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Sounds like similar treatment. Sorry you had to experience that. It's awesome that you're getting the help you needed.
With hindsight, I thought I was ready for a new relationship because my wife and I weren't even really a couple anymore. Dead bedroom for 5+ years (we have kids together or I would have ended it before her affair). I wasn't even upset about the cheating, just surprised.
But I was traumatized by the lying, gaslighting, then her continuing to do that through the divorce even though I knew her games by then and was prepared. And I didn't realize how that trauma would affect me. But my gf has been wonderful and supportive and open about anything I ask about, so I'm happy we're together. And after 8 months of weekly therapy appointments, I actually feel like I'm pretty well recovered from my trauma.
Well, In my conception of relationships , especially exclusive long term relationship. BOTH partner should avoid unnecessary drama. I hope that we agree on that. Especially, if you want to jump to the next phase next. You can ask your male friends about red flags in relationship. They are many and one of them is the hangouts with coworkers ( especially one that is interested in you). Why? Suppose the the gf has a rough week ( it happens in every relationship) they hangout for a drink ?. They get a little bit drunk and she confides in him. The guy see this moment of weakness ( we are all flawed) and makes his move. What will happen? A LTR is destroyed for not vetting her correct entourage. It goes both way. It happened to me with a coworker. I confided and she tells me afterwards that I should ask my wife to open the relationship. It was MY mistake. I didn’t see that she was interested and I shouldn’t have confided to someone outside my SUPPORT SYSTEM. the BF in this story is not blame free also. HE should be more pro active and go beyond his confort zone . But , if my significant other tells me to choose between our LTR and a coworker, well it is done ✔️
Absolutely
You go talk to a divorce Lawyer then you nut up and follow through because this is terrible for your mental health and a partner who threatens to leave to brow beat you is terrible. I'm pretty certain she can't stick you with all the debt but you NEED a good lawyer.
My bf called me a beach when he was on a call with one of our friends and didn't know i was there and he called me a b-word i was thinking , i was thinking of breaking up with him already and this pushed that thought.
Any reason to want to break up is an okay reason to break up. You are not married – there is no “process” of breaking up. Tell her directly that it’s over and there are no options to fix it. Then block her on everything.
My early 20s I took a break from my ex of three years. if you actually want to be with someone you wouldn’t want a break. I realised that pretty quickly into the break and we properly broke up. It’s not a bad thing I now have a partner I am compatible with
You have exceptionally bad self esteem.
He really ought to agree to a a paternity test and stick to business only with these women.
Your wife sucks to hide that info from you and then spill it right before the wedding when she was pregnant. That’s next level fucked up honestly. She a cold manipulator. You never should have married her. Your kid would have been fine if you two didn’t stay together and still found happiness. Now, it’s a bit late for that. You don’t complain about any other issues so I’m assuming this is the major issue in the relationship. It’s time for therapy. You need individual therapy and you both need couples therapy. You need to learn how to work through this insecurity on your own if you want to save the marriage. Excluding yourself from her life is never going to end well. And she shouldn’t give up the friendships if she doesn’t want to. You two aren’t compatible but may be able to find common ground in therapy.
Thats what I thought too. I'll have to look into it and try to bring this up to her as well. Thanks for the advice.
Talk to your parents about this. Not only for your sister but for yourself. It seems to me like you try to be the parent for your sister and that's a responsibility you shouldn't have.
Telling the people who actually HAVE this responsibility gives opportunities to stop her using the Internet or at least stop her from using discord. It also is the better option if anything should happen to your sister since you did what you were able to do
I mean… I feel like that’s kind of the goal?? If you’re going to spend your life with someone, you want to be comfortable with them and to be best friends… it’s just that the relationship is more than that, since it’s romantic and there’s additional roles a partner plays that just a friend doesn’t. Your friends sound immature, there isn’t anything wrong with your relationship feeling the way you’ve described.
Yes you absolutely did the right thing. Sex is an intimate thing between 2 people. And if it's lacking then in my opinion i think there is something wrong, not only in rhe relationship but with that said individual. The fact you stayed around that long without the intimacy I give you mad props lol I have freaked out when it's been a week without sex haha I do have to ask though Was there a lot of sex in the beginning?
You do know you posted in relationship “advice” right?
I can drink a whole lot and I still have never even gotten close to just cheating „accidentally“. It‘s a cheap excuse. She knew what she was doing.
It’s safe for one thing (IMO).
I agree with your Husband, a simple “thank you” and leave it.
I feel validated.
I looked, couldn't find it, sadly.
Otherwise, yes I certainly would have.
Tl;Dr version
Guys mother in her 50s dating guy in 20s (near sons age) “wibta to break them up?”
Every reply said “they're adults, let them live their lives”, essentially.
It's been 5 years. You've had more than enough proof that it's not getting better. This is who he is, believe him.
