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Thank you! My boyfriend is over 400 pounds, tall, and a wrestler. He’s also clumsy.
In three years, the worst he’s done is elbow me in the face, and that wasn’t even hot enough to hurt.
yes, i can
You've been far too accomodating for far too long. He's broke, borrowing tens of thousands of dollars from you, you support your household entirely by yourself and he's a little prick about doing one iota more of housework than he thinks he should have to, he's stringing you along about his 'work', he has excuses for everything from why he doesn't want to show his work to why he doesn't want investors to why he needs more time for his 'project' and you just keep meekly lapping up his bullshit.
You've got to stop. If you aren't going to take accountability for how you've allowed him to sucker you so much for so long, at least take accountability and end your marriage before he suckers you into the poor house.
RUN
Don’t let your parents bully you into raising a damn child that ain’t yours.
Shes gaslighting you.. time to go ?
He has not had that done. It’s like herding cats to get him to see the dr. He is very healthy so he doesn’t go often. I have brought it up and he said he will ask his doc in the spring about it.
Easy fix, block her, never talk to her again. MOVE ON. This is going nowhere, stop wasting your time
Just give ur some time. U gonna be Okey ?
U are not overreacting my friend. I always say this, if u have to go through their phone more then likely ur gonna find what u didn't want to find. I know phones are meant to be secured for the person who uses it but abusing ur device to commit atrocious acts towards ur partner is unforgivable. I find phones to be a huge problem in relationships cuz it made it easier for people to hide their cheating closer to home. That's just my opinion of phones but anyways I would leave her cuz she had plenty of chances to tell u n purposely hid it till she felt the time was right to tell u. That's not trustworthy material at all no matter how much she cries and begs about it. People don't learn till they fall straight on their asses with no one to catch them, cheaters will keep cheating till they recognize in themselves that they will end up alone unless they went poly in their relationships. If the girl wants a monogamous relationship then she should've already been practicing to do that but clearly she is ants other people involved even behind ur back soooo yea I wouldn't even look or talk to her, infact I would move and cut off all communication cuz that's some negative shit u don't need in ur life, we're all adults here so it's time we start acting like it. Giving children a second chance at something u THOUGHT they were serious about is a waste of time n effort. Best of luck friend.
Tell him and accept the consequences
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Restraint is another form of physical abuse. You should tell him as much. Don't take all the guilt here on yourself.
Restraint is another form of physical abuse. You should tell him as much. Don't take all the guilt here on yourself.
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Thank you. I need this. Being wrapped up in it all and the love I have for him is so strong. Things had been so good, besides some relationship issues that could easily be worked on in therapy, we are so good together. I was so blindsided by this it’s been hot to accept I guess. Thank you again!
Yeah keep your distance.
Is he just uninterested or is he a loser?
Yes.
Don't feel guilty. Your feelings are valid and you said what you had to say, and you did what you have to do for yourself, and your peace of mind. You can still love someone and not always get along or agree with their decisions.
None. He sucks.
Now that one I hadn't heard.
Given the rockiness of that relationship (believe me that’s a euphemism), not really.
The person I had on my SC was one of dozens, probably hundreds of people that I’ve “added” over the years and never even bothered with a message. I question her calling me out because this person was such an insignificant part of my life, yet for whatever reason someone who was toxic, demeaning and cold is somehow exempt from this? Yeah sorry, I don’t see it. They were never friends even before dating.
Did I disclose more than I should’ve with this hookup story? Probably. But that doesn’t make my point mute.
Thank you for your response. I think my sobriety decisions come less from a place of addiction and more from just mental health intolerance, but I understand what you mean. The last thing I want to do is expect them to change to suit my needs, so I think you’re right in just talking to them about it. I think I might just need to get it off my chest with them before I can think clearly.
Thanks again!
A best man's panic attack is not a reason to postpone the wedding. You should be his priority, but apparently you aren't, you come second to his brother. That is not a relationship you want to build a future on.
I would contact his family, explain the costs involved, and the logistics of “postponing”.
I think your France's brother is trying to sabotage the wedding. I think your finace is in on it.
Who is picking up the costs? If his family are paying for everything, then tell him – sure let's postpone. Tell him since the honeymoon is booked, you are stressed, and since he obviously wants to be there for his brother, which you totally understand… you think it's best if you go on the honeymoon alone, just to distress.
If you have picked up costs (or your family) – then tell him sure you can postpone, you need the money reimbursed now though, since you have paid. Make sure you get the money. Then as above, you go on the honeymoon, he stays home.
