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If she won’t FaceTime you after school so you can see her without a mask, she’s probably hiding something. Might be a totally imaginary flaw, she might just not like something about her face,, but whatever it is, she’s going to a lot of effort to hide it and you should respect her decision to do that and not hassle her to take it off.
My brother was abusive to me for years. He hated me and swore at me whenever he saw me. Whenever I tried to talk to him about it, he would always say “you know what you did” and never elaborate.
I still don’t know what I did, nor do I care. People who say things like that have their own problems which have nothing to do with you. If you can move on without clarification, you’ll probably be better off for it.
Don't move in with her. You already know this.
My 23rd birthday was also 25 October.
Well the previous comment implied I was immature for even having a friend of a different gender and if I listened to them I’d only talk to men and married couples and believe it’s wrong to have friends. I don’t see the issue with defending my colleague when my girlfriend said something that was out of line. How someone looks shouldn’t factor in to wherever I can be friends with them or not
It happens.
But you can still tease them about it for a month or so.
Who throws a phone??
Why are you dating her again?
There isn't enough info on what exactly your sister entails, but I could probably share some perspective from a husband as well.
One of our biggest fears is having the safety and peace of our own home compromised. From his perspective, why the hell would he welcome that possibility? You can say that you'll be responsible for her, but he's responsible for you.
????? Please, run!
He is your son. Please meet with him.
I'm sorry, but he's an adult. You've told him that you can't afford this, he understands. He just doesn't care. I know you don't want to hear this because you want to believe that it's 'not malicious', but if you've told him over and over and he just won't listen, then it IS malicious.
Are those the words of a song?
It's all about how you carry yourself, we've all seen the posts of someone who society would deem a 10 being with a less conventionally attractive partner, and everybody saying “how did they pull them?!” You will never be everybody's cup of tea, but if you are unapologetically you, kind and show passion about your interests. Then you will be attractive to somebody, I'm like a 6 but have pulled some absolutely gorgeous women by just being funny and myself. Looks will fade, it is inevitable some people start off less attractive, some become uglier one day. But we will all be old wrinkly bags, be you and you'll attract someone who loves your energy. If you believe you are undateable then you are making a self fulfilling prophecy, because people are attracted to confidence.
Get that video. Save it somewhere she can’t delete it. Now.
If someone created an expectation of their own volition then I take that as their choice… However, if they lie about what they actually truly intend on doing then how do I have a fair chance of making the decision? All the information I have is based on lies…
Please don't be a serial dater.
They do, though. I have pictures.
My fiancée is a therapist (not a sex therapist, thankfully) and sometimes she insists I couch our arguments or whatever in therapist-speak. While she has definitely taught me more healthy communication skills in general, sometimes I have to ask her to climb down off the high horse and let me talk like a normal person about something that’s bugging me.
It sounds to me like your partner is expecting you to also be a sex therapist, and holding you to a code of conduct you didn’t necessarily agree to. Tell him he needs to meet you in the middle, because otherwise all your conversations are happening where he has home field advantage, which isn’t fair.
As for the sex frequency, don’t accept “I don’t think about it, you initiate it” line. Tell him that if he’s not interested, then he should find a roommate, not be in a romantic relationship with someone who wants to feel desirable in their sex life.
At the end of the day, all you can do is express your needs. If he can’t accommodate them, you’re allowed to walk away.
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Darling, congratulations. You don’t need him. You’ve got your freedom. This is entirely his loss, not yours. I wish you were close to me so I could buy you a slice of birthday cake and give you a big hug.
I would post a story on your own SM, along the lines of, thank you ?❤❤❤, I will always remember the ?!! But I am a petty person when I need to get a point across, and when or if she says anything tell her it's just a story and that she is reading to much into it. Sorry I know I will get crap for this but fair play is fair play.
Your next step should be to explain to him that since he will not follow your rules for using your car, you can’t trust him to continue using it. You need to be very clear about this and have the tits to enforce your rules. Because if he thinks you’ll back down if he ignores you, he’s gonna steal your car.
She needs to get the heck of herself: take a Zyrtec and go be with her own sister.
This last Christmas with your mom beats anything out of the girlfriends tantrum. She isn’t trapped there. She can take some meds and see the family.
