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No he would be hurt if I took the proposal away from him
No he would be hurt if I took the proposal away from him
only advice: let her go
your welcome
Billy Crystal explains this in When Harry Met Sally.
Your’e update is everything I was hoping for and more. Good for you!!!!
Dude, this is not the type of person to date. This is the type to just hang out and have fun with but don’t date. You are asking for nothing but drama and disappointment.
It took 2 years. It absolutely terrified me and I was pretty close to pulling the plug at one point before I packed up all my things and made the move. I was so anxious. I’d never really enjoyed living with roommates and had gotten really used to living alone. However, it’s pretty neat to spend time with my best friend all the time.
So you found a friend. Common interests isn't enough to sustain a relationship. And you WILL meet someone else. Keep dating and let them crack on. They might not work out and then again they may connect. But if you were really interested in someone and your friend turned around and told you in so many words that she wanted to go for him as she has more in common how would you feel?
Please don’t believe the lies when the answer is already right in front of you. Get tested immediately
Yeah, he’s lying. Why not just tell his friends you got a fight if he was trying to posture? No need to be as specific or serious as he was.
Thanks so much for this, this is such great advice. I feel a lot more confident now xx
The only thing you can do to save your relationship is to cut off all women. Tonight. Then tell Cathy you love her and need no one else but her.
D-I-V-O-R-C-E. You are putting this woman's feelings over the feelings of your own daughter and nieces. She's literally an evil stepmother, ala Disney.
They're competent adults (I assume). As you say, they have the resources to leave immediately if they wanted. But they don't want to. They're not putting anyone other than themselves in danger. So that's the end of it.
People make decisions that make no sense from the outside all the time. They still have the right to make those decisions and have them respected.
Lmao, hoping this is a troll. If not, you shouldn't be having friends with benefits if you think they owe you their full medical history. All he owes you is his sexual health info and if he's sleeping with anyone else.
Have fun !
Try texting her or messenger. Invite her to study together.
I think OP is the M here
I'd just send some of the screenshots and then block. Don't need to say anything.
That sort of shit is fairly normal actually. Nobody disdains fatties like someone newly fit. Former addicts have ZERO sympathy for junkies. You know how many immigrants fucking loathe illegals?
The issue here is that this is a conversation (or number of conversations) that needs to happen before moving in. I realize it's now a moot point, but it overall speaks to the larger communication and expectation issues you have in your relationship.
My advice is to continue to talk about it, but you need to have a long serious conversation about how you both came come to a reasonable compromise on how finances should be handled. The way you navigate finances is the way the works for both of you.
I'm not trying to be mean here, and I'm truly sorry to come off that way, but the hot truth is that you're not in a position to have moved in with him. It just made and makes no sense. You're personally not in a proper financial situation to be doing this, and to be even more blunt, you're not ready from a maturity perspective either, and I say that due to you having no idea what the “norms” might be. There are no “norms” (I also don't understand how your question around “the man” is relevant when you're both men). There's no standard application to how finances should be handled across the board, and the fact that you're both in this not knowing what to do is a big problem.
So again, talk talk talk and then talk some more. There's two ways to look at this. First, it's inherently unreasonable for you to just blindly expect that he take on a larger burden because of his family or even if he has a higher income. That's you literally going into this expecting to be taken care of. Now, if that was something you both agreed to, then that's a decision you both agreed to and that's what works for you. But that doesn't seem to be the case.
Second, you could certainly discuss the idea of splitting finances as a % of both of your incomes. We have no idea if he'll agree to it, but many couples do that. But it's not generally fair for you to suggest that he pay more just because you won't have enough disposable income after expenses. That's really you saying that you aren't in a position to be living on your own, so it comes back to the question of why you made this decision.
I separately want to be clear that despite me largely coming at you here, I'm again sorry to be so blunt. I'm really just trying to drive the point home here. But I also want to be clear that his words and behavior are also unacceptable. I'm not here suggesting he doesn't have fault here. He's certainly a problem.
Either way, you have to settle this immediately. There can't be guessing or assumptions. You need to come to a conclusion together and then determine the logical next steps. Good luck.