You don't have to continue a 5 year mistake to prove that you are capable of having a long term relationship.
I never said it was a “lie” I just said there’s always that one fuckin person. The one person who always has some negative shit to say. Also, you can be “fit” but not “look” fit. Everyone’s bodies are different. I’ve played sports as a kid/into my teenage years. And then started hiking. While I’m still chunky; I can still handle plenty of far long distance hikes. And I don’t see that changing because I’m constantly being active. I’m just saying, I’ve seen chunky/chubby/“fat” people on plenty of hiking trails that are far in distance. The thing I’m laughing at, is people say their concerned for someone’s health; but 9/10 times they’re just concerned with the visible fat on their bodies. Not health in general. If people were so concerned about their loved ones health; they’d be looking at it as ALL of their health. Mentally and physically. It’s been proven if your mental health isn’t up to par; your physical health won’t be either. Surprise! I’ve got mental issues and it’s hand in hand with my physical health. Doctors said I should get a handle on my mental health before starting on my physical health. Op obviously is only pestering his girlfriend to look good. Cause if he was truly concerned; he’d be trying to support and help her through her mental issues. She’s depressed and drinking a lot. Something else is going on and the fact op can’t see what a jerk he is being is beyond me.
Bruh you're 22. Break up with someone that hasn't matured since middle school and start exploring your life, date new people, get new experiences. There's literally no reason to be with him besides inertia.
She’s still acts like a child. Date a grown up
It’s a big goal of hers, so she has every right to chase it. And as far as debt goes most of her income goes into school and she gets tons of scholarships and grants
You're really giving a good case for bodily harm here. Seriously, why are you spending time with this jackass?
Ditch this boy. Not man, boy. His way of thinking is horrible. The way he thinks of you, and everyone else involved is wrong. Don't let him convince you otherwise. It'll suck losing someone you've been with for so long, but it'll be worth it to not be with someone who treats you like this.
I hate the search engine here. Well the story basically is that this woman’s husband kept talking like a toddler in public. Came to a head when they were at the grocery store and he started shouting “ice-cweeem! Me wanty ice-cweem” while jumping up and down. She was so embarrassed she just left him there. I seem to remember she had taken him to doctors and was starting to worry about his sanity. I guess it was a bet with his friends and he bet he could do it for a few months and if he did he would get football tickets, or something. So last I heard they were separated.
Abuse. It's called emotional abuse. He's tearing you down and devaluing you. He's trying to make you believe that you are not worthy of anyone else's love, because of your supposed imperfections.
You need to leave. Now.
Stop listening to him. Do not get any surgeries or go on any restrictive diets until you talk to a therapist about your ED. He has triggered your disordered thinking, has been manipulating you, and playing on every single insecurity that you have to make you do what he wants.
Break up, block him on all social media, go no contact with him, and never look back. Then, start working on healing your mind and body.
Sounds like your wife has found someone else, to the point of leaving you so assumedly this has been going on for some time – emotional and physical cheating are likely already well past the point of “did it happen”.
Speak to a lawyer, get divorced and make sure you keep a record of this admission if you can or any other conversation regarding it.
Put yourself and your life together in a new shape, keep the cat.
Since he’s worried about money and assets maybe you guys get a prenup? The only caveat to getting any money would be if you had kids together.
I am more blunt i just say no not interested.?but that can work too
Lol the passive aggressive, woe is me attitude is just seeping through this (are you my ex?)
If I’m understanding this right, you said you would call out Greg next time it happens, but there hasn’t been a next time? So what do you want Troy to do until that happens? Go to Greg’s house and intimidate him?
Women protecting their turf is MUCH different than men doing it. When a guy gets protective of his wife, it’s seen as aggressive and controlling, unless of course everyone sees the physical creepiness leading up to it from the other guy. When a woman is being affectionate to her husband because she wants another woman to back off, that’s just unspoken and commonplace. Double standard, but it is what it is.
Best case scenario is you call Greg out in front of everyone and then Troy has your back. If he doesn’t do that, then yeah that’s a problem. Call Greg creepy and to stop touching you and he will most likely cower. If he doesn’t, that’s when your husband steps in. But you can’t say you like your husband being chill and letting you fight your own battles as a grown woman on one hand, then say he should get in this guys face when you tell him to on the other.
You are exhausted because she is taking so much from you. Have you heard that saying “don’t set yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm”. Not only is she depleting you, she is taking from your father inadvertently too. This situation has gotten you so messed up, that you actually believe you don’t do enough, when you are clearly giving too much. Please try and talk to a counsellor about this, they will be able to help you work through these complicated emotions and see things more clearly.
Agreed, I am on it already, working on myself with professional help 🙂
Right? I’m 22 and where I’m at in life in is just so incredibly different than an 18 year old, I especially can’t imagine wanting to sleep with someone that age years from now.
