You write about what she wants, what she likes… but reading her mind is not going to help here. What is she doing that makes it seem that she doesnt like you anymore? Is she distant with you? unfriendly? critical? Try to describe her behavior.
Everyone here is talking about post history, but I honestly haven't looked and don't even have to in order to say GET THE HELL AWAY.
I am a DV survivor of over 16 years, and this SCREAMS a million times over abuse. Just stop. Leave. Whatever you have to do, do it. But DO NOT stay with him.
Maybe he doesn't hit you now (or maybe he does), but I assure you, based on the name calling and throwing a pillow AT YOUR FACE and then screaming at you because HE broke a lamp… Abuse. It will get worse. You cannot change him. I promise.
The reasoning for checking the twitter account is that she recently created an account herself, wants to see the same funny stuff I show her from time to time coming from the website, so she checked what I liked and followed. No suspicion of anything. But thank you for assuming and judging my personality and my whole online activity based on a Reddit post 🙂
Personally I think that for a 34 yo man to be still acting like this even while drunk, that’s a dealbreaker. Extremely immature and inconsiderate. Stupid shit while drunk maybe when your young, but even then not rude or disrespectful to other people. At 34? Grow the fuck up. Being drunk should no longer be an acceptable excuse at that point.
He is an manipulative person.Since he was aware of your timeline he knew how long he had to “behave” before he could trap you and leave you stuck.
Anyway is a bad idea to not to get proof of someone's finances if the goal is to move forward, prenup be damned. He could have easily pulled up bank records, credit score, paystubs etc. Without giving you the information.
This relationship isn't salvageable as he lied about critical things in a stable relationship.
Actually she let me know he has no idea that we talk at all. And she waits till he goes to work to call me… I wouldn't say I feel responsible for her but I do feel bad. Our interactions actually started again after the break up because of a medical situation she had because before that I had completely ignored her for like 6 months after the break up.. Also I've made it known multiple times she should go to her boyfriend instead of me but she always comes up with an excuse as to why she can't… I was vague with the details because I didn't think they mattered and I wasn't trying to paint her in a negative light. I was gonna see if I got any insight within the yes or no or id do this. I forgot that on the internet people don't wonder about both sides and just respond through a lense of self-righteousness and “wokeness.” You read what I wrote, even me stating I have reason to believe etc… For context telling you there's more to the story but you read it and thought you understood everything then responded again like you knew everything and are so right. As if I'd be asking if it's wrong to talk to her if he was OK with it… Why would I then feel bad if she wasn't purposely hiding the fact, and he was OK with it?
OP, he probably told you right away to get ahead of your friend telling you.
Did he explain when he sent the text asking to hook up? Did he ask while at the bar and left with her with the intention of having sex with her? The text itself is bad enough, but you need the whole story to get an idea of how far he's willing to go to cheat on you.
You need to speak to your friend, tell her you know “what happened, and you want to hear her side of the story”. Then you'll have more information, which will help you decide what to do.
Also, if he sent the text while at the bar, why didn't your friend tell you? Why did she allow him to get in the car alone with her knowing he wanted sex?
While I don't you're inherently unreasonable to want your boyfriend to “think of you,” I think the larger issue here is that you don't use your words. You have expectations, don't say what they are, and then get upset when they aren't met.
He also didn't “double book” your evening. You asked him about making plans. He checked his calendar and it turned out he had plans. There's no issue there.
So it's time to work on communication, and not just in the moment. Discuss expectations. Discuss needs. Discuss everything. Stop just making assumptions and getting angry about assumptions you have he's unaware exist.
As for your ex, I mean, you're comparing him to a failed relationship. Why did that end?
Look, in my personal experience, the odds are she’ll find a new partner within a month if she’s really as codependent as described. People that can’t be alone will find someone, anyone, so that they don’t have to be alone.
Or… go to a sex club together with very strict rules and boundaries in place. One of them being: if either of you feels uncomfortable you stop. And if one person wants to leave you both leave at once. At those clubs you can watch but not participate, and the fantasy is a bit more real without it suddenly coming down to three of you in a bedroom at home together.
