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I really appreciate it. I'll be okay. Just know you're never alone and you deserve someone that wants to spend time with you
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Yes SSRIs and similar medications make it damn near impossible to cum. Talk to your doctor. When I was trying different medications and was on an SSRI my doctor gave me another drug that was able to counter this specific effect. There are also some antidepressants that don't have this effect. Talk to your doctor if this is bothering you.
It sounds like you are choosing between being in a relationship with her or exploring your own wants and desires. It's a tough choice to make but ultimately that is what it comes down to. But monogamy tends to be a deal breaker in relationships and if she is not into the idea or would feel hurt by you pursuing it, you guys are not right for each other in this moment in time.
Oh my I knew there was something going on
You could probably just ask him if he’d like your number. You don’t have to flirt at his place of work, but it is to the point and it can be quick and relatively painless.
I’m sorry for your loss, and I’m sorry that your girlfriend doesn’t care about your feelings. You may not want to immediately make a big decision after losing a family member, but you really should consider breaking up.
She's avoiding the truth. It's a big joke. Along with her lieing.
You need to knock her off the fence.
You 2 living together? Who place is it
Time for her to take a walk.
You are really reaching for reasons to dump this girl aren't you. She hooked up with someone while she was single? The horror!!!!
Slow it down.
Signs are you have spoken about a future together and agree on what it looks like.
this is a lie
Get tested for stds regularly, you never know
I only acrunch the cheap shit in public washrooms
It’s not a big deal, IMO. Less than 3 months long distance? Have you met in person?
That may be illegal, (for him not to disclose his status,) depending on where you on-line.
PrEP exists. He could have just told you ahead of time and taken precautions so you wouldn’t be infected. He just didn’t.
We found the sugar daddy
I'm sorry, but WHAT do you have to apologise for? Your sister caused that scene all by herself. That was not a prank, that was an incredibly cruel act, and she is 100% responsible for the fallout. You do not need to apologise, but your sister needs to grovel and beg for your forgiveness.
Don’t be with someone who withholds sex to force you to do X,Y, or Z. This is a form of abuse and manipulation. If you want to change, change for yourself, not a BF.
Ditch him. That isn't love. Nobody should ever treat their partner like that, especially when their partner has just lost a loved one and is grieving. Dude is selfish and guaranteed if you stay, he'll get weird and controlling about other things too. Or cheat himself since he's so obsessed with sex whenever he wants.
Does he treat you and others well?
Do you enjoy his company?
Again he made it clear he's gotten nothing and will not do so. Nothing in his comments indicates he has gotten a letter. Nothing in his comments shows that they are upset in anyway that he's not getting anything only that his sister asked that he buy something too. Nothing in the comments shows he's ever asked if a non monetary gift would be acceptable.
I feel like you're attacking my post that had over and over again made it absolutely clear I feel a non monetary gift is in order. Instead you keep bringing money to my post that has OVER AND OVER made clear he shouldn't spend money. I'm talking about playing with monopoly money but for some reason you keep trying to make it about buy real houses which I don't understand…
Yes he is getting gifts that he's accepting and not pushing back on which is nice but he's still ignoring any human empathy which could be shown with a simple card. You can definitely hold strong on the fact that he's made everyone uncomfortable by not doing showing love and empathy with the rest of the family but it's still just op deciding to show the family he doesn't care enough to do the bare minimum on the holiday. Again I point you to my numerous analogies because in any other situation this is shitty behavior.
Of course in all of these situations it is ok to have boundaries but it makes 0 sense to participate in the part of the event you don't want to be part of then get mad that people don't feel comfortable with it.
You would not be the asshole. She is stringing you along till something better comes along. She thought it had and when it flopped she thought she could just pick you back up Again.
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Do you think that she told you about this pledge of choosing each other first so that you'd always make her your number one priority, but she wants to pick and choose when she prioritises you?
It sounds like your cousin is trying to save you from a grooming situation. Listen to her. Just because it’s “legal” doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do.
