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Damn. This might sound bad, but if I were you I'd be really tempted to just move to another country/state and start over. Go no contact with my family, give my husband full custody (but come visit a few times a year), find a new job or maybe even go back to college to get better education, try dating new people etc. Basically focus on yourself and try to move on because this is what you need the most.
Might sound heartless but the kids are older, they made their choice and Im sure they will be happy to online full time with the father and stepmother. You can be the cool mother that brings them lots of gifts when you visit. Its just no good to stay in this toxic situation. Even your family is abandoning you. Staying in this situation can affect your mental health very badly tbh.