If people travelled, ask if his family are paying those travel and hotel expenses.
Once you return from the honeymoon, and have your expenses refunded by him/his family. Then you dump him. Move on with your life, he's not the one for you.
Tell your stbx that you are not going to marry someone who is the emotional support animal of his completely codependent brother, and consistently prioritizes him above you/ your potential children. This would not be a happy marriage – take this as the giant wake-up call it is! I hope you'll have a blast at the party tomorrow, and a wonderful time on your impromptu vacation! You have really awesome friends!
By the way, what are your fiancé's objection to you traveling with your friends? After he just canceled your wedding, he shouldn't object to anything you plan to minimize the impact/ consequences.
Why do you eat out so much? Why the really expensive restaurants? Have you asked her if really expensive restaurant are what she wants money spent on?
The 2 of you should read the 5 love languages (if you haven't) and see what your respective love languages are.
I think that if it's your turn to pay the $20 meal, just pay it, rather than compare how much you've spent. This bookkeeping tally of I spent vs you spent, is going to create unhappiness if she didn't choose expensive restaurants that you took her to, KWIM?
Have the 2 of you discussed spending on things and agreed how to pay?
She's the perfect girlfriend.
Exactly. There is a video posted today in r/facepalm where a married man is hitting on a woman at the gym and he keeps trying for minutes after she rejects him. It’s insane and scary as hell a woman.
Then he can leave her. Again, you don’t know the situation either. Maybe she wasn’t depressed when they got married. When you get married you vow “in sickness and in health”. It seems like OP’s husband didn’t try to resolve it in any other way and just went behind his partners back.
A is the good one here tho? lol? finding friends isn't that easy for me tho, especially queer femme sadly
Why would your wife have risque photos of herself on her own phone?
The opposite of YOUR marriage vows.
My husband and I wrote our own vows.
There are literally millions of marriages in the world, why should there be one set of rules that work for everyone?
And why does it bother you that there are people out there living their marriages differently than you live! yours?
There are some things you can't take back and you're going to have to live! with the consequences of that. Your parents didn't disown you but you need to realize that your actions also had consequences for the people around you and they are hurt. They won't be able to regain that friendship. The only way your apology will be valid is your changed behavior and you continue down that path whether you are forgiven or not.
this is abuse. please read why does he do that, unless you have a being treated like a dog kink
OP, this is no joke. That is humiliating and abuse. You do not say anything to make him try to stop – you leave right away and tell someone you trust about his behavior.
Did you and she discuss things like “choking an ass slapping” before you engaged in them? Did she explicitly, verbally, enthusiastically consent to those acts?
Thank you for the input, your right I should have been more considerate but I got lost in the moment. I would never purposely hurt her. I know3 months isn’t long but I’m in love with her an she said as much back to me before this incident, also we’ve known each other for 12 years prior to this. So do you really think it would be a mistake to continue pursing this relationship?
I was in a similar relationship and I left. I felt alone and lonely all the time while in the relationship. I'm single over a year now and I don't have these feelings any more.
Im not sure why you stay. You live! afraid to live a normal life. Walking on eggshells all the time is only waiting for some to break.
I hope you get help for yourself. You deserve to live! and enjoy your life
On the spectrum because she’s coming to the gym when you ask her to?!! Get over yourself. You aren’t being as clear or direct as you intend to be and you’re blaming it on her being “on the spectrum”?
I'm a woman, and while I agree with people who say you're wrong for feeling the way you feel, I also think your feelings are valid.
This is a difficult topic to address, as the fact that you are anxious and worried about this is mainly due to predefined sexist ideas that objectify and sexualize the female body.
I imagine that you as men feel that other men will look at her and have sexual thoughts about your girlfriend. If you want to broach the subject with her, I think it is important for you to recognize that it is not your girlfriend's actions that make you feel uncomfortable, but the possible actions of others and your own insecurities.
I had the same argument over and over with my boyfriend.And I confess that it was a difficult taks to come into an agreement. He , then started buying me nice and pretty bras, he would also buy me clothes that I could wear without a bra. And although it can be construed as controlling behavior I also find it cute when he picks out clothes for me and it's something I can't get mad at.
I also feel for his insecurities and see that it hurts him more than it would hurt me to cover my nipples.
Also keep in mind that it's an innate possessive feeling, you don't want others to see what you consider only for yourself, and that's the point that may make your girlfriend uncomfortable, especially with her past.
Porn addiction is bad and he needs a professional but your way of handling it by refusing intimicy is making things even worse.
