago we separated for brief time, I technically cheated just before we split. We got back to gather. There was some trust issues then.
Your insecurities are a great way to ruin a relationship. Take the advice of the others here and work on you.
Dump him or you're going to be the next woman he cheats on.
Sorry to hear. Why not just spend it with her and you two can isolate together?
his parents told him that women don't fart or poop
Uh… what? Is your husband profoundly stupid? That's not rhetoric. He's presumably aware that women, like men, are human. He's presumably aware that women, like men, have assholes. (you apparently have two) He's presumably aware that poop is the waste from eating, and that women, like men, eat. So I figure that the only option here is that he's profoundly stupid. Because what the fuck???
If he's not making up the most ridiculous shit in the world to gaslight you, he needs therapy and some biology lessons. The only solution here that can lead to relationship that isn't abusive to you is for him to make significant changes to his misogynist thinking.
A man is sending your BF hot pictures of himself?
Red flag! That man is a creep! 18 year old guys are basically men! A 14 year old girl is basically still a child! A lot happens in those 4 years. Your boyfriend is gross. 24/20? Fine. 18/14? Not close to ok! Would he say the same of 17 and 13? Cus it's basically the same thing.
Then as someone pointed out in the comments DO NOT CONFRONT your wife unless you've all the facts and proof. Paternity test from home without your wife's knowledge. If the results are negative consult a divorce attorney at once. Separation of finances and assets. Once everything is in order serve divorce papers.
you did the right thing and personally i would have lost a lot of respect for your friend.
Maybe you have some hormonal problems. That could explain the weight gain as well. Go see a doctor. Not every problem is in your head. 🙂
As well intentioned as your wife is being here, it will come back to bite you both in the ass if you pursue this. I imagine she's trying to be selfless here and give you what she thinks you want. There's 12 years of committed relationship on the line, is fucking her 5/6 friend going to help that relationship or hurt it? Would it even be worth the risk?
It sounds like you have a good wife who's thinking about you and your needs, maybe communicate that it's not something you want nor need right now (If that's how you feel).
You should not have no way out or in your own living place. And your father doesnt sound like a good option anyway.
So. You want to have private conversations with your friends, about your relationship/fiancé, but her ONGYN appointments are just meant to be a special bonding time for the two of you?? GTFO.
I think this has awoken something in me…
Trust me, she already remembers it. Talking about the hot things is part of being in a relationship.
I’m in my mid 40s and I don’t mention that to be dismissive at all: because by the time I was your girlfriend’s age- I had learned from a very early age that a lot of guys absolutely cannot deal with a simple “No.”
I hadn’t quite gotten to the point where “I’ve got a boyfriend” was something I had given up on: but, the thing is, no. Many of them don’t care.
The way she rejects people is based on her experiences, and most of the women you know have creepy stories going back to childhood, let alone guys that don’t make you feel like “No, thanks” will suffice and I didn’t stop saying I had a partner because it often doesn’t work: I stopped saying it because it shouldn’t matter what comes after “No, thanks.” People should back off but, they just don’t.
Don’t take this personally, it’s in no way about you. Instead, while bearing in mind that “I have a partner” is sort of a 50/50 thing in terms of whether the guy cares about that or not: have her tell you some of the horror stories about rejecting advances. I guarantee she’s got them and that’s why she’s come up with the method that makes her most comfortable in getting them to leave her alone. Odds are, she’s had to do it for a very, very long time: most of us have.
Either she is right and you apologize in agreement with her position or you breakup. She obviously sees this as how you want her to be at some point and reacted appropriately. you have a definitive choice to make my friend.
You meeting the other girl was a coincidence, EVERYTHING afterwards was a choice. I’m in a relationship myself and I know it’s not all roses and butterflies all the time. Relationships have high highs and low lows. And sometimes the lows can make you wonder if it’s all worth it. But I also respect my partner enough to not fuck someone else. I communicate with my partner. If you can’t go through life not fucking other people who you find attractive and interesting then you have no business being in a relationship at all. Because no matter how bad a relationship may be at some point, once you cheat there’s no going back. You’ve ruined your relationship.
With all due respect you’re no better than any other cheater. In other words, you’re an awful partner and it’s a shame your girlfriend is a victim of your behaviour. I’m sure you’re gonna keep minimising it and lying to your girlfriend and then shocked pikachu face when it eventually comes crashing down.
“Do you want to get coffee at x place at x time?” is a more direct and much more polite question.
I’m looking into it, but it seems like prenups can’t cover alimony where I on-line
He does not sound like a catch with what you’re describing. At all.
Those traits are actually not that great for a healthy relationship.
Time to call in Victoria Stilwell
Mad disrespect for her to pull that, bro. Where are the consequences you promised? Consequence 1 should have been the termination of the relationship for even considering this crap.
this was super nice and I needed to hear. thanks
People on reddit are stupid. My comment has 25 down votes, another dude said the same thing just differently worded and is on 61 upvotes lmao
No worries. Next time just don’t jump to conclusions when you don’t know the details and are ill informed.
Their comment is bizzare for you? Well, may be they are making that comment because we get the impression that you will continue to make excuses for him, get beaten up, eventually get pregnant and bring kids into an abusive household
Thank you for your honesty. Any advice on how to process this on my end? I’ve never been in this situation before.
No worries
I experienced this. Someone told lies about why I left him, then flipped it and said he left me because I was crazy. I blocked every single person we knew in common on all possible places they could contact me. I wouldn’t do anything but hide and move on with your life. If you want to set the record straight you can post one last post on-line or something to show people it’s BS but don’t give away your location at any point going forward. Narcissists can’t handle being crossed and they act out. I’ve been hiding where I live etc, and my social media for years. Much happier.
