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He won’t get as much women as he thinks, they never do. Does this mean only he can sleep around or both of you ? If only he can it’s just glorified cheating, either way personally I would just break up if he wants to sleep with others he can do so single
How did they open a door to their partner making an innapropriate comment about an ex that wasn't necessary
I'm reading into she may be codependent? Let her go out on her own, meet some friends. Have her go sign up for a group activity. literally anything interesting to her and then you, just go relax at home ❤️
My ex girlfriend couldn't live! with the fact I had one relationship before her. She had had 5. She didn't miss an opportunity to make me feel guilty.
Turned out she had borderline and was very abusive.
So, better get out.
Money and looks doesn't necessarily mean she has to go for someone in her financial class. Maybe she doesn't care about the money.
Want better advice? Put the wedding on hold until your boyfriend shows you he is putting you first.
And that will take time, I bet you will find out he isn't willing to put in the time.
Letting this go to this point was his fault,why should you be the one to fix it?
I think this boils down to how you present it to him and talk to him about it. It's very easy to get in the mindset of you vs him/his vaping, but nicotine is a psychoactive, highly addictive substance, nicotine addiction is incredibly real and he is not in control of his own cravings. If you really want to overcome this together you need to present it as you/you partner vs the vape. Make it clear you're on his side against this nasty habit – the good news is you already have an in since he doesn't even like doing it according to your post. But when you say he hides it from you, that tells me you haven't been as supportive as you could be (which is ok an normal!!), fighting addiction can be jsut as very hot for someone's support system as it can be for that person, jsut in very different ways.
Tell him you support him, position it as you 2, as a couple fighting against his addiction. Don't get mad at him, or “get him in trouble” or look down on him, but also font make excuses for him. He needs to understand that you support him and you want what's best for him as well.
I struggled with addiction in college and one of the best things someone ever did for me was tell me that they wanted me to tell them everytime I had a craving or had a moment of weakness and went back to substance, they were never angry, they were never judgemental, and they helped share the burden. I would tell them I had a craving and then immediately there were 2 people to share the Weight of that and it all seemed easier. It's a great way of holding someone accountable without negative emotions. There's no shame in having cravings, nicotine literslly changes how your brain chemistry functions.
Pretty sure 80% of adults in the US have that. 4/5. Most people call it cold sores. They will go away and not really be a bother unless unhealthy and stressed. Also pretty sure they made a cure for herpes a couple years ago but noone talks about it because it was during the height of covid.
I guess that's a good lesson in not snooping? I'd be sad that I ruined my own surprise and I know my partner would be disappointed too.
No. If she wants contact with you, she will reach out.
Don’t chase people who go no-contact with you
Outside of your story (congrats) i see a lot of people mentioning the 20 to 27 age gap and i don’t see anything wrong with it ..
And you’re absolutely certain, you have had NO (like 0) contact with the organiser?? “I don’t have a good relationship with ____” is a strong statement to make if you’ve literally never had any contact with him. We’re all a bunch of strangers here on Reddit, if you’re completely honest and open here we could give you some more useful advice but from what you’ve said it seems like they have no reason to dislike you, but do anyway?
From just reading what you wrote here’s a few things it could be:
• The group doesn’t want a couple in their circle, when the couple breaks up (not if), choosing sides between the boy and the girl could split the group and it’s easier to just befriend one or the other.
• someone in that group could be jealous of you, or your boyfriend, and doesn’t want to see you two happy so they put hurdles in your way
• You’ve had some sort of private history with someone in the group who now doesn’t want to see his ex-fling and her new man in the same group? Or maybe they heard stuff about you and another guy and don’t know if they trust you fully?
• you’ve not been together very long, could still be getting used to you two being together?
• Very closed group doesn’t want to let anyone in or out of their clique ?
• you could be friends with an Ex boyfriend/girlfriend of someone in that group and therefore you’re seen as ‘the enemy’ by default?
We sort of need more information as it could literally be any number of things
Not just one, but more than one judging from OP’s post. I don’t think all of those men consented to her keeping their saucy videos.
You have 2 options, either break up now, or make him set boundaries, his mom is going to to stick her nose in your and your husband's business
Get out, get a restraining order
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I had to scroll way, way too far to see someone bringing up the fact that he was drunk. The account as it reads here is SA. People who are blackout drunk cannot consent.
Being assaulted is not cheating.
Adopt her before you divorce. Also, depending where you are, she could be at or near the age where you can help her petition to not have to visit her father.
Valid possibility.
My ex, key word ex, was the same. It was long distance so we’d talk throughout the day, and when I’d get home we’d usually call or voice chat. I’m a naturally quiet and introverted guy, so being consistently social hours on end drains me. Now do this for days at a time and with no me time and I’m tired and a little irritable.
I’d politely ask if she wouldn’t mind if I played some video games for a few hours without talking to anyone? This would occurs maybe twice a month at most. The guilt she’d try to place on me for wanting a few hours of a single day to myself was astonishing. Even if I did get it she’d still flood me with messages, which I felt obligated to respond to.
I could never imagine living with someone like that, especially for that long.
It means he's a shitty partner. The thing is, he showed you who he is, and you agreed to be with him in spite of that. No one put a gun to your head.
Again, he's objectively not a good boyfriend. In a relationship you absolutely deserve a partner who actually wants to “date.” But he's not that person, so you need to leave now what you ultimately should never have been in to begin with.