Well let's say that the relationship didn't develop that much in 2 years. My country still had covid restrictions so we didn't get the same time as normally you would get in 2 years. But yes, definitely I love him and we had some very deep moment together. I didn't like him at first but now I totally do.
I've told him the whole truth. He's hurting but he told me he understood that I do love him and even though it started out as a joke it wasn't anymore. Also it turned out he knew about the cheating in the beginning of the relationship and that he hoped that I'd change.
Now I told him to go on and not contact me again, but he keeps insisting that we can still work this out. The other comments are right, he deserves so much better. And I deserve the worst. He'll be better without me. He'll be fine.
PS I did tell him I loved him, multiple times. He's the first whom I've said that and I 100% meant it even though my actions tell otherwise.
Thank you for the advice, he really helped me doing this right.
46 and 49 is not old.
I know because I'm 48.
They're being microaggressive.
It’s time for her to grow up.
He should be contributing to his child's upbringing in an equitable way, with money and/or childcare. You seem to recognize he's not going to do either, so you've grabbed on to chores as the one thing he might actually do. But the core issue is that he's not being a parent to his child.
Do you want to stay in a relationship with him? Or do you want to split and have a more formal co-parenting arrangement. Because right now you're getting the worst of both worlds.
how did I cheat when he put his hand on my throat and I pushed him off? Me and this person were friends, that hung out and had a friendship prior to things happening. And why would I automatically assume an invitation from a FRIEND, a platonic friend, would be for sex. The boundaries of me being in a relationship with someone was set. I didn’t put myself in a situation to get assaulted, let alone have someone’s hand on my fucking throat. Someone in the military who’s basically trained to fight.
Honestly I think this is less of an issue that you think.
He was probably using this opportunity as a “bro space” where he could vent a bit and have other men commiserate.
Was it inappropriate? Most definitely.
But it feels like from his multiple apologies thar this was a minor lapse in judgement rather than any major transgression.
Ignore the Redditors who want to put his head on a spike. Once he's apologised, the best thing to do is laugh about it and move on.
Your expectations are fine. Expecting those things from him is where the problem lies. Because he cannot give what you need.
You two sound incompatible – you want and need different things when it comes to expressing love. I can confidently say this because I am like you and my ex is like your boyfriend. My ex is a great guy in many ways – but he is not a great partner for me. He's a much better partner to the woman he is with now because she is as pragmatic as he is.
Food for thought.
Do they have generational wealth where he doesn’t need to work?
If not, what are you doing with this guy?
That’s some sound reasoning. I have used condoms to masturbate before, just to see if it was better and except for clean up it isn’t. But those condoms can’t be good to use. Also, why does he have condoms if you two don’t use them? So maybe cheating, maybe personal ass play the he is too embarrassed to share. As a man that’s all I can really think of. Unless jerking with a condom does it for him?
Look, I am 4 years deep with my gf and things feel just like day one.
How you accomplish this is recognizing that relationships have stages and layers.
If you accept that the excitement is over, it's probably over. Why? Because you gave up on it and don't see the bigger picture.
You're 3 months deep… When you think about it… you hardly know each-other.
There is so much more to discover about your partner and the potential your reletionship is unknown. That is exciting. The world is what you make of it.
This is good time to generate new depths. Add layers of communication. Take your first step in tuning your reletionship to be a better fit. Optimize that shit.
Being with someone who works with you to give you the most fulfilling reletionship possible, its irreplaceable.
You constantly build. That is the key.
If you accept that this is all you're going to become, then that is all you will be.
Now is an amazing time to really explore each-other.
The honeymoon phase will only die if you let it.
Yeah you’re 100% spot on. You know what also annoys me? This dude would always put it into my face that i might never get married or have a partner (i’ve been single for 3 years now) and i could find purpose elsewhere in life (by what taking care of his kid?!??)
What annoys me is that i want to be child free (i dont mind godkids since you’re not with them 24/7) but i really want to have a partner, eventually. (JUST NOT HIM!!!)