I wonder if he’s gonna try to convince you to move to his home country. You’ll see how fast your family stops being supportive when he tries to take you away from them
Just take a hint already and leave her the fuck alone. There's your closure.
I agree. In a way, I'd be doing them a favor too by breaking up with them. Like, then they can fire up the tinder again, go out to the bars and invite guys to meet them at the bar again. I think the reason why he keeps me around is because if he needs a +1 for anything I'm always there. (I could sense the frustration when I saw a convo where he bought movie tickets for one guy, and then he was scrambing to find another to go with him because the other bailed…I was at work so it couldn't be me anyway) If he needs someone to cuddle while falling asleep, it's guaranteed that I'll be there. I'm sure very few of the guys he fucked wanted to stay afterward. And he's very self conscious about his age so he probably thinks in the longterm he will need a companion and he thinks I can be that.
My self worth was ruined when I saw him asking for other guys cum when I never got that. Even just now I asked if he liked it and would want to swallow again and compared to “yea babe i wanna drink ur cum” that the other guys got, I got “I was expecting not to like it but doing it made me feel I can show more affection to you. I feel expressive and am willing to do it again.” In other words, “yea I'm not aroused by you at all but I'll do it here and there after you've complained enough”
The reality is that even if you didn't struggle with bipolar disorder nine months just isn't nearly long enough to know if someone is “the one”. It takes a good two years minimally to know someone well enough to make that determination. So don't chastise yourself for not having the answer to this right now. But if he's a binge drinker who doesn't like the animal that is your “world” you've already discovered some areas of conflict (and those don't tend to get better with time).
You’ve been together for seven months. His unfortunate situation was not created by you.
No, he has all his siblings, parents, grandparents, so no. That did just make me think of the time when his friend’s mom passed away like a year ago and then that same friend’s sister killed herself shortly thereafter. His other friend flew out to their hometown where the friend lived to support him, but it seemed like Jake (my bf) didn’t do anything, like he actually didn’t call him at all, he didn’t go visit, and he finally texted him after I kept telling him he should reach out. That’s what I can’t quite figure out is like, what would make someone be like that to people?
Mate, RUIN HER TRIP. Get yourself sorted day one and text her saying it's over.
I think you need to go to a clinic before you end up in a crappy situation. When a man shows he is not ready or happy to have a child BELIEVE HIM
Start a tradition of doing date nights for life events like birthdays rather than tangible gifts.
You cornered her alone, probably half hard, and basically coerced her to tell you what you wanted to hear. You left her no choice and no support with her mother around to feel comfortable to say she’s not feeling safe when you strut around in your tight underwear. You’re a massive creep. You haven’t even known them for two years, that is not nearly enough time to be close enough to someone, especially a teenage girl that you aren’t related to, to do something like that. And to say confidently that you trust your own judgment that she would have told you she’s uncomfortable while you put her in an extremely uncomfortable situation is fucking delusional. The audacity.
I'm not sure how you get there. I'm an introvert, being alone has always been my home base. I like reading, puzzles, solitaire, spent most of my childhood wandering the woods alone, it's all peaceful.
OP, why did your marriage last only 5 minutes?
Are you really asking that? Dating apps are called “dating apps” for a reason. I would not be in a relationship with someone who is actively using a dating app. You have to decide where your boundaries are.
Divorce should rarely be the first option at hand, indeed. I feel like in this case here, there is hope if he plays along, too.
That's fair, so the issue is the derailing the comment thread to start a discourse on male hair when the topic is advice for a woman struggling with mismatched preferences on her hair length.
That makes more sense, thanks for taking the time to elaborate.
You're completely right of course, my point is equally directed at the commentor, too. I have a full beard currently, I enjoy having a beard. Frankly, for every one woman that hates it, two more seem to have enhanced interest because of it. I'd say from personal experience that women who take issue with facial hair are likely rarer than guys who take issue with body hair.
