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  1. She says my kid cried to her during a recent sleep over that she loves school and hates coming home… I immediately call bullshit. My kid loves school. But she loves to come home too. But MIL says ask her, and I say I will.

    First, I think you want to make sure you aren't contributing to the problem. On the bolded, why would you agree to this? You and MIL are having an adult conflict, and this drags your little girl right into the middle of it. I agree you're getting 2 different stories, but you and MIL have to figure out how to navigate this without grilling your daughter, even indirectly.

    Also, that phone call where your daughter handed you the phone sounds like it turned into an ambush. None of this is defending your MIL, because she sounds a bit off! But if your daughter has a phone, she may need more guidance on how to use it. It's not ok to keep calling someone repeatedly.

    What's obvious to me is you and MIL (and maybe your husband) need to sit down together and establish basic guidelines on how to make this work. If your child feels left out, obviously you're doing the right thing in addressing it. But make sure you know what you're addressing. If she wants a sister, she's old enough to understand we don't always get what we want. If it's something else, that's different.

    Finally, I say all this without knowing the other shitty things she's said and done. If this becomes more of a hassle than a benefit, you could consider the LC thing. I totally agree that grandparents matter, and unless they're toxic, you want them in your child's life. But toxic isn't just obvious horrible stuff. Little things can add up and leave a mark on a child. If you get to the point where it's not worth the trouble, you're mom! And you get to decide what that means. She gets with the program or she loses access.

  2. I see trust issues here when other ppl see you being dramatic. On the other side I had worse fantasies than your gf but I would sign whatever just to get this moving…. However I can see why the GF is a bit bummed out….4 years later you should know what kind of person she is. She shouldn’t HAVE to sign a waiver to be eaten out. It takes the spontaneity out of it all.

  3. Mark has always been a good friend of mine that I lost touch with after highschool. My boyfriend was also friends with him but just never as close. We reconnected over an instagram post and have since been hanging out and the bf is aware of this because it’s never anything inappropriate just two friends hanging out.

  4. My boyfriend doesn’t have a college degree he dropped out, while now im in university, i never took it as something important though, he still carries conversations and is well educated.

  5. This is a lack of consideration and communication on both your parts. He can't read your mind regarding what you need, but he also could have asked you. You did not tell him no, due to your previous trauma, but have you discussed this with him in a non sexual moment? You both need to set up better communication, or you'll continue to have this happen. In his mind, you said yes, so he had consent. If he doesn't know about this reaction to sex, you need to tell him. If you need something when you're upset, you need to tell him. Without the ability to communicate in a healthy manner, a relationship is essentially doomed

  6. This is a lack of consideration and communication on both your parts. He can't read your mind regarding what you need, but he also could have asked you. You did not tell him no, due to your previous trauma, but have you discussed this with him in a non sexual moment? You both need to set up better communication, or you'll continue to have this happen. In his mind, you said yes, so he had consent. If he doesn't know about this reaction to sex, you need to tell him. If you need something when you're upset, you need to tell him. Without the ability to communicate in a healthy manner, a relationship is essentially doomed

  7. I would never prioritize my husband’s piece over my sister’s mental health.

    I would never be able to marry a man like that. Life happens and a lot of things happen as well, if you aren’t able to support your spouse in difficult situations you aren’t a good person and shouldn’t be married.

  8. I would write it off as a bad day unless this is a habitual thing. Not everyone knows how to deal with grief and death, and I am surprised he was attending the funeral alone without your support. Anger is a part of grieving.

    I'm from a culture that encourages sharing grief together and him walking out the door alone to attend the funeral was one of the coldest things I can imagine.

    You did all the right things though within your capacity. But please don't recommend an anger management program to someone in grief. Some people have set some great advice in the comments for getting him to apologise to your kids though.