Go to court and if you have to you prove you have not contacted her despite her best attempts, then walk the heck away. You two are obviously toxic together and incompatible. Use this time and space to look at things more clearly and work on yourself.
Get a better GF. She has made it clear she expects you to support her family. Unless you want to do that for the rest of your life, escape now. And if you marry her, your money will be going to them one way or another. Why should you work so her family can skate by?
Why do you need to prove it? He’s already lied and has gone on another trip with another woman. Why do you want to keep fighting for him?
He doesn’t see you as his exclusive gf. You’re a woman he hooks up with when he’s in Europe.
He sees himself as single but with a European FWB (you).
Just break up and find someone local that you can see all the time. LDR’s in the same country as pointless. LDR’s across continents are ridiculous.
You’ve now found this out the hot way. You can’t ever know what he’s up to or if he’s lying in what he does and you never will. You’re wasting your life.
And just be on it OP – if she’s not using her custody time, make sure you’re following up in the courts for adjustments.
My uncle – in the 80’s – got full custody of his kids when he brought a big handful of answering machine tapes of his ex wife saying “you need to pick up these damn kids I can’t deal with them anymore” over and over again. His argument was “they’re basically with me all the time, this needs to be official” and the judge agreed.
She needs to figure out why she's sexualizing caregiving. Say, in her elderly years, she becomes dependent on adult diapers and needing her spouse or family member to change them. Is she going to decline and sit in dirty diapers until she passes away? She's clearly incredibly immature and is projecting her sick mindset onto you and your father. Her reaction is not in any way, shape, or form normal. I wouldn't reach out to her anymore unless it's to return belongings of hers you may have. Yes, she's young and still has growing to do but you don't deserve to have to wait around for that to happen, if it even does.
Your sister is incredibly blessed to have such a loving and caring family to keep her healthy and happy. If anyone you come across, friend or romantic, sexualizes that, they are not worth your time.
If you can sit down and make a list of issues or behaviours that bother you that's a bit of a wake up call is it not. He may be great some of the time but arethese issues something he can fix or is it time to move on as he won't change if he doesn't want to or doesn't see an issue.
In that aspect yes i do believe there would be someone out there that would not have done what i did. in every other aspect i think im everything she is looking for which is why we got back together in the first place
Some advice without the emotional weight, my biggest fear in life is getting pregnant by a man who is pro life, I would need an abortion for all sorts of reasons but he would genuinely be traumatised thinking I just murdered his kid, even though I don’t see it that way at all.
You’d have to go through that with him if you got pregnant, should you choose abortion you’d have someone in grief with absolutely no support, it would be a NIGHTMARE.
If I’m having sex with someone, I always ask before the first time if they are okay with me aborting (I’m very safe with sex but I know my family is super fertile) because of these situations, I suggest you do the same in future to avoid situations like this because regardless of how much I disagree with your boyfriend, break ups are always shitty 🙁
…..not sure either of you are mature enough for a relationship.
She definitely isn’t.
If you want to continue with it, then you should put boundaries in place.
So sit her down, tell her that you both need to talk about how you each are acting in this relationship, and work out how you can proceed, making sure that both of you are respecting yourselves, each other, and the relationship.
Start with basic respect (like not hanging up on one another), then add ones about not putting “fees” on things that you should be doing in a relationship. One of her boundaries to you should be that a joke is only funny if both parties are laughing. So you need to think before you stick your feet in your mouth with ill-conceived jokes.
I tell my friends things like “love you babe” whether they are men or women. I think you’re being silly.
But to your question about wanting to go into his phone? If I found out that one of my friends was letting their partner read messages I thought were private, I would end the friendship. That’s a breach of my privacy. Further, if I gave someone access to my phone, I could be fired as getting on my phone means having access to work stuff that is sensitive.