My only issue with your reply was stating it as “women have to” though, and I stand by that. While I may be in the minority, a woman having arm/leg/whatever hair has no bearing on how attractive I personally find them. I vehemently disagree with that kind of phrasing because there's already enough women out there that feel societally pressured into feeling that shaving is obligatory when it should be entirely down to their personal agency.
? PREACH, Gym Jesus, PREACH!
Really hope her ex follows thru with non com, can't imagine being treated like this and coming out happy
Okay, enjoy being bitter into your mid 30s my guy. Imagine being a full grown adult and this upset over a comment that's clearly not advising someone to do something ?. It's possible, not recommended. I'm not gonna reply past this point because I'm busy, byeeeeee.
The frequency I wash my hair depends on its length. The longer my hair, the more often I wash it. Short hair gets every 2-3 days, depending on if I've used product. Long hair gets 7-10 day intervals.
I can understand where it’s to a sexual nature that he’s pissy. Like responses to that would be explicit… but if that idea sprung up with my friend, I can envision me and my bestfriend dying of insane laughter over any response that came of that, especially if it were serious.
Though I really think tossing salad is more genuinely in reference to interactions between gay men so they’d be more likely to get responses men expecting it to be that, although although although I can’t imagine anyone taking it seriously at all anyway to begin with, it’s just obviously a prank in that location
And that note on the board wouldn’t have lasted the night
Yup.
One of the first lines: “I don't like DrAmA.” /continues to cause more drama with their shi**y behavior
I really wasn't sure and I was jut panicking, but I do feel that women have an easier time in a divorce, and take more than they deserve
I dont want to tell my friends about this. I know they'll judge me for it. I dont have a therapist
you’re right, there are exceptions to the rule. I wish we educated the general population on these things. /:
What? The only thing the older brother did was have a gf. I don’t understand why you’d think that was creepy.
Face it. You don't want an engagement ring. You want a engagement condo and a ring.
Thank you? yeah I’m worried about that. Im gonna have support from my therapist but I don’t want to just invest in the first guy I date that shows the most basic respect and interest in me lol
Yes; I agree with you. It was a “measurable risk from my part” and odds were against my favor.
Appreciate your understanding and comment.
I have big boobs and my ex said he preferred small boobs. I’m now with a man that loves my big boobs and it makes me so happy. That’s gonna be you, girl. You got this!
Just made my first post on this sub a min ago and received some genuine, sincere advice, which I greatly appreciate and therefore, felt compelled to reciprocate.
First off,I'm very sorry, as this must be incredibly traumatic and concerning to say the least.
It's unfortunate that gender matters at all,in terms of public opinion or precedence,but it does, as I'm assuming that if the genders were reversed here, you would be looking for a new job and in prison. I know I likely would be.
I'm not an attorney or legal expert,regards having anything to advise on that aspect,but I can tell you this much unequivocally.
She was 200% having these thoughts before his 18th bday. I think we can all agree to that here. Wasn't as if she began to have romantic/sexual thoughts on that exact day and that is…well…wrong?
That said, I would try to talk to your son. Make that the focus, along with any other potential legal repercussions or convos with your boss you may want to pursue. It may go in one ear and out the other,but I'd honestly ask him what he thinks will happen when he's 35 and she's getting her freaking AARP magazines in the mail???
That's always been my number one thought as to any relationship with this type of age gap.
Someone OR both will get hurt. It's just inevitable. Hopefully you will find a way to convince him of this. If not,he will find out on his own that this is bad news,whether tomorrow or 10 yrs from now. Another natural fact I think.
Sincerely hope you are able to find some solution to what shouldn't have happened to begin with. Shame on your boss.
Actually we broke up because she was moving back home after college, and we didn't want to try a long distance relationship, but we are still on great terms, you presumptive asshole
Be prepared that your partner may leave you if your brother in law gets hurt because you thought someone else’s relationship was your business.
