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You already have distrust. Look at the messages. Of course by now they could be cleaned up. Look for them to be disjointed and why did she not block them? Unfortunately you say believe their actions and not their words
are you the cop handling his case?
Account under 1 year. **
Right, I agree with ok construction. Give your son a grace period to when you will be cutting him off and make sure he fully understands that he'll need to sort out an income himself by a specific date. Be very clear about the deadline. And about how serious you are.
About the will. It sounds like the elder son can take care of himself, which I think you see as him “earning” the full inheritance because he is capable. But remember, your younger son does require help. He can very well go homeless. Maybe you've tallied the money and you've given to both sons over the years and you want to equal it out in the will. That's fine. But do as ok construction said, and let the older brother hold the younger brothers portion in trust – until he's responsible with it – such as has held a full time job for 2 years. Can use the money as incentive for your son to pull his life together and step up; a reason to stick through a job he'd otherwise give up on. And if he doesn't; you can say after 12 years if the condition hasn't been met then the elder son can receive it.
I agree, the only thing I think was uncalled for was having a private investigator keeping track of his son for a long time it seems. But yes I do think he should cut him off
I would just be vigilant and watch for the signs that something is amiss. You don’t have to interact with him but you should join your gf in her social outings and have fun being fun to be around. It may make him look like the ass he is and he’ll go away or she may tell him to ‘eff’ off. She may be testing you so show your best side.
I would just be vigilant and watch for the signs that something is amiss. You don’t have to interact with him but you should join your gf in her social outings and have fun being fun to be around. It may make him look like the ass he is and he’ll go away or she may tell him to ‘eff’ off. She may be testing you so show your best side.
Remind her that you don’t want a long distance relationship. Nothing has changed about your circumstances. Although it’s nude and you’ll be lonely at times, this is for the best right now.
You did the right thing. Don't second guess yourself. Stay true to yourself. There is someone for everyone in this world. Not just one.
Delete this post and take it like a woman, you expected this and now you got a taste. There's your answer. My girls would do the same if I brought a girl 17 hrs younger into our home..
Thanks for your message. I totally agree and I am certainly to blame. I am trying to get rid of jealousy.
Don't do it to only please your partner, it will end badly. In general it's easier for women to find a hookup partner than men, unless your gf is “ugly” you'd start at a disadvantage. Say your around average in looks, it's gonna be nude for you to find good enough hookups, so you will always be behind her and at some point stop while she's getting it. Only do it if you both are really into it. People who are monogamous and respect their partner don't want to share their partners with others.
Oh man I feel you on this.
I ended my 10 year relationship 5 months ago. We did not share finances at all, but the house we have a partnership agreement on. We both shared the down payment and split the mortgage 50/50. And we have a dog.
House is fully in my name. However I left, he didn't have anywhere to go. I made more money than him (although he got a new job now and makes about the same as me now, but my earning potential is a lot higher) Rent is astronomical in the Seattle/Tacoma area. He now pays the mortgage and we are working on getting the house in his name. It took me a while to move out, and he is still finding things that are mine. I didn't want anything in the house except my personal items and some knick knacks.
As for the break up. You need to do what is best for you.
I think you're going to be happier not having this albatross around your neck. It took me a few attempts at breaking up. He didn't want it, still doesn't want it, but I think we are both happier apart even if he doesn't see it fully yet.
You need to start with separating finances and cut off any of his access to your shared accounts. Most likely you will be stuck paying the debt so your credit doesn't suffer. The cars need to be split up and each have your own separate titles (if there is more than one car) if he's in an at fault accident they can come after you if you own the car too.
I had also decided I wanted more from life and while I love him our schedules, life and priorities were different. He did make some changes but in the end he went back to his same old ways and I had had enough.
Not sure if this is helpful. But since I went through a similar situation I thought my perspective could help a little.
Wtf is wrong with both of you
I agree, both my partner and I are friends with multiple of our exes but I'm saying that if both partners agree to such a term it shouldn't be considered toxic or controlling
Honestly, sounds like this relationship is coming to an end.
You spelt ex girlfriend wrong.
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I don't doubt you love him and I get being afraid of his reaction and disappointing him, but hiding this from him in no scenario will end well. Him finding out from someone else will most likely end even worse.
My advice is tell him yourself, be completely honest and prepare for it to not go well.
In the movie, it's a reaction to someone taking off their sunglasses to reveal an eye injury.