Dude probably has the maturity level of a teenager and thinks she was “really mature for her age”
This discussion id love to have and would have but every time that discussion ends up in a row too.
Why the **** do people try and 'joke' at important moments.
Here's a free tip if she wasn't laughing it wasn't a joke.
Honestly you should have some idea , even if it's minor, in what direction to go? Being he's your fiance. I guess you could get him something he might need for his new job?
How stupid are you? You’re young but old enough to know better. Before you go anywhere with them again, tell them your card is maxed out and they have to pay and see how fast they make an excuse not to go. Tell your gf you expect her to pay you out of every paycheck, even if it just $10. And never never give her money again. She might break up with you and you’ll never see the money but at least you will know her motive is money and not love.
The silent treatment is abuse. He should be in therapy to work on his anger issues. You also seem very naive.
Wrong subreddit and you literally answered your own question. He works overnight, he’s a human not a robot.
Hmm that’s a good point. We had only really talked about not using social media once or twice
If it helps, I've been married 10 years, and I regularly grow my social media pages. I've never cheated.
Putting that stuff aside, everything else, it is the person I want to be with. But I can't put that stuff aside, so I just don't really know at the moment
I’m wondering why the coworker would mention a woman still living there
Because your BF asked a question, so his old co-worker answered it. Seems pretty simple to me.
She is shallow and you are better off with someone that respects you. Dude, you make a great living. I work in medicine as well and make a ton of money, but life is so much more than money. Doctors that think they're all that because they make a ton of money are actual jerks.
140k is a pretty good salary. Most people will never make anywhere near ~400k.
Also, not that it’s your decision, but I would be concerned about value fit if my partner made 400k annually and chose to let 200k debt ride instead of paying down aggressively.
Should be able to clear that out in a few years with that kind of income, but at this rate that debt will follow y’all into marriage. Crazy
truthfully same but was hoping for words to make me feel better not worse :,)
They broke into your basement. They are religiously 1730 ish.
OPs dad sounds like the kind of guy who would have begged for a joke working for the inquisition in eastern Europe. They sound fucking mediæval.
“Do you reach out for them if we have kids?” Are batsh.. crazy? In order to do what? To make your “sinners children” as miserable as they made you?
If it all possible OP should prevent them from learning of the existence of this children.
Them learning they have grandchildren isn't likely improve their grasp on reality or stability. They're likely to start harassing and stalking him.
Very concerning in my opinion. Make sure your girls are safe at all times. Sorry, but he sounds creepy.
Though I'm not single, I'm dating a girl below my league. I listen to her, I make her laugh, I buy her gifts. But as a human I do want to feel physically attracted to my partner. Is that really so disgusting?
Dump the friend, she sounds awful.
What is amazing is you spend your time endlessly spamming this and several other posts. All of which get removed within a few min. At what point do you start spamming psychiatric subs for some help?
Cleaning the kitchen doesn’t come naturally to me, but I do it because I live in a partnership (and he has already done the washing up). You need to be specific that you cannot be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t meet this need. If he doesn’t want to meet what is a 0 effort thing to make you happy I would suggest he isn’t understanding why it is important. He could even put reminders on his phone to do it. Ultimately it isn’t about your looks it is about the effort he makes to make you feel loved. If you don’t feel loved you shouldn’t be in a relationship.
I don't have to say that to my mom cause she just calls me and says “Your grandma had another complaint”. She's very just yes. I don't want to change my grandma's opinions, I just want to make her understand that constantly berating me about what I'm wearing/ eating every single day is draining. You say to just “say no” but in Chinese culture saying no to your elders is seen as disrespect and she will see it that way. I don't want to make her feel disrespected, just get through to her.
Maybe try starting up an activity with her, like running a 5K or kickboxing or yoga or anything, but something to get her in the habit of exercising and feeling better physically. Approach it as something fun you guys can do together, and not a chore or a problem that she alone has to fix. Treat this as an opportunity to improve yourselves together and bond. You don’t want to be controlling. You want to be encouraging and supportive. Good luck.
Lmao how do yall fall for this creative writing
Do you have any hobbies or are you at college/uni or something?
I would get the fuck over it because I'm a grown woman and I can survive without sex lol. Something similar actually has happened. Also, we haven't had sex for about 3 months RIGHT NOW because we don't have a private space to do it in. We're both completely fine and still love each other very much. And I still don't masturbate.
Me too, I would need it very clearly explained to me that you need me to block them. Because “talking to your exs” and having them wish you happy birthday, saying thank you, and then being messaged by one and “ending the conversation “, to me isn't “talking to exs”.
Why did you preface with “INFO:” instead fo just asking your question?
OP Remember that these days people often have cloud backups of their pictures. If you are deleting pictures please explicitly make sure he has no cloud backups that would allow him to redownload them then hide the folders. It seems he has broken your trust, that is a dealbreaker IMHO.