I reckon just ask her
Nah. He can sleep in his car. This is awful, OP. Tell him to gtfo or you’re calling the cops
Honestly best advice ever. Youre right i can be accusatory and i need to improve on that. Thank you
she has a thyroid problem it's not that easy
Why not? Unless she has a specific guy in mind already (which could be a red flag), what difference does it make to her if she's performing for a man or a couple? That's kind of an odd hang up.
Also, having a couple makes it less likely that there will be any requests to escalate. With a couple there to watch they are (hopefully) going to just enjoy the show and leave to have fun with each other.
Insisting on a single man makes it seem like she plans to change the game in the middle of it, and turn it into a threesome. Even if that doesn't happen, its a little cruel and leaves the single guy alone and frustrated afterwards.
What you're describing is barest minimum of communication, and then giving up, it's not the bones and organs of a marriage.
Did you miss where I already addressed what he's doing?
Thanks for the award!
YTA. “It’s not that serious” is bullshit.
You are justifying your toxic behavior. If she was the OP and asked if your behavior was a red flag, the consensus would be yes, GTFO.
She runs you a bath, rolls you a fatty, makes your dinner. Your response when she’s talking? Interrupt her. Then you tell her to “hurry up. “. Yes, YTA.
???. Leave and find a more worthy girl. She will still cheat regardless of marital state. Do you want to continue getting STD tests until they turn up positive?
People mean different things when they say “porn addiction”. How much time do you spend watching porn? How often do you jerk off? Does the fact that you jerk off so much affect your ability to have sex with your bf when he’s horny?
The fact that it’s straight porn isn’t something I’d find problematic—lots of gay men watch straight porn. There are even companies that make straight porn for gay men. There are even subreddits of straight porn for gay men.
updateme!
Then that tells you to leave this relationship. You are not to take a backseat.
I believed you until the fight scene. 8/10 story writing. You need to work on making your fight scenes more believable.
What's wrong with Elderly people doing porn?
This is really odd. No guy needs to bring a girlfriend with him as some kind of evidence they aren't gay. Lots of guys don't currently have a girlfriend, and somehow escape accusation from their parents about being gay. Helping him weave his web of lies about his life to his parents isn't exactly healthy for anyone involved either.
As for your boyfriend, it sounds like he's overreacting to me.
Agree. It says a lot about that person’s view on sex.
Do the issues arise because he doesn't want to talk to you about his life? Because when you ask him things that you think are normal questions, he feels like you're interrogating him?
Maybe consider phrasing things in a less judgemental manner? Instead of “why are you picking him up at the airport, that's weird!” maybe say “oh that's nice of you to pick him up at the airport, my clients don't do that for me. Are we still good for our date on Sunday afternoon? I'm looking forward to seeing you.”
You want to talk through issues but also would like to talk things out less. That's confusing.
20 yo are old enough to drive, travel alone, get married and hold guns. They grow up so fast. Don't they!
I would say it is totally up to OP how he feels about this. Don't try to encourage him into something he clearly is not that comfortable with, WTF. It's not sex-positivity if one party doesn't like it!
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She had only known toxic relationships where she was the victim part, now we have a completely healthy relationship and she said she couldn't handle it
Myself having little experience in toxic dynamics, what could she possibly be feeling?
I am not thinking on pursuing any longer but would appreciate some insight from people who have had these kind of problems so I can understand a bit better what is going on in her head. Did she get bored? afraid of commitment? or else?
I mean, I condone the practice of safety, I'm asking cuz I'm curious. Did I miss something that implied OP may be concerned her BF and their semi-shared partner were transmitting an STI between them?
Cuz didn't read any of that in the post. Actual or subtext.
It's simple, don't try to change other people behaviour. You can't !
You both dating people independently can be ENM. Dating can include casual sex, or a casual relationship (like dinner and sex but you’re not in love).
I have had threesomes (fff). In those cases it was with people we knew. The thirds had a pretty good idea what they were getting into. I don’t regret doing it, but I wouldn’t try to pretend it was ENM . I also would be pissed if virtual strangers approached me for this.
