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if she doesn’t know how to control her emotions, then she needs to learn, via therapy, meds, or both
THIS, a thousand times this.
OP, you are not her doctor or her therapist, it is not up to you to solve or fix her bipolar or depression issues.
BPD is logically a huge driver of these specific issues. Therapy or not, you refuse to take any action to manage it. If that’s the case, regardless of the fact that maintaining a healthy relationship will always be largely impossible, you need to do it for YOU. I hope you can get the help you need.
But you need to realize that you’re being dishonest (even if unintentionally), when you say that you always trusted him. Why? Because your “until” example is when you looked through his phone. You looked through his phone BECAUSE you didn’t trust him. You found something, but you didn’t trust him before you saw it.
What you found was ultimately a non-issue. Old letters he almost certainly forgot about like he said. You then needed to see his Snapchat despite basing that argument on a situation where he did nothing wrong.
Now, he was then obviously a bit sketchy, but what you saw was pictures. Did you see recent inappropriate behavior/conversations while you were dating? Doesn’t seem to be the case.
So now you fight all the time because you don’t trust him. You’re jealous. Jealous of what? BPD or not, you need to address your insecurities. This isn’t about finding a way to forgive him and move on; he’s done nothing wrong to warrant your behavior.
But if you can’t trust him then leave. Quite frankly I’m shocked he hasn’t. Good luck.
I have tried to ask about puppies as well but he doesn't even want to be exposed to that :/
More communication. Seems like maybe you two don't talk to each other about how you feel. Have you talked to him about how you feel when he doesn't call on the days he doesn't? Not that he doesn't call you but how you feel when he doesn't. Many relationships break up because they can't communicate.
I agree with your assessment. Also something else I found problematic was when he spoke about his ex, he said, “she would literally glow in the dark”. Meaning she was pretty. I found that a bit disrespectful at the time.
When I found the ex, I was definitely surprised because she wasn't all that pretty. She was definitely in the obese BMI range. So it meant he still had his rose coloured glasses on. He hadn't moved on from her.