If you have money, PI is a good thing, and i dont want to break your fairy tales but when yall are só United, thats exactly the moment where you NEED to tell then the truth, otherwise you will be painted as the villain who break the family, you need to tell then you had a very good reason to split up
Who cares dude, she never needs to pay it, just don't marry her, nobody cares about the debt if it's not inherited. As long as she never own anything it's irrelevant how much debt she has.
Her kids won't inherit it and neither will you if you don't marry her. GG
YOu are an adult now and get to have sex. So I would let her know you would like to work toward that this year….If she doesnt you will have to decide what to do. I would break up and have an adult relationship.
you can absolutely see this new person. i would also set a much more clear boundary with your ex about when she finds a new place to online, for example “you have X amount of days”. you can't be the only person she has to stay with. and if you are the most “comfortable” person to stay with, then maybe its time for her to have the uncomfortable conversation with people who she SHOULD be staying with. i'd be careful about bringing the new person around your ex for awhile tho. at least until she's settled into a new place. ex's meeting FRESH ex's is always a sketchy territory.
This is a really common fear and misconception about healthy eating; it isn't about avocado and salad, it's about ensuring your body has enough carbohydrates, fat and protein to function well. If you can start with small changes like not drinking anything sugary and avoiding fried food on weekdays, that's great progress. Combine that with simple exercise like stretching and walking, and you're already living healthier.
This woman is not wifey material. She’s ex-girlfriend material at best. Get your ring back and make better decisions as you move forward. You should’ve broke up in the first bullet point.
I agree it’s a valid concern. But as I think you agree it’s not HIS concern. She’s probably worked half her life for this career, now he is asking her to “think about it” or who knows what he actually said? Unless his request came with a ring it’s laughable -.-
Don’t be stupid. There was a whole lot more there than whatever he did with this coworker. Not to mention whatever that controlling double standard bullshit he gave you regarding working. He has shown you who he is
Does your job involve doing something slimey? Or does she just feel like negotiating wages is greedy? I think she's valid if she feels like the actual tasks you've taken on are against her moral code (I would not date a landlord or be okay if my partner became one, for example), but if she just feels that the general negotiation was slimey then she needs a reality check. Immoral businesses (almost all of them) will milk you if you don't fight for wages. Negotiation is, if nothing else, basic practice for making sure you are paid what you're worth.
You good. I'm a woman and have experienced similar feelings of disappointment at finding out someone I vibe with is taken. What makes the difference is how you respond to those feelings. As long as you can continue to respect her and her boundaries, you're fine. If you need to break off the friendship, that's fine too.
The reason you're feeling guilty over your immediate response is because of all these horror stories we see (especially on Reddit) of men going off the rails when they fall “victim” to the “friend zone”. Your feelings are perfectly normal.
Ozempic has been in the news a bunch lately for celebrity weight loss but it’s actually for people like your wife. It’s not a permanent, long term solution but it could kick start a healthier lifestyle and help her out of the rut she’s in.
I mean those are things that OP could check though and it seems like, according to them, he is booking correctly. And to his credit, I’ve work with hotels in the past and they fuck up a lot more often than you think.
Does he have ADHD? Because a lot of this sounds like the effects of unchecked, unaddressed, unmedicated ADHD. Breaking stuff, burning food, bumping into things, getting in accidents you didn't see coming, having things “just” happen to you that are a result of actions you already didn't do.
It could also be weaponized incompetence, too. Or he's a dipshit. Who knows?
OP, you need to join an live! support group for the loved ones of addicts. There's absolutely nothing you've said here that isn't absolutely within the wheelhouse of someone dealing with addiction. This is a mental illness of a sort and it's not just related to cessation of the drug of choice. People become addicts because of existing deficits in their ability to cope with the world. These problems don't go away just because someone has stopped using. If this guy isn't in ongoing treatment he needs to be. Also jsyk, almost all addiction recovery experts advise clients to stay out of relationships until they've been clean and in treatment for at least a year. So you may just be fighting a battle here that's not worth it right now.