Show the bare minimum, like send one message or two. Write her you break up with her and do not want any further contact. Then block her.
I agree with everything you are saying except cheating is never a mistake. Cheating is a choice. I was also cheated on but thankfully am child free. But yeah. I’m a bit baffled by people who would happily throw their child under the bus and demonize them simply for wanting to love both their parents. A good parent does not make their child choose. Ever. It’s such a selfish thing to do.
Ultimately, this ended with her divorcing me and accusing me of being paranoid
Well, it could be that you were paranoid of course, but then there is this:
and she moved with her affair partner.
Case closed!
Yesterday, she called me and admitted she made a mistake getting with him and wanted to know if she can reconcile with me.
Ah, she fucked around and found out. The answer should be: “No!” Or maybe “Hahahahaha, of course not. What are you thinking?”
I don’t usually like to jump to dumping people, but dump his ass. I have similar anatomy to you and guess what? Most people don’t give a fuck! If they want to have sex with you they’ll be excited about it, and if someone loves you and chooses to date you they aren’t going to want to bully what you look like; they should be hyping you up and telling you how beautiful you are!
Do yourself a favor and dump his sorry ass
Ultimately, this ended with her divorcing me and accusing me of being paranoid
Well, it could be that you were paranoid of course, but then there is this:
and she moved with her affair partner.
Case closed!
Yesterday, she called me and admitted she made a mistake getting with him and wanted to know if she can reconcile with me.
Ah, she fucked around and found out. The answer should be: “No!” Or maybe “Hahahahaha, of course not. What are you thinking?”
Not just porn. Hitting that 30 mark is a downward spiral for men.
So SHE CAN DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS but not you. This isn't an open relationship, it's a one sided relationship. She's being selfish to think she's the only one who can enjoy the fruits of an open relationship.
I say SET BOUNDARIES and that is, if she can be with a girl, SO CAN YOU. And if she gets upset calling you UNFAIR, and trying to ruin the MARRIAGE. Remember it was her idea to have an open marriage. You were supportive.
She's just realizing she's not enjoying the fact that YOU ARE HAVING FUN WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
EITHER: both of you stop having an open relationship or go your separate ways.
Yes, I'm a female.
That's really great to hear, thank you ?
Not a little mistake on his part! A huge violation of boundaries. Any sex that is not consensual is rape. All consent should be enthusiastic consent too. He tried to manipulate you with his explanation, he insulted your intelligence too.
I’m very proud of you for asserting yourself.
You deserve better. Wishing you happiness and healing in this new year.
The financial stuff absolutely needs to be addressed. But I would also ask yourself, without getting defensive, if there’s some truth in his idea that your childhood religion is driving you to feel you need to be married by 26.
Did you just gloss over that in the conversation just like in the post? Groomed is a very strong word – is it the one he used? That seems like it is as big of a factor as the finances.
can you do it in person? and no it isn’t !
The doctor doesn't need to take a side, just report his/her findings to cps/police. The fact that you tested negative is a positive for you. You will need to obtain the services of a family attorney asap and follow there advice. Sounds like your already at a safe place, the police need to be involved and someone needs to charge your husband with child endangerment, giving drugs to a minor (harder to prove as its a he/she said situation) at least. If charges are pending, your husband might be eligible for supervised visits, but that would be up to a judge. You are also entitled to child support, plus alimony if applicable, hence you need to see family attorney asap. I would also recommend that your son be referred to a pediatrician or doctor who deals with this, as YOU do not know what the long term effects might be on your son. Could effect him developmentally etc.
I know that you’re right.
I’m just disappointed to have been put into another situation of just waiting for that moment of connection or thoughtfulness. I’m stupid to have hoped for it, but dammit if I don’t fall for it every time.
You may be able to subpoena them during the divorce proceedings.
To be honest. I'm not sure what the point of this post is.
It is what it is. And it has always been what it is. You're weak and rather go thru the headgames, the arguments and snooping than being a grownup with standards.
I mean. Welcome to your life with him where the past is the present and will be the future.
At least he's making money…..?
All this boils down to you don't want to be alone. Or do you want to admit that you chose wrong and stayed with the mistake.
I wouldn't say anything to him cuz what's the point? Just ignore it. And go on with your relationship.
Why would you be an idiot for doing that?