You played yourself here by deciding to do everything in your power to push him and yourself further away. Stop being with him if you can not handle him but stop playing stupid mindgames because you are both losing even harder.
Why are her friends also not calling out this crazy behaviour !!!
I don’t understand people who fight, break up, get back together, break up again, struggle blah blah blah. Jesus Christ, there are other people in the world, you don’t have to stay with someone who you feel is degrading and unsupportive of you.
i would never false accuse someone of something, i took time to observe and think about it , its been months since its been happening and my boyfriend brought it up himself as well once , i would never do something stupid out of jealousy because she is one of the most important people in my life , i have known her for so long and i know how she is and how she acts , what she is doing is very wrong because there is a difference between being nice and crossing boundaries
He's negging you. He wants you to have no self-esteem, no self-respect, because if you have those you'll leave and find someone who isn't a huge asshole. You deserve better than this, leave his pitiful ass and never look back.
Pass
So her waiting long enough so that he’s fully invested in the relationship before telling him makes it better? Lol ok
I’m pretty positive, it says he’s located in the city he just moved to, which is an hour and a half away from me
He wanted sex, you didn't. He got an erection, while in bed with you. You told him no again. He leaves.
What was wrong here, exactly?
I think if you still trust him, I would lay it out there. The pain he's caused you. The suffering. I'd want to see the direct reaction to that myself to know if I want to keep going.
I would also ask for some very specific actions – is he going to drink less in future? Do you two need a 'lets go home now' safeword in case either of you is uncomfortable?
Not wanting to be a fool – I completely understand. I think that's just part of the risk of trusting another person – sometimes you were wrong to trust them. It doesn't sound like that's the case here though – it sounds like he cares deeply and recognises his mistake – he needs to back that up with strategies and actions for me.
What's his job in mental health?
I wish we could hear your wife’s side of this story. She doesn’t want more kids, but she wants to make it work with you, and the reason she suggested a vasectomy is because it’s an in and out procedure for you, where as getting her tubes cut is an actual surgery that has a painful recovery time and everything.
It’s easier for you but from your post and comments, this is more of a HER/problem and not a you-problem. SHE doesn’t want more kids, so SHE she needs to go take care of the problem HERSELF because you know you guys aren’t going to work out, and you don’t want to ruin your chances of having a kid with someone else.
Watching porn isn't inherently disrespectful.
Lying about it would be.
Promising not to and then doing it anyway, would be.
There's various reasons someone will watch porn instead of engage with their partner. Some of those can be resolved through a bit of communication and working things out. Some of them, honestly it's healthier to just let them have their porn as an outlet. Which way that goes for you two, nobody can say.
As with anything else, you're welcome to communicate your feelings but without trying to control your partner. It's your partner's choice whether to keep watching or stop watching after you say something. If they choose to keep watching, your choice is whether you live! with that or break up with that.
Find any kind of support group you can. I know it's hot leaving people like this, but he will never change if he always does this to you. This is very controlling behavior and it isn't fair to you.
Never joke about anyone’s physical appearance.
That’s basic social interaction.
How would you have liked it if he snapped back a reply of “are you sure? I mean I know you can park a bus down there, but I sometimes hit the sides”
So you have some grovelling to do if you want to continue this relationship.
I found texts between her and her best friend, and their friend group, talking about a dick pic from the guy. Didn’t want to investigate any further than that, that was more than enough
She needs therapy to control her insecurities and anger issues!
A woman in lingerie and make up is pretty easy to understand lol
I would, for your own sanity, and I would have a plan of intentions for when you do – let a friend or family member know you intend to do it, do not compromise with him on it, and have a time/date set up to go to them after it's done so you're not on your own. You'll be vulnerable to being told you'll regret it, he might try and convince you he'll change, but we both know right now, without those emotions flowing, that you won't regret getting yourself out of this “situationship”. Your post history (although I only looked to see if this was an ongoing issue) strikes me as someone who has their shit together and seems to be doing very well for a 24 year old. You could do even better without this hanging over your head forever and maybe even better than ever with someone that wants to be with you enough to not try it on with other women.
He cheated, broke up with you, moved out and now you can’t see him. What to do next? start trying to move on. It’s over, and that’s better for you.
You've spoiled him. Literally.
And stay away from crush…..never good to mix business with personal. Stay professional.
You know better, come on now
From prior experience, giving second chances isn't always worth it. You've come so far with yourself without her, follow the part of you that suggests “not even worth your time”. You will not regret making that decision. Nostalgia is a dirty liar. Congrats on bettering yourself, keep looking ahead.