I get that you’re listening to her concerns and remedying it and she should communicate better, but I’d guess (based on the passive aggressive interaction you described) that she’s non confrontational. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s waiting for you to for the dishes got a while until she finally gets worked up enough to ask you to do them. Not saying it’s right, not saying it’s healthy, but it would make sense. I would also add that keeping common areas tidy should be a given. (If you don’t immediately jump to do dishes after a meal, fair enough, but leaving them for days isn’t considerate whether you’ve had a conversation about it or not.) She definitely shouldn’t be rude to you, but it does sound like she was stressed and venting and found your comment judgmental. I’d approach her gently and ask how she’s doing and maybe come up with a roommate agreement (or at least discuss expectations moving forward). It’s absolutely fair to ask for better, kinder communication but be sure to give her the same.
Leave or surrender yourself to a life of waiting because he has shown time and time again that he does not want to marry you and does not want children, no matter what he says.
Just don't tell anybody.
You write about what she wants, what she likes… but reading her mind is not going to help here. What is she doing that makes it seem that she doesnt like you anymore? Is she distant with you? unfriendly? critical? Try to describe her behavior.
Everyone here is talking about post history, but I honestly haven't looked and don't even have to in order to say GET THE HELL AWAY.
I am a DV survivor of over 16 years, and this SCREAMS a million times over abuse. Just stop. Leave. Whatever you have to do, do it. But DO NOT stay with him.
Maybe he doesn't hit you now (or maybe he does), but I assure you, based on the name calling and throwing a pillow AT YOUR FACE and then screaming at you because HE broke a lamp… Abuse. It will get worse. You cannot change him. I promise.
Get. Out. Now.
Fucking LEAVE.
That's what I felt. Like…I know what gaslighting feels like…and this is it!
Bullshit.
Oh and also… imo…don't give him another chance. That curious feeling of his will not go away for very long
Yeah but I feel like it would be different if he also had a history of liking my bf for a long time.
Wrong, porn is terrible, stay away from this shit at ALL COSTS
The reasoning for checking the twitter account is that she recently created an account herself, wants to see the same funny stuff I show her from time to time coming from the website, so she checked what I liked and followed. No suspicion of anything. But thank you for assuming and judging my personality and my whole online activity based on a Reddit post 🙂
Probably cause it sounds more like a chore than a romantic gesture ?♂️
Oh lord. Here we go again.
Personally I think that for a 34 yo man to be still acting like this even while drunk, that’s a dealbreaker. Extremely immature and inconsiderate. Stupid shit while drunk maybe when your young, but even then not rude or disrespectful to other people. At 34? Grow the fuck up. Being drunk should no longer be an acceptable excuse at that point.
He is an manipulative person.Since he was aware of your timeline he knew how long he had to “behave” before he could trap you and leave you stuck.
Anyway is a bad idea to not to get proof of someone's finances if the goal is to move forward, prenup be damned. He could have easily pulled up bank records, credit score, paystubs etc. Without giving you the information.
This relationship isn't salvageable as he lied about critical things in a stable relationship.
Actually she let me know he has no idea that we talk at all. And she waits till he goes to work to call me… I wouldn't say I feel responsible for her but I do feel bad. Our interactions actually started again after the break up because of a medical situation she had because before that I had completely ignored her for like 6 months after the break up.. Also I've made it known multiple times she should go to her boyfriend instead of me but she always comes up with an excuse as to why she can't… I was vague with the details because I didn't think they mattered and I wasn't trying to paint her in a negative light. I was gonna see if I got any insight within the yes or no or id do this. I forgot that on the internet people don't wonder about both sides and just respond through a lense of self-righteousness and “wokeness.” You read what I wrote, even me stating I have reason to believe etc… For context telling you there's more to the story but you read it and thought you understood everything then responded again like you knew everything and are so right. As if I'd be asking if it's wrong to talk to her if he was OK with it… Why would I then feel bad if she wasn't purposely hiding the fact, and he was OK with it?
OP, he probably told you right away to get ahead of your friend telling you.