No offense, but you are acting like a predator whether or not you realize it. Seek help and get an outside opinion from somebody like a therapist. Also, your friends are right and you should be grateful you have honest friends
If you ever feel like it check your high school records to see if you have had an IQ test and if not you can take one. (I had two during school. One young age and one older). It seems like you are starting to believe what hubs says about your intelligence. I think your score will be very above average and it may make you feel better about it. FYI. Psychology phd students give tests so check with a university.
Drop him like he’s nude. Cause he is. You’re gonna get burned.
Statistics say if your partner will strangle you they will kill you. Period. They just haven’t yet. If he’s done it to another woman, he will do it to you.
I know someone personally who had it happen to them and she left him and he beats the shit out of his partners.
My husband is a police officer and he’s had cases where women have been found very hot in ditches after being strangled and dumped their by their partner.
This is literally how men say “I am in charge of your life. I can kill your whenever I want.” And then one day they do.
You should tell her the tale of Lars Mittank and see if she still wants to go
It can be nude to think fast when something like this is just sprung on you. Still, she can't expect you to keep this secret forever. Try to help her understand what this is all about, and offer to help her make a plan for ending the deception, but give her a deadline or two for action as well. Otherwise, you compromise your own integrity too.
Op, sounds like you’re girlfriend is trying to start a “pick me girl,” fight. Which is dumb af and very immature. I actually expected you all to be 18-16 range and had to double check what ages you put.
Amy needs to get over what’s going on with Millie. She’s not going to be “the only girl,” in every situation and needs to desperately grow out of the mindset.
Do not put up with it.
thanks for your honesty
You need to sit him down and FIRMLY explain that by asking you about it be is destroying his own goal which is to make you cum. Be very very clear
I know in NZ a guy was charged and did jail time for knowingly infecting a women when he was HIV positive. He was then deported when he got out of jail
Yeah, wow. I just checked that out. It's not wonderful at all.
Completely agree with you on that, thank you for for this Britney
I assure you: you do NOT want a jealous or possessive boyfriend.
Thats absolutely horrible, I'm sorry you had to go trough that and get no support.
While I can see why some are suggesting being petty, thats a lot of energy you could instead use to cut contact with the people who wont value and support you, and build a better life for yourself. If you're unlucky, being petty can backfire a lot more than it helps as well, especially when a golden child is on the other end.
Your brother bit one of the two hands that feeds him everything on a silver plate. Let him figure it out on his own from now on. Put the energy you put into him into yourself instead.
Step it up and take her or leave her alone. You never know what the other party is capable of. I just think you should see if you can actually change things. You might just be the guy that tells her she's pretty on a regular basis.
Your husband sounds like an immature nightmare. How is your communication? Do you know how he views his role as a father and how he sees his position in the family? Honestly though, he just doesn’t sound like a man you want to be with. How would things work out if you left? Could you get support from your mum?
don't believe him. others showed you who he really is, and they had to because he was purposefully hiding it from you. there's no friendship here.
Good luck! I hope it works out for you!
What future are you both expecting together? Have you actually discussed it? Is one of you wanting to on-line in the others country permanently? One of you wants to be forever away from your friends and family? With possible future children?
don’t think anyone knows, we’ve been pretty good
Maybe he needs more foreplay and by the sounds of it you might too. Maybe try fooling around like teenagers that don't want to go all the way.
He could have something going on that's affecting his libido
i’m bi. do not pass go, do not collect $200. fun little creative writing, most definitely someone bored looking for on-line attention rip.
No, It was not.
Surely this is a typo. You must mean ex-boyfriend
You knew what size tits she had when you got with her, she was never going to hit 24 and grow a new cup size.
Do you need a biology refresher?
What’s the question? What advice do you need? In a moment of intense feeling she showed you everything you need to know about how she feels about you. Get out. Move on. This is unacceptable abuse.
Lmao so they feelings are hurt because you didn't spread your legs to them that they actually told you they were disappointed as is one a child that becomes upset they didn't get what they wanted or their way ?
Girl drop them all, they aren't your friends if they expect some free coochie just because.
Update!
Gaslighting would be if OP saw the date when he originally looked, the date was recent, and she told him that he read it wrong, and that the real date is older but she’s since deleted it so he can’t double check. He could also mention physical attributes in the video and she would say that he’s not remembering correctly because those attributes were already there long ago.
She’d be basically telling him that he didn’t see what he actually saw, thus making him doubt himself and his recollection of events.
