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I’ve been in this situation with my boyfriend before. He’s significantly bigger than me, and literally can toss me around like a rag doll. I have ptsd, and at first this stuff didn’t bother me, until it gradually did. I didn’t want to upset him, so I was gentle about it. Then I had a panic attack. He realized how much it bothered me when I told him the full extent of my worries (in my case, I became afraid of him, simply because I was aware of how strong he was). When I told him, he changed, and became much more careful when he’s around me. My advice is to tell him without softening the blow. Tell him you’re worried that this is a problem. Tell him that you’re scared he’s going to severely injure you. If at that point he doesn’t listen, it sounds like the issue is a lack of respect and care for your well-being. Hope that helps.
Don't feel trapped. You are young enough to start over even with a baby. F your step brother and tell your parents. They deserve to know what a AH he is.
So he finished college and now works 2 jobs but you somehow think the relationship is supposed to stay the same? You want communication yet you don't know how to communicate or hold a conversation. You both have some growing up to do.
Instant Ex-boyfriend.
It’s probably just a silly bit she does with her friends honestly. One Plan b pill is 50 bucks for no reason so that might be why theyre using it to decorate (get some funny purpose out of it)
To many people seem hung up on the money and legal side of this. That is truly sad. Man, I can hear your pain from here. In your eyes, you online with your family and your 3 kids. You understand that to you the bio side and legal side do not matter. She has proven she, in fact, feels entirely differently. I don't have any wonderful suggestions besides both of you can down and have a real deep talk. Make it clear the money is inconsequential because you can balance that out. Ask her very directly how she feels about her family though. Ask her is her stepchild is loved any differently or should be treated any differently then her bio children? If she says yes, it sounds like you have far deeper problems than college funds. It sounds like you have alot of deep decisions to make.
That said, I would take a little time off serious dating; casual is fine though
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Everything I read here is that she talks to you, tells you what she is doing- and you ignore her. Ignore her plans, ignores when she tells you what she’s doing, ignores her blatantly bringing things up- then feel like she hid things from you because she deals with things herself instead of waiting for you to finally listen. Her body. She Told You she didn’t want to be pregnant. She told you she wanted you to wear condoms. You said no, what happens happens. Of course she felt she needed to figure it out herself. And telling you after she made plans means she has something concrete to tell you, not a maybe that you can argue away and force her to be pregnant when she said no.
The house, she told you! In the comments you acknowledge she told you and told you. She told you about the house, she told you about paper work, she mentioned her friend staying there openly. She got it in foreclosure, time was obviously important and you told her to shut up and expected her to just wait until you allowed her to bring it up again. In this relationship I would say you are the difficult one to deal with.
… your marriage is doomed if you expect it to be this transactional.
You both have control issues and both need some therapy to grow up emotionally and work together as a team. You holding grudges and your unreasonable “boundary” is destroying your marriage. And him lying and sneaking around is also destroying your marriage. You both need to stop digging in and controlling each other and start acting as a couple and a team.
If you can’t do that, your marriage is doomed. Therapy.
?
I would 100% break up. He went to her apartment, alone, and stayed a significant amount of time? 95% certain they had sex.
Yeah, it was pretty fire tbf
(Agreed, dreams don’t mean much, I once dreamt a teapot called William tried to kill me)
If a guy is aggressive or overly persistent, I can see why she’d give him a fake number just to get him to back off. Otherwise, a no thank you, I have a boyfriend, is a more appropriate response, imo.
I do understand her perspective though. A lot of men feel entitled to attractive women. I’ve had some genuinely scary responses to, “I have a boyfriend”. I’ve had to be escorted to my car after being aggressively hit on at the grocery store. I’ve had guys show up at my residence (in college when I lived in a dorm). I’ve had my car vandalized. All because I said I had a boyfriend and the guy didn’t care or want to believe me. I don’t think this has anything to do with you. She has chosen the least confrontational way to get rid of these guys. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t want to hurt their feelings. Maybe it’s because she’s had negative responses in the past. Or both. I’m a fan of honesty but it doesn’t always work.
Yes it's rape, no you didn't deserve this, no it's not your fault. Hugs
You could be describing friendship. They've already had 7ish years of being FWB. Unless you have totally different expectations around FWBs than everyone else, I don't see how she cheated.