Did he explain when he sent the text asking to hook up? Did he ask while at the bar and left with her with the intention of having sex with her? The text itself is bad enough, but you need the whole story to get an idea of how far he's willing to go to cheat on you.
You need to speak to your friend, tell her you know “what happened, and you want to hear her side of the story”. Then you'll have more information, which will help you decide what to do.
Also, if he sent the text while at the bar, why didn't your friend tell you? Why did she allow him to get in the car alone with her knowing he wanted sex?
While I don't you're inherently unreasonable to want your boyfriend to “think of you,” I think the larger issue here is that you don't use your words. You have expectations, don't say what they are, and then get upset when they aren't met.
He also didn't “double book” your evening. You asked him about making plans. He checked his calendar and it turned out he had plans. There's no issue there.
So it's time to work on communication, and not just in the moment. Discuss expectations. Discuss needs. Discuss everything. Stop just making assumptions and getting angry about assumptions you have he's unaware exist.
As for your ex, I mean, you're comparing him to a failed relationship. Why did that end?
Look, in my personal experience, the odds are she’ll find a new partner within a month if she’s really as codependent as described. People that can’t be alone will find someone, anyone, so that they don’t have to be alone.
Or… go to a sex club together with very strict rules and boundaries in place. One of them being: if either of you feels uncomfortable you stop. And if one person wants to leave you both leave at once. At those clubs you can watch but not participate, and the fantasy is a bit more real without it suddenly coming down to three of you in a bedroom at home together.
He seems like the opposite of fun. Or joy. You should move on and have someone by your side who enjoys being with you. No time to waste here
We technically online together, but I have my own place. I’m there 24/7 along with all my stuff.
He told me a couple hours, so I took that for how it sounded. Definitely think I have some form of separation anxiety though.
Go to court and if you have to you prove you have not contacted her despite her best attempts, then walk the heck away. You two are obviously toxic together and incompatible. Use this time and space to look at things more clearly and work on yourself.
Get a better GF. She has made it clear she expects you to support her family. Unless you want to do that for the rest of your life, escape now. And if you marry her, your money will be going to them one way or another. Why should you work so her family can skate by?
Medication and therapy are really hot to get around here, unfortunately.
Why do you need to prove it? He’s already lied and has gone on another trip with another woman. Why do you want to keep fighting for him?
He doesn’t see you as his exclusive gf. You’re a woman he hooks up with when he’s in Europe.
He sees himself as single but with a European FWB (you).
Just break up and find someone local that you can see all the time. LDR’s in the same country as pointless. LDR’s across continents are ridiculous.
You’ve now found this out the hot way. You can’t ever know what he’s up to or if he’s lying in what he does and you never will. You’re wasting your life.
Now you’re thinking!
Anytime!
Happy reletionshiping!
Go on a 30 minute walk after she wakes up, every single day. When she asks, tell her.
this is teenager answer right here
Not side piece, an agreed open relationship, all three people agreeing. it worked for all of us, until maybe the last 6 months.
We wanted a gf to share and that wasn't always the issue that's y ik concerned now
And just be on it OP – if she’s not using her custody time, make sure you’re following up in the courts for adjustments.
My uncle – in the 80’s – got full custody of his kids when he brought a big handful of answering machine tapes of his ex wife saying “you need to pick up these damn kids I can’t deal with them anymore” over and over again. His argument was “they’re basically with me all the time, this needs to be official” and the judge agreed.
She needs to figure out why she's sexualizing caregiving. Say, in her elderly years, she becomes dependent on adult diapers and needing her spouse or family member to change them. Is she going to decline and sit in dirty diapers until she passes away? She's clearly incredibly immature and is projecting her sick mindset onto you and your father. Her reaction is not in any way, shape, or form normal. I wouldn't reach out to her anymore unless it's to return belongings of hers you may have. Yes, she's young and still has growing to do but you don't deserve to have to wait around for that to happen, if it even does.
