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You BF is hitting on her trying to build a relationship with her. He doesn’t care about your feelings because he’s invested in hooking up with her. That is not a professional relationship between a boss and subordinate. They see each at work at day and then spend several hours together after work. Get out of this relationship and situation now.
It’s 4 years, so I see the hesitation here.
A lot of people are advocating for the ghost protocol, and it’s not entirely wrong. By the appearance of it, she’s planning to hop ship for the next best thing she can find. It’s pretty selfish that people do this while in a relationship instead of terminating the relationship before going on the hunt, but some people just can’t handle the being alone part in the middle. They want the best of both worlds, hopping from one ship to another without having to be a tiny rowboat in the ocean in between.
That said, if you don’t want to go full ghost – then it’s time to have a conversation with her. Sit her down and calmly tell her what you found. How it made you feel, and how you should either move forward or completely move on. My vote is for moving on, but we all find ourselves beholden to the sunk cost fallacy at one point or another.
If you want to keep things going, then you really need to ask yourself if you’ll be able to trust her again. If moving forward with unfettered access to her phone is even worth it, or if she finds better ways to hide it. Personally, it sounds like she has already moved on mentally, so it’s time to start the hard part of doing the same on your side.
I know it’s tough, and we’re just a bunch of internet strangers giving you advice without being in your shoes. Just don’t forget to look out for yourself.
It’s not just dating. Like should she be going out with friends at night all the time when we’re 30k in credit card debt because “she’s afraid of missing out on experiences”.
It’s not just dating. Like should she be going out with friends at night all the time when we’re 30k in credit card debt because “she’s afraid of missing out on experiences”.
No buddy. This is absolutely not the way to do this. Your girl might be oblivious to all this but your child is soon gonna start acting as an emotionnal sponge. It's going to create the very base of what his personnality will be throughout his entire life. It is mandatory that you get your act together right now, because I don't think one can imagine how much you'd hate yourself for ruining this child's life. Just imagine what kind of adult he will become after if he grew up knowing his dad doesn't love him and is unhappy because of his presence.
Even worse, some baby react to that by completely shutting down. It's like “oh you don't like when i'm around ? It's alright dad i'm just gonna not exist”. And they simply stop crying, and instead piss themself over and over again or starve themselves to deatg because they'll refuse to make a sound if they know it bothers you.
You'll need to swallow it up, one way or another. I would advise therapy, maybe it could even help you overcome the resentment and bitterness.
Happens a lot. In fact, I have made it home with a few phones in my pocket that were forgotten about during the night. I think many of us women have had that happen or almost happen.
Oh the red flags are many and they are waving strong with a 100mph wind. I m sitting here thinking of all the things you probably don t know yet. I d really reconsider spending the kind of money to travel to the US and stay for any length of time, you are only heading for disappointment with this one. Immature 23yo fixated on money, status, quick Rich schemes , held back by the “white man” , I had to hit him him ” he looked at me wrong” that's a whole lot of fixing to do over face time 5200 miles away. Save your money and your disappointments , cut your losses.
First thing first, it looks like you don't have the right info, when it comes to your options.
First getting married does not automatically allow her to stay, the two of you will have to file for an “Adjustment of Status” with the USCIS and it would need to be approved before she can stay. Long gone are the days of getting married = getting a green card.
Hopefully, your girlfriend has not been in trouble with the law and has never overstayed any Visa she may have had in the past, because either can cause huge problems when it comes to being processed through the immigration wickets.
Getting married first also means that you would have to undo that if things go poorly and the “Adjustment of Status” is denied.
Yes, in most cases, you can appeal and/or get waivers, but those take time and effort.
Option #2 in my view is better, which is for her to go back and then to apply for a K-1 Fiancée visa, and once that's approved for her to come back to the USA, and for the two of you to get married, then go through the wickets to get her a Green Card.
Again, if she has any issues with the law or any stays, it can/will slow things down, while things are being addressed, and if you go this route and things don't go well, don't try to have her come on an “tourist visa” then get married, because that will add more problems to any that already exists, because a “tourist visa” or “Visa Waiver” is basically a promise to go home before the visa expires. Getting married and then applying for an “Adjustment of Status” means that one of both of you have lied to the USCIS by breaking the promise, that allowed for the visa to be issued in the first place.
What the two of you should do will depend on your exact situation and your desires.
Just do keep in mind that getting married does not equal being able to stay, and in some cased being married and being apart, especially if there are factors that make it hard for her to be able to clear the immigration wickets, could result in the two of you being in different countries.
Go and do your research on K-1 (fiancée) and K-3 (spouse) visas, please use reputable sites and don't forget to at a minimum bounce what you find against the information that's on the USCIS site.