Lol
Don’t waste another minute of your time with him.
She's an asshole for visiting him.
It’s unfortunate that some people want dumpster fires.
If you don't want to, do not do it. You do not have to do anything you don't want to do! If this is something he keeps pushing for, break up with him!
Part of growing up is learning to look after yourself.
She’s not good for you. She’s a blatant user who doesn’t give a shit about you.
You have no obligation to be nice to her after how she’s treated you.
Just block her. That doesn’t make you the bad guy, it makes you a normal human being who’s fed up with being used and treated with no respect.
Then ask to see the raw photos. They’re digital. They don’t have to be ready.
I’m a photographer
99.999% of the time we will never give our raw photos. We never do this unless stated in the contract
You’re a giver, she’s a taker. Surprised you’ve lasted this long. She’s toxic for you unfortunately. Your friendship is one sided.
Farts are funny……
And also gross…..
Does he hold himself to the same standard? If he does ok just him, if not d bag
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Why do you need to hear him out? What can he possibly have to say? More lies, excuses, justifications?
What could he possibly say to you that would make anything he's done okay? Even if you believe that he was on a break and looking for a hookup –and I'm not sure I do believe that– then why did he not end things with his wife when he met you, his supposed soulmate?
Do you really want a man who got back together with his wife and continued to have sex with her while also having sex with you? Were you using condoms? Because, if not, he was having unprotected sex with both you and her without a care for either of your sexual health.
So, if you hear him out and he promises to go tomorrow to the courthouse and file for divorce, what then? Do you want a man who cheats on his wife repeatedly and then leaves her and his unborn child for an affair partner? Do you honestly believe that if you stay with him that you won't be in her position at some point in the future?
There's nothing to hear. If you have any respect for yourself, block him and move on.
I mean you don’t have to and frankly shouldn’t start with those details.
Sit her down and tell her you need to come clean about your past because you’re getting serious as opposed to just goofing around before. Of course you wouldn’t tell some fling about all those things.
Then start with your substance abuse problem and how long you’ve been sober from illegal drugs, your criminal past due to it and how you know you were absolute idiots, your habit of robbing drug dealers as opposed to innocent passers-by.
Go slowly and look for her reaction. If she seems very uncomfortable, ask her in between whether she’s okay with hearing more. If she’s as sheltered/naïve as you think she is, it will make a difference to her that you robbed other criminals. She may need the reassurance that she could never have been your victim herself because she wasn’t partaking in shady stuff.
Tell her you‘ve done time for those crimes and are actually thankful you got caught because you might not have been able to turn your life around if you hadn’t. It’s important that you don’t make excuses or pity yourself, not even jokingly. This is not the time.
If she’s doing okay with that info and wants you to go on, tell her that, unfortunately, you and her brother have met before and it was during that part of your life that you‘d rather erase if you could but unfortunately can’t.
Then ask her if she wants to know how you two know each other. If she does, tell her you robbed him and tell her exactly what you stole from him. Assuming you only threatened him and didn’t physically hurt him, mention that.
I don’t think you should mention the gun in his face at this point unless she explicitly asks for all the details. Don’t lie, but quite honestly, “I pretended I wanted to buy drugs from him and then robbed him instead“ may be detailed enough.
If she can live! with it, she doesn’t need that detail. If she can’t, she doesn’t need it either. If she hears it from him later, it won’t make a difference you left out that detail if you were overall honest and weren’t too detailed about everything else so leaving this bit out would stick out as lying by omission.
Is he logged on adult websites and his profile says female/lesbian and all he does is watching videos available for anyone? Or is he pretending to be a lesbian to have access to videos or people otherwise unavailable to men? Because that makes a huuuuuge difference. I will also add that while porn is personally not something I watch, I don't have a problem with my partner doing it BUT your husband does it at work and while you're sitting right there. That's out of control, that's addiction and it needs addressing. The fact that he lies about something so obvious is an additional red flag.
🙂
🙂
She probably thought that your insecurity will go away over time because she's there for you, you don't need your ex in order to feel worth being married or being with someone forever.
When she told you the news and saw your reaction, emotionally intelligent person would comfort you but instead of being a lovely girlfriend, she decided to hurt you emotionally even more because she was hurting. You made her feel not loved, she felt that you would rather marry him then her. She felt that she's not good enough to marry.