Many believe a break is the same as a breakup
This is cheating. If you think you can work through that you can yo back. This situation is usually reported on the back of a stag do or a drunken night out with the boys and is occasionally a lap dance instead. I have never understood it in my 45 years of being a sexually active bloke. I don't understand the women who out up with it either!
Get 50/50! Hire a nanny but get custody
Tell the OBS right after talking to an attorney. OBS needs to know the truth just like you did
Advocating for yourself to get better pay isn't slimy. That's just something corporation's tried to put into the minds of workers so they wouldn't fight for better wages (granted 170k is A LOT (depending on where u on-line)).
Yup. I’m lucky I caught mine early at 21, when I was surgically diagnosed. I had multiple massive cysts rupture and period pain was so bad for years that I was missing school and activities.
Don’t be in a relationship with someone just because you don’t want to be alone. A relationship should make you feel genuine attraction and love. You should feel like this girl is your partner and best friend. If you don’t feel any of those things, then it isn’t romance.
TBH, I actually feel like your partner is the one who is out of line here, and whose behaviour is a red flag.
If they were tired & wanted you to leave so that they could go to bed, then they should have said so. You are not a mind reader. To then turn around and tell you that they felt manipulated because you said “I missed you” is also really unfair. It is perfectly normal to tell your partner that you have missed them.
It also sounds like they are trying to weaponise the concept of boundaries. Boundaries are meant to draw a line in the sand between behaviour that you won't tolerate in a relationship. Saying “I won't tolerate cheating” is a boundary. A make out session that goes a little too long? Not a boundary.
Aside from that, boundaries only work if the other person knows about them, so to try and claim after the fact that you crossed a “boundary” that you didn't even now about? Not ok.
But the biggest red flag? They are now making you question your own memories.
My roommate told me she saw my boyfriend go into a room to chill a bit because they both got there a lot earlier than me and I was going to surprise him because he said he wanted me to be more spontaneous in our relationship and be more willing to initiate intimacy.
But I realize I should have verified it was him.
More Trust won’t do it.
Don’t do it. Unprotected sex is a big deal and joule be treated as such. Also, don’t do it with this guy even if in some way he agrees to being protected. His feelings a and thoughts about withdrawn consent are concerning and don’t seem like he can be trusted with sex. You’re not allowed to change your mind ? Wtf?
I'm sorry that you're also going through this 🙁 Do you ever feel guilty as the low sex drive partner? You shouldn't! And my partner shouldn't. But sometimes I do, even if it's unintentionally, like through body language, express frustration when I'm in the mood and he hasn't been for a while, and I always feel bad because he sees it and feels a little bad and he's told me before that he feels totally guilt free about his sex drive BUT that I t's nude for him not to feel bad about not meeting my needs.
It's not about teaching her a lesson I just don't see why I should be paying 50% of the cost of repairing something I didn't damage. Why do you think my gf shouldn't be responsible for damages she has caused?
No I’m a client dating other clients
Shes controlling as hell. This is not ok.
Former event planner here. I find that people seldom understand the level of planning involved in hosting events. A lot of coordination and pre-work needs to happen in order for this event to be a success. You are 100% correct that you need a group chat with all the invitees to get things rolling. This party will be a disaster without the proper planning, and when it runs off into the ditch, who do you think will get blamed? You, of course.
Your boyfriend is acting like a brat. There's really no other way around this. Is there a reason he doesn't want you to have access to his friends on messenger apps? Are you close enough with his bestie that you can ask that friend to start a group chat? Can you start a shared google sheet with trip details, expected expenses, lists of supplies, potluck foods, and items that people can sign up to bring?
If your boyfriend continues to stonewall you on this, my suggestion is to step back and wash your hands of the entire mess. Don't invest any money beyond perhaps providing the cake. Let him be responsible for everything, and then when it goes south, remind him that he didn't want to let you be involved in the planning. This guy sounds like a real piece of work. I hope your relationship has other positive attributes that make it worth the hassle.
You are downvoted by I agree. 4 years? She has intense trauma and if she isn’t doing anything about it then she isn’t going to ever improve. OP will be here in 2 years with the same exact question
Pretty sure you're what's wrong with the world. You, the ex, the mum.
Let's normalize immediately dumping dudes who don't think they need to wash their asses. Make that a non-negotiable.
Yeah He loved what you did to him
I just saw on another post that a girl was “triggered” by her boyfriend referring to himself as insecure.
These words, which have real and useful meaning, are just being tossed around on-line to try and legitimize people being triggered ridiculous.