If you don't dump her, you should invite the dude from the bar to your wedding. He seems like a close friend.
Tell her saying she regrets her behavior isn't exactly the same as an apology. But you're not on a position to care what she regrets right now.
OP- I’m so sorry you’re going through this! Hugs! He’s back and not interested in you physically, but don’t split the money up and yeah he’ll go to therapy? Do it. Let him set up the appointments. This way you can say you tried. A good sex life?? What about a decent marriage and a great sex life? Do you do all the work? All the planning? Ask him what he does or thinks he does for me, please. Let me know
End the relationship. It's not gonna get better. He's old enough to know not to do that.
He’s insane if he thinks this is something that can worked through.
He doesn’t even feel bad for telling you that he thinks your pregnant body is unattractive.
Don’t wait until the babies are here before speaking to a divorce lawyer, get the ball rolling now.
Intimate enough for me to be upset with it
If that’s what you got from all of that I don’t know what to say.
Best to leave. Worst case scenario is that she ends up controlling your life, your friends and when you head out etc. It only gets more suffocating as time goes by.
The separate bedrooms things is because of his snoring. It is so loud that you can hear it in the living room from his bedroom. He used to feel really bad about it in the beginning and i tried many times to make it work but it didn’t and i had to get the separate room. But at this point i feel like he’s taking advantage of that situation to do these things. At this point i don’t trust him overall because idk he might also be talking to someone else when i am not in the room. Who knows? I am so angry right now and i didn’t know whether i should talk to him about how this made me feel or not?
He “accidentally emotionally cheated.” Boy, he’s never going to find anyone else as accepting as you.
igi that the way i phrased tht can be misleading. but i also wna try to understand tht if was uncomfortable w smth, made it known and he still went, i wld be upset as well.
Happy to help, best of luck to you!
Op my ex husband fooled around with my younger sister before we got married. We had been together for 3 months. I was home from college and my mom said “This is not the man God planned for you”. I was naive at 18 and took up for him. Defended him thru tears and told my mom that he wouldn’t do that to me again.
A few years later (we were married) he actually slept with my oldest sister. What my mom predicted had come true. I’m getting a divorce and I’m still living in the marital home until I can save up enough money to move out. If I move out the only people I can stay with are out of state and are the sisters he cheated with.
I’m not close to my sisters. I wish I had money to move me out of this house and frankly this state. I want to start over somewhere else and put distance between him and my family. This is your future please don’t go thru with this marriage. Learn from my mistake but for my daughter this marriage has done nothing but damage my mental health and put scars on my heart.
At this point, I just want out and away from everyone and everything. That’s why I would love to move away from everyone and start over somewhere else. I can’t afford to do that so I just keep my chin up and focus on myself. It’s time I put my needs first. Please op I’m old enough to be your mom. Think about it. If you believe in prayer, pray about it. Sending you love, strength and prayers. ??❤️??
I don't believe you at all. My ex gamed constantly, also very late. The only day we would have together (Sunday) he would wake up around 13:00 or 14:00. Before he was done with breakfast and ready to do something would be a hour later. This would mean we would never be able to do anything on the day we were both free. It isn't that great to live! with someone you really don't spend any time with.
And for context, we were both gamers. So we did spend some time together on-line in game. But i like to do other things with my significant other as well. Go for a hike or something. That would be a hell of a fight with my ex. So yeah wether playing video games matters really depends on other stuff and that information isn't in the op.
so she wanted the blow by blow in real time?
I don't think it's possible to decide if he led her on. A lot changed in the past few years
Ay yo something’s not right here ?
Of course it is. But regardless of whether he’s actually flirting with her or him with her, at the end of the day this is causing you some serious emotional dysregulation which I imagine feels pretty terrible for you to deal with. Maybe it’s time for you to spend some time single and just working on being kind to yourself for a while, especially if you’ve come straight out of an abusive relationship
it’s gonna be hot but let her go she doesn’t respect you if she really loved you she would be trying to get you back or at least work on things with you that’s not what she’s doing instead she’s doing her own thing actions speak louder than words plus she’s hurt you enough