Anyway, you both kinda felt the same way about the same insecurity.
Yes, she started the conversation, yes she was the one fallowing him, yes she told you the news.. but you can't blame her on how she felt about your reaction. Also, she shouldn't blame you either about your reaction but she didn't expected it. She thought that you are over him.. didn't expect that she'll hit where it hurts!
Don't feel guilty about your reaction, don't blame her for telling you the news.. give her some time and space. You also take some time to process everything and try to heal from your ex. You don't need his validation anymore!
Nobody is wrong but your girlfriend should block your ex and help you heal from his abuse instead of constantly reminding you about him. She didn't knew better, don't blame her! She only hurt herself!
If you decide to break up with her, make it a decisive move and make it quick and clean. Go full NC. Don't let her gaslight you and love bomb you into staying or baby trapping you. You already can see things are not right. Don't waste any more time when your job gives you so little free time to find someone new.
I'm curious… How does she know what you're up to with your Dad and his AP? How is she able to “see” y'all being happy together? Is everyone talking about these interactions around her? Posting for her to see? (You can restrict things from being seen by certain people on sites like facebook…)
I can imagine how things might seem from her perspective… She was the one betrayed, but she likely feels he has been rewarded and left unscathed by his selfish indiscretions. That no one cares what he did to her. And if those people don't care, then she probably thinks they're likely to hurt her the same way, so she wants them to choose HER… Or leave her on her terms…
Therapy would be in her best interest to help her process her grief and pursue what is best for her… But her feelings, hurt, distrust and resentment isn't unfounded. Betrayal like that cuts DEEP.
It is good you're able to forgive your father. But do keep in mind that if he is willing and able to hurt someone as close to him as his WIFE and mother of his son for his own satisfaction, he is willing and able to do so to you too if he feels the benefit will be satisfactory enough to risk it. And his new AP, if she is willing to wreck a marriage, she isn't a good person to put a lot of faith in either as she also is willing to intentionally deeply hurt others for her benefit.
Dude you’re 29 and been together 5 years. If you don’t know by now, stop wasting her time. Don’t string her along.
But a therapist will be unable to change the circumstances. It can only expose me to more pity and humiliation. The links I posted show the context. For someone like me, there's nothing to be done.
Honestly, I feel there's always going to be something with his brother that will disrupt your life one way or the other. I'm older than you but if I'd be in your shoes, I'd postpone the wedding indefinitely or elope without telling anyone. You had the party… so fuck the rest. It's just for show. If you want to marry your guy, do it without the fanfare. Also… keep is brother out of your lives as much as you can. But I also think you have a boyfriend/husband problem with regards to his boundaries and his emeshement with his brother…
Think long and hot if you want to continue like this or make (maybe drastic) changes. It's your life we're talking about…
I get what you mean about the pay differential. If I was him I would feel like I’m paying for you to travel without me.
I would feel like I’m covering all the bills, so your cost of living is lower and you are taking that savings to do something we were going to do together.
I totally get why you would t see it that way, but you are looking to figure out the disconnect between the two of you on this subject, that’s what it would be for me.
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So ofc like any other guy with an attractive gf, my gf gets hit on by other dudes in public. One of the primary ways she rejects them is by giving them a fake number instead of saying that she have a bf. The first time she did that and told me I didn’t really agree. I thought “why is she even entertaining it” or “just tell them you have a bf and go on with your day”. But she says that the men nowadays don’t care about that. I feel like that is true to some extent but I also feel like most men would take the hint and leave. I don’t know if I’m overreacting, or this is some hidden trust issues or insecurities. Any advice from the women or men?
But I cant have one night stands, the only woman I had sex with other than my wife is my sexual partner. I need some connection to have sex.
Stop being a doormat …at leave Or you'll spend the rest of your life like this Either way ?I guess men like you have to exist
It doesn't sound like it dose it… I keep telling myself maby its because she's never lived with someone else before or lived alone, Shes had two, three year relationships but has always lived with her farther so a lack of independent skills for sure, I brought up the grocerie shopping issue before, she says its because she's never had to keep on top of it living with her farther because even if she didn't buy shopping, they're would still be food for her (He cooked for her everyday her whole life) She claims she'll start trying…
I love alot of things about her, Do you think its possible I'm confusing “Lack of independence” skills for “This girl is useless/ using me” Because honestly I just feel used lately as she hasn't been contributing practically
I’ve seen this situation and dynamic before. They sound like insufferable assholes. Life is too short.