Because she's not your minor child. She's a grown woman fully capable of deciding what she wears. She doesn't need your help.
Truthfully it's difficult to tell- On the face of things, she acknowledges shortcomings and says that she is committed to changing for the better. We have both changed, mostly for the better, over the course of this relationship, but she has been pretty slow to grow in this way. I'm trying to be patient and treat her with kindness, but I don't know how much more time I want to invest in waiting for her to change the way she says she will. Does that make sense?
The thing is I have said some awful things to him which others may consider as verbal abuse. This is why it got me thinking that maybe he does it because I say some really hurtful things to him. I don’t swear at him or anything just phrases like “you’re a horrible boyfriend or I try to tell him that the reason he’s so dysfunctional is because he’s got a dysfunctional upbringing and shitty parents. Like I hit it where it hurts for him by words.
I know he’s got some unresolved traumas especially when it comes to his family and his father mainly. I tell him to go therapy but it doesn’t seem like he wants to go and he doesn’t believe in it either. He’d rather sweep his issues under the rug (what you can’t see, can’t hurt you) and it’s bleeding in our relationship.
I love him and I feel sad that he goes through this trauma but when children suddenly comes in the picture, I am uncertain he’d be able to control these triggers. He also feels that I don’t trust him or see him in a positive light so he feels even more low about it. He constantly tells him that every person has the right to change.
Yep that’s the one. Also came 9h after this one. So that would be enough time for OP to decide after this post that she needs space
Relationships are supposed to lift you up, not make you suffer. He's ignoring your pain and frustration: he's not a good partner. You deserve better.
Yeah thought the same,,, he’s trying to rationalise how to dump this chick for this other chick and not come out the bad guy
A therapist can help you figure it out.
Yes oh wise and powerful one. I acquiesce to your greater knowledge and wisdom and more importantly your generosity of spirit.
This is morality/sexuality ocd. You don’t need to talk to your partner about this or confess anything, but exposure therapy and cbt might be worth looking into if you aren’t already
Man I swear if one of my sons did what this dirt ball is doing I would snatch him up so fast…I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP. Congratulations on your son!
Does he suffer from executive function disorder/ADHD?
I would not recommend buying a house with a boyfriend
even worse, one that want you to pay 50 percent of his equity. Its not a good financial choice for you
Damn… how many time you been cheated on? Yikes.
Looks like you wasted 12 years with this man, don’t make it 13. I’d be at my wits if my spouse was talking shit about me or my health issues to someone this way. I don’t see how there’s a way to come back from that without sincere and sustained effort and regret on his part. It doesn’t sound like he feels bad about his relationship with her at all.
“I'm done. Pack your shit and get out.”
I am in a complicated relationship with my model railroad on Facebook
This is disgusting and you should definitely leave him
We don't know this. Gma could have been a transphobe.. doesn't matter. The ring is in the right place until she has a daughter
That's a point, yeah! I felt I had to respect his feelings a lot even once split as it was a sensitive time and we didn't have a clean cut break. He said he would wait around for me to make up my mind about trying again but it was very stressful. He pushed the other person I was seeing out of my life and we got back together.
His ex is his first choice, and it's who he spent Valentine's Day with, flowers included. You got a “break” and a few little presents, just enough to keep you confused. You're his backup. Stop calling yourself picky if this is what you're willing to put up with.
Picky is finding a good person, a person who will put you first and not make you question your importance. Also, once you do find this person, don't play games with him. Have an actual relationship and not a situationship. Otherwise, you're just playing games.
As a male, 50yo supervisor, I can say with 100% certainty, your boss is a creep. Yuck-o.
I'm fine with kissing or making out but as soon as it goes further than that I feel physically sick and nauseated, it almost reminds me of motion sickness. We have had sex a couple times since and it's been the same each time and I've just powered through it.
This isn't a normal reaction to have with someone you love. I've had this reaction before but it was when I realized grown men were molesting me as a child.
Speak with a therapist if you need in order to work this out. Do not “power through” feelings like this, they won't go away and you could be doing more very hot than good.
Also, you can love someone but not be “in love” with them. They are two separate things. I know a lot of really nice and caring people but I'm not in a relationship with them. I love them but I'm not in love with them.
There is absolutely more going on here than what you've written. Be honest with yourself here OP. That's the only way to resolve these feelings you're having.
Stop f up your life!!!!!