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Consider her a victim . Be on her side but don't let her dismiss the gravity of the incest.
If she askd you tell nobody, she know that it is wrong. Send her to therapy. One day it will get out in a family meeting. It is better if she is prepared to be first to talk about it to her mother and her aunt and his wife. It will definitively go out when you will have a daughter.
I am passive aggressive. I would call him name everyone I met him. I don't recommend that way. Go see a counselor for your anger.
Being disappointed your friend can't be drunk & thus “will be a wet blanket” is rather problematic. You should like your friends when they are sober too… weird weird thinking.
And neither do you and your GF:
We just don't think alike
You're not a good fit together.
Which legal jurisdiction are you basing that on?
She doesn’t really owe you her whole life like you want access to. Sounds like she’s still a fine friend. Did she even ask you to go or are you making this a problem all on your own?