  9. Just be straight up, from what you said you were not in the wrong, and she should receive what you are saying, and understand and if she doesn’t, then she’s not that great of a partner in my opinion because she is taking advantage of the situation it sounds like… there’s no way I could let my husband work all day and while I do almost nothing around the house but sit on my phone. I work from home and I do 75% of the housework because I have plenty of time to do so…He works outside of the home & much longer hours than me and he still does the yardwork and helps cook and clean up the kitchen but that’s because he likes to do it not because he has to.

  10. No I asked her if her ex ever came back. Would you go wjth him. She said no. She doesn't want him back in life. But it just hurts

  11. Maybe he's thinking his feelings through?.. hopefully, I dunno people are so confusing, especially coworkers ? best of luck hun . I hope he stops flaking on you .

  12. I don’t think she pays rent, but I could be wrong. Given what I know of the situation, probably not. The guy just moved her in like it’s his house and not his mother’s

  13. First thing, I'd be smashing that bitches teeth in and when she's on the floor begging for you to stop, keep throwing a tennis ball in her face. Secondly I would take your dog to the vets and see if there is any damage internally. As for psychological trauma, like in humans that go through PTSD your dog will experience the same. Maybe seeing a behavioural specialist will provide some insight into what to do next. With all abused animals it takes a lot of time and patience, all you can do is provide these things the best you can. Love and compassion can go a long way to heal. I wish you and your dog nothing but the best. I hope your sister burns in hell.

  14. Oh yeah, I literally asked my husband what I should say and he said to either not respond or just give a short response saying thanks and hope he’s doing well too! I wouldn’t want to be anything but transparent with something like this in my marriage

  15. He's got some extra weight but nothing crazy. He is a bulky guy though. Someone mentioned in a comment a kind of… Condition? I don't know if he'd call it that, but something that causes stuff to kind of leak between poops. Still, if I had that happening to me I'd be going to the bathroom just to make sure I'm clean and definitely see a doctor

  16. I don’t think this was her intent.

    If she really wanted to trap you, she would’ve just kept up the lie, so that she could keep using it next time, and then eventually get pregnant by you. She told you when she got her period because she knew there was no chance she could be pregnant and felt bad about lying. It was probably, also, to let you know that she was never going to take plan B again.

    Plan B seriously sucks for women. I remember getting into a massive fight with my now-husband because he kept INSISTING that I take plan b. Plan B can cause SERIOUS hormonal disruptions, SERIOUS acne, and SERIOUS depression. I would fight tooth and nail not to take it- I took it once in my life and learnt my lesson. Any time my husband suggested it after, I fought like hell. I’ve been with my husband eight years and am still not ready for kids and have none. I did not fight to not take the pill because I wanted to get pregnant. That pill is NOT for a lot of people, and you insisting and pushing her to take it (like you indicated in the post) would make me VERY uncomfortable. And honestly? In a situation where someone is pushing and pushing for me to take it, I’d probably lie too. Like your gf said, in the grand scheme of things it’s preferable over abortion, but the side effects of plan b can be so brutal, sometimes women are tempted to take the risk.

    You suck for not wrapping it up. If you’re sure you don’t want kids, then why aren’t you taking the appropriate precautions????? Why are you pushing and pushing your partner to take plan b if she doesn’t want to? I kind of see this situation as completely your fault tbh- so YOU don’t want kids, YOU had sex unprotected, and then YOU pressured your girl into taking plan b, without even seriously considering the havoc it could wreak on your body.

    Not everything is about you or having your “seed”. Like I said earlier, if she really wanted to trap you, she would keep lying about taking that pill, because she knew the lie worked. She got her period and let you know because she wanted YOU to know that she is not going to be taking plan b in the future.

  17. This scenario just happened on the L Word Gen Q, people on a break and one person sleeps with someone else and it’s a huge deal.

    When I watched that episode all I could hear was Ross from Friends – WE WERE ON A BREAK!

    If you are on a NC break with someone with zero expectations set beforehand it’s not fair to lose it on them if they indeed slept with someone else.