Maybe or perhaps…a history of not wanting to deal with the fall-out after someone does something bad to her. This time is no different. She doesn’t want to talk about it or cause a huge fall out, she just doesn’t want to see the dad again (much like she did not want to see her boss again).
Any redditor who considers themselves wise is likely to be the most foolish.
In my very wise opinion, there's not much you need to do. Just try to limit contact between him and the wife and eventually he'll likely move on.
Just leave this absolute joke of a relationship
Sperm bank.
That's a lot cheaper than IVF and egg retrieval. Shit dude. Don't start tripping.
People get a bunch of weird hangups about paternity in this case. As if your son or daughter will care or know the difference until they're near adulthood.
Remember that being a father is a choice regardless of genetics.
Eating at diner is being frugal. If you want to eat at fancier restaurants that’s fine, either split the cost where he can afford to or pay for the whole meal.
Vacations are pricey, split the cost between what each of you can afford
Sounds like i hit a nerve
Come on, bro. What are you doing?
Get out of this bullshit relationship and find someone who actually wants you.
But the thing is. We met live separated by border (US and Canada). If he wants that, he could get it within his city perhaps.
This whole post was a huge red flag.
Seriously, at home jobs can be fucked up, but it's not that naked to get a fine and passable response. You as someone in the field could probably easily tell the difference and would massively prefer salon done hair. Most people really won't care that much. You've basically decided the hair looks like shit without seeing it which seems at least a little unjustified.
Yes I fear god I would never mistreat his son or treat him different than I would my own kid. I understand people saying he’s a liar but he didn’t really lie just held info. I also feel like maybe he just felt scared I would leave him if he told me at first.
From one stranger to another, look after yourself and have a very happy life.
It's not her fault and it's not your fault. The price of everything has gone up and it's impossible to live on a decent salary anymore. The money I was spending on groceries for the month I am now spending a week. Just keep trying your best. That's all we can do. Hopefully the prices will go down soon and we won't have it so very hot.
No, if the guy was the university student and worked, I would still say that he doesn’t have to be there.
Stand up for yourself and buy your own switch, they're not that expensive. Don't let him do this to you, it's so disrespectful.
he sounds awful, break up! he wants to see other women but ur not allowed to even speak to a guy? he’s actually pathetic. so hypocritical
I know she was wrong. For info, I did end up cutting contact with Natalie. For my fiancée, I do admit it was naked because it took a long time for her to learn the full truth. I had lied about parts of it, and even for the contact, I had hidden it from her.
Nope not true. I might know that it's not visible in some light but damned if I care enough to start investigating when and how it's visible. I hope to catch it in time, otherwise I hope my near ones can inform ne
Be single and work on your attachment and abandonment issues.
This guy pushed you down the stairs, “jokes” about it and uses it as a threat. He’s an abusive pos that could legitimately kill you, wake up.
You assumed I would have fucked in a bathroom before. Rude much, not to mention gross. Defend him all you want to, but I’m here to call out bs.
Please do not tie yourself for life to a man you barely know. There are multiple concerning factors here, but ultimately the biggest one is that a child is a lifelong commitment and this dude is more or less a stranger to you. It would be extremely irresponsible to bring a child into this situation. Go get a consultation at Planned Parenthood and they can help you make an informed choice.
I’m angry over a bunch of people who are acting like she is upset over nothing when she points out:
She got upset so he started looking for other women who look like frogs? She didn’t immediately accept his apology so—instead of being contrite—he turned it around on her and blamed her for being upset at all Earlier, he’d said she was “pretty enough” to fuck? Like he’s doing her a favor??? And finally, she said she has to hold back on her genuine feelings of being upset because he will get mad at her for “being sensitive”.
I’m upset that y’all are making excuses for someone exhibiting signs of abuse because you’re wrapped up over your feelings about frogs, FFS.
You need therapy. You need to learn you can't save people, especially if it means sacrificing yourself and your mental health.
You can like someone a whole lot, and still not feel like they are a good match romantically. She told you she was tired of being in LDRs, and that probably had a lot to do with her decision to get into a relationship with someone local.
Thanks! I will try something else that is casual
In love since day one. I give this relationship. Few more hours.
I can kind of understand what he's going through. I had bad dental hygiene when I was young. Eventually decay got two of my molars and they needed to go through root canal but I didn't have the money to pay for the procedure + crowning. So I just let it rot and eventually both teeth died and shattered when I was chewing something.
I'm currently in a way better position financially now and have paid for dental implants + crowning(about 4k each) to replace the lost tooth. I will never take my teeth for granted again, I always schedule twice a year cleaning, polishing and scaling. I brush my teeth at least twice a day now too.
Unless he wants to spend more money fixing his teeth in the future, drag him to a dentist ASAP.