The applications are something that you can do on your own if you are able to follow instructions and pay attention to details. It can be a bit of a pain to gather all the necessary documents, but it's not rocket science.
If you do decide to use a Immigration Service, be sure to check all/any documents to make sure that they are accurate and that the information presented is correct. And do make sure that you get copies of any thing that is sent to the Embassy/Consulate/USCIS, because you will need to provide the same information to them everytime you fill out forms/applications in the future, because anything that is different, will tend to result in the USCIS asking questions and/or clarification, and if the info provided earlier turns out to be wrong/false, the two of you will be the one's who end up paying for it, not the people/company that submitted paperwork on your behalf.
Disclaimer, I am not a legal or immigration professional, so take everything I said with a grain of salt, don't take anything said here as face, go and and check everything out for yourself.
It sounds like the two of you are serious, so I think it would be best for the two of you to go and first get information/facts on what your options are, and once that's done, use that info to make a plan that works best for the two of you.
Different countries have different processing times, when it comes to K-1 and K-3 visas, with countries with many people trying to come and countries with high levels of visa fraud, taking the longest. I don't know how things are in Hungary, I think that you can find processing times either on the USCIS or maybe it was the Embassy/Consulate site for the country she is going to apply in, which in this cause would be Hungary. K visas have to be applied for outside of the US.
I hope this made sense and was helpful.
Best wishes and good luck going forward!
Yes. Get cameras for your house and run down a plan for your daughter in case things happen. Also, make sure if anyone is coming to the house she's going to be told about it not surprised. My gf said she had a secret knock with her family and wasn't allowed to open the door for anyone that didn't know it.
Option c) date both, but be honest with them about it. Maybe phrase it differently than you did here but I think you can give each of them the same message.
Update when you find out, please.
She’s already been sick, so he’s had time to consider this. He’s giving her a heads up. Also him saying that he would expect her to do the same if the shoe was on the other foot is such a fucking cop out. You shouldn’t get upset that I’d abandon you because, I’ve chosen to act like that was part of our deal from the beginning. He had his fingers crossed during the vow portion of his wedding.
I wish I knew… we were best friends for the longest time. It feels like a sudden death.. no goodbye, nothing. It’s heartbreaking
I’m not the one using my own life story to try and convince OP to play mommy to a kid she doesn’t want.
OP doesn’t want kids, end of story. Trying to make it work and play parent would only make her miserable.
This doesn’t make me distrust her AT ALL. I have 100% trust in her. I just don’t feel it’s safe for her. I know that probably makes me sound like I have white knight syndrome or whatever but that’s how I feel. I’ve never had an issue with her going out with friends and coworkers it this feels different to me. I just want to either get over it somehow or be able to talk to her about it.
^This! Trying to play/act nice to someone we didn't really want to be hanging out with us is exhausting!
Honestly I think I just lost myself. My relationship before this one was abusive and shook a lot of my self confidence. And during this time I lost 6 people in my life so I guess I haven’t been able to sit and look at my relationship.
Anti vax moms do this to their kids and the “proof” is the “worms.” People are dumb as fuk.
this is the most recent time. he brings it up every now and then, i would say once or twice a year
Honestly probably better if I just kill myself being this pathetic I'm tired of it… I won't kill myself but man the option is very tempting
So it sounds lke you've never been in a long-term ,adult relatonshp? Have you dated people in that time?
I don't think that's necesarily a flag in itself, but a lot of time what you find with people in that situation is some degree of mental health differences or difficulty with social situations that CAN have an impact. But, on the surface, simply not yet having found your person for a LTR isn't a flag. It's all in the reasons behind it and how you present it.
Propose to him in a romantic way if he wants it romantic. If he says no or comes up with another excuse then leave him. If he really wanted to marry he'd be married by now.
I'd say to give him an ultimatum but it just doesn't sound right to get engaged/married by pressure.
If he says yes then insist on a date within the year, preferably this summer or fall, and start making plans ASAP. Don't let him put it off longer term by not setting a date or setting a date way off.
I almost moved states recently for my now ex. Turns out she realized she didnt love me once she started going out by herself and meeting other people. She very unceremoniously broke up with me at the end of a phone call, then proceeded to be very rude about me when talking to shared friends. Turns out there were some feelings of hatred or something for me “trying to force her to stay in the relationship”. I've seen the same happen elsewhere. Feelings of anger and resentment can bloom pretty quickly when one party views the other as trying to force the relationship to happen, which usually ends in cheating.
Don't waste your love on someone who doesnt want to give it back. I'm sorry OP but she told you what your future was already, not being together. I know the dating scene sucks, but find yourself someone who actually loves you.
Recommending and buying for are pretty different in my eyes
STD test, lawyer, gym. In that order