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  19. to be fair I pursued him even after learning his age (he doesnt look in his 40s I thought he was in his mid-late 30s) and even after learning he “had a girlfriend” but honestly after the comments everyone is leaving I quite literally want to ask his ex for her side of the story,,, but then I'm like “really? you're ONE MONTH IN and you need THIS kind of 'validation'?”

  20. Counterpoint: why are YOU throwing the relationship away over showers? You need to learn to compromise. She tried, even though your r request was unreasonable.

  21. Hello /u/Brainbelljangler90,

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  23. This would be harmless if he were giving you the attention you seek. He doesn’t even get you a card? For your birthday? Christmas? Valentines? The writing is on the wall here.

  24. I think I would get married as soon as I felt like I was comfortable with my relationship. Right now I have a lot if fear about my relationship. I feel controlled but I don’t know if I am being reasonable.

  25. I'd say we both have a similar fantasy, however, without any specific people/friends. Just adding in people we know makes it feel like it's… Awkward and not fun. We'd both much rather it be anonymous, faceless entities.

    The curse of consequences that drives us from our fantasies.

  26. You clearly don't want to lose him. You wanting more love is because of your insecurity that he still had feelings for her because he kept those tapes and photos. Some people are just like that, they like keeping memories. If its absolutely a deal breaker for you then let him know. If he refuses to compromise, then yeah, you should end it. Ask yourself, are you incapable or letting this issue go? Will you allow yourself to be threatened of his memories? If you decide what you can and cannot accept then you'll know if you should end it.

  27. Everyone suggesting OP just get on some sort of birth control lord do I have some words for you.

    Most uterus owners’ options are hormonal, not everyone can do hormonal. Almost none of the female options are STD/STI preventive, there is only 1 that I know of and that’s the female condom. OP and her boyfriend may be ENM or polyam and condoms might be a boundary for all parties. If OP feels most comfortable with condoms, that’s what she feels comfortable with and that’s the end of it.

  28. It seems like you have major incompatibility issues. Only you two know if it is worth trying to work these issues out, but why force it at such a young age? I would guess you could each find someone else that could satisfy your needs better.

  29. When entering any kind of relationship you will have to understand that everything comes with a cost. If you want freedom, relationship isnt the place to be in. People expressing they need freedom a lot are those that most of the time cant really commit. If you think that sitting around without her nagging or wanting you to spend time with her will make your life better, than do it, cut her of. But, after the nagging stops and you are alone at your home after 2 months, do you think you will miss her? Do you think a thought like “I wish i havent done that” will emerge? Do you really think that its worth to drop everything and go separate ways?

    I was in a relationship like this but i was the one wanting more. When you give everything you have and go above and beyond, its very hot if its not reciprocated. I was working full time plus the availability on the phone has to be until 00:00 since im in charge of a lot of things. So after full day of working i expect to have some support since we lived in my apartment, i was paying bills and food, and to be a bit better taken care of. It never came. Whenever i said anything it was turned into my attempt to gaslight or control. Maybe you two have the wrong energy, maybe you need someone who is nonchalant like you and she need someone who is willing to commit fully.

    All the chores that you do together do really bond you, and yes, you spent time together. I bet in her head its like, okay we did this now, now we have time for each other because she enjoys you that much. On the other hand you wanna have alone time and do whatever you like. None of the two is wrong, but its very hot when you are on opposite spectrum

  30. Honestly, some men refuse to take no for an answer, get pushy and straight up aggressive. It's awful, but that's how some us avoid conflict.

  31. for a relationship of 4 months, okay, I understand prioritizing a friendship of 15 years.

    saying he will never prioritize you over this person is problematic. it's fine for him to have a good friend (assuming they are only friends) but you don't have to stick around for the ride. if it's a dealbreaker for you, well, now's the time right?