I wouldn’t expect much from him emotionally, but I think ethically you should tell him. And as far as financially, I wouldn’t let him off that hook so fast. The law is clear as to is responsibilities. Just be prepared to raise your child alone from an emotional perspective and for the questions.
Wait. You can be charged for hitting someone who broke into your home?
Even Chief Wiggum thinks that's dumb
Nothing you described sets off a red flag that you were drugged and raped. The pain from that would typically be very noticeable, especially since you've never done it before. Additionally, you didn't describe feeling super out of it the next day or having a hang over effect which often happens after being drugged.
All that being said, if you feel that your bf drugging you is even a possibility, you shouldn't be with him. One or both of you will be at serious risk in this scenario. Do yourself a favor and break up with him.
I'm of the opinion there is room in the world for people of different beliefs and of different degrees of belief.
But I've seen examples of families being driven apart like you are as well.
Idk dude I'm gay, I didn't kick myself out of my family.
That's the thing. Inheritance laws don't care about anyone's feelings. Without a will it depends on the laws which may entitle the brother to half anyway. Most places having your name on an account just makes it easier to access.
Ignore the downvotes bro I’m sorry to hear what happened. These people don’t understand what modern women are like. How many men need to share their stories of women becoming less attracted, unattracted or seen as weak for showing emotions to their S/Os for people to listen? This just adds to the list. Keep your head up man it was a mistake, don’t beat yourself up and best of luck!
Not a girl but have seen this and know the feeling so I have empathy for you there.
They definitely aren’t respectful towards you and it’s not acceptable to treat another person like that.
If you’re brave enough to be confrontational I would tell them how they make you feel and just straight up ask them why they behave that way. I am not sure it will make the situation better but at least you’ll call them on their bullshit.
See how things go and if it’s not better by the end of your lease then I’d seek new roommates. Life is short. The years fly by. Try to have fun in college and don’t let this get you down.
She was likely drugged, she went to the hospital, her injuries were consistent with sexual assault, she filed a police report, she got a rape kit done. She did everything right- she probably asked you to leave because sexual assault is traumatising, humiliating and she didn't want you to see her like that.
Tbh she deserves better than someone who will victim blame her, the people who are saying to break up with her might be onto something. Just try not to traumatise her further when you do so.
Get over it. Weirdos will thirst over anything, trust me. As long as SHE doesn't mind, that's her choice. You accept it or move on.
Why not try marriage counseling first?
Why do you feel you need to pay for their retirement or medical care? If they’re in the US for example, they can get Medicaid and Medicare to cover their medical and assisted living or skilled nursing. You don’t have to swoop in financially and honestly shouldn’t.
I’ve dealt with similar and while I’ve helped my mother and grandmother organize things, I am not paying their way. You are not their retirement plan. On-line your life.
If it's not that serious then why not bring it up before first time intercourse?!
If he gets mad at you for asking questions about your future together it’s probably because he doesn’t see a future together. He’s full of it about the days off. He could have done the same thing the week you are off. You aren’t at school on weekends. He didn’t want to take the week off with you. He wanted a week by himself. So it does sound like he’s stringing you along for convenience right now. Take your week to decide is this what you want in a relationship? Go somewhere by yourself or with friends. You don’t say if you on-line together or have co-mingled finances. If you do may want to spend the time thinking about that too.
I’m sorry.I don’t know what to say anymore. I’ve spoken how I feel. I know I should move on but I don’t want too. I now know she doesn’t want to be with me. And it makes me sad I cry. I start to think about the memories we had and it gets worse. I’m sorry
No the distance was. I only told him what I thought and well he agreed
UPDATE: wow I did not think this many people would see this. I honestly just needed a place to vent about this whole situation.
Also for clarity, she does work and makes great money. A lot more than me. I do not solely cover all of the bills. The bills are just in my name and she gives me the money and we split them. It’s my job to make sure they are paid on time. The house and both dogs were also split financially between us. I appreciate all of the kind and supportive comments.
how can you be less insecure for yourself is what you mean…go to therapy and get some new tools.