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Absolutely nothing wrong with voicing your concerns. At the end of the day your partner still communicating with their ex can be confusing for some people. That being said, it does definitely depend situation to situation too. For instance, in my last relationship I was still at a point where I was communicating with my ex, however we were nothing but good friends because we ended things years ago due to difference in lifestyles and goals and it was amicable. We never hung out together when I was with my current partner (at the time – now ex).
Don't sit on it with your thoughts. Best thing you can do if you have concerns is to voice them especially if you have trust issues. Everyone handles these kind of things differently and not having a conversation about this stuff will only make things escalate if not addressed as soon as possible 🙂
Agreed he needs to respect her boundaries. That said, if his equally-valid needs aren’t able to be fulfilled by his partner, he should consider leaving the relationship.
I am not sure if this is something you can talk out, because there is no valid reason to make a list like that….
The problem here isn’t what you believe. It’s what she’s willing to punish you for without evidence and while refusing to actually identify the issue.
Personally, I don’t care what you do. But this being an advice sub, my advice is that, unless you like escalating abuse and the drama of being blamed for a bunch of random made up nonsense, date someone else.
Annulment.
These are things that should have been ironed out before getting married – not after. From what you've said, you married him because he was moving to China? Not out of strong commitment and love? A strong bond could weather these setbacks, but what you have sounds like a marriage of convenience that has now become inconvenient.
Family pushback is a powerful destructive force that few relationships can withstand. It's a long game, for which I will give you strategy and tactics. But while they improve your odds, they don't guarantee success.
On defense, BF must be unshakably patient, polite and courteous in the face of the worst insults Dad (and anyone else who takes his side) can dish out. “I understand why you feel that way” is about the sharpest retort this game allows.
You're lucky Dad was so tactless. The attack usually does not use such offensive speech. Usually its microaggressions – sharp questions and edgy jokes, which you're supposed to think are just playful banter, while BF is supposed to recognize these insults for what they are, and lose his composure. Warn BF, and watch out for these sneak attacks, especially when other family members are present. When it's just Dad and BF, you can expect more of what you heard.
On offense, go to family members (and others) whose objections to BF are soft-to-nonexistent, and actively cultivate their goodwill. In your talks with them, do not go negative on Dad. In this game, sadness is allowed; frustration and anger gonna backfire. Dad is going to shop his contempt for your BF around anyway, so they'll know. And if you can starve Dad of the support he's counting on, it will take a lot of the starch out of his collar, and time will do the rest.
If he disowns you, keep this campaign going long afterward. If he cuts off contact, find an intermediary, someone Dad treats with respect, to exchange news and greetings, and filter out emotional content. Patience, OP, and Courage! Best wishes.