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  1. From how you presented it, you initially asked to have a gathering and he said it was fine as long as it wasn’t a wild party…and then you took that as rude and controlling, and then the dialog devolved on both sides from there. If that’s what he said when you asked, that isn’t controlling and tbh…not really rude. You mentioned he bought the house and you pay rent, so if it’s in his name only…it’s his house and he absolutely has a say in what happens inside it. You didn’t portray him being unreasonable with what he initially said when he gave you conditional permission to have the gathering in the house. Seems like this is just unnecessary on your part, if you were only intending to have a gathering…why take exception to what he said when you asked that? If you want to have a wild party, just have it somewhere else.

  2. Your husband is having an emotional affair with her. Your gut is correct in that something is off. I would discuss this with him and maybe do couples therapy.

  3. it’s not them specifically but the fact that’s she’s been had in an intimate way, sometimes dominating way it makes me feel as though it’s less special and i feel weird that she’s submitted to so many other men

    it’s a bit tough we’re in a 2 year relationship everything is good except this

  4. This would be an absolute hell no for me, maybe I’m traditional in this way but my husband is mine and mine only 🙂 You have to set your boundaries, I fear for you that you may end up going along with it because you think that’s what she wants but at the end you’re going to feel jealous, wonder who she’s with and insecure. If you’re not okay with this then stay true to that.

  5. Bring up engagement, marriage, kids etc. If he balks at that, you're temporary and have to decide how you like that.

  6. It comes down to compatibility. I had dated people who were like this, and although I didn't understand and it caused tension, eventually I felt like the “controlling bad guy” — now I'm with the love of my life, and even though she's NOT a texter at all (in general, shes dyslexic and hates technology), she keeps me updated always, we communicate great, and she makes a point to lmk things. I think some people in my past were being shady, doesn't matter now though!

  7. Hello /u/Working_Republic_105,

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  8. Thank you sooo much, I needed to hear that. I guess my biggest fear is him just deciding he’s over it but I’m trying to be patient and just take it one step at a time, enjoying what we have while we do :,)

  9. Yeah, I asked my wife about that – that if I could be raised full-time by my mom as a single mom while she was overweight and still turn out healthy, why was she worried about my mom spending time with our child a few times a year? But she said that a child could easily pick up on the idea that it's “okay to be fat” or to have bad eating habits from a trusted relative.

    My wife does say that it's a “shame” I had to grow up with a fat mom (I have disputed that there was anything wrong with my upbringing, aside from the obvious that my mom had a pregnancy forced on her by someone several decades older when she was in her early teens).

  10. They both refer to it as novel experiences.. who calls it that lol. I wonder if the first was real then people saying she was gay freaked him out so he posted the “totally not gay” wife’s side?

  11. Adoption is traumatic. It is meant to be a system to give children who don’t have a family a home, not to allow adults to cherry-pick children based on their genetics. The fact that you see adoption as being for you to design a child pretty much rather than it being about bringing in a child who needs a home speaks volumes about you and your intentions. You’re being selfish, irresponsible, and problematic.

    This is the kind of motivation that leads to adopted children feeling tokenized rather than supported/at home.

  12. Depending on how much, and how often you have been drinking, you need to be careful, suddenly stopping can cause DTs (delirium tremens).

    They can be mild, and make you have tremors, nausea, and general anxiety, but if they are bad they can cause hallucinations both audio and visual, vomiting, and high blood pressure, if they are severe they can cause seizures, extreme confusion, disorientation, and an extremely high heart rate.

    You should absolutely stop drinking, I am just giving you information, because you are caring for 2 small children, and if you have bad DTs you may need someone's help with them.

    The fact that you want stop drinking, and work to make your, and your children's lives better shows that you are ready to take these steps. I'm proud of you (even if I am an internet stranger) and I believe you can tackle this mountain, and come out on top.

    I'm not sure how AA works, but they should be able to give you the resources you need, and they probably have meetings that you can bring your children to, or have someone there to watch them. Believe me there are many other women in your position.

    Good luck, I hope I see updates as your journey progresses. ♡

  13. Anyone will tell you this is unhealthy. It is an unreasonable amount of time. Within 3 hours would probably be fine but 1/2 is too small a window.

    He has definitely been cheated on or has really strong alpha vibe, either is not good but you need to set boundaries and do it now before he holds it over you as a tool against you. .

    Responding in a reasonable time is a show of respect, not responding for hours is disrespectful but this is too much.

  14. Ya, hopefully he grows up and becomes a better person but you're not a rehabilitation center and you are worth more than this.

  15. I don’t feel like there’s a more kind way to respond. asking her to do anything above and beyond for you is more than you’re willing to do for her. either do it for her, or don’t expect her to do it for you.

    you’re going to have to deal with the fact that regardless of how nice or how backward she bends for you, you say you have THEATRE TRAUMA. so maybe don’t be with someone whose life revolves around theatre. I think your BPD is showing in that you shouldn’t expect people to care that much about your feelings when you’re not doing the same back.

  16. I guess you didn’t read the story where his brother stole his girlfriend and his family wants to pretend that’s normal behavior. You sound like the cheater to me, trying to normalize abusive behavior.

  17. My aunt has a two part first name (think like Anne Marie), and had teachers who would try and call her only using the first part, like just Anne. And she wouldn’t answer. Same story with the teacher’s conference, and her response of “My name’s not Anne.”

    She usually goes by the initials of her first name now

  18. What if your gf wants to do other things your wife once did, like any other completely normal and common activity? Is she not allowed to sprinkle pie spices in her coffee if Emily once did?

    Bet he doesn't keep this same energy during sex.

  19. Let him blame you. At the end of the day, if him blaming you is what it takes for you to find a bigger better relationship FAR away from a cheater like him, that’s a small price to pay.

  20. I'm sorry but why on earth did you get married so young? Are you in college or do you have a trade or other job skills? You need to start thinking about how you can support yourself and your baby on your own, because that's a real possibility. Very few couples who marry so young wind up staying together. Please start getting your ducks in a row and please don't have any more children until you're much older and in a better place. Good luck.

  21. You need to make him understand you’re serious. You have a child right now, who expects mommy (you) to clean up after him. Because you always do. Sure you nag and complain, but in the end you do it. Why would he change? He’s got his bang maid.

  22. Sorry if it sounds like I’m picking on you, but sometimes people come on reddit and ask for advice on something that would take a simple conversation to resolve.

    Six months is long enough to expect a more committed relationship, so just ask him. “I’m looking for a relationship where we do things together, go out together, spend time at different times of the day. Right now I just feel like a fwb. So how do you see our relationship?”

    Then depending on how he answers you can decide how to move forward.

  23. Has she expressed interest in changing this unreliability, or is she fine the way she is? You can't force a person to change because you don't like their personality. I'd tell her “I need you to follow through with the things you say and be reliable.” Give examples. If she expresses a desire to change and puts effort in, then great. Otherwise, she is who she is.

  24. Do you check your tire pressure every time you drive your car? Or do you trust that checking it every couple of months is fine as well as eyeballing your tires to see if any are flat?

    Checking the pressure every time you drive your car is paranoia. Checking every baby’s paternity with a DNA test is paranoia.

    And I suggest your paranoia comes from a deep hatred of women. Deep down you believe that women are inherently deceptive and manipulative.

    And that’s called misogyny.

  25. Honestly, it sounds like he likes you too! Go for it. Maybe start by asking him to hang out one on one, instead of in a group. Based on how that goes, you can tell him how you feel. Good luck!

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