Your sister is incredibly blessed to have such a loving and caring family to keep her healthy and happy. If anyone you come across, friend or romantic, sexualizes that, they are not worth your time.
If you can sit down and make a list of issues or behaviours that bother you that's a bit of a wake up call is it not. He may be great some of the time but arethese issues something he can fix or is it time to move on as he won't change if he doesn't want to or doesn't see an issue.
In that aspect yes i do believe there would be someone out there that would not have done what i did. in every other aspect i think im everything she is looking for which is why we got back together in the first place
Some advice without the emotional weight, my biggest fear in life is getting pregnant by a man who is pro life, I would need an abortion for all sorts of reasons but he would genuinely be traumatised thinking I just murdered his kid, even though I don’t see it that way at all.
You’d have to go through that with him if you got pregnant, should you choose abortion you’d have someone in grief with absolutely no support, it would be a NIGHTMARE.
If I’m having sex with someone, I always ask before the first time if they are okay with me aborting (I’m very safe with sex but I know my family is super fertile) because of these situations, I suggest you do the same in future to avoid situations like this because regardless of how much I disagree with your boyfriend, break ups are always shitty 🙁
…..not sure either of you are mature enough for a relationship.
She definitely isn’t.
If you want to continue with it, then you should put boundaries in place.
So sit her down, tell her that you both need to talk about how you each are acting in this relationship, and work out how you can proceed, making sure that both of you are respecting yourselves, each other, and the relationship.
Start with basic respect (like not hanging up on one another), then add ones about not putting “fees” on things that you should be doing in a relationship. One of her boundaries to you should be that a joke is only funny if both parties are laughing. So you need to think before you stick your feet in your mouth with ill-conceived jokes.
I doubt we would hookup because he was telling me we could choose a spot we could hang out at.
I tell my friends things like “love you babe” whether they are men or women. I think you’re being silly.
But to your question about wanting to go into his phone? If I found out that one of my friends was letting their partner read messages I thought were private, I would end the friendship. That’s a breach of my privacy. Further, if I gave someone access to my phone, I could be fired as getting on my phone means having access to work stuff that is sensitive.
If you don’t trust him, break up.
This sounds way too obvious to be real. Wtf says “gay hand jobs”. Lol.
Maybe he's bisexual. That's an option too.
If you have money, PI is a good thing, and i dont want to break your fairy tales but when yall are só United, thats exactly the moment where you NEED to tell then the truth, otherwise you will be painted as the villain who break the family, you need to tell then you had a very good reason to split up
Not sure what but this comment legitimately made me laugh.
Maybe we should all applaud this monthly act of kindness! /S
Who cares dude, she never needs to pay it, just don't marry her, nobody cares about the debt if it's not inherited. As long as she never own anything it's irrelevant how much debt she has.
Her kids won't inherit it and neither will you if you don't marry her. GG
Have fun.
YOu are an adult now and get to have sex. So I would let her know you would like to work toward that this year….If she doesnt you will have to decide what to do. I would break up and have an adult relationship.
you can absolutely see this new person. i would also set a much more clear boundary with your ex about when she finds a new place to online, for example “you have X amount of days”. you can't be the only person she has to stay with. and if you are the most “comfortable” person to stay with, then maybe its time for her to have the uncomfortable conversation with people who she SHOULD be staying with. i'd be careful about bringing the new person around your ex for awhile tho. at least until she's settled into a new place. ex's meeting FRESH ex's is always a sketchy territory.
This is a really common fear and misconception about healthy eating; it isn't about avocado and salad, it's about ensuring your body has enough carbohydrates, fat and protein to function well. If you can start with small changes like not drinking anything sugary and avoiding fried food on weekdays, that's great progress. Combine that with simple exercise like stretching and walking, and you're already living healthier.
You'd be an absolute idiot to turn down a house for a boyfriend's sensibilities.
3rd choice really, because his friends are also more important to him than she is.
This woman is not wifey material. She’s ex-girlfriend material at best. Get your ring back and make better decisions as you move forward. You should’ve broke up in the first bullet point.