Why?
That’s the real question here
Happy independence day OP
Youre an abusive partner. If your not actively in therapy doing your best to mitigate this it’s going to continue. The best thing you could do would be to leave and get into therapy for your numerous issues.
Oh man, he’s full of it. He’s trying to guilt you now. You had spoken to him in private. He didn’t need to throw the tantrum. I would not trust him or his friends. They likely use as well. Drug users are notorious liars.
Run!!!
Your bf def did coke then acted like… a coked out person does and threw an adult tantrum. It’s super shitty he and his friends made fun of you… what adults do that??
Also, you getting “called out” for thinking he’s on coke just isn’t that big of a deal? You shouldn’t be embarrassed at all??? It would never cross my mind to be embarrassed for drawing that conclusion, then you go on berating yourself that “I never should have”…. I think you need to have more confidence. Also, break up with this loser who makes fun of his gf?
It would be a dealbreaker for me personally.
But that is based off of my own traumas ?♀️
Don’t mind me, i‘m just gonna lurk here until i‘ve figured out if my mind is too far, not far enough or appropriately far in the gutter here… ?
Not overreacting at all. He’s pushing boundaries while not being proactively honest.
Stop believing there’s a ‘type’ that cheats.
Nope he lives in 45 minutes for me, he keeps telling me that he’s shy. Keeps telling me to be patient.
She is a people pleaser…this big sex thing may be her trying to please you. She certainly does not want to hurt you.
Let her know that it is not a reflection of your love passion or pleasure, it is a matter of physical pain and exhaustion.
Ask for a break from sex and fill in with kisses and caresses. Let her know that 1-2 times a day would be least painful and most pleasurable for you,
Then ASK HER what will meet her needs and see if toys and fingers can pick up the slack.
She is a people pleaser…this big sex thing may be her trying to please you. She certainly does not want to hurt you.
Let her know that it is not a reflection of your love passion or pleasure, it is a matter of physical pain and exhaustion.
Ask for a break from sex and fill in with kisses and caresses. Let her know that 1-2 times a day would be least painful and most pleasurable for you,
Then ASK HER what will meet her needs and see if toys and fingers can pick up the slack.
I mean…. you can dump him now or he can dump you when he finds out. Which do you pick?
Yeah fr, seems like a train wreck waiting to happen
Allowing your children to witness her violence towards you is hurting them. It's already happening now.
Yup I was an idiot for some time, this love for her made me an idiot
Well all of that is useful context that you should have included in your original post, because that certainly changes things.
It sounds like you are working hot to change things, and it is great that you are. So keep it up, stick with it. In time, it will get easier.
If your medication isn't working, maybe it is time to consider increasing your dosage, or possibly switching to a new type of medication.
In the meantime, it probably is a good idea for you to be single, so that you can focus on yourself & getting your mental health back on track again.
I don't feel the need to explore every hypothetical for compatibility. In this case, given that we weren't dating, I simply would never tell them. From my POV someone I'm not with has no “right” to know what I get up to with other people unless that could somehow impact them (like idk, medically or something).
OP has what I see as a strange compulsion to sabotage a perfectly good relationship where no betrayal ever took place.
She just want sex from many guys and she is definitely not matured yet.
You have slept with her, you got what you want, now just block her. You dont need to be in the 20's crazy life right now.
You are pushing 40, next time think with your brain not your dick.
It’s a good thing I found out now than never
If I were the bf, and innocent, this is the part where I’d dump my crazy gf and her annoying af cat lol.
Well yeah but she's 20 years younger than him, and he's going to be moving in with HER…so clearly he's got other stuff going on, this might be his best shot to not living in a homeless shelter.
I understand that. I had a discussion with her and asked her if she has feelings for Amanda. She said while she loved her as a friend, she has no desire to pursue anything with her and only did what she did because she got curious. She admits she might be bi from this experience but does not want to do anything with anyone outside our relationship
Honestly I never tire of hearing this from my man because I feel the intent behind it. But you could add an “I’m just so in love with you” and see how that makes her feel. You could express it in ways like telling her how glad you are she chose you all those years ago etc. stuff like that is little arrows through the heart. This is a sweet post
I agree with this fully, I was quite lenient about the money side of things of if I pick up something for him or pay for dinner then it was okay because we are a couple, but whenever he does that for me he expects everything paid back immediately, to the cent. He's like that with everyone but it's definitely made me a bit more hesitant to pay for things because I am on such a tight budget and for it to not be reciprocal it feels a bit rough.
Yeah, same. Like, “damn, I sure think that person is hot” is not something you need to spill to your SO when nothing happened. That's a great way to set up a lot of drama and doubt when it isn't necessary
No.
He’s made clear he’s not ready financially, mentally, and emotionally
I don’t think I’m able to raise a child on my own without his support
keeping it would just most likely cause a dent on our relationship in the long run
I would be surprised if your relationship survives having an unplanned child. Sure, you'd be forced to co-parent (in separate homes, no longer a couple).
it came from an act between two people who love each other and actually see a future together
Don't mistake an accidental pregnancy with the universe telling you that now is the time to go ahead with this. A pregnancy does NOT equate to your relationship. And certainly not an unplanned pregnancy.
If you decide to go through with this, understand the damage it will do to your relationship.
Maybe he enjoyed his night eith you so much he just felt generous.
None the less sounds like a good man, congratulations.