  32. you might call me stupid but i’d rather stay with him as this generation’s version of love is so fucked up and weird. i’ve seen men do so much worse to their partners, so in a way, i’d rather stay with someone who could change for the better.

    although i did tell him this was his last chance, so if something else happens i will stick with my words and leave him.

  33. I dont know anything about open marriages but hooking up with someone your wife knows doesnt sound like a good idea.

  34. It happened before us. She just lied about them when I asked in the first place. I think I’m deeping them too much

  35. I don't think he intends it, but it definitely can read a bit as “I was able to valiantly overcome the fact that her body changed because she birthed our child.”

  36. Imo, no, you were a gent and did nothing wrong.

    Tired lady rests head on my shoulder on train or bus?

    What's wrong with that.

    Like I can see why ur gf is upset, she's a little insecure I guess.

    Real issue here imo is what kinda person gets anrgy and pushes someone else's head away.

  37. No you should not feel guilty about moving on and you owe your ex absolutely nothing. It does indicate that you have not completely moved on emotionally from the break up. Its best to deal with that stuff because emotional baggage like that will unpack itself in the next relationship and poison it. You may want to look into therapy.

  38. Bullshit and selfish. He wants to be able to fuck you, he has to be adult enough to deal with any consequences.

    Frankly I'd be telling him that until he grows up and accepts responsibility for any unintended consequences of sex, he's simply not getting any.

  39. I dunno. My take away in these situations is often: just because you can long distance doesn’t mean you should. It takes avery specific mindset to do it right.

  40. I mean, you can bring it up if you want. Just be aware of additional complications that might occur.

    I think that if you try very hot right now and nip it in the butt immediately… you could do this all in silence.

    You slipped up, corrected yourself, did the right thing by getting back on track, and focused heavily on improving your relationship with GF.

    But, if you struggle to execute that, then you will have to bring attention to it from someone else.

  41. Give it some time and seek some therapy to understand your actions….it's important that you understand first before there is any hope of repairing your relationship

  42. The reason why I know he got it is because him and our friend was talking about it but didn’t want to tell me. Our friend felt bad for me and told me about it.

  43. He moved in after dating you for a few days? How did that happen? Has he been paying rent?

    You've only known him 9 months and you expect him to put you on a 30 year contract? That makes no sense.

    If he's been living with you for free, he needs to offer you the same number of free months if you move into his place, and you both negociate a fair amount for rent. If the offer is more expensive than market rate for rent, very hot pass.

  44. She doesn't want a relationship with you, she has made that clear. Not sure why your hanging around showering her with gifts hoping she will change her mind. Move on and find someone who wants to be with you, don't really understand how you can be just friends with someone you have feelings for. She has every right to date who she wants to. Put yourself first, move on.

  45. Sadly- or fortunately?- OP’s bf has SAID it: he doesn’t want to have sex with HER. He said it in a mind twisting way- something about a kink, blah, blah, blah- but he literally told her, I gotta picture someone else. She needs to get out of there. He doesn’t like women in real life.

  46. ”I plucked up the courage to make a move… we shared our first kiss together. It was deep and meaningful and revealed that she like me the same way”

  47. She won't answer, we all know it.

    Just like the question about how she talks about her bestie and what expectations she places on a potential date.

    It seems, there was a post of similar nature where that post's OP was making a potential partner third wheeling every date by bringing their bestie every time.

  48. If “I don't love her anymore” isn't enough to end it, maybe staying in a loveless relationship for a longer duration than you would've hoped, might be.

    In short, just end it. Either you actually talk about how you wanna fix the bedroom issue or move on. Cannot have both. Just end it man. You're gonna be sad and cry for a bit after, but if you don't love her anymore, just let her go and stop being a burden to her.

  49. To put the comment into perspective.

    My kid being trans isn't negative at all. I love my child more than anything. I picked out their new name, filed the paperwork for name change. Went through transition therapy. I support my child 100%.