She's 25 she needs to grow up.
I was married, with 2 kids a full time job and a house at 25. And she's throwing a temper tantrum because her car broke and she didn't want to go on the bus.
She needs to sort her life out and realise she's a grown adult and her dad has 2 more children that need his time, attention and money more than her.
You've more than made up for not being able to spoil her in her childhood. She sounds ungrateful and jealous.
You are her rebound guy……you don't have the money, social status nor material things that he has…she wants to be back with him and this is a chance for the to go out as a family. She never intended to be serious with you, she just needed a younger guy to help her cope with the fact she got cheated on.
So u didn’t do any research as instructed
Yeah this dude thought his boxers were close enough to shorts to just wear them as pants. As I said to someone on that thread, that's still strange and inappropriate but he's not a pervert for doing something equivalent to wearing pajamas outside, lol
Dude a close family friend of mine just got remarried and she's over 60 you need to chill out. Life doesn't end at thirty and just because everyone you know is in a relationship doesn't mean you have to be. Just take a deep breath and calm yourself.
Also pro tip anxious desperation is extremely unsexy and will turn a lady off faster then you can blink.
Go with them on the trip
you know what, op, good for her for recognizing what shouldn’t be put up with in a relationship!
Wow 3 times a week at year 8 is fantastic. Your husband has to relent and understand he’s ruining a good thing. Does he understand how good he has it already?
You are in a rough spot, because there's going by her words, and whether she wants you to be a mindreader.
A woman I was dating recently said 'nothing's going to happen tonight' and then let me know on a subsequent date she was disappointed that nothing happened that night. I'm not seeing her any more.
CoolSculpting / cryolipolysis is mostly a scam.
The only thing it can do is for most people, it will reduce the fat only in the treatment area up to 20 to 25% as in, that's the absolute maximum amount of benefit you would get from it if it's very effective for you, and it's only really effective at actual fat bulges – like love handles and not really intended for things like chubby thighs or arms or bellies. And as you have discovered, it's also extremely expensive. Around 1% of people even have a paradoxical reaction that causes thickening of the area. Most of the people trying to sell it are scammers who dramatically overpromise.
Unfortunately I know all this because I've worked with some folks who had a lot of it done – and the results are not even noticeable. Maybe they feel better, but honestly I think it's got to be aimed at people with such extreme sensitivity to minor changes, or maybe two people with body dysmorphic disorder.
But the good news is that it's not actually surgery.
So what you're finding out here is that not only is your husband hiding expensive purchases from you, he's not even informing you what he makes a very serious financial commitment.
How long have you been married? How well do you even know each other?
I would talk to whoever can get you a new room. Tell them your gf dumped you for your roommate and it's going to negatively affect your ability to study and affect your sanity to stay in that room. Tell this person you would prefer to move to a new building. Once you get approved, tell him it's fine that your ex-gf is dating your ex-best friend. Wish him well and to not invite you to the wedding.
Where the hell are you getting your information? IVF is 100% more invasive than a fucking pap smear.
Pap smears examine your pelvic region and a small scraping of cells is done.
IVF is a SURGICAL PROCEDURE. You're put under anesthesia, a needle is guided through the vagina to an ovary and suctions out eggs and fluid. Then the eggs are inseminated and the now embryos are inserted into the uterus by a catheter through the vagina/cervix. That's not counting the hormones and drugs you're given by multiple shots to increase egg production.
IVF is an extremely invasive, expensive procedure that's really hot on women's bodies.
Well if a man is this pathetic to publicly accuse his partner of cheating then I’d argue he isn’t a suitable support person to care for you when you are vulnerable.
He doesn't know what he wants. He's got concerns about you being newly out of a marriage, totally understandable. But what you're getting from him now is all I'd expect. Trying to be flirty and just do casual NSA sex with someone who isn't reciprocating, or half ass reciprocating isn't enjoyable and it's confusing. Cut him loose and find someone else who has an idea as to what they want.