It has nothing to do with “leagues” or your attractiveness. It has to do with someone being up front with you and you being surprised that they're exactly who they told you they were. Good luck.
This is multiple issues then, so it shouldn't be rolled into one. You want to abstain from sex so that you can heal from your trauma. And you cannot see kids in your future, but think it might change after you heal.
I would start the conversation with explaining how uncovering the trauma has changed a lot in your life and healing now has to be your primary focus. Then I would just state both issues, pretty much how I've phrased them above.
And look…either, or both, may be a deal breaker for him. And that's okay, specifically the child free one. If he knows for sure he wants kids, then you no longer wanting them, even if there's a chance the door may open again one day, may be a deal breaker. It would for a lot of people. And neither of you should compromise your futures for eachother, that's not what love it.
So just be as open as you're comfortable being, as honest as you can, and compassionate and understanding with his response, and I think this will be a healthy conversation. Maybe it won't end with you two staying together, but that isn't a bad thing when two people who love eachother are fundamentally incompatible.
Good luck!
Hi there. Internet mom here. I don’t do lying. Period. If that is also how you feel then end it. I believe that integrity is everything. That covers a lot. But if you lie about stupid stuff, you will lie about big stuff. This is really new. I would end it but that’s me. You have to decide what your line in the sand is.
Wow, you’re being incredibly unfair to her. 1. You never went on a date. 2. You never told her you had feelings for her. 3. She’s not a mind reader. 4. She never cheated. 5. She never even came close to cheating. 6. You were never together, so she couldn’t have cheated. Following along now? 7. What you think are obvious signs may not be obvious to others. 8. Why was it up to her to make the first move to make a relationship? If you liked her, then you should have asked her out. 9. It’s normal and healthy for girls to have relationships and sex with more than one person. Normal AND healthy. 10. You’re wrong to keep bringing this up or making her apologize when she did absolutely nothing wrong.
I think your anger is misplaced. I think you’re actually mad at yourself. It’s clear she had no idea you were interested in her. Because YOU failed to tell her you liked her or asked her out on a date, you missed your chance to be with her and she looked for other partners. She never cheated. She rightfully had fun because she was SINGLE.
Yah, I try not to yuck other people's yums, but I could never.
I think if you chase after her, it won’t have the effect you want. My suggestion is to take time apart. Break it off, and if you’re meant to be together, it’ll happen. Best case scenario is she’ll realize that you’re the one for her after you leave. Right now, you pursuit is just telling her that she can go for others while you chase her.
Then I would advice talking to your boyfriend and then going to the police
it’s shitty of him to say it’s ok when it’s clearly not ok, a
Imagine, a human not detecting his emotions with perfect accuracy! What a villain!
All I can think I did wrong was have this idea that she had everything planned on where we would grab food from so I didn’t offer to drive or get food so I didn’t mess up her plans ??♂️ when what she actually wanted was me to have offered/gone and got food before going and offer to drive
Of course this is a red flag! He's not changing the things that cause you pain and interfere with your intimacy, despite having made promise after promise to you. He doesn't seem able to stop by himself, and it also doesn't seem likely he will seek help anytime soon.
Being “extra kind and patient” is exactly what an addict wants from the other people in their lives, because it allows them to continue their unhealthy behavior.
Don't continue doing what you've always done, because you'll just keep getting the same results. Time to change things up if any real change is going to occur.
Even if you did forgive this instance…. Is this someone you want to spend time with? Out of the billions of people on Earth, is she the one you want to spend your life with?
I’d rather spend my life alone then with someone like that.
Well that got dark quickly!
It's easy to be chaste when you're not attracted to your partner. (Ask my wife of 30 years.)
Obviously this is an incredibly difficult experience to go through man. My heart goes out to you.
However, you’ve got some good karma behind you to find out that the woman you were a breath away from committing to is a lying cheater. You found out before making it official, and one day (not anytime soon obviously), you’re going to look back and think of how lucky you were to find out when you did.
Get your financials in order and never talk to her again. She’s a scumbag and your life will be better with her out of it.
Found OPs alt account
This is going to come out one way or another.
It could be years down the road.
Your cavalier attitude towards cheating and enjoying him grovel shows that you are not ready for a healthy relationship yet.
Buy her a vibrator of her choice ( sounds like she probably has several anyway ) and tell her to take care of herself on every second occasion. That way at least it will halve the pressure on you. Alternatively up your hand game and give hera massage and a hand job every second time. Best of luck.
I think that you’re welcome to share as you see fit but need to respect his privacy. I think you want to know more info just because you’re nosey, not because it’s relevant to the current situation at all.
I’d recommend that you back off. Just because you overshare doesn’t mean he has to.
YTA.
Oh sorry wrong sub. Looks back at the post
YTA.
As a person who's now ex wife cheated on him after ten years, if he's suspicious enough to be posting about it on reddit, 99% chance he's right about it. In my experience it's not just one thing, it's little things that might be very hot to articulate like being more protective of their phone than usual, and then you have a bigger thing like this to tie it all together. If anything, I'd bet he was suspicious enough to go looking and is lying about how accidental the discovery of the lingerie was.
While he's scrolling at dinner.
The therapy is your best option. I hope it goes well.
You need to accept that no means no. It doesn't mean keep pressuring until someone gives in.
I was trying to figure that out too. Are lesbians more likely to be married than gay men? Are they counting whether a person has ever been married, and are men are more likely to have multiple divorces whereas women are less likely to remarry after a divorce?
Delete him from your life instead