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Do you actually want a relationship to ever work ? You know the reason all your relationships fail , and yet you arent changing it . Things wont magically get better…
Most people who read and write fan fics about certain characters don't really get turned on by it always, i'm not saying never but a lot of smut in fan fics is just for fillers, there's jokes that go around all the time about how people can read smut at thanksgiving dinner an nobody even knows because the sex isn't really that big of deal. Which i know can be naked to understand when you are ace. There's a lot of info about this all over tumblr, but you also shouldn't be pushing yourself into sexual situations if you are that repulsed by sex, that is never okay, so if all of this makes you feel that awful maybe this relationship has run it's course and isn't for you anymore.
All say I can say is stay single and actually work on yourself
Stop trying to fill this void