Of course. If that was a regular thing between them then sure, blame OP too. If not then nah, Bestie the one who fucked up
It’s over. Block her and move on. It’s not worth the toxicity
I mean it comes down to peoples individual boundaries. just really unfortunate that after 9 years they realized they couldn't agree on something.
I used to have a girlfriend of 4 years who was bi and I was 100% okay with her seeing girls sexually. I just admited it was something she wanted that I would never be able to give her. Though she also knew I wasn't okay with her handholding, going on dates, you know anything that I was able to give her.
It's good the wife initially tried to talk with him about boundaries, but the moment his don't match up with hers and she starts downplaying his feelings it's over.
He already elbowed her…why decide to throw an object at her ?
I used to have a lot of bed.
Man, how I miss that California King. Sigh.
None of this is healthy. Postpone the wedding because you will be miserable if you start a marriage like you currently are.
You have tons of unresolved trauma which is why a song is triggering for you.
Your fiancé feels completely left in the dark because you won’t talk to her about said trauma. And is now trying to put a happier meaning to something horribly traumatic and doesn’t understand what is going on because you haven’t processed or confided in her.
This isn’t about a song.
This is about you not processing your grief and your trauma from a very difficult time in your life and it is now poisoning your future.
Talk to a therapist, talk to your SO, just talk about that time and that pain and process it. Stop trying to bury that suffering young man because he needs to come out and heal or you will never have a future.
If you just cover over a wound and never clean it, an infection will form. And that infection will eventually kill you. Your trauma is that wound and you have to open it up and flush it out and let it heal.
It's next to impossible to convict someone of rape, and most cases never go to trial. You'd have to be incredibly naive to think that being acquitted means you're innocent.
That sounds very dedicated. Well put and done.
What an ugly thing to say. You're utter garbage. ?
DO NOT DO THIS. I understand you started to make money and splurged. Thats fine. But do not give up your financial freedom nor abdicate your financial responsibilities. Your boyfriends need to control the savings plan can lead to abuses. What if he all of a sudden realizes he has materialistic needs and decides to dip into the house savings? You will have no say and no recourse because you did not have your name on the account.
You can easily set up a savings plan within your name only accounts.
Guess it's time to look for a divorce lawyer.
So…you are surprised that she enforced a boundary after you crossed it?
You should not date anyone until you can mature enough that if someone tells you to stop doing something, you stop doing that thing.
Cheating is whatever you and your partner agreed counts as cheating. It sounds like you never had that discussion.
Even if there has been no physical cheating it is definitely emotional. Why are they spending time together and your not with him?
I’d say based on at a minimum the emotional relationship he has with her it’s time for a long look at your relationship
Wh… what?
At what point would you stop eating a delicious cake riddled with rat poison?
I totally understand that you love this person and believe that you can somehow hold onto the good stuff by being an absolute pushover re: cheating.
Problem is you haven't resolved anything re: that cheating and I don't see how this person can possibly on any planet conceive how its OK to still be texting this person an hiding it. It's obvious they aren't a trustworthy person and here's the thing…
Sooner or later that cheating and lack of trust will destroy the love and good things you think you have in this relationship just as completely as actually ending the relationship and you will feel like more the fool.
You're already embarrassed to consider marrying this person and even being in public with them, how much lower do you want to drag yourself.
Well, it was a nonsense question to ask, you set both of you up for failure in my opinion.. You basically asked, “if you two had never broken up, would you still be together?” It’s a nonsense hypothetical because if she hadn’t cheated, who knows if they may have married and been together forever, or if something else down the line would have happened. That doesn’t really mean anything other than he loved her and they had a good relationship up until she broke his heart. I do feel really bad for you that he talks about her a lot, though. I’m (unfortunately) a pretty jealous girlfriend and I would have had to put a FIRM boundary up about bringing up his ex. This guy might not have broken that soul tie with his ex
This take is controversial bc most people won’t understand the perspective of the SA victim being broken up with so I’ll preface it with no matter what you choose you’re not wrong for needing to break up. You should break up with an alcoholic. I just want you to see a perspective from someone who went through heartbreak while dealing with abuse and what can happen.
you don’t deserve to be miserable but as a fellow victim I can tell you breaking up with her while something this monumentally traumatic occurred will literally compound the trauma.