    However, the emotional impact of seeing my child get bullied at school, ignored by family, and have to deal with the idea that they're not in the body they belong in, is heartbreaking. They're biological mother abandoned them. To say that it's not stressful, would be a lie, and under no circumstance do I feel like I'm transphobic. I left the context out, so that's on me.

  50. Because she’s selfish. That’s literally always the answer to ‘why’ they do it. It doesn’t make sense to you because you aren’t a lying piece of shit like she is.

  51. I really respect your attitude. I would: talk to him ASAP, as others recommended, especially since there might be a marriage happening soon. His fiancee should know about this important piece of information about her future husband.

    I would also highly recommend finding an attorney that can guide you through what to expect in terms of his support, at least financial. Raising a child is no joke and hopefully you both can find a solution that works for everyone.

    I wish you the best of luck!

    Edit: typo

  52. The first paragraph of your OP said you were literally flirting with the guy at a party and then almost kissed him.

  53. I don't kiss people when I have so much as cold, let alone have unprotected sex when knowing I can give someone my disease

  54. Being friends with ex-partners is not unhealthy. Neither is being no-contact with them.

    Since it is a dealbreaker for you, leave. Please don't snoop through her phone (even if just to check notifications).

  55. She has spent time with my family, it goes alright. She’s pretty reserved around my family. It seems she is pretty fine with losing me at this point, whenever there is anything that goes wrong it gets to the point of breaking up, where if I don’t fix myself she’s ending it.

  56. My gf and I do something similar, I’m catholic, she’s not, but she has gone with me a good amount because she thinks it’s interesting, and is thinking about converting (no pressure on my end). Whatever fits best for her works for me!

  57. Were you even supposed to be at her house tomorrow? If not how did she plan to have your son there for the party without making sure he would even be there first?

  58. I have a friend that basically had your story. They chose a donor, got IVF and his triplets are now learning to drive. The donor they chose was close to his height and had similar ethnicity (Eastern European). Looking at them, you would never guess they weren't his biological children, not that it matters.

    Also, consider adoption. Yes, there are lots of horror stories about how difficult it is, but it doesn't have to be. I had a female friend who knew she was infertile. She had a condition where she looked female externally, but her internal female organs never developed. Anyway, she married. She and her husband started the adoption process right away. They were both white with advanced college degrees and great jobs.

    So they took the classes and their home study went well. So they next step was an interview to find out what kind of child they wanted to adopt. It went something like this:

    So you want an infant? They said not necessarily. They were in their early 30s and said they'd take a child up to age 7 or so.

    So you want the child to be white? They said they didn't care.

    They asked if they'd be willing to take siblings. They said sure!

    They assumed they would want a child without health problems. They said they could probably handle it if it wasn't anything too serious.

    In other words, they just wanted to be parents, just like you and your wife. So a couple of months went by and they got a call. The agency said “We have 3 year old twin Latino boys with a slight learning delay”. My friend and her husband said “When can we pick them up?”

    That was that. They were parents of 3 year olds before their first wedding anniversary!

  59. You're being really unfair here and owe your BF an apology. You decided to feel all sorry for yourself when he was trying to help instead of using your words and asking him for some dumb chocolate. Then got mad he didn't bring you the chocolate you never asked for, and got mad the tea he made wasn't up to your standards. Guy was damned no matter what he did, can you understand how that feels?

  60. I wouldn't say any of this. Your second para is trying to say “it has to be about what's best for our children” but the first para is about OP defending her actions and the second will be completely disregarded by the type of person that needs to hear it.

    The talk to a lawyer part is good though.

  61. Just wait till it grows back, tell him you’re uncomfortable of him seeing your brazilian vagina. If he complains then sucks for him, you’re not obligated to cater to his wants.

  62. The lack of understanding people have for how hormonal birth control fucks with your body's chemistry is honestly terrifying. The way it can influence your health, libido, and even what kind of people you're attracted to, is something I wish a lot more people understood.