I agree it’s a valid concern. But as I think you agree it’s not HIS concern. She’s probably worked half her life for this career, now he is asking her to “think about it” or who knows what he actually said? Unless his request came with a ring it’s laughable -.-
Don’t be stupid. There was a whole lot more there than whatever he did with this coworker. Not to mention whatever that controlling double standard bullshit he gave you regarding working. He has shown you who he is
Does your job involve doing something slimey? Or does she just feel like negotiating wages is greedy? I think she's valid if she feels like the actual tasks you've taken on are against her moral code (I would not date a landlord or be okay if my partner became one, for example), but if she just feels that the general negotiation was slimey then she needs a reality check. Immoral businesses (almost all of them) will milk you if you don't fight for wages. Negotiation is, if nothing else, basic practice for making sure you are paid what you're worth.
You good. I'm a woman and have experienced similar feelings of disappointment at finding out someone I vibe with is taken. What makes the difference is how you respond to those feelings. As long as you can continue to respect her and her boundaries, you're fine. If you need to break off the friendship, that's fine too.
The reason you're feeling guilty over your immediate response is because of all these horror stories we see (especially on Reddit) of men going off the rails when they fall “victim” to the “friend zone”. Your feelings are perfectly normal.
For gods sake, work your shit out together.
Ozempic has been in the news a bunch lately for celebrity weight loss but it’s actually for people like your wife. It’s not a permanent, long term solution but it could kick start a healthier lifestyle and help her out of the rut she’s in.
I mean those are things that OP could check though and it seems like, according to them, he is booking correctly. And to his credit, I’ve work with hotels in the past and they fuck up a lot more often than you think.
Does he have ADHD? Because a lot of this sounds like the effects of unchecked, unaddressed, unmedicated ADHD. Breaking stuff, burning food, bumping into things, getting in accidents you didn't see coming, having things “just” happen to you that are a result of actions you already didn't do.
It could also be weaponized incompetence, too. Or he's a dipshit. Who knows?
Get custody and move back to your parents then get a job.
Just stick your phone on a headband and view him via a long hair filter for the rest of your life
I mean he sounds honest. You both even saw a films progress going up with both of you not doing anything.
If you trust him then I think nothing here says he is lying and his explanation sounds plausible given the evidence you both witnessed.
Came here to say this.
OP, you need to join an live! support group for the loved ones of addicts. There's absolutely nothing you've said here that isn't absolutely within the wheelhouse of someone dealing with addiction. This is a mental illness of a sort and it's not just related to cessation of the drug of choice. People become addicts because of existing deficits in their ability to cope with the world. These problems don't go away just because someone has stopped using. If this guy isn't in ongoing treatment he needs to be. Also jsyk, almost all addiction recovery experts advise clients to stay out of relationships until they've been clean and in treatment for at least a year. So you may just be fighting a battle here that's not worth it right now.
I think you need to listen to Lou Christie's song “Lightnin' Strikes”. Then write the jerk out of your life for good.
Yeah, I came up with Best Man, bridesmaid, and bowel movement. Definitely changes the context.
I get that you’re listening to her concerns and remedying it and she should communicate better, but I’d guess (based on the passive aggressive interaction you described) that she’s non confrontational. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s waiting for you to for the dishes got a while until she finally gets worked up enough to ask you to do them. Not saying it’s right, not saying it’s healthy, but it would make sense. I would also add that keeping common areas tidy should be a given. (If you don’t immediately jump to do dishes after a meal, fair enough, but leaving them for days isn’t considerate whether you’ve had a conversation about it or not.) She definitely shouldn’t be rude to you, but it does sound like she was stressed and venting and found your comment judgmental. I’d approach her gently and ask how she’s doing and maybe come up with a roommate agreement (or at least discuss expectations moving forward). It’s absolutely fair to ask for better, kinder communication but be sure to give her the same.
Leave or surrender yourself to a life of waiting because he has shown time and time again that he does not want to marry you and does not want children, no matter what he says.