it will make it take longer to heal from than if she were in a normal state of mind and will hurt her a lot. Like more than you can imagine if you didn’t go through it. First you’re broken for a while like all heartbreaks then you’re fine then you’re numb/dissociated then it’s like a tragedy on steroids that I can’t really explain. It’s not at all like regular break ups and lost love bc mentally even when you can think straight you’re not all there, this is because of the PTSD and aftermath. your (her) view of the situation is distorted and you can’t even tell until you’ve healed FROM THE HEALING PROCESS. as in, she won’t have to heal just from the trauma but also heal from the fall out of not being in the right state of mind for the break up leading to her making bad decisions/dwelling etc
She’ll try to deal with both pains at the same time but the reality is one will take precedence over the other and at some point it will switch prolonging it further
Is it possible to wait to break up and force her into rehab until she had a minute to come to terms? Even if not fully healed
Again, NOT your responsibility and you don’t deserve it and you’re NOT the bad guy but just know doing it now will have a butterfly effect on her life and healing.
Took me ten years to get over my abuse and the heartbreak bc I was trying to process lost love/could haves and a life long traumatic experience at the same time consumed by ptsd, guilt, depress, etc. She probably blames herself which grinds healing and coming to terms to a halt.
Breaking up with her now is like ripping off a band aid so sticky it’s fused to the top few layers of skin. It’s going to cause more damage than the normal band aid.
I’m not trying to tell you to stay but I want you to see what is potentially her perspective.
It’s helpful to hear that you found a solution. And I can totally acknowledge that my responses certainly play a role in his reactions. I feel like I’m expected to bring up issues in this cheery happy voice or otherwise I come off as accusatory, when in reality I’m annoyed and frustrated proportionally (at least I’d like to think)! I like your suggestion of prefacing the conversation, I think he would be open to it. The defensiveness is something he’s working on with his therapist (which I just learned today after this all went down) but obviously it’s slow going. You give me hope! Thank you
Right! So ick.
This is so fucked up and worse that you don't see how manipulative it is
Is the TL:DR not really that your GF is mad that a whole weekend away didn’t revolve around her needs? It looks like her only contribution was to work and complain? It seems like she didn’t really contribute either, yet is mad at your friends for behaving in the same way.
Your friends thought that they were going away for the weekend and acted accordingly so far as I can see. Do you spend a lot of your time accommodating your GF’s needs to the detriment of others/your own needs?
You are the psycho. You hanged your man out like that and expect to get sympathy.
You two are done.
Even though he has made you upset, frustrated, and resentful, he is expecting you to cater to him for 28 days like a mother, a sugar momma, a therapist, a wife, a sex doll, who is suppose to act like a ditzy oblivious chick with their head in the sand, all while feigning admiration and respect. Did I leave anything out here?
You know this is going to backfire horribly if you even attempt it right?
He’s easy now…maybe won’t be so easy by the time the wedding comes. Infants are a lot easier than toddlers. ? Enjoy your easy baby while you can.
I’m sorry you’re hurting.❤️
This is a good analogy. My husband calls me clumsy, but the majority of times I have stubbed a toe or hit my shin, knee, or thigh on something are due to a lack of mindfulness – not being as aware of my body and it's relation to other physical things because I am deep in thought, preoccupied, or in a rush.
Yeah, I'm siding with your friend on this one. She's waving a bunch of red flags that you're willfully overlooking. You said he felt cold, but honestly that's what you needed. You've known her one year, just got out of a bad break up, had a brief break up with her, had a failed pregnancy, and she doesn't like the one person trying to wake you up. And despite all that, she already wants to put you on her house! Honestly, I think you could probably try some alone time before trying to get into something serious with anyone.
Sounds like he needs porn to deal with you.
He shouldn’t be saying comments about your sex drive in a disparaging manner. Curb that. As for him bitching about being bored, he needs to fill that time himself. You’re right. No one wants to get hot with someone who is just sitting there like a slug.
I'm 45, and the head of storage and indexing for one of the largest data providers in the world. I have a Switch about arms length from me most of the time and I play it constantly. You are broken.
Sometimes people do or say something so foul that it permanently changes your opinion of them. This would be that, for me.
YES! She is cheating on you.