  63. You say you only got back together because she was sorry and would start to be accepting of your hobbies. She is not being accepting of your hobbies. Why stay when she broke the promise you got back together over?

  64. I've suggested therapy (very hot no from him) or couples counselling.

    This is a personal issue, not a couple's issue… yes, you can try to lure him into attending individual therapy by starting couple's therapy first, but if it's a very hot “no” for him….nothing will change most likely.

    What do I do? This is getting too much.

    You tell him that you love him, but that his behaviour is becoming a dealbreaker.

  65. Could be she was thinking about this asshole and how he’s treated her friend. I sometimes say random shit during sex when it suddenly jumps in my mind (‘soup’ because of grocery list or whatever).

    Would it be nice to think about the sex and partner alone 100% of the time? Yes. Unfortunately my brain doesn’t work like that. I might have three other side quests I’m organizing in my mind during this main quest. I hate it too but it is what it is.

    Trust me, soup doesn’t turn me on.

  66. I’m sorry this is haunting you. You should have a talk with her again to see if she feels the same. If yes, then break up. If she sees a future with you, good.

  67. I’m immune compromised so I wear a mask when indoors around others. I’d do that in your situation and if he asks, tell him why. I’d be looking for another job though.

  68. Yea you met him at a mall and then went for a walk that total amount of time is a hours. Not days not months. You knew absolutely nothing about him. Predators don’t walk around with signs on their heads. A child should not meet a potential partner for months. You knew absolutely nothing about this man. Not his past, not his temper, nothing. You put your kid in harms way and you not seeing that is really alarming. And the fact that it has only been two months and you think they have a father son bond already is unbelievable. And now u want advice on why a man you still don’t really know because it’s only been two months isn’t the same person he was on day one??? He went after a young naive 23 year old because he knew he could get away with his shit. And you welcomed him with open arms.

  69. Well this man child sounds like literal trash. Get rid of him ASAP and go start your life. Believe me, it’s actually quite a low bar to want a partner who doesn’t ::checks notes:: fuck his sister. As a side note- I never thought I’d see the day I’d be trying to convince an internet stranger to leave their partner because he was ::checks notes again:: still fucking his sister.

  70. I cannot even imagine having to live and be raised by her, so I feel for your husband but I’m so sorry he let you down in that way. I think it’s normal to just now be processing the emotions from his lack of stepping up from years of it. Ultimately he did choose you, and I hope that continues in the future with your child on the way that she permanently is out of the picture. Keep doing therapy, maybe even couples therapy again. It could take a long time to process and heal from all of that. Something that should be said to him when you’re having trouble with your PTSD is that just because it’s in the past doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, and for him to tell you to basically let it go because it can’t happen anymore is pretty invalidating.

  71. Yeah exactly.

    Normal people that get herassed or stalked go for a RO. Sleeping with the stalkers is not something that I would call a “game winning strategy” when you want to get rid of them.

    He would never have told you because he acted 100% consciously and the cheating happend with his full consent. The “she made me do this”-story he tries to tell you is just a cover up that he uses now that he got caught sleeping around.

    You can stay but don't be too suprised if a) It comes out that this was not a one-time-thing, b) he will cheat again with another bullshit-reason and/or c) he will start treating you like garbage now that you shown him how much you will be willing to stretch to excuse his behaviour

  72. This guy did not get that you will only be friends. As long as there is the tiniest hint that you’re interested (like friendship) he will continue doing this. If you want this to stop, don’t contact him anymore, and end your friendship with him. It’s just going to get worse, and he needs to learn that friendships have clear boundaries which he is overstepping

  73. Thank you for your reply For a while I felt bad for thinking these things and ignored them trying to accept him for who he is..and now I’m seeing A LOT of who he is .

  74. Oh, I agree, she will have to adapt, or leave and he will have to adapt or leave. I was sharing my perspective. I don't really want yours but